[quote]MrZsasz wrote:
The get married thing sounds all romantic on the face of it but I dunno.
I mean, if a dying person asks their girlfriend to marry them and she says No, well, then folks will say she is heartless bitch who didn’t stand by her man. If she says Yes, they will say that she is a martyr and a golddigger. No win situation.
I would always wonder if the Yes was out of love or just because she felt it was the right thing to do. Like when you see people getting married because somebody got knocked up. And then the divorce fairy comes to visit a few years later…
Damn, I am really taking away from the magical feel of the other suggestions. Quick, Renton, say something poetic and heart-warming.[/quote]
LOL - No you have some very valid points. There is always the percieved risk of emotional blackmail etc.
Having said that…
As far as folks saying she is a heartless bitch if she says no, why should they if nobody ever found out?
The question in this scenario would be asked privately anyway so nobody else needs to know.
If we are talking about Cork (hope you don’t mind mate) - he has been with his girl for 8 years. I’m sure they are both in a relationship stable enough to handle talking about this kind of thing without emotional blackmail coming into it.
As I said in my PM that Cork posted here, if I were in that position and just wanted a hand to hold then no, I wouldn’t consider getting married. If I’d already thought about asking her and the time had never been right, then I’d do it.
The worry you mention about her saying yes simply because she thinks it’s the right thing to do, at least in this case, is unfounded. Anyone who’s been in aa relationship for that long must be able to communicate well enough to not feel the need to do things because “it’s the right thing to do”
All in all though, we are talking about two extremes, getting married or splitting up. There is of course the middle ground which is simply to carry on in the relationship as it is and still go through this together.
Being married won’t really change anything.
I did speak to a friend this morning who had been in a similar situation. Her and her guy got married shortly before he became properly ill. She is now living her life with a huge smile and happy memories of her guy. Married or simply staying together for the duration would be my choice. After all, my girl would be heartbroken that I dumped her, then heartbroken even more when the inevitable happened. If she’s dedicated enough to be with me for that long, I think she deserves a say in it at least.
It’s a tough call in any direction.
