Stay strong homegirl…I would take solace in the fact that this current emotional/mental state is NOT you but simply your body trying to correct itself. Times like these your mind can be your worst enemy so try to stay engaged in something…and realize this too shall pass.
Alexus: Hang in there! It’s going to get better. Listen to Winston Churchill: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Sorry to hear this. And I agree with Matty there, its not you, it’ll pass. And so what if you hit someone, they’ll heal & hopefully they’ll be too shocked to hit you back. But you’ll get through & learn more about yourself. Doesn’t make it less shitty.
debra… yeah, i think it might be depression. feels more like irritability / anxiety… but depression can be like that, i guess. odd to me, though, because i will use nicotine gum etc… so i don’t really understand why i get nicotine withdrawal?? symptoms given my gum use. still… i feel like shit, tis true.
i think i am scared that this might be the real me and that things will never feel any better.
i don’t know.
thanks for saying that it will pass. i guess i need to hold onto that.
i’m thinking… i kinda got gyped with the PT stuffs… they kept saying that dude knew what he was talking about blah blah blah only… i’m thinking he kinda doesn’t. but then i’m thinking i’m probably being arrogant and i should give him a chance… whatever… 8 sessions are basically paid for so might as well do them… only… i think i’ll draw the line at some stupid shit… and i don’t really see what the hell can be done in 30 minute sessions anyway since it takes me so bloody long to warm up. i mean… i spent 1 hour yesterday and all i got done was pull ups and bench.
what got me the most… was he said not to take a deep breath before descending on a squat. to breathe in as i descended. something about saving it for max efforts… i was like WHAT THE FUCK??? ‘treat the light like the heavy and the heavy like the light’. wtf??? i’m not sure we are going to get along… he got me squatting standing on half a foam roller, though. basically… crazy high heel raise. i almost cried at how comfortable my squats felt. very upright… only… hard to use hip drive. i don’t know. i don’t think he understands the mechanics of squatting enough to be a help with that. i feel demoralized. and angry. and angry. did i mention that already??
he seems kinda keen for me to do oly lifting there. which is kinda pointless for me. they don’t have good bars. they don’t have bumpers. they don’t have chalk. it isn’t really safe or comfortable for me to do oly lifting there. doing it… is only showing off really and pretty pointless otherwise.
the plan was to use this gym for rehab and to train oly lifting (where there are coaches who actually know what they are talking about) at oly gym.
i bloody said that my priority was injury rehab…
but then he was like ‘we can do some of that and then some high clean pulls and stuff at the end - since you find that stuff fun’.
and yeah, sure, makes sense that fun stuff is important so you don’t get bored…
but i think he underestimates my ability to find fun in the stupid shit (which isn’t actually so stupid)
and…
why the fuck would i want him ‘teaching’ me clean pulls etc for???
if they are trying to use me to be motivating the girls / other peoples to train…
then they should be paying me.
end rant.
besides… 30 minute sessions wtf??? i don’t have time to work up to work weights.
which he might know…
if he’d ever freaking tried lifting them.
grrr.
maybe i’m just being a bitch. i can’t tell.
do the sessions… try not to bust his balls too much…
maybe… stop with the heavy lifting for a while. been trashing myself working up to (daily) 30 minute intervals… or maybe nicotine withdrawal. can’t tell. jittery. not sleeping so good. buggy eyed… i’ll get to a doc soon and see about getting my thyroid rechecked (at risk for hyperthyroid)
sorry for ranting.
i was just happy that i might have found someone to help me actually rehab my feet.
but all i got so far is the standard ankle dorsiflexion stretch between sets of squats.
for like 30 seconds. don’t think he knows his pnf stretching stuffs…
actually… come to think of it i don’t think any of them do…
given the rate of the stretch and then strength move transitions on their version of bodybalance (not enough time to lengthen and as soon as you get weaken you are supposed to do something requiring strength which is super odd).
or maybe i’m just old. old and decrepit.
i’m thinking… maybe my impact injuries… have made my whole body (joints especially) prematurely beat up. i mean people older than me seem to be doing better… but maybe the impact literally did add years to my body. ripptoe said something once about not pressing since experience taught him he needed half an hour to warm up to work weights. i got that already. and some days… well some days there isn’t enough time in the day for me to warm up properly.
i think… i might be too old (beat up) for this.
—ah sorry seems we were posting at the same time----
Nah Lexy its not the real you, DAMN IT, LISTEN to us!!!
Feel everything but believe its not going to last.
I actually tried a piece of nicotine gum from Cal’s suggestion, just to see what it was like. Its not quite the samething as smoking an actual ciggie. Actually it made me kind of irritable afterwards. I don’t know, maybe its something you have to get used to. Or maybe the gum actually just affects each person differently. I don’t know, I could be talking out of my pie-hole on this one.
Yeah stick it out on the 8 sessions since they are already paid for, but a PT is a very personal business relationship. You do have to click, I’ve been to a couple of them before. You know your body, its not like your some noob to this whole exercising thing. Just get through the sessions and chuck it up to experience. Er… and how did you get with this guy in the first place, I must’ve missed that story.
Just trust yourself Lexy, you’re doing the right thing and heading in the right direction. (with quitting cigs & even if you do have to bust this guys balls).
Ah Lex, I love you. I love the way your brain works. And I love your ranting! I’m a listener, so this is a natural union. lol!
I like that you said this:
“i think i am scared that this might be the real me and that things will never feel any better.”
I think this confession is at the heart of it situation. Like Tech said, it is you, but its you in a specific time in your life. You can own these feelings and not be prisoner to them forever. Life is ever-changing and you need to adjust to those changes, and adjusting feels shitty sometimes. Or for me all time. I hate change. So yeah, you may be depressed or anxious or irritable, but one day your going to be walking along and then it’ll hit you, “oh wow, I’m feeling better?”
The cigarettes are gone. You’re done with them now. You’re not going to smoke again, and that’s just the way it is. Its over. And now you just have to adjust to being Alexus the non-smoker. And it fucking sucks. For now. But you will adjust! Things equilibrate, the minutes pass and you fidget with other things. Its the way of world. One thing goes away, another thing comes in its place, and so on and so on.
Its like your training, its all about cycles, no?
As for the PT guy…hm. Honestly, I feel you on this (and btw, I just want to mention that you ranted more about your PT and training than your quitting smoking. hahaha! I like that). When I first started my PT I was very annoyed with everything because I was all, “do you now know who I am?” (lol at thinking I’m “something” btw). And while my PT girl Christine didn’t really know that much about Oly, or has ever worked with anyone as earnest as I am, as the sessions went by I could tell she started to get more into it. She started doing her research, trying to understand my goals better and how to rehab towards those goals - even those that she didn’t agree with like going below parallel.
So my only recommendation would to really hammer it in that you have goals that you’re working towards. Bring him some of your own research and ask him questions. Pick his brain. Use him as a sounding board. You know? Maybe this might spark his own interest in your specific rehab case? Warm up before you see him so you don’t waste time doing stupid shit. Worse case scenario you wasted a few bucks, no biggie. Lesson learned.
And of course, try to have fun, mkay? lol!!
Stay the course, girlie!! You can do this!
Oh fuck, I just ranted on top of your rant! HAHAH! Ranters unite!! <3
you’ve already done the hardest part by taking that leap and ditching the cigs.
you can DO THIS!!
Are there any ‘stop smoking,’ classes in Australia? Maybe you can make an appt with your Doc to talk and get some nicotine patches??
I didn’t do the patches because I didn’t need another crutch. ANd they made me feel jittier. Happy! But jittier.
pulling for you alexus!! you are a strong women!!
Hey Lexy, hang in there babe. You’re doing well.
As for me, I like to train alone. Only child syndrome, I guess, but then it could be because I’ve never trained with anyone hardcore. But I’m very much a self-sufficient type of chick. Train with whoever inspires you, or train alone, or whatever you feel suits you best right now. You’re doing well - just keep doing it.
Hi sexy lexy,
Ok. First things first. If you have only half an hour with Mr PT, I would rock up 40 minutes beforehand and do your own warm-up, so by the time you see Mr PT your all warm and ready to go. I think you need to be straight foward with Mr PT, and say to him “listen kiddo, I want to do this and this and I need you do this and that”.
I see a PT once a week(“the Pidgeon”). I rock up 30 minutes beforehand and do my own warm-up. I then tell him to watch my back as I squat or deadlift. The pidgeon lifts heavy ass weight aswell, so he gives me tips on technique and progression.
I think taking some time off lifting is a good idea. Some crazy ass cardio always helps to clear the mind in times like these. We all have our ups and downs(tonight I ate a whole roll of garlic bread-doh!), but you just have to keep on going and try be your best, even if you fail. You have to fail many times before you succeed, and thats why succeeding feels so dam good. Like my yoga teacher said the other day; “Who am I not to shine? Am I scared of failing or am I scared of succeeding?”
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[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Stay strong homegirl…I would take solace in the fact that this current emotional/mental state is NOT you but simply your body trying to correct itself. Times like these your mind can be your worst enemy so try to stay engaged in something…and realize this too shall pass.[/quote]
This is so smart, very well said matty! And everything Maschy said as well, seriously there are some really good people in this log, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Lex-my doctor recommended I start taking this supplement called Biotin. I was doing a little research and it says that people who smoke are deficient in it, AND lower levels of it are linked to depression. So maybe it couldn’t hurt to get some and give it a go for awhile? In addition to that, it’s supposed to be great for the hair and nails, so a win all around. (sounds like I’m a salesperson for the stuff, I’m not, pinky swear)
Stay strong girl. xo
shakes pom poms
Go Lexie!!!
Just stopping by for some aditional motivation.
Any withdrawal period is not a sign of true self.
Alexus: Just stopping by to let you know that I’m thinking about you.
Hi Lex! I’m just stalking Nadia 
Was thinking about you too…(said in creepy stalker voice)
Stay strong! raises fist
I guess I am creeping too…
She probably OD’d on chocolate again.
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[quote]theBird wrote:
She probably OD’d on chocolate again.
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Or maybe she did bust her new PT’s balls, and it ended in sexy results?