Breaking Up

Off Topic
21

You guys are probably right about this girl but I think we don’t really have enough information to have so much conviction about her. Pauly is a young guy and there is a good chance his interpretations of life and people are not very good. I have a 21yo nephew who lives with my family. His interpretation of events and things people say is jaw dropping. I find that if I start probing a bit into the things he says, an entirely different truth is likely to come out.

What we know here is that the girl’s family isn’t going to pay and that she has 20k debt. It’s not all that unusual for her family to either be poor or just not want to pay. It doesn’t necessarily reflect badly on her. Her debt could be school loans so I’m not going to knock that until I find out its credit crd bills or something like that.

Paul’s statement of “master manipulator”? From my experience with my nephew, I’ll need to hear some details before I’ll make any judgement on her based on that statement alone.

Either way, the relationship is doomed. Either because she is all thats been said, or because he is Mr. Negativity-unable-to-make-a-plan man. This may be a situation where if he had a little maturity he’d stand up and say “honey, where we’re at in life right now and with the resources we have, we need to do this simple and low cost”. End of discussion.

22

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? Is it better to swallow your feelings and be miserable? I think not, but this is my dilemma. To make matters worse, we are engaged. I just am seeing into the future and do not see a happy existence. Not to mention financial stress, I am expected to pay for EVERYTHING wedding related, since she is about 20k in debt and her parents have no money. And before someone tells me to grow a pair, she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

You probably need to break up, but you need to think a little bit down the road – what happens after the break up?

Figure out where your lives are entangled and set up a method to disintangle them – e.g., if you live together (a mistake), figure out who is going where.

Make sure she doesn’t have access to your finances (e.g., credit card numbers).

Change keys.

Etc.

Be a man about it, but take the steps and be clean once announced. Be sweet, but move on.

++++++++

Alternatively, just change your facebook status and let her react.

23

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
What does her best friend look like?

Mount the friend and post on FB[/quote]

WINNING!

24

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
What does her best friend look like?

Mount the friend and post on FB[/quote]

WINNING![/quote]

25

Being in a relationship where you are or will be responsible for the major purchases (if you have to pay for the wedding, who do you think will be paying for the house, cars, etc.) should be a major red flag. This woman has shown that she is irresponsible with money and it seems like you make quite a bit more money then her. This will only lead to bad things, I have been there myself. The first time you tell her no that she can’t have something she wants all hell will break loose.

Just cut your losses and find a financially stable girl who can pay her own way in life that you can be partners with and share your life with, not someone who needs you to pay for her lifestyle. They are out there, but you have to look a little bit and you won’t usually find them getting plastered at trendy nightclubs. They will be the ones who occasionally go out to classier bars with friends and drink in moderation and will not go home and sleep with you right away.

If you want to have someone around that you wind up having to pay for in order to keep her around, prostitutes will be cheaper in the long run. At the very least, if you are going to be the major earner in the relationship, get an airtight prenup. Actually, you should get a prenup anyway. If she refuses to sign one, that is a MAJOR red flag and you should run away.

26

All of the above.

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
… she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

But really dude, do you think it’s a god idea to sign a contract to spend the rest of your life with a girl that you describe like this?

And the fact that you needed to start a thread on the internet asking a bunch of faceless names for advice on the matter isn’t exactly an encouraging sign.

Such is life I’m afraid, you’ll get into shitty situations and have to make tough and unfair calls. Don’t let her drag you down in life because I guarantee you that she will given half the chance.

It’s cliched and all that, but you’ll need to take a stand for yourself and be alpha. Your friends and family won’t judge you harshly if they know anything about her or trust your judgement at all(Pretty much everything DB Cooper said).

Footnotes: run like hell buddy

27

“i dont see happiness in my future” LOL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING GOING THROUGH WITH SOMETHING YOU DONT EVEN SEE A GLIMPSE OF HAPPINESS IN. dont do anything except for you man, especially get married, why would seal a fucking knot with someone you dont think you can be happy with. What a pathetic fucking life to imagine. Fuck that shit. HARD.

28

C’mon man. You could plug this type of person into any situation and the answer would be the same:

I’m thinking of doing _____ with this person. He/she is heavily in debt and is a master manipulator.

Does that sound like a good idea for any life endeavor of significant consequence?

Break it off. Take Jewbacca’s advice and think of any potential problems that will arise as a result of the breakup.

29

You don’t love her. You don’t see a future with her. She’s not the one.

Tell her and get the fuck out of here NOW.

30

I ultimately agree with tigertime. If you’re not 110% sure about it, then don’t do it. I didn’t marry my ex before she left to go back to her home country simply because I wasn’t 110% sure and I wasn’t going to be rushed into something like that that I wasn’t sure about, regardless of the reason. Had we had more time together before she had to leave, things may have been different. But I’m not going to rush into a marriage for any reason, only when I’m completely positive that I want to go through with it will I finally tie the knot. No exceptions.

With that being said, I also agree with On Edge. OP, make sure you’re not in denial about things. I think, generally speaking, that if you want to get married, you should have yourself straight first. If you can’t look in the mirror and call yourself on any of your own bullshit (which would include THINKING the woman you’re with is manipulative and other negative thoughts about her) then you shouldn’t be looking to get married yet. I’m not saying that what you’re saying isn’t true, but I will say that there are 2 sides to every story and it is POSSIBLE that you’re blowing it out of proportion because the reality of only being with one woman the rest of your life (or whatever other factor that may be in the back of your mind but you’re not mentioning here) is starting to hit home with you. The money issue is a legitimate issue, too. If she can’t be independant then that is a giant red flag like Dr. Matt said.

Also, this isn’t a way of getting more info. I don’t think you should give us any more info, I think you already know what you should do and you just want some additional input. That’s fine, in my opinion, you can never be too sure. But before talking to us, I feel like you should go to close friends and family, people that you can confide in about these matters. I’m sure you have plenty of people close to you that you can consult about this matter who know you (and her) better than any of us could. Their input should be worth more to you than anything people on the internet would say (they’ll probably tell you a lot of the same things anyway, unless there’s aspects to the story that you’re not telling us).

31

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? Is it better to swallow your feelings and be miserable? I think not, but this is my dilemma. To make matters worse, we are engaged. I just am seeing into the future and do not see a happy existence. Not to mention financial stress, I am expected to pay for EVERYTHING wedding related, since she is about 20k in debt and her parents have no money. And before someone tells me to grow a pair, she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

What!?!

GTFO!!!

I do not care whether she is the Wizard of Oz!!!

Jesus…

32

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance.

33

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance. [/quote]

Yeah well…

Growing up…

If you are not called an asshole at least a couple of times you are probably doing it wrong.

34

I really do want her number though.

35

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance. [/quote]

Yeah well…

Growing up…

If you are not called an asshole at least a couple of times you are probably doing it wrong. [/quote]

Nothing wrong with being an asshole,; the trick is to know when and why people are calling you one.

Most importantly, just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong.

36

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance. [/quote]

Yeah well…

Growing up…

If you are not called an asshole at least a couple of times you are probably doing it wrong. [/quote]

Nothing wrong with being an asshole,; the trick is to know when and why people are calling you one.

Most importantly, just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. [/quote]

I dunno, my take is, if someone calls you an asshole, I would check if you really are one.

If someone who only cares about him or herself calls you one because you actually care for yourself for once, chances are, you can dismiss it.

Yeah, feelings, complications, whatnot.

37

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance. [/quote]

Yeah well…

Growing up…

If you are not called an asshole at least a couple of times you are probably doing it wrong. [/quote]

Nothing wrong with being an asshole,; the trick is to know when and why people are calling you one.

Most importantly, just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. [/quote]

I dunno, my take is, if someone calls you an asshole, I would check if you really are one.

If someone who only cares about him or herself calls you one because you actually care for yourself for once, chances are, you can dismiss it.

Yeah, feelings, complications, whatnot. [/quote]

Being able to call yourself an asshole is a rare trait. I have no problem facing up to my flaws. Most people become extremely hostile when you point out theirs, and that’s when you become an asshole.

38

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? [/quote]

Because you instigated the relationship, asked her to marry you, put a ring on her finger then suddenly developed clairvoyance. [/quote]

Yeah well…

Growing up…

If you are not called an asshole at least a couple of times you are probably doing it wrong. [/quote]

Nothing wrong with being an asshole,; the trick is to know when and why people are calling you one.

Most importantly, just because you’re an asshole doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. [/quote]

I dunno, my take is, if someone calls you an asshole, I would check if you really are one.

If someone who only cares about him or herself calls you one because you actually care for yourself for once, chances are, you can dismiss it.

Yeah, feelings, complications, whatnot. [/quote]

Being able to call yourself an asshole is a rare trait. I have no problem facing up to my flaws. Most people become extremely hostile when you point out theirs, and that’s when you become an asshole. [/quote]

I dunno, in the end we are human.

You can call that assholish, but I reserve that for people who go out of their way to be a dick.

If getting what is owed to me is assholish I am a prick too.

But ultimately, I want what was promised, whether it is convenient right now or not.

In the end I think an asshole is someone who rolls over you, for no good reason, without any prior reason why.

But, who actually does that?

39

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

Alternatively, just change your facebook status and let her react.[/quote]

Ha!

40

You already know the answer to this “dilemma”. The quicker you break it off, the faster you’ll feel better about your future.