GTF away from him. If I suspect someone has stolen from me and I have good reason to believe so, I’m done with them, period.
Ok, so he’s 18 years old, still relies on your folks, your folks still enable him and every time he fucks up he knows he still has a place to live and access to more shit to steal? He needs to be put out on his ass. Obviously an ass whoopin’ doesn’t help 'cause he’s so far gone he legitimately doesn’t care. Everything that’s “his” is really your folks.
They need to take it from him and kick him out. If he has a car, take his keys. If he has keys to the house, take 'em. If he’s out on his own, he’ll fuck up, get arressted, do a little [or a lot of] time and hopefully realize how much jail sucks. He’ll either come out and understand why y’all did what y’all did or he’ll be bitter and keep fucking up. But, at this point it’s really the only option left.
Get rid of him, fuck that shit. I straightened out my cousins when they did that shit to me. It took a beating and a gun in the face in the middle of the night on video camera to fix it, at least when it came to my shit. However, he’s in county jail looking at five counts grand larceny at the moment.
I’d change your locks, look up the gun laws in your state, and get yourself some protection. Sounds like your kid brother is in to some serious shit and that likely comes with debt, and likely comes with “I know a place” when it comes time to pay that debt. I used to see it all the time when I lived in south side Phoenix. Someone gets addicted, gets kicked out of their home, next thing you a bunch of thieves busts through and ransacks the place, parents lucky they aren’t there because if they are they are usually shot.
[quote]dirtbag wrote:
Drop all contact[/quote]
This.
Why the fuck do you still talk to this guy? And if your family is fine with having him around and thats why you have to see him, then your family needs to get their priorities straight and until they do, you should cut them off too.
Most of these answers are right around what I would say. Fraggle hit it on the head for me
[quote] Your parents are enabling him, and he’s an addict.
All you can do is protect yourself and drop all contact with him. In the meantime try and drill some sense into your parents heads. [/quote]
I would drop contact but first I would tell him exactly why I was doing it. I’d tell him I love him but cannot have him in my life right now. When he’s ready to change I’ll be there for him. Tough love or an intervention is pretty hard to do as a brother without parental involvement. Most likely they will SOMEDAY reach the bottom of their tolerance, or someone else will and he’ll end up in jail. He won’t change until he starts getting some real negative consequences. Losing a healthy close relationship with you might just be the first of these but it needs to be one.
Sad 
My sister is a liar and thief. I tried to help her. She got her trap sorted for a few years, then has relapsed farther than she ever has and has taken her lying to a whole new level.
I’ve severed all contact and association with her. Best thing I ever did.
Hidden camera, and send his ass to jail.
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen.
If you are really having these types of issues with your brother then you can do one of two things.
a) Get both parents together and talk about this. Brainstorm before you speak to them both, be prepared. If they are in denial you are going to have to break through to them. You may also seek help from a family counselor.
b) Cut off contact with your brother. sure you will see him at your parents but keep it short and sweet. Keep your car locked, wallet in pocket, anything of value stays on your person. It sounds like you arent afraid of confronting him since you already beat him down once. Avoid doing this again if you can, no point in it now. What you need to do is confront him verbally. Let him know what you think about this and the problem you have it with. Let him know that you are not going to be a part of it anymore. He will probably roll his eyes but it doesnt matter. You gave him the talk and set the boundaries.
On a side note, your dad is right about one thing. Your brother has already fooled you once. You know what he is capable of. If he fools you again, well you know the saying. Keep your sh1T locked up tight. Dont leave the safety of your items in the hands of your brothers morality. YOU be responsible for your own stuff.
Good Luck.
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
Not only that, but what exactly is wrong with posting a question like this ANONYMOUSLY on a forum and how is it anything like ‘shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer.’
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
Yep, the OP presented it exactly as to what and why.
I cannot imagine the angst and mental struggles of the OP so why not put it out. This has to be the gentlest forum and audience he could interact with because he can ignore and delete bad stuff.
This is an awful situation. I had a cousin do this. Came to our house to go to SDSU from out of town. Stole big time including guns from my dad. We had to prosecute and that was awful. One of the guns ended up being used in an armed robbery.
OP I so feel for you, nothing hurts like the people you care for.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
LMAO! If he didn’t want us “tools” to break rule #1 (a rule that he made up), he could’ve at least taken the time to whip up a rule that warned us not to break the first rule - like a rule zero or something.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
Has anyone else ever read a post so stupid you thought it was you, and end up reading it two or three times in case you missed something?
Clearly your brother is a drug addict and the stealing is just a symptom of a much larger problem. Are you concerned about your brother or are you concerned about your possessions? Which one means more to you? If the answer is your brother, I would make any attempt possible to confront him about his drug use. But understand that he will not and cannot get sober unless he is WILLING to do whatever it takes, which is entirely different from WANTING to do whatever it takes. You are not God and cannot make him get sober. But you can help show him that there is another way and that he does not have to continue living like this.
The stealing thing is still problematic. No matter what you tell him, he will continue to steal from you or anyone else in order to support his habit. This is not a reflection of his attitude toward you; he does not think you’re a piece of shit or a fool or someone to take advantage of. You are simply something that can help him get high, and getting high is all that really matters to him. You can either simply deal with it or remove him from your life so that he cannot steal from you anymore. You should not trust him and you should make it very clear to him WHY you don’t trust him. But this does not mean that he is eternally untrustworthy.
Your brother will either be dead, in prison or alive and sober. Don’t burn any bridges in the event that he gets sober by narcing on him to the police or setting him up. If/when he does get sober, he will at some point make amends to you, and if he is serious about his recovery, then his amends will be very, very sincere. It would be a shame if these amends were not well-received by you.
[quote]therajraj wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]mokaloka99 wrote:
1st - You need to stop posting these types of questions on a public message board. This is similar to shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer. Half of these tools posting in this thread have issues of their own and dont qualify when it comes to giving sound advice to others. I certainly dont qualify to give advice but since you already broke rule #1 im going to jump on the bandwagon and hope you listen. [/quote]
You know, I thought the Political forum was filled with hypocrites…but this one post may beat them all.[/quote]
Not only that, but what exactly is wrong with posting a question like this ANONYMOUSLY on a forum and how is it anything like ‘shouting your issues in the middle of a crowded street and hoping someone gives you the right answer.’
[/quote]
Not to mention he called everyone a tool and gave basically the same advice as everyone else.
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
Clearly your brother is a drug addict and the stealing is just a symptom of a much larger problem. Are you concerned about your brother or are you concerned about your possessions? Which one means more to you? If the answer is your brother, I would make any attempt possible to confront him about his drug use. But understand that he will not and cannot get sober unless he is WILLING to do whatever it takes, which is entirely different from WANTING to do whatever it takes. You are not God and cannot make him get sober. But you can help show him that there is another way and that he does not have to continue living like this.
The stealing thing is still problematic. No matter what you tell him, he will continue to steal from you or anyone else in order to support his habit. This is not a reflection of his attitude toward you; he does not think you’re a piece of shit or a fool or someone to take advantage of. You are simply something that can help him get high, and getting high is all that really matters to him. You can either simply deal with it or remove him from your life so that he cannot steal from you anymore. You should not trust him and you should make it very clear to him WHY you don’t trust him. But this does not mean that he is eternally untrustworthy.
Your brother will either be dead, in prison or alive and sober. Don’t burn any bridges in the event that he gets sober by narcing on him to the police or setting him up. If/when he does get sober, he will at some point make amends to you, and if he is serious about his recovery, then his amends will be very, very sincere. It would be a shame if these amends were not well-received by you.[/quote]
DB, forget experience with recovery. We got Mokolak up there setting things straight.
We done been served!
[quote]byukid wrote:
As someone who has stolen from his family, you need to shame him so bad that he realizes the pain he’s causing. Whether that’s getting him booked, holding a family council, cutting him off completely, catching him in the act, whatever- you just need to get him to recognize, because likely he’s rationalizing it saying to himself “I need this more than they do,” or “If they haven’t said anything, they must not mind, especially if they keep me around.”
It sounds harsh, but that’s what I needed- lots of humiliation and guilt, then a heaping dose of loving as I recovered. I had to work really hard to earn my family’s trust back, but now I have it. Not without some reservations- and I can’t blame them.[/quote]
I’ve been saying it for years, you can’t trust mormons
This situation is horrible. I went through something similar with my younger brother and the age gap is about the same. Fortunately, my dad had his head screwed on straight and gave him an ultimatum: you have to do X, Y and Z or you’re out. As I recall, my little brother left, came back, was kicked out, came back, and finally ended up fleeing in fear of someone pressing charges against him (I’ve gotten a few different stories about what happened, but it involved him beating the hell out of someone who was at one point a friend).
As others have said, there’s not really much you can do. I’ll tell you what I did, in case it might help. I talked with my brother about it in a “you’re an adult” sense. I tried to be “the strict one” before my parents did. He didn’t listen at all, called me an asshole, and more or less cut off communication himself. I talked with both of my parents. They went through periods of denial, but it had built up so much, they knew. And like I said, my dad (who was taking care of him at the time) had his head on straight.
Unfortunately, this shit just went on and on and on. He ended up on his own and doing who-knows-what for a few years. Luckily he didn’t fall “too far” and never ended up in jail. But, honestly, he’s still not telling the truth to us. At on point a few years ago my mother fell on some hard times financially. My sister and I ended up bailing her out. Come to find out, she had STILL been supporting my brother for all those years behind all of our backs. Actually, it’s kind of lucky she was (in a strange sense) b/c I learned about just how bad a shape my mother was in when my brother called to “vent” that she had cut off the money. I was so pissed at him I cut off contact again for awhile.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been over a decade of shit like this. He’s improved, but is still lying to us boldly. The last few holidays when I saw him he had black eyes and a busted up face. He claimed it was from “biking accidents”… but it’s pretty hard to believe. The last time I saw him he showed up at my dad’s place still drunk from the night before and looked like absolute hell. Apparently he had gotten lost coming back on a road he’s traveled many, many times. Maybe it was because he was to drunk/fucked up to navigate and his girlfriend/driver just couldn’t handle directions, IDK. The next night he got wasted again, came home and tried to pick a fight with me. When I wouldn’t fight, he started smashing my dad’s plants. I ordered him to stop and was afraid I was going to have to knock him out to settle him down. Luckily, my dad came downstairs and cooled him off. A few weeks later, he sent me an e-mail telling me I was “an asshole” because I didn’t say “I’ll miss you” when he left the next morning (still drunk and/or hungover and without cleaning up the mess he’d made). I haven’t spoken with him for about 6 months now again other than a small message. Honestly, I don’t know what else to do.
I don’t know if any of this helps, but I hope it does.
Good advice from everybody. Track down the show ‘Intervention’ on A&E. The interventions are all very similar.
- Gathering of close friends and relatives
- Each reads a prepared statement: This is why I love you
- Because I love you I can no longer enable this kind of behavior
- Seek professional help now or be completely cut off. We will call cops, etc.
If the intervention doesn’t cause them to hit bottom and try to fight the addiction then they have to be lucky enough to hit bottom on their own and rebound before the law, or serious harm catches up to them.
Those intervention facilities are pricey and no garauntees…
(2 cents. ^Somehow I feel like this is not news to anybody but just in case…)
Link to show:
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/index.jsp