Spiritually or religiously you mean?
I can relate to that, although I don’t know if for the same reason.
What does the pro/ con list look like here?
Yeah that one is a tough customer. I really don’t know why this isn’t affecting me more as it doesn’t seem to bother me as much as most. If I knew why or how to apply that, I would tell you.
Maybe it’s got something to do with the way one looks at life or how much one’s life changed through the pandemic (of course also being personally infected/ losing loved ones is a main one as well).
Don’t do this. It is hard work towards your goals and you are doing great.
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Purposely ambiguous. 
99% sure it’s not, though I think birthday loathers can all empathize with each other. Ah, the power of one day.
There’s no way I would actually quit. It could be freeing to take my master’s and leave though, accepting that I don’t belong in my field. But that would also suck. Hadn’t thought too dramatically about it until this past week. The pressure is on me this year, and I have nothing to show for it.
Probably because I whine about first-world problems more than the average person.
I don’t know why it has affected me so much because I’m so damn introverted, and no one close to me has been seriously affected if at all (lucky, I know), but it got real old after a couple months. Being a hermit at home is only nice when I have the option to experience things I enjoy, which, again, the pandemic robbed from me.
I moved less than six months before the pandemic started, so maybe I would still feel this way if COVID weren’t a thing; I don’t really have a relationship with any family members, and all my close friends live extremely far from me. I’ve seen my best friend once in the past 2.5 years. I’ve at least slightly remedied this by making a couple new friends in my town, who probably help in this sense more than I already believe.
I know you’ve been through a lot though, so I would not be surprised if you are numb to a pandemic. I don’t mean that in a sassy way either.
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I know it’s not directed at me, but thanks for the reminder. It sucks, but it is what it is.
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I feel ambivalent towards my own birthdays too.
Why are you thinking of quitting grad school?
I’m much better at reading and writing about my field than I am at actually doing the work that it requires. I have to propose a thesis this summer, and last week my advisor indirectly and kindly told me that I am behind. She even suggested potentially reverting my project to a direct spin-off of something developed by a previous student whom I had helped while they were still here – terrible because it would not only be unenjoyable for me but also show that I can’t come up with something original.
I’m not a quitter, especially because I’m already so deep into this and don’t know what I would do with myself otherwise. It’s more worrying because quitting actually came to mind.
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What’re you studying? What’s your plan with the degree? (PhD?) Just curious.
I’m just skimming through your log for the first time, and don’t really know much about you! We don’t interact much on here.
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Hey, thanks for checking out this mess! Only half-joking.
I’m a PhD candidate in a STEM field. Assuming I finish this thing, I am pretty sure I want to stay in academia, but if that doesn’t work out, then I might be interested in doing something outside of science.
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I am not religious. I also am not spiritual in any other way.
There is more to say to this but this is not the place for it. I personally prefer philosophy over religion for matters of the unknown/ outside of scientific reach.
I am generally someone you would for the most part classify/ perceive as very rational.
I do feel strongly about certain aspects of the human experience. But that’s not believing/ faith.
How long to go then?
I think even if you’re not personally affected, it’s tough to constantly endure the wave of bad news and fear that washes over anyone these days. We’re all tired of hearing about it and dealing with it.
Also that is a scary situation that can spin out anyone regardless of a global crisis. It sure did that for me.
Valid point, I reckon. I also think it’s the rational outlook I have on the world most of the time. There’s a pandemic out there, if I am angry about it or not doesn’t change that fact. Although I have to admit during the tougher lockdowns before the vaccines I genuinely was affected.
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Probably two and a half years, but it could be more or (somehow) less. There’s no hard deadline.
You seem more stoic than purely rational to me, but you know yourself far better than I do.
Yep stoism and epicurism/ hedonism is where I would position myself.
Do you believe in anything?
1/5
Pullups 10,7,8
Deep Water Beginner W4D4
Bench 85x3x10, 3 min rest
Close grip bench 75x3x10
Seated press 45x10, 47.5x2x10
Dips 13,10,8
Pushups 7,6,6
3x60s plank + 3 standing ab wheel, no rest
5x20 band pull aparts
15 rounds, no rest: 20s 19kg KB swing, 10s BW squats. Switched to vice-versa after the tenth round.
Increased the weight on close grip and seated press this week.
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Happy birthday (I assume that’s what the cake is for)! I hope you enjoy it more than you usually do.
I’m not religious, no. I like philosophy and teeter-totter between existentialism and absurdism, I feel.
Thanks, appreciate it!
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You strike me as a relatively logical and practical person. We’re all emotional creatures, we just have different comfort levels and ways of expressing it.
On the contrary, it’ll turn right side up 
Honestly, the world is a harder place to live in now than when I was 25.
Women mature younger than men, which could account for the two-year difference. Other than the usual aging markers - thinner hair, longer recovery from hard exercise, reduced memory - I don’t feel “old.” As a kid, I was mentally and emotionally more mature than my peers and, in ways, I felt older. Interestingly, when I turned 30, I felt surprisingly youthful and even young, moreso than when I was 25. In what ways do you feel like a 60-year-old - mentally? Emotionally? Perspective and lifestyle?
True. I think I present as a sometimes overly logical person when that’s not often the case.
Can’t say I have a good feeling so far.
Also always the case for me. I hated high school, for example.
Split between feeling like a perpetual child and a sixty year-old, the former due to life circumstances and looking like one and the latter due to the ways I often act (or refuse to) and the hobbies I choose. I am probably a stereotypical twenty-something in other ways, haha.
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1/6
Decided to try this Tower of Babel thing, 95# front squats from 1 → 8 → 1 reps with five burpees in between each set. Finished in 20:20, which included being interrupted by the maintenance guy.
3x3 standing ab wheel
100 cal assault bike 12:45
Still mentally a vegetable but feels better to have done something.
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1/7
150 cal assault bike 19:44
3x8 pullups
3x20 band pull aparts
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Everything OK?
I get that way after running too.
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