Anyway, after tossing and turning about this for half the night I finally decided to say something.
Nothing major cuz baby steps is what I’m all about.
But I just tried to explain why I powerlift and what powerlifting means to me.
For most people it’s a very competitive sport, but it’s basically just my therapy. All of my stress and frustrations and insecurities are made better by lifting.
With all the things I can’t control at least I have this. I don’t do it to be better than him and I don’t do it to be stronger than him, it’s not something that’s for him or about him. I just couldn’t imagine my life without it.
I also said that I’ve talked to a lot of really respectable coaches and I truly believe I am doing the sport safely, and that it’s okay if we don’t share the same views on lifting or diet, but he has to understand how much I need this in my life.
He was very understanding and he said it was hard that he couldn’t keep up doing something more than once a month that I do daily, but he needs to accept that his girlfriend is better at some things than he is.
It was really nice to hear him say that.
I guess the perfectionist, gotta be the best at everything was fairly accurate.
Hopefully he wont be as bothered by it now that he understands my intentions behind doing it in the first place.
Not that this matters, but are you male or female? I feel like I would give different advice if this is a guy that has a boyfriend who doesn’t like them lifting.
I’ve been bringing my girlfriend to the gym with me for 5-6 years now. Its really cool and fun and super rewarding now, but it was a huge headache for awhile.
As a man, its mentally/emoitionally(?) hard to watch your woman strain. Every day, for your whole life, you lift things for women, hold doors for women, and do physical work so women don’t have to. I don’t like it when my girl’s face scrunches up and turns purple. I don’t like to see her back get even a little rounded over. Everything seems much worse, or looks like it’s killing her much more than it really is. I know its all in My head, and I need to deal with it.
It’s like watching your kid brother fight. It’s much harder on you than just being in a scrap yourself.
I’ve never, ever heard that steroids make your hands go numb. But it’s pretty common for lots of work on Bis/Tri’s and shoulders to cause problems in the hands, fingers, wrists and elbows.
Oh wow I never realized something like that would/could bother a significant other . I guess I just watch a lot of Instagram videos about lifting couples and they both kind of act out for blood when it comes to the iron lol. But it’s good to hear this perspective .
And he confessed he was on steriods but has since quit and won’t go back .
I don’t think he can be on steroids . Wouldn’t he be a lot stronger? Can’t you just teach him to be stronger than you? That would solve the ego thing. If he works a physical job (with respect) he must be stronger than you. If you get a trainer to teach him how to brace ( I mean he should have decent lower back strength), he might be happier.
He has been on them a few times at least throughout all the time I’ve known him, he just isn’t really into the big three . He does lots of machines and stuff which is totally okay with me but I don’t really think you need steriods for that
Here is a question: Why do you let your BF mistreat you? If his words or actions distress you let him know about it. Doesn’t have to be a verbal beatdown, just “Hey I don’t appreciate that. This is my hobby and it brings me joy. Cut it out please.”
Neither party in a relationship should be a doormat. Stick up for yourself, are you a strong woman or not?
lol - my wife tried natural for both our kids until they had to induce. Both times i was standing there telling her “you know they have drugs in hospitals, right? You know drugs? Hey, do you want some drugs? Hey doc, can I think I need some drugs to deal with her pain.”
I’m pretty sure if doctors could kick dads out of delivery rooms they would. We basically take up space. I mean, I know our birth instructor was qualified and whatnot, but I’m almost certain my wife wouldn’t have forgotten to breathe or push even if I wasn’t there. But it’s a good thing I was there to cut the cord.
Arguing of any kind about anything gives me really bad panic attacks, and makes me feel really uncomfortable.
I KNOW it’s a fact of life and can be healthy in some respects, but it causes me more stress than most
I don’t remember which billionaire I’m ripping this quote off from but it goes something like: the more difficult conversations you have, the better your life will be.
Having mature difficult conversations is a life skill that can be trained. I’ll bet that 10 years ago you couldn’t deadlift 260x4. So you’ve proved you can set goals, train and adapt. Do the same thing with difficult conversations. Start with low stakes… Call your insurance agent up and tell them you didn’t like your last rate hike. Doesn’t matter if you’re successful, just get reps. It gets easier.
Also guys mostly have no clue when their teasing goes over the line. We’re used to making really rough jokes with our buds. So you will have to speak up and tell him it’s unwelcome. I’ll bet 5 internet dollars he won’t catch any hints.
Didn’t even finish reading the whole thing and I already saw tons of red flags. Ya should, ya know, leave the guy and powerlift your little heart out, mmmkay.
I’m happy you’ve met someone nice. Wishing you all good things, Jenn!
I’d agree with the people that said communicating is key, and you don’t have to share every hobby or passion.
Relationships often look like this in the beginning. Trying to put our best selves forward, soften our opinions, hide our flaws or insecurities. Eventually we want real intimacy, which is telling the truth. The best you can do is try to be honest with yourself about your feelings and motivations, and communicate that. You love lifting, and it’s been sort of a therapy for you, a way of coping with anxiety. He doesn’t need to share your hobby, but he should understand that part of it.
About men being physically bigger or stronger, I think that’s an outward symbol. Like that’s often our first impression of what men are. About the male ideal, I think of the physical part, but also things like intelligence, integrity, mental stability, quiet dignity, levelheaded or calm under stress, self-sacrifice. All of those things are a kind of strength. If you don’t need him to help you get the lid off the jar, you still appreciate or need the other things. Your athleticism doesn’t diminish that.
He does have a lot of very manly qualities. He can build stuff, he can fix stuff, he can play video games really well
He’s certainly not a girly guy by any means, he simply just doesn’t powerlift, but wants to be better at it than I am even without doing it, LOL.
He seems to have gotten over it for the most part though. Once I explained better to him why I even do it and what it means to me, seems to have taken some of the competition out of it. He hardly brings it up anymore and I think he’s starting to be more okay with it.
I just have a couple things. I was surprised to read through this entire thread and only see one response that reflected my gut reaction.
Ok so first off, numb hands is not a steroid side effect. It’s a growth hormone side effect. Just an fyi.
Secondly… I know you’re not going to like this, and I doubt you’ll do it, but you need to either: attend counseling, potentially for quite awhile, with your guy, to work through this… Or break up. I can almost guarantee you guys won’t be able to successfully work through this without 3rd party assistance. This is a big deal. Your dude is being a petty idiot, and you telling him to stop being a petty idiot, even if said to him extraordinarily well, probably won’t fix things.
I actually think the better solution is moving the fuck on. I know a whole lot of people who invested far too heavily in their first real relationship, out of fear of not finding a second. Or that the next would be worse. What you’re going through is just so avoidable though. I read the part where you said you’ve been in love with the dude for 3 years… That’s just going to cloud your judgement. You may think he’s awesome in a ton of respects, you may admire a zillion qualities about him as a person. But the relationship quality you’ve described here, at least in my opinion, is really really problematic.
I would not assume that you solved this. I see in your last post that it essentially ‘seems better now’. You only opened this thread 11 days ago. If this doesn’t come up again, awesome. But I bet it will.
Anyway, best of luck. Sorry to be a downer, I just felt like this thread was a bit of an echo chamber of ‘everything will be ok, just talk it out, HUGZ’.
