This whole COVID situation is really wearing me down. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to really try hard in anything now. It’s a “just don’t suck” kind of mindset
Workouts have been shorter and way less dense and I can’t seem to find the mental energy to amp them up
There’s so much more I could be doing for school, but same story
I want to be doing more than the minimum, but it’s just not happening
Week 14: day2 (yesterday)
Press: 5x(10/side-25lbs+40sec kickboxing),60sec rests
Push-ups: 8x20 EMOM
Rows: 2x5/side-45lbs 3010 tempo
Week 14: day3
15min weighted walk-45lbs, started pouring so cut it short
Pistols: 4x4/side-45lbs, 3x3/side-25lbs 3030 tempo
I’m supposed to be eating to support training… with this lack of intensity, I’m not sure what I’m eating to support
Growth.
Haha no worries that was some self-depricating humour, I didn’t think you were accusing me at all (stupid written communication lacking my inflections!). For reference I do not thrive in an office environment, I change jobs every 2-3 years owing to boredom, I’m a bit stuck as I’m about 2.5 years in my current role, hit that rut a while back, but the place is too good to leave! If I had my time again I’d probably study to be a Dr. Instead I’m now just focused on early retirement haha.
Sorry to hear this Anna, remember no matter how bad it feels this will pass, the world will return to business as usual eventually.
In terms of how you feel in terms of achievement, I read this earlier today, nothing mind-blowing or new but a helpful reminder: https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2014/01/26/its-not-a-contest/
I’m in a similar position: I can’t really afford to move to an entry level position in another industry, so a large amount of retraining while working is in my future.
lol
have you seeked professional help yet?
The Office is literally my definition of a living nightmare 
I read the article- it was very well written. Thank you.
Haha yeah, this log is a place where I rant
It’s a good place for that, to be sure.
Where’s the place where you get help?
This continues to be excessive, just to remind you
Reminders only work when they’re acknowledged unfortunately.
Fair. I think my first remark on the matter dates back a year. But, I know what it’s like to trod in the same footsteps misguided as they may be for far too long. As someone else said in this log ages ago, behaviour that stems from a disorder will never make sense to an outsider.
I just refuse to make it easy to cherry pick data points that feed into the maligned behaviours and think it’s worthwhile to point out that what she considers normal she shouldn’t.
It can start to crumble the foundation of the other thought patterns. The odds aren’t great.
I think you should maybe try and seek out some voices that are being genuine and honest about their struggles through this period. You play the comparison game a lot and it might be good for your sanity to read about other people that aren’t having a jolly good time either.
It’s better to adjust to accepting that you can only do what you can, so that you’ll not have worn yourself down by resenting the current state of affairs so much that once things change you aren’t capable of doing anything at all anymore because you’ve been caught in this self-critical loop.
I really like Anne Helen Petersen’s newsletter “Culture Study”. Here’s a sample I really enjoyed:
If you need to keep losing your shit, lose it. If you need to keep stealing naps from the rest of your day, steal them. If you need to organize your inbox, cut out dairy or alcohol for the week, go on a long-ass walk everyday without listening to a podcast, do it. If you need to keep lowering the bar, lower it, then lower it again.
I remain convinced that heart of “self-care” is not pampering, per se, or spending lots of money — but giving yourself permission to listen to yourself about what will actually feel like rest and respite. Not what other people tell you rest should look like. Actual rest, which is to say, your rest, which might not be recognizable as such to others.
I know I’m in an enviable position. I guess I’m more frustrated with myself
That was a really nice read
Your training is the blueprint of what you want your builders to build
Your eating is the raw materials you give your builders outlined in the blueprint
Your sleeping is the time and energy your builders need to execute the task
You constantly overdesign and mis-manage your blueprint, without giving your builders the time and materials they need to execute. This is not rocket science. Most of us struggle with this in some way, but you go to extremes.
Sorry for the dumb analogy, but it really is this simple. In my case, I go overboard on the building materials and half the crew shows up drunk.
You too, huh? Fuckers just can’t put the bottle down…
Coffee became a thing in England because factory owners noticed the benefits of workers not using beer as the beverage of choice
Check out This Podcast Will Kill You’s episode on caffeine. I think the effects were observed way earlier than when factories arrived. Tea, coffee and alcoholic beverages all were consumed a lot since clean drinking water wasn’t a thing. Rather a drunk worker than a dead worker. Including kids.
Rocket science seems simpler a lot of times (at least for me)…
Is rocket science that complicated?
Job done, I’ll have my pHd now please.