in borat accent Very Nice!
[quote]pushharder wrote:
AK, if I ever pull this one off there is no doubt that invisible airwaves would crackle with life and bright antennae would bristle with the energy…[/quote]
love me some Rush.
Ooooh I have a story cookin now.
[quote]analog_kid wrote:
I have only so much creative juice in me.
[/quote]
You should swallow your own creative juice, or you’ll go catabolic.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
analog_kid wrote:
…catch her in her vagina with my extremely hard and huge cock and start spinning her in circles until she is spinning so fast…
Uncanny. My supreme yet to be fulfilled fantasy.
She would need to short, flexible and well lubed. I’m thinking one of those chicks who can put her feet behind her neck. I imagine we would need an assistant to get and keep her spinning like a figure skater not to mention hold her down so she wouldn’t rotate right off.
AK, if I ever pull this one off there is no doubt that invisible airwaves would crackle with life and bright antennae would bristle with the energy…[/quote]
If you do that you HAVE to video tape it. That would just be so epic.
I thought it was pretty far out there but if anyone could manage it, you would be the guy.
[quote]sen say wrote:
analog_kid wrote:
I have only so much creative juice in me.
You should swallow your own creative juice, or you’ll go catabolic.[/quote]
It’s just like steroids.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
…because the meesus gets motion sickness while in it…
[/quote]
So at least one of you is human!!! I was getting worried after hearing the stories…
So I was walking down the street wearing my extra small Abercrombie&Fitch muscle fit T-shirt and my XL yankees hat turned backwards. im so ripped that the t-shirt is about to explode and im losing blood to my hands because the sleeves are so tight.
Right so I’m walking by this open house party downtown when I see this cop car sitting down the street. I flip him off and charge up the steps of the house and do headlong dive through the porch window because non-alpha people use doors. As glass is flying everywhere I’m doing a somersault on the floor to break the momentum of my superman dive.
Thankfully I landed in a circle of super hot chicks all wearing bikini’s. At this point I currently had no idea that my tight fitting Abercrombie T-shirt was torn to shreds from the glass exposing my corded huge muscles. So I say “Yeah I workout!” just making sure each of them hear me. So I throw these chicks a double bicep pose.
I notice that each of the girls is stepping closer to me at this time and breathing heavily, and this super hot bitch starts rubbing my chest. So I start bouncin my pecs right in her face as shes motorboating them. Two mintues later of pec bouncing she has these bruises under her eyes.
This other girl starts feelin on my private zone so I grab her and we run upstairs and lock this bedroom door. Im so strong and ripped that I accidently twist the handle right off as I lock it. It’s a problem I’ve always had.
I turn around and she is breathing super heavily and taking off her clothes. So thinking super fast I reach into my pocket and pull out a scoop of NO-xplode and toss that in my mouth. I couldn’t find any water to swig it down so I grab this fifth of captain to help.
So were bangin on the floor, against the wall, on the dresser, on the ceiling, and bangin everywhere else besides the bed.
I guess it was that chicks house because her mom walks in and is also breathing heavily… to be continued.
[quote]Drizzt wrote:
So I was walking down the street wearing my extra small Abercrombie&Fitch muscle fit T-shirt and my XL yankees hat turned backwards. im so ripped that the t-shirt is about to explode and im losing blood to my hands because the sleeves are so tight.
Right so I’m walking by this open house party downtown when I see this cop car sitting down the street. I flip him off and charge up the steps of the house and do headlong dive through the porch window. As glass is flying everywhere I’m doing a somersault on the floor to break the momentum of my superman dive. Thankfully I landed ina circle of super hot chicks all wearing bikini’s. At this point I currentlyh had no idea that my tight fitting Abercrombie T-shirt was torn to shreds from the glass exposing my corded huge muscles. So I throw these chicks a double bicep pose.
I notice that each of the girls is stepping closer to me at this time and breathing heavily, and this super hot bitch starts rubbing my chest. So I start bouncin my pecs right in her face as shes motorboating them. Two mintues later of pec bouncing she has these bruises under her eyes.
This other girl starts feelin on my private zone so I grab her and we run upstairs and lock this bedroom door. Im so strong and ripped that I accidently twist the handle right off as I lock it. It’s a problem I’ve always had.
I turn around she is breathing super heavily and taking off her clothes. So thinking super fast I reach into my pocket and pull out a scoop of NO-xplode and toss that in my mouth. I couldn’t find any water to swig it down so I grab this fifth of captain to help. So were bangin on the floor, against the wall, on the dresser, on the ceiling, and bangin everywhere else besides the bed.
I guess it was that chicks house because her mom walks in and is also breathing heavily… to be continued.[/quote]
Bravo!
[quote]
I guess it was that chicks house because her mom walks in and is also breathing heavily… to be continued.[/quote]
I thought you locked the door?..
[quote]bozbot wrote:
I guess it was that chicks house because her mom walks in and is also breathing heavily… to be continued.
I thought you locked the door?..[/quote]
The handle broke off…
…getting ready to go lift the heaviest of weights at the gym i step into my $150 Diesel sneak’s b/c I’m diesel and slip into my Xtra-Medium D&G fitted Tee and head to my kitchen where I consume some NO to get jacked.
In the parking lot I rock out to the latest hip hop song to play on the radio while putting super expensive cologne on.
once i get into MY gym; i hit the bench for a few sets of 1/4 rep singles. I pick the bench with the best view of any ladies that are in my peripheral vision of course…b/c the ladies love to see my shit.
in between each set i make sure i walk by a mirror on the way to the water fountain where i am able to lift up my shirt and flex my 12 pack in the mirror to ensure i’m getting a good workout and to make the ladies wet.
after i get a good chest pump, i obviously hit up some massive curls 2" from the mirror so i can stare at myself and any ladies that might walk by. then i do abs, b/c that’s how you get laid…gotta hit that shit.
on my way out, i go to the cardio deck and pick out the chick that i am gonna bang.
b/c i’m alpha and i have my choice of any lady who walks this planet.
i take her home where she comes 4 times before i even touch her. then i take off my xtra medium…to be continued…
[quote]analog_kid wrote:
So there I was in the Amazon, jeans, wife beater, and my trusty gallon of water. I was swinging through the trees like Tarzan when all of the sudden this giant Anaconda wraps around me and starts squeezing.
[/quote]
Yes, but before you killed him did the snake happen to tell you when Biotest was going to release him?
Ok folks, here you go, part 2, a day early.
So there I was, jeans, wife beater, and my trusty gallon of water. The giant man monkey thing was looking at me, growling, and drooling all over the fucking leaves and sticks and various other shit that’s in the woods.
As our eyes meet I take a gulp of water and say:“Hey, fucking monkey, you apparently don’t know the laws of the jungle because you live in the woods like a pussy, but I’m alpha, and that means I�??ll fucking kill you.”
The monkey thing lets out a loud growl and spits in my face. I crack half a smile and shake my head and said:“You know something you fucking monkey? You just signed your fucking death hall pass and you smell like my toilet after I shit in it after eating a living cow that just ate steroids and dynamite.”
and I drop to my knees and grab his nuts, one in each hand, and rip his fucking jizz factories right off and then shove them in the fucking monkey�??s mouth. I just laugh, take a swig of water and say:"Why are you sucking your own balls you fucking monkey?
You got balls in your mouth! Balls in your mouth! DEEZ NUTS BITCH! FUCK I�??M HYOOGE! AND THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH!!!" The gorilla thing starts screaming and kicking around on the ground shitting himself.
Leaves, sticks, and baboon shit are flying all over the fucking woods, hitting trees and small vermin and other woods shit. I get sick of this stupid shit and go in for the kill. I grab the fucking monkey by his big ass feet and rip them off.
Then I pick up the bloody footless fucking monkey with balls in it�??s mouth and throw it across my back and start squatting.
I squat until my ass hits the ground and then I explode up so fast I have to hold the bigfoot against my huge fucking bubbly traps or he would fly into outer space, run into my crazy sex jungle slut and make retard half monkey naked footless jungle propeller vagina red-headed space people with balls in their mouths.
After 7,000 reps with the footless fucking monkey, I have broken his spine in all places and he is now fucking dead. I throw that fucker on the ground, take a big gulp of water, and piss all over that fucking monkey as I tell him:"That’s why you do squats you fucking monkey.
Maybe if you drank some milk every now and then instead of eating sticks, rocks, squirrel shit, and whatever else you eat in the fucking woods, you would have had a chance. I bet right now your fucking monkey girlfriend is sitting at home in your tree nest, or whatever the fuck you fucking monkeys live in saying:
�??God I hope my fucking impotent bitch of a monkey boyfriend ran into the angry gay ghost of Charlton Heston and get skull fucked in the head and is fucking dead. I�??m so sick of having to fuck that little girl and holding him after sex because he cries and bleeds from his asshole.
I can only hope some day a real fucking monkey will come and save me from your pathetic ass and fuck me rough up the ass with sand, pine needles, and tree bark to make it extra gritty just the way I like it"
As I walk away I rip a giant red wood tree out of the ground and snatch that fucker. God it feels good to be alpha. Then suddenly a flaming ball of estrogen, soy, and NO-Asplode falls from the sky and drives the Alpha Male into the Earth’s inner core killing him dead so Analog_kid doesn’t have to write fucking stories on T-Nation anymore.
THE END
A clenched fist with a gallon jug of water pops out of the ground
[quote]analog_kid wrote:
A clenched fist with a gallon jug of water pops out of the ground[/quote]
Perfect.
[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
analog_kid wrote:
A clenched fist with a gallon jug of water pops out of the ground
Perfect.[/quote]
AK’s gallon jug of water is crazy.
[quote]AngryVader wrote:
pushmepullme wrote:
analog_kid wrote:
A clenched fist with a gallon jug of water pops out of the ground
Perfect.
AK’s gallon jug of water is crazy.[/quote]
I could go Evil Dead and have a hand holding a gallon jug of water running around killing things and have sex with women.
[quote]analog_kid wrote:
A clenched fist with a gallon jug of water pops out of the ground[/quote]
A cliff hanger… Nooooooooo
Ill have my part two up within a day haw haw haw