Guys, I also have some theories, and I’d like to bounce them around for criticism and see what you think. Chris Benoit was a great man, he was my idol as a child, I loved him like a father. Luckily he wasn’t actually my father but you know, that’s neither here nor there.
First off, obviously, we have to look at both the CIA and the Jews as possibly being involved in this. I’ll go so far as to say it’s entirely possible there was a CIA agent who was a Jew who hated wrestling who planned this.
But I really think it’s the wife, because women are bitches. Let me give you a little chain of events:
To begin with, it’s pretty obvious the wife realized that her husband is so great a man that she can never keep him, and that her son is destined to be the second coming of Christ since he came from the untainted genes of the glorious Chris Benoit. Whether she was involved with this plot or not is not the point here, it’s pretty obvious she realized this.
So first, Chris comes home. She talks him into staying home so he’ll watch the PPV with his son. Then, once the PPV is over, she smothers the scion of our lord Christopher, and Christopher approaches her to inquire as to why she would do such a thing. Calmly.
She runs to the home gym where she has cleverly disguised a noose as a noose and he runs directly into it.
She then, the traitorous bitch, gets into her time machine and goes back to the day before where she then strangles herself.
That’s my main theory, but I’m open to other ideas.
Another one I have floating around in the old noggin’ is A-Rod. First, he kills Cory Lidle, we all know this. What about Chris Benoit? He was probably involved. He’s involved in everything else.
Also it could have been a BDSM accident. The wife was tied up, so maybe it was consensual sex, and then she accidentally suffocated herself. Dumb bitch. Then, the kid, the kid smothered himself. He liked pillows a lot from what I’ve heard, it’s entirely reasonable. Then Chris went crazy after his son and wife both killed themselves and he killed himself to be with them in Heaven. He is truly selfless.
Again, this is just the juice that’s flowin’ outta my head right now, but I think we need to seriously get the T-Nation brain trust together to come up with some more plausible theories. Nothing is what it seems. I think the grandfather in Spiderman said that. Or maybe it was Pearl Jam. Probably the grandfather, though.