I searched and didn’t see this topic. Just a general open thread.
Does anyone here have a child with autism? What’s it been like? How are they? What are some things that helped them progress and you cope?
My son is 3 (4 in November). He’s non verbal but sometimes I get a “dada”. A sweet little boy, but can be extremely frustrating since he doesn’t communicate very well or at all most of the time. He is tip top when it comes to physical strength. Always throwing rocks in the lake and climbing at the playground. He goes to preschool, has speech and ot.
I was debating posting this or not since I’m not too fond of sharing personal information but I thought maybe hearing some similar stories may help my outlook on the topic. Raising him has been the most difficult thing ive ever done. I know parenting is tough, I also have a 5 year old daughter, but the added worry and frustration with a disabled child is overwhelming sometimes. I won’t always be there to keep him safe and I’m not sure he’ll ever be independent. Even on the hardest days, when he sits on my lap and puts his head on my stomach I thank God for him.
My son is 17 now. He did not talk to us until he was over 5yo. He could say words but would not communicate.
He likes to lecture more than converse. The biggest thing with my son is you have to tell him that you are joking or being sarcastic. He takes EVERYTHING literally. We have to be careful HOW we word things.
Hi! I’m obviously not a parent, but I’m on the spectrum and have definitely caused more than my fair share of parental consternation.
One mistake I feel like my parents made (they agree) is more or less (unintentionally) neglecting my brother, especially my dad. They spent so much time and resources on me that he was left aside. He has an amazing personality and doesn’t hold anything against either my parents or me, but he did end up getting into trouble quite a bit to get attention
As an older sister, She could actually be a great resource- communicating with him as a “peer”/friend, protecting him as he gets older and meets peers who aren’t as accepting. My brother definitely was that for me, even as a younger sibling (he’s emotionally 3-4 years more mature though)
My little boy is in the final stages of getting diagnosed (it’s a long process over here), and we have a fair few friends with kids on the spectrum. The biggest take away i’ve had so far is that every kid is different, whether they are on the spectrum or not. The best thing i did with my boy is let go of “he’s autistic therefore…” thinking, and trust my knowledge of him as a person. Try to avoid comparing him to other people.
This is so important. We use the phrase… Don’t try to drive a round peg in a square hole. It just makes things super hard. Just love him. Give it time. You will adjust and he may even teach you a thing or two.
She already is. My wife and I always say how lucky he is to have her as an older sister. She’s already super protective and very patient with him. She trys to include him in almost everything even though he doesn’t play the same way she does. They’ll build forts and destroy their bedrooms together all day though, lol.
I really do. The adjustment has been difficult and has strained my marriage to a degree. To make things more difficult we moved 1000 miles from anyone we know last year so it’s just us. As much as we don’t want to move back home, it’s been brought into the conversation to get that support back. Just like all parents, I just want the best for him.
My mom has been with me the whole journey and for that I am grateful. At first she refused to believe/denied he was special. She finally caught on. So… she has spoiled him rotten.
Support is soooooo important, but can be a double edged sword.
My dude likes to jump to burn off the enegry. He rocks of course, but he loves to jump. He has worn out at least 8 trampolines, I have lost count.
It took Jed a LONG time to get it. Years. I should own the diaper company… lol and yes, I got a LOT of flack from people who thought we just weren’t trying hard enough to teach him. WTF?
We live in the country and finally taught him to pee outside, but number 2 was even more difficult. He did finally get it but it was a struggle.
My parents refused to get me tested for a very long time. They thought I was just being rebellious and couldn’t figure out why it was so hard for me to follow “common sense”
It turned out well bc my lack of understanding of “common sense” => “unusually perceptive for an undergrad” according to my advisors
My activity of choice was digging holes in the empty lot across from our house. Little bro was a champ and spent hours digging with me lol
My brother has autism. A really sever case, accompanied with other mental disorders. He is very difficult, and violent. TBH, if my wife and I had a child like my brother it would probably be the end of us. I don’t really know how my parents did it.
I wasn’t all that easy either. I was only diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but it’s totally possible I am slightly on the spectrum.
My brother does the rocking. Lot’s of compulsive stuff too. Jumping is common. He can be outside for hours on the swing set.
This does seem to be a difficult area. I don’t think my brother will ever get it, as he hasn’t yet at 33. Hopefully yours gets there though, and most do.
I have been blessed because Jed is sweet as sugar. Hates anything violent. When he was little he was a head slinger though. My mouth still has scars from him busting my lips with his head.
For me though, it’s probably bc I am relatively insensitive to pain+naturally strong. My parents would spank me when I screwed up (pretty common and not necessarily wrong), so I translated that to how I dealt with classmates who frustrated me and didn’t quite get that what I did would actually cause quite serious injury
the breaking point was when I kicked a girl and gave her a bruise that lasted 3 weeks. this was BEFORE I started working out/lifting. Parents got the message after that
I don’t think my brother can distinguish between positive and negative attention. My hypothesis is that he uses violence to get attention, because he doesn’t understand that isn’t the type of attention you want.
You never really know what’s coming either. He may walk behind you and nothing, or he might try to rip your hair out. Never know. Always gotta be on your guard.
I ate like a prisoner growing up. Just to unpredictable to leave my food unguarded. Might be fine, or he might just grab an handful and eat it or throw it.
He is one of the most difficult cases in my state though. He is housed in the more secure group homes. His roommates are they also the difficult ones (one of them burnt down their previous house).
They actually banned this practice, but the group home used transport him in a straight jacket for home visits. He has nearly exited vehicles on the highway several times. With the straight jacket ban they have to take extra staff with on the drive.
He is kinda difficult in a special way. I don’t say this to somehow compare difficulties or take away from your experience. It is incredibly difficult raising normal children, and one on the spectrum is harder (even if high functioning). It sounds like you do a great job with your kid.
I am not convinced I am on the spectrum, but a few people have mentioned that I might be, so I keep that in mind. I had an early violent streak. I was asked not to return to public school after kindergarten. I knocked out one kids tooth, and gave one stitches.
yeah, I got kicked out of a school too. The administration also tried to put me on a “special track” at one point, but I was doing too well academically to justify it.
In high school, I had to fight quite hard with admin to be able to take as many AP classes that I did (11) They were afraid I “wouldn’t be able to handle it”. Luckily I had pretty much every teacher advocating for me, including the ones I disliked
I was sent to private school with much smaller classes to get me sorted out.
I am actually kinda puzzled with my violence as a child (and the kindergarten stuff isn’t all of it). I am not a violent person at all as an adult. I do think little kids can be prone to violence, and grow out of it though.
My son will sit on a swing as long as we will push him. I have to pull him off and make him go on the rest of the playground.
Never did the rocking, but he does cover his ears. I have to explain to people all the time it’s not because of loud noise. He likes loud noises, cars, trucks, motorcycles, fireworks, enjoys all of it.
My brother obsesses with anything involving motorized yard care. He will jump up and down around the lawn mower when it is running. He will specifically ask for the chain saw. My dad will just cut regular logs into small logs because he like it so much.
My brother does a lot of self inflicted harm. It can be off putting for a lot of people. He will just be sitting there, and all of a sudden he will full force head butt the wall. His nose doesn’t look anything like it used to because he has broken it a few times.
He used to be in a hockey helmet. They don’t do that anymore, but I kinda think they should.
Sounds like your kid has some common sensory issues. I bet he will learn to deal with some of that as he gets older.
Luckily, so far my son is far from violent. If his sister is bothering him enough and won’t stop when he pushes her away, he has grabbed her by the hair. But other than that he shys away from violent behavior. He will wrestle with me but I can’t get him to be the aggressor. He’s only 3 though so who knows what the future has in store.
