Congratulations!! I couldn’t have said it better myself. You’re actually one of the very few men out there who actually know what they’re talking about.
Bionic you have some attitude there. As was pointed out earlier, you and Kittie were not the only two to recognize this guys actions. You tell him to leave her but yet she keeps taking him back. Does she not bear some of the burden for this situation? She is free to leave him. She sounds like just as much of a dipshit as he is. I’m not defending this dork but why would he leave her when he can have her and other women? Like it or not some women are stupid. This situation is like your McD analogy. One can’t legislate against stupidity.
Pompillo, let’s face it, you don’t really want to be with this girl. You are always looking for that next girl and won’t let this one go until you are completely sure you have the next. My advice, let her go and don’t be afraid of being single. You’ll find someone in no time (hey, head up to Milan and pick up one of those models. It was the best part of living there). --And good luck finding a girl to “farti un po pompillo.”
Here’s what I think. I can understand all of you who blame the girl for putting up with it, but I don’t agree. This is probably this girl’s first serious relationship, therefore it is all she knows. She thinks that it is a normal relationship and she doesn’t realize that a relationship doesn’t have to be like that because she has never had anyone to show her different. She is blinded to logic by her love, which is why she keeps on believing he will change. She thinks her love for him is something she could never feel for anyone else, thus believing that this love is more important than anything else. She is wrong. If this girl was reading this, I would tell her that she could have the same feelings for a much more decent person, without having to put up with all the bullshit. Sadly, the girl will not realize all this until she has finally stopped loving the guy. To the poster: Shame on you for takeing advantage of a poor girl in this situation. I suggest you find someone who is more like yourself, someone who treats you the way you treat her. Who knows, maybe you’d both be happy like that. If not, then maybe you’d learn a valuable lesson about yourself.
Your girlfriend needs help. She is what is known as a “codependent,” someone who has not learned to draw appropriate boundaries. She allows herself to be used by you because she lacks the necessary skills, experience and emotional security to break off a relationship that demeans her.
For your part, you are also a codependent and don’t really love this lady. Instead, you both derive something from the relationship which explains why it continues. She gets the male attention she craves when she cannot imagine getting it in a more stable, healthy way. You get a female’s attention without really having to sacrifice. There is a certain inevitability about you two getting and sticking together. She lacks the security to wait for someone to really love her. You lack the maturity to love someone by sacrificing your desires of the moment for someone else’s wellbeing. You get driven from woman to woman by brief infatuations but can always console yourself with her in between these, and if it were not for her, you’d find another insecure woman to do the same thing. You both need some help overcoming some unhealthy behavioral and emotional patterns.
You need to face some facts: You will ALWAYS find someone else more attractive no matter who you are with. That is no reflection on her or even you. That is life. Even the best, most faithful husband has to live with the temptation to cheat because there is always a more beautiful woman. (We grow bored with absolutely everything eventually, correct? If nothing else, a woman will age and a man will crave the beauty and youth of younger women.) The big sacrifice you will have to make (and every real man makes–LEARNS to make)is to commit yourself to one woman no matter what it costs you. And it will cost you. Dearly. That is also life.
So, are you bored? Yes. Is that boredom inevitable? Yes. Do you need to learn to love someone even when bored? Yes. Is that love? Yes.
You will probably think this advice is nuts and I honestly don’t think you’ll follow it. I don’t think you could follow it without some serious help, but here goes:
You need to give up women for at least a couple of years and grow up. Learn to derive your sense of significance apart from having a woman in your life. Until you learn to stand on your own emotionally, you will lack the self-control to remain faithful to a woman, no matter how much you otherwise love her. Ultimately, a woman cannot give you what your heart craves, but you will spend the rest of your life seeking it from a woman, whether from your current girlfriend, a future girlfriend, or some passing infatuation. Until you find that heart satisfaction, you will continue to USE women, not LOVE them. And, unfortunately for you, there are enough insecure women out there that you will probably always find one. And these women will bring you a lot of sorrow, because deep down you’ll never respect yourself because you are using them (and you know that is wrong) and because you cannot stand on your own without them when you know a competent man can. In short, you need to learn how to have something to GIVE a woman and quit going to women to GET something.
How are you going to live out my advice? I don’t know. It depends a lot on your circumstances. You are evidently not an American, so I don’t know what resources you have available. You would proably benefit from some psychological counseling, some sort of 12-step program (Sexaholics Anonymous, Overcomers?), even a profound religiously motivated change of heart. My guess is you’ll only get to the point of changing when it costs you too much to continue using women this way. I think you are already beginning to see the cost; why else do you come here asking for advice unless you are already suffering?
I hope this helps. I don’t mean to attack you. I’m just telling you the painful truth, one I’ve experienced firsthand. I sincerely hope you get out of this because it sounds like deep down, you really are suffering and want a way out. There is a way out, but it will cost you dearly and you will only be driven there when your current way of life costs you more. I wish it weren’t so, but…that’s life.