This guy.
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Possibly homosexual?
The homosexual individuals I know/knew had predominantly female friends growing up.
This isn’t a given, but there’s a correlation. There’s a good deal of literature on this subject too, because anecdote ranks low re hierarchy of validity… my anecdote could easily have selective bias. In this case my anecdote mirrors a good deal of literature available that specifies gay men tend to have more female friends on average relarive to heterosexual men.
It’s an egg scenario, not a chicken scenario i.e the hanging out with women is likely a byproduct of not being sexually attracted to women coupled with the individual potentially being more feminine to begin with.
Not to say heterosexual individuals can’t have female friends… but if this dynamic is present, there is typically a lack of sexual tension between the heterosexual man and the woman.
If there is sexual tension, such a dynamic can either lead to a relationship… or hurt feelings if feelings are not reciprocated or FWB dynamic develops and it doesn’t work out as it’s quite difficult to make that work. Not to say it can’t work… but it’s hard to pull that one off without someone developing feelings.
Of course it could otherwise just be nothing… how old is your brother… also… parents are probably freaking out because being a part of the lgbt spectrum invariably just makes life a little bit harder.
In the western world, there isn’t always all that much persecution… but you’ll find more people that outright dislike homosexuals relative to the tiny, tiny, miniscule number of individuals who have a problem with heterosexual individuals.
Hence a parent might be woried because
A: they are old fashioned and buy into certain dogmas
B: they don’t want their child to have a more difficult life.
It’s frequently a mixture of both. As pwnisher said… path of least resistance… being gay entails encountering considerably more resistance in life. Encountering undue resistance frequently eventuates negative outcomes (drug/alcohol abuse, psychiatric abberations etc)
If your brother is young and this is a one off I wouldn’t look into it. If it’s repeated… maybe he’s gay… or secretly emo…
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I’m 90% sure he is not gay, but if it is, it won’t be easy for him…
Mum is quite homophobic
There’s a fair amount of content on modem schooling feminizing males, and I agree with it.
I don’t know if this is the case with you, but I’ve noticed, especially in the past decade or so, that those who ask about such a matter, “what’s the big deal?,” have never given serous thought about how it is a big deal.
One’s character doesn’t change because they put on certain garments or adornments. Rather what they put on and how they present themselves is a reflection of their character, or even intentions and interests.
And how someone presents themselves to the world has a serious impact on their life outcomes. This is self evident to anyone paying attention to the world around them or from their own experiences. That’s how all this actually is a big deal. So there is no wonder why some parents are concerned with such a matter. In my naive and younger days I thought it was all parents.
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Do you mean she actually has an irrational fear or hatred for homosexuals or that she doesn’t condone sexual relations between people of the same sex? I have noticed that people often use this term for the latter though it doesn’t define it.
I’m not trying to be condescending in saying this, but I think most of us realized this as soon as puberty started, perhaps earlier.
Like in high school I was well aware that a seventeen year-old man from a rich family pulling up to school in a car and clothing his own teachers couldn’t afford had a different impression on others, particularly women, that I did not give after stepping out of my used Ford Escort.
Young people realize very quickly who’s who and where they stand in social hierarchy and designation from looks and dress.
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I used to be 230 and likely 35+% BF. No one looked at me, nevermind making eye contact. No one knew my name, I was just a fat dude taking up oxygen and society knew that.
Now I get people saying “hi” to me regularly as I’m walking around. Total strangers (to me) at work know my name. I was approached by a dude at the gym a couple years back who called me by my first and last name because apparently we worked together(ish) - I didn’t even know we worked at the same company.
My prescence is unmistakeable and I’m no longer forgotten by the people around me. So yes, first impressions matter a LOT.
Anyone could test this by going to a decent hotel (think DoubleTree or something similar) and booking a room in PJs vs buisiness attire.
Gym related:
I’ve tried giving unsolicited advice when I was significantly smaller, but still looked like I lifted. No one wanted to hear it, and DEFINITELY no one ever asked me for it.
Now I’m asked to spot folks I don’t know and frequently get asked training questions. I’ve got 15+ gym “friends” who all initiated contact with me, asking for advice, and people now genuinely display gratitude when giving small tips here and there.
I imagine these disparities are caused 100% by the change in first impressions.
I also think your mother knows this and is hoping the best for her son; boys doing “girly” things is super offputting to most of the world. At least college is the time and place to experiment.
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@BrickHead I think your points are valid. I personally am not a fan of men with long hair, tatoos, wearing makeup or doing “girly” things either. From my perspective, my little bro’s behaviour doesn’t affect me so feels like a waste of energy to fight against him. Now that I’ve heard from you guys, I get where mum is coming from
Re Homophobia: I just don’t understand the opposition to being gay, unless said gay person pushed their views on me. I have a couple of friends who are LGBTQ and their sexuality never comes up in discussion, I did ask her specifically and turns out she’s more concerned with not having grandchildren since she’s given up on me producing any.
I agree with this one. Turns out the eyeliner was his ex- girlfriend’s and the nails and peircings were because his friends thought they were cool. Little bro is too prone to nostalgia and easily influenced IMO
I wear a “uniform” of basically all black and refuse to do makeup not bc I’m emo, but because black doesn’t show stains and not having to spend more than 5 seconds “picking” an outfit or more than 5 minutes getting ready in the morning is efficient
I definitely had MUCH more faith in “don’t judge a book by its cover” before reading papers showing that even people who have no working memory can make and form lasting impressions…
agreed
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I don’t think most people think they treat people differently based off how the person looks, but on average they do.
I think it’s mostly subconscious. We are wired to want to be in social circles with people we judge as high status. We tend to think good looking people (we associate this with high status) are funnier, friendlier, more honest. Perhaps they actually are. It seems like a positive control loop. A person who basically has only positive interactions with others is going to be more willing to crack a joke, or talk to a stranger, since it almost always goes well for them.
Losing weight is an interesting experience. I wasn’t ever fat fat, but like you 230ish, probably north of 30% BF. Life is different at around 200 lbs for me.
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it is.
Apparently a lot of the judgement process is done in the “lizard” parts of the brain too, which is pretty scary IMO
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I gotta think the lack of attention you received was due way to more to this kind of attitude than simply the fact that you were overweight.
Most of the fat guys in my class were some of the most well liked by all classmates and several went on to marry girls out of their league by the end of college. They weren’t rich, in case anyone wants to whine about women being gold diggers.
I see out of shape/ugly people all the time who have managed to find love, have friends, and build good lives for themselves. I think this stuff is due way more to attitude and personality than merely looks.
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Exactly, no one wants to be around someone who is miserable all the time. Your fat fuck classmates seem to be enjoyable to be around.
Thats the issue most have
don’t shove it in our face and leave the kids alone
I’d say this isn’t really evidence against what @Andrewgen_Receptors said.
A guy can be with an attractive woman if he is outgoing and takes the effort to meet women, even if he isn’t a good looking guy. That is different than having the general public viewing a good looking guy with rose tinted glasses. People are drawn to attractive people more. It isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships, which is where these things typically go. There are multiple areas in life that are better if you look good.
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Same would apply to heterosexual people too yeah?
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When I would bulk normal folks would think I was leaning out and when I leaned out people would think I was bulking.
Confuses the fuck out of me.
I have kind of a domineering “loud” presence in person. I have a loud baritone voice and my wife has to often tell me to turn my volume down. And I don’t think I am being loud. Never meet a stranger.
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Not sure if you’ve seen my training log or not, but I’m pretty sure both my attitude and personality are shit.
But I look good so that no longer matters.
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Totally agree
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My whole family was loud, which is why they didnt find out i am 80% deaf until first grade
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No, but just to say that society viewed him as a waste of space and because he was overweight not a single person ever noticed him? I just don’t feel the same way.
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I agree with that.
I don’t think most people view others as a waste of space if they are overweight. At least I hope not.
Me too. I sometimes wonder if I can’t hear that well, and that is why I am loud.
IDK how often on average others have to ask others what they are saying, but it can be often for me depending on the person. It is worse if there is a lot of background noise. I got one buddy that it seems like he is almost whispering. I often have to ask 2-3 times to understand him if we are at the gym where there is music.
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