Badass Ways to Die

Off Topic
81

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover… [/quote]

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

82

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.
[/quote]

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

83

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do. [/quote]

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

84

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.
[/quote]

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

85

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet. [/quote]

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

86

Best.Hijack.Ever.

87

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]
[/quote]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

88

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet. [/quote]

Boiled roast scene - worst misuse of meat ever.

89

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again] [/quote]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

90

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

[/quote]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

91

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference. [/quote]

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

92

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done. [/quote]

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

93

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press. [/quote]

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

94

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed. [/quote]

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

95

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.[/quote]

[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.

96

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales. [/quote]

Frank: I’ve finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love… without utensils.

97

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales. [/quote]

I just wanted to tell you both, good luck, we’re all counting on you.

98

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.

Frank: I’ve finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love… without utensils.
[/quote]

Frank: [sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn’s early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight’s last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket’s red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that’s free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!

99

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
masonator wrote:
Jump out of a plane with no parachute.

A parachute not opening… that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine… having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go.

It’s true what they say: Cops and women don’t mix. It’s like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it’ll clean you out, but it’ll leave you hollow inside.

Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.

Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo… what the hell’s got into you, Frank?

Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig’s office without a warrant, you’re taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.

Frank: It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!

I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.

I don’t recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

Frank: Jane, since I’ve met you I’ve noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I’ve loved you since the first day I met you, and I’ll never stop. I’m a very lucky woman.
Frank: So am I…

Mayor: Now Drebin, I don’t want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that’s my policy.

Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that’s my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Protecting the Queen’s safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.

Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband’s arm. Where would you like it sent?

Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there’s only a 10 percent chance of that.

Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!

Frank: It’s the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year’s Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let’s just stick to dinner.

Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don’t wear them.

Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It’s hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover…

Jane: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Frank: It is. That’s why I carry a big gun.
Jane: Aren’t you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem.
Jane: What did you do about it?
Frank: I just think about baseball.

Frank Drebin: That’s the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We’ve got work to do.

Frank: Interesting… Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
Jane: I was young. I needed the work.

Jane: I’m boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.

[Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card]

Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh… Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don’t you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don’t you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He’s right, Wilma. But I wouldn’t wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I’m trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he’s welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he’s a drooling vegetable. But I think that’s only common sense…
[Wilma cries again]

[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
Frank: Well, uh…
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]

Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.

Truck Driver: [shouts] Ya dumb broad!
Driving instructor: All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good. Well done.

Frank: It’s fourth and fifteen and you’re looking at a full-court press.

[Jane climbs a ladder]
Frank: Nice beaver!
Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.

Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
Frank: Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.

[offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.

Frank: I’ve finally found someone I can love - a good, clean love… without utensils.

Frank: [sings] Oh say can you see / By the dawn’s early light / What so proudly we hail / In the twilight’s last gleaming? / Whose bright stripes and broad stars / In the perilous night / For the ramparts we watched / uh, da-da-da-da-da-daaaa. / And the rocket’s red glare / Lots of bombs in the air / Gave proof to the night / That we still had our flag. / Oh say does that flag banner wave / Over a-a-all that’s free / And the home of the land / And the land of the - FREE!
[/quote]

How 'bout that!?!

100

I couldn’t let you kill another thread.