I echo this. Just to clarify, my frustration is because I don’t know how to help, rather than directed at you.
This is my hope, too. I post what I think of as reminders in the hope that over time the things people are saying, which come from such different perspectives but all have the same outcome-focus (health, strength), will help Anna shift as she’s able.
I never want her to feel piled onto or beat up. My hope is that she feels cared for by the people following her progress. Her well-wishers.
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There’s a caveat to that. I do agree that the overall tone has been frustration, albeit for good reasons though.
But just from my observation, this user does have eating issues. The main reason I suspect she hasn’t had some sort of medical diagnosis slapped onto her is because she hasn’t spent enough time under the correct professional care.
I didn’t know what the reason was that she needed surgery until I read Emily’s post about her kidney issues. But I’m willing to bet that her being underweight had something, if not a large portion to do with it. And I’m also willing to bet that that came about from being underweight for a prolonged period of time, because she’s been without her period for years now.
There’s comes a point in time, where people who don’t deal with issues like this, or aren’t regularly around people who deal with issues like this, they become frustrated. Because from the outside view, and logically speaking, it looks and sounds insane. And that’s because it is. And with that, patience starts to fall apart, because NOTHING about this is rational. At all. Those who don’t struggle with things like this, can clearly see that.
Punnyguy mentioned this:
And until she does that, we will all pop in here, say the same things we’ve all been saying, while she either deflects it, or uses it as a drive to continue doing what she’s been doing. I’m not saying she’s doing that on purpose, or even doing it to frustrate others though.
Everything this user posts just reveals more and more of what’s going on. I’m not going to sit here and dwindle her down to some diagnoses out of a medical book, because it doesn’t matter, and theres so much more to her than that, but again, it’s becoming a lot more evident.
What really tipped me off was when she had a big back and forth with Pinky about the exercising she was planning to do to completely empty herself of whatever calories she allotted herself on that given day. Long story short, that is a HUGE bright red colored flag.
And this:
She is BARELY breaking The 1,000 calorie barrier.
I apologize if I come off super brash, but there’s no have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too type of thing to be had here. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe I’m a bit worried for this particular user, but I’ve “been around the block” so to speak, and when I see blatant line ups of a very serious thing that’s probably been plaguing this user for who knows how long, it’s no longer about the training, it’s no longer about school, or work, or whatever fourth, fifth, or sixth thing. It’s about this user realizing that this isn’t a game.
This whole thing reminds me of that other user who was on here, who was also blatantly struggling with an eating disorder. To the point where a handful of us just devolved to repeatedly telling her that she needed medical/psychiatric help.
@anna_5588 I am in no way trying to make you feel bad. I’m not trying to scare you either. Believe me I’m not. But I am trying to tell you that there is no grey area, concerning stuff like this. And what I mean by grey area, is that there is no room for trying to cling onto…this, and trying to go forward. Everything seems so out of reach now, because you haven’t consistently set out to tackle anything. Concerning your mental and emotional well being.
That money that you receive from your parents, put it to work. Be smart with it. Any time you visit the States, book an appointment with a psychotherapist/nutritionist. Or seek one out from your home country and don’t settle until you come across someone YOU deem worthy of trusting. And again, your parents care about you, I’m sure they’re willing to help you, and I’m sure they’re willing to listen to you. It is not money that is being wasted. My husband and I have roughly spent 500-700$ on my recovery so far, and every last bit of that was money WELL SPENT. The self-help books, co-pays, the plethora of self-soothing tools I now I have, etc. All of it well spent.
And again, I apologize for how headstrong I seem. It’s just…this particular subject really has the power to hit me straight through to my feelings. And I care one hell of a lot. I’m only like this BECAUSE i care.
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Im also not seeing 1,800 calories here.
Cooking things in butter is cheating to make your calories look higher. You know how you have to use detergent to clean the pan afterwards? That’s because half the butter is still on the pan.
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Why not a small bowl of mushrooms plus something that isnt ridiculously low in calories for its volume?
Why not a small pile of spinach, and replace the lost volume with something that actually contains calories? Like doubling the oats in this meal instead of all that spinach.
Replace soy milk with canned coconut milk. no more expensive, alot tastier and a lot more calories.
This isnt difficult if you actually want to do it.
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Not to pile on, but my 2 year old who weighs 30 lbs is eating more calories than this in a day…
Seeing some of your pictures and posts, cut out the conditioning, pack on 8-12 lbs of muscle and you will still look great (better in my opinion) and likely feel a ton better too.
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My whole thing with this, is that its not really about the food. It never was. It’s about whatever bothers her on the inside, that she’s hiding behind with food, or lacktherof, and exercise.
And for fear of overstepping whatever boundary I’m pretty sure I’ve already crossed, I’ll just leave it at that.
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Thanks everyone!
@Voxel @EmilyQ @dagill2 you guys aren’t being overbearing
I was looking back and realized I forgot to report the Builder bar I had with meal 1 
I guess even I underreport. 
Honestly I don’t have any extrinsic reasons for staying lean - it’s more about keeping what I’ve worked so hard for and not letting my discipline slip knowing that I won’t have the luxury to eat whatever in the future
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This morning’s weight: 39.7kg
I’m going to take tomorrow off in prep for Saturday- can’t wait to test!
I sincerely hope you ate more than you posted. It’s a good thing if you did. Ideally, it would have been nice had it been something other than another bar but 
You’ve lost weight over the last 2 weeks. Now Im the first to say don’t look at small variations, and 0.2kg is tiny, but its clearly not going in the right direction. I still think you should commit to 2,000 for at least 4 weeks.
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I was constipated and bloated on the other weigh ins 
That accounts for the 0.2. No more. You’re still not going in the right direction
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For her, .2kg is like 18% of her bodyweight, so not so tiny. My math might be off just slightly.
There are more useful calories in my average dump than what Anna eats in a day.
Math is definitely very off there my dude. its 0.5%
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2kg is about 18%
It’s OCD-related behavior, Anna. It’s not logic-based.
I have a new client with a raging eating disorder, who is pregnant, and I’ve been considering tagging you, @Voxel, and @planetcybertron somewhere for help getting underneath it. She’s come in (first try at therapy), she’s able to call it an eating d/o, and she wants a healthy pregnancy. But other than that, it’s all slipperiness and deflection. She says she’s eating, but who knows. Very underweight.
ED’s, like substance abuse, which is related, really need a specialist, and I’m a generalist. However, we don’t have that luxury where I live. There’s only one therapist specializing in eating disorders that I know of, and she’s an hour away. No idea what insurance she takes, etc. So it’s me for this young woman.
A previous client of mine (whom I wanted to refuse, but her doctor begged me to see her temporarily) died of it at age 32. Luckily not while we were working together, she left for an inpatient clinic, then refused to stay.
Anyway, not sure whether it’s worth discussing the client’s situation or not (confidentiality). I bring it up now to say that I have a good, healthy fear of the power of this disorder.
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It’s possible I was embellishing ever so slightly to make a point.
2kg is about 5%… you’re asian, the shame.
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I’m an Asian who goes out of her way to avoid math