Oi - whilst true that’s still hurtful 
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Between Brighton and Worthing, but close enough.
Absolutely. It’s 10 minutes, no equipment, no excuses.
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That doesn’t make it any less real, I can tell you from hard experience.
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I agree.
It feels like it should be easier to fix because your mind is something you should have complete control over, but I find external stress much easier to deal with.
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I’ve been feeling stress too. Even thinking about it in my sleep. Over what? For me, it’s these little side jobs I keep picking up. I think they’re a good idea as I may someday grow a small side hustle into a primary job; but for right now they take up so much time and energy and make such little money compared to my day job, which is easy and relatively low-stress (for me).
I don’t know what yours is over but I wish you the best in waiting it out/working through it, these things always come and go!
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Honestly? I think mine is a mini-midlife crisis. Just turned 35, very obviously balding and am finding it very difficult to transition to “the middle aged dad” because its so totally at odds with my mental image of myself.
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35? No kidding?
I was 40 when I had my son. Still took/takes some getting used to.
I always look back and weigh it out. It would have been easier in some ways when I was younger and more energetic, but now I’m infinitely more well equipped to raise a good kid.
But behind this facade of peppered grey hair and Buddha belly is a pornstar deltaseal scienceologist. (<- knows a lot about almost everything).
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I really struggle with aging too. Mentally I don’t think I’ve matured at all since I was 13,
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I’m 33 with 4 kids. And things are… very different now from when I was 18-25. I barely remember that life.
You are fully entitled to midlife crises. Hell, you can even have another one once your youngest is out of the house (I’m guessing that’s another 16 years or so for you?)
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It will surprise few to hear that I feel the same.
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This, ironically enough, is dangerous thinking. The mind will do all kinds of crazy crap without you even being aware. You experience reality with a satellite delay: your brain is constantly processing and filtering what “you” experience, primarily as a means to defend you from reality, as it’s far too bleak and terrifying for us to deal with “all at once”.
We can control how we REACT to what the mind does, but the mind itself, at best, can be steered.
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@Cyrrex I didn’t know you knew @boyce79 when he was 13.
@jdm135 my youngest is 3, so 16 years probably isn’t too far off. Although they’re both having a bit of separation anxiety going back to nursery/school so we get told quite a lot that they’re never leaving us, ever, ever, ever.
I’m fully aware I have to do the transition, it’s just taking a lot of my mental bandwidth to rewrite my narrative of “who I am”. Probably something that should have been done slowly, over years rather than trying to do it crash course style.
@boyce79 any man that tries to tell you a well timed fart isn’t funny can’t be trusted.
@SkyzykS I know, right? I can’t believe it either. For what it’s worth, you seem to be doing a pretty awesome job as a dad so keep it up.
@T3hPwnisher like JM Blakelys elephant and rider metaphor? I really like that, I don’t know why it slipped my mind. I’ll think on that.
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Being a whole 18 months older (well I assume as I’m 36 so its about there) I have been going through this recently. Right down to having to shave my head as I was thinning out so bad.
It gets easier. Well - I quit my good job, I’m working on changing profession and I’ve taken up competing in strong man shows to deal with my mid life crisis.
But don’t over stress about it. Figure out what is making you unhappy, change it.
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I’m getting to close to 50, and I can tell you this image of yourself doesn’t go away. I still feel like I fit right in with 20 year olds in the gym, only when I see myself in the mirror do I realize “Oh yeah, I’m much older than them.” Also, when I turned 40 I shaved my head, which helps visually with the balding thing.
I remember back in my mid 30’s, people would say “You’ll need to stop training so hard. You’re getting older”. Glad I didn’t listen to them.
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About to turn 57 here, and I think I was 32 when I started shaving my head. The worst part is that I wasn’t going bald at the time, I did it on a whim after filing for divorce from my first wife, and a few years later when I decided to grow it back, it just wasn’t all there anymore…
I’ll echo what some others have said, that you never stop feeling like who you are on the inside, no matter how much you change on the outside. I’m more happy with myself now than I was in my teens/twenties and thirties, though. The payoff was great when I went to my 35th high school reunion weighing 80lb more than I did when I graduated, most of that muscle, and I was definitely the healthiest and strongest person in the room. Not that some of my peers haven’t done well for themselves or taken care of themselves, but there was a clear difference.
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Wouldn’t that be nice, eh? I have made the mistake of thinking that way a lot of times and I’m sure I will make it again but it is just objectively not the case.
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A few years back (2012) I had counseling. I was told that rather than control our minds - the best we can do is understand them.
In understanding them we can know our motivations. Why we do things that are either good or bad for us. If we know our motivations we can start to rationalise our reactions. And that puts us at ease “most” of the time.
Luckily for me I’m on the ASD spectrum and this leads to me being quiet self aware apparently. It is a common trait. Which is why my session went really well.
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I’m not quite there yet. It’s definitely going, but I reckon I’ve got a year or two left before it has to go.
Whats the new gig?
Changing professions is definitely on the cards for me, but a few bigger fish to fry first.
Thats pretty much what I’m doing. I still have bad days, but I’ve always had bad days. That’s not a 35 thing, that’s been true for as long as I remember.
You can very much compete with all the 20 year odds at my (ex)gym
This is what I’m trying to work on. And I think, once I make the adjustments, I can be much happier as a 40 year old than as a 30 year old. It definitely plays to my strengths much better.
I’m hoping I can gently guide myself in the right direction.
Thats a useful thought process. Thank you for sharing.
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I’m chaining from civil engineering manager (site / project management) to becoming an ambulance driver and the paramedic.
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Wow that’s a hell of a transition!
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