But why would he want to chase after someone who abandoned him when he was depressed and needed support?
Oh and also thinking more about online dating :
Iāve been on and off it for YEARS, with zero good experiences. Tinder was all travel obsessed dudes whose interests included patio beers and not too much else.
Plenty of fish was a lot of āhey you seem great so Iāll be honest I have a cuckholding fetish.ā
Like I just cannot be on there anymore it made me feel less hopeful and also perhaps question my sexuality a bit ā¦
I know I have anxiety and self esteem issues, but Iām all around a pretty outgoing, quirky girl and I donāt understand why i fail at this over and over again.
My therapist of course thinks I go after emotionally unavailable men because my dad is completely void of all emotion and has never expressed a single feeling aside from anxiety induced irritability , but that insight didnt really help much , I still just fall for who I fall for in hopes it will be different
I was thinking about this in the car yesterday and wonder if youāre leading with the quirky, childlike you, and drawing immature types, or guys who see an easy mark. Then when the adult you comes out - to get offended by their treatment of you, probably - they get all freaked out and vicious to put you back in your place.
What if you saved the quirky part of yourself until later, and led with the adult you? The career-advancing, dedicated gym-goer, devoted mother you. Get to know people a little. I have my weird history, but save it for people I like and am coming to know very well. āHigh school dropout seeking smart, thoughtful man for travel and patio beersā would probably not get me the same class of men as āaccomplished me seeking accomplished you.ā Men meet a friendly, funny me. Smart, curious. They donāt learn until much later how really sickly curious I am, how dark my humor can be, or that I argue with incels and menās rights activists online for fun.
Eh, they just donāt know what to say or how to say it and they figure thatās what women want. Did you watch the Hacked Online Dating vid? What if you did what she did, but instead of taking out all the boring academic achievement stuff like she had to, you took out the stuff that makes you seem charming when people know more about you, but might read like youāre an odd 12-year-old boy without knowing you? Most men your age will like gaming. Let it be a happy surprise, not the thing that hooks them.
Also, whatās wrong with travel and patio beers? Open yourself to other things and maybe the guys will, too. Like in the video, look for someone who meets your HIGHER priorities - someone warm and safe and kind, someone you can settle in with and nestle into. Donāt worry about whether he dresses in costumes - the guy who meets requirements for sense of humor and kindness will be game to try things.
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Because (and for the love of whatever god, I cannot understand why) most dudes want want they cant have.
Also youāre clearly willing to still be there for him. Alcoholics see that shit like blood in the water.
Also, regarding your follow up: @EmilyQ isā¦ infinitely more eloquent in her wording, and pretty on point. Iād also like to elaborate on something from the dudes perspective:
Were all pretty damn similar when it comes to interests. Most guys are either fairly apathetic emotionally, or weirdly overly clingy and emotional. Not so much inbetween, which is where women tend to sit. But I can and generally do get along with pretty much every single guy Iāve met, and always find plenty of common ground. However there is a large, and growing list of women Iāve met that I simply cant relate to AT ALL. Even my current SO. We share 2 main interests: Videogames, and art. However we play 2 totally different kinds of games, and neither one of us draw. But our ācommon interestā I would say, has to be our perception of the world. Weāre both uninclined politically, weāre not religious, we both hold people solely accountable for their own actions and position in life, we both have a strong sense of what is simply morally right, weāre both very self entertaining and dont need eachother around constantlyā¦ what Iām saying is that our ācommon interestsā are more in our mannerisms, world views, and mental grasp of our own livesā¦ not so much in the activity department. It allows us to have an infinite number of conversations, and very few fights because of it; even if weāre not necessarily DOING anything.
Anyways, I guess the whole takeaway is similar to Emilyās: common interests are important, but they may not be what you expect, as well as you might just find NEW common interests.
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I have no problem opening up my lifestyle to try new things, but not to encompass things I knowingly despise.
If he plays a sport I donāt play, awesome. Iāll watch and listen to him talk about it.
If he likes art, great weāll go to museums and Iāll look at his paintings.
But I do not drink, and I do not travel. I hate both of those things and Iām not going to attempt to build a relationship with someone who is clearly looking for someone to partake in those activities on a regular basis .
Some of them literally say if you dont like travelling donāt waste my time, lol .
Nothing is wrong with those things , if you love them, great, but they arenāt for me.
Haha I know exactly what youāre talking about!
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Not drinking? Awesome!
Refusing to travel ever? Why? Have you ever left the country? Just curious.
I have when I was younger with my family, I just donāt enjoy it.
Not my cup of tea I guess, I dunno. Itās not for everyone.
I dont mind a couple days up at a national park going hiking, that I can get behind. But anything beyond that no thank you.
āLove to travelā just sounds like dating profile pretentiousness to me. Sort of a more artful way of saying āI have lots of money and free timeā without looking like a liar. Granted, some people do, but that is not entirely common.
Or, could mean they travel for work a lot.
Unless itās accompanied by a lot of location specific pics, I wouldnāt pay it much mind.
Right. Love to travel does not equal have thousands to spend on travel each year.
But as far as meeting people, I think itās probably difficult to understand and almost certainly off-putting to hear āI donāt like to travel, PERIOD.ā Itās like saying āI donāt like food,ā or āI donāt like exercise.ā Really? None of it? It just sounds really closed and narrow.
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Not really the same thing as not liking food, itās a hobby or a passion not something you need to do in order to survive.
I simply just dont like it, dont have any desire to do it, and I honestly dont feel thereās anything wrong with that.
I live and breathe the gym, some people never want to set foot in there. Just a matter of preference.
And most of the profiles do have endless pictures with monkeys and exotic photo locations so it does give the sense that itās a very important thing in their life, otherwise it would be easier to disregard
No, itās like food in that you DO travel - to work, to the gym, to the store - you just choose, apparently, not to do it for pleasure or to anywhere interesting. So itās a fair analogy to food. āI pretty much eat grilled cheese and ramen noodles, sometimes chips or whatever. I just donāt like anything else. Whatās wrong with that? If other people like a well-cooked steak and garden-fresh tomatoes, thatās their thing. Doesnāt make it right or good. Just a preference.ā
But itās not just preference. Itās a limitation of some sort, depending on what motivates it. And that makes it something that is being noted by potential dates or mates or whatever, and it makes it something that may be worth another look by you.
But hey, if people are going to the rain forest to be photographed with monkeys, I totally get not wanting to go!
But it IS my preference. I enjoy every single day I have off doing all of my favourite things.
I love sleeping in my own bed, eating my own food. Going to my gym, getting massages going for walks with my mom and random things with my son.
I donāt need to travel anywhere to find more fulfillment in my life.
Some people have the travel bug, some people are homebodys. Nothing wrong with either type of person.
When I book time off I think oh yay! Iām going to do this and this and that and whatever else. It thrills me. And Iām planning on going no where.
Itās a very safe anodyne statement for a dating profile as very few people will strongly disagree with it. Better that than writing that youāre a taxidermy enthusiast.
Iāve said that I love traveling to literally every woman Iāve ever met or dated, including my wife. It was nice way to keep the conversation flow going with her āoh really, whatās the weirdest place youāve ever been toā question and to show off my sense of humor and storytelling skills.
But when a girl Iād gone out on a date with countered with āletās go backpacking through Moroccoā my answer was a resounding āha ha fuck noā. So much for my love of traveling.
Very few people actually enjoy traveling. Sure, they way enjoy visiting new places and seeing new things, but the process is uncomfortable, tiresome and with long spells of boredom.
So the OP should take it for what it is - a safe conversation starter and do not exclude candidates based on their professed love for traveling.
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Sure. I mean, technically I love to travel. Exotic places, classical European architecture, all or that wonderful stuff.
I just donāt have the time, money, or inclination.
I love Ren and Stimpy too, but you donāt see me turning into an animated cat, do you? 
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Ding ding ding.
Thereās a big difference from someone who tries to go somewhere every chance they get vs someone who āloves to travelā like me, which means one or two getaways per year and a few scattered distant family visits. I pay a lot for my home, I like to enjoy it.
@Spock81 Itās one of those phrases you just canāt read into too much, especially on something like a dating site. Letās say you go out on a date with someone who ālikes to travelā, as per their profile. Your worst fears are realized. The dude really likes to travel. A LOT.
Dump him and move on. Heāll be fine. He travels a lot, after all.
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Last time I ātraveledā was to see A Day Out With Thomas over on the other side of PA.
We stayed at a brand new Hilton Blue, and the bed was absolutely phenomenal!
And the shampoo and body wash were this awesome fresh lemony scent. And flavor. I had to check. Iām a little odd too.
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I like home best, too. Iām off to a training on Wednesday that will take me most of the way across the country to a place Iāve never been, and Iām more anxious than excited, honestly, even though Iāll have a nice family visit while Iām there. I know Iāll enjoy getting to know a different place and eating food I canāt get near home. There are just a lot of moving parts on this one, and Iāve become over reliant on my travels-constantly husband, who wonāt be with me, to manage details. Plus, I like my bed, I like my bath products, I like to control my diet.
However, I do say with honesty that I like to travel, because under the right circumstances itās the absolute best. The right circumstances are individual, but for me include that my husband or another seasoned traveler is present (strong preference for him), that I go to a cool place according only to myself, and that accommodations are at least close to what Iām leaving behind in terms of comfort and quality.
Exactly.
And exactly.
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I could never travel with you, or put up with anyone who shares your preferences. I need me a woman who likes to sleep in an improvised wilderness shelter for days on end, where hygiene isnāt a priority and we claim our own food from the land.
But thereās only one Margie the bush pilot around these parts, and sheās been spoken for.
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She meets all your criteriaā¦
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