I have had very severe anorexia nervosa for 29 years.
I have, for the past 8-9 months, been strength training and trying to reverse diet slowly. I started out at about 1000 calories ( I am very metabolically adapted) and then the weight was still coming on so fast so I dropped down to 700, then still gaining, so I dropped it again to only 150 calories. I’m so adapted so it doesn’t hurt me. I have good energy, good sleep, I’m never even hungry, despite lifting heavy every day.
I’m trying to increase calories again so I can eventually get a better metabolism and body composition and can stop hating my body. I want a lean, muscular physique.
I built some muscle and added some much-needed fat (at the time), as I’ve gained about 12kg (my lowest before this was 30kg). Do you think it will ever be possible for me to minimise fat gain, as I continue to try to do this? Or have I just been anorexic way too long and my metabolism is way too adapted and crap for me to ever be able to eat like a normal person, or even just eat half of what a normal lifting person eats?
So to clarify what I said and what @T3hPwnisher is saying, see above correction. You need to address the distorted thinking and compulsive behavior in order to reach your goal of solid and healthy.
I have started out with a dietician (sports dietician) but I will never go back to a psychologist or psychiatrist, as they have caused myself and family a huge amount of trauma in the past. Do you think that my physique goals are just in any way achievable?
Yeah I think that would be a good idea. I just gound a dietician that also specialises in EDs also, so thinking about that, get the best of both worlds.
This is why the other members recommended professional help. The quoted statement is utterly false.
Look, I’ve been a Registered Dietitian for 21 years (although I don’t identify as one, lol). I’ve trained under ED specialists. I spent over a decade working in the psychiatric realm.
I respect you posting here, looking at goals, but you have to work at the psychological part of this.
I’m going to be blunt but it’s out of respect and concern.
You are still trying to justify under eating by a massive margin. Your body IS adapted. Its trying to not let you die! But that isn’t permanent. You aren’t “broken”. You keep comparing yourself to a “normal” person. You are a normal Homo sapien just like the rest of us.
This is a distraction technique justifying staying where you are at. "I’m not normal SO nothing works and no one understands me so I guess it’s inevitable ". See below.
I’ve been down the dark road of addiction and near self destruction. I get it. I get where you’re at in some regard. We all justify our mental state and stay sick until we say "Enough ".
But you have to keep at it, the "other " piece of this. I’m glad you’re training but under eating and training can be same-but-different to just plain under eating.
You can’t diatract yourself with goals of being lean and muscular (healthy) if your brain isn’t ready.
I wish you the best. Please keep working with professionals but don’t go to the Dietitian for therapy. Find a specialist. I understand bad experiences with mental health professionals. I’ve been on both side if the fence there!
Therapist, etc are just like dating. You won’t like all of them but you’ll find one you want to spend time with that will help you find what you NEED to hear.
Good Luck & keep at it
So much this! I’m also a Registered Dietitian and have struggled on and off with Anorexia since I was 11 years old. There is no way through this without a strong team of professionals (physician, Dietitian, and therapist) to help and support you. Recovery is not an easy or fun tunnel to travel through - but when you get to the other side, it’s so worth it. If your brain isn’t healthy it doesn’t matter how great your body is.
I wasn’t thinking of going to a dietician for therapy. I wanted to go for advice. And I’ll ne er get past it mentally, no matter how many therapists I see. It’s part of me. You’ll probably say it isn’t, but it is for me. I shall never recoverand I’m allowed to still want to stay lean, and change my body. That’s what I want. It’s important to ME.
What I asked is do others think it’s possible. Never saud I know better than everybody, but what I do know is, better than anybody else, is how my body currently operates and what my experiences with your so-called ‘therapists’ has been, none of which has been positive in any way. But if you’re determined to be rude, then stop bothering to reply.
Im sorry your dealing with your issue.
Many on here have different degrees of body dismorphia or being unsatisfied with their physical state from time to time. Obviously not at your level. IMO.
Would you entertain posting a picture of what you would consider in your perspective is normal physique and what you are aiming for?
Im just trying to have a understanding of your situation.
Thank you for your reply. I am sure there are many people with body dysmorphia. I feel so uncomfortable with my body, but I’ve added a picture of what I’d like to loom like if that helps.
Actually, you’re completely wrong about my experiences with therapists, so please stop answering. You are not interested in my question so stay out of the conversation.
