Yet Another Girl Question

Off Topic
41

[/quote]
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her. Its her agreeing to a date that annoys me. I would have rather her just say she’s not interested.

42

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:

[/quote]
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her.[/quote]

Man, I’m 36 and single. The last guy you should listen to. But the fact that she knew you for so long and you weren’t overtly pursuing her puts you in the friendzone, which is harder to escape than Stalag 17. But if you had been pursuing her, you’d have gotten yourself fired. So this was a catch 22 from the get-go.

But, here’s a tip, when she cancelled you’re date, you shouldn’t have taken her or it very seriously. “Lame” or “Whatever” is a good response. You haven’t married her yet, she’s not the mother of your children. Don’t treat her as someone important until she’s earned that.

43

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:
Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her. Its her agreeing to a date that annoys me. I would have rather her just say she’s not interested.[/quote]

If only life was that simple where women say exactly “yes” and follow through or “no” right off the bat so the guy knows exactly where he stands.

She could’ve said “yes” just to avoid unpleasantries.

She may have thought it was a good idea at the time but later changed her mind.

There’s many variations on the above two but it’s not worth getting upset over. And I stand by my first post here that it was classless of her to not at least give the courtesy of an explanation (even if it’s just a fib) or an apology. Common courtesy just ain’t so common these days.

For future reference, you should work on gaining respect from the women you interact with. And do the same with men. Women prize a man who is held in high regard by other men.

I disagree that you have to make a move (in the traditional sense) or the woman will relegate you as an undesirable. Maybe this applies with the low rent women out there.

I’m in situations frequently where it’s understood that professionalism is rule #1. But that doesn’t mean I won’t let women know, in the subtlest manner possible, that I’m an E ticket ride. You can flirt without flirting. You can attract without trying to be attractive.

If the woman is smart enough, she’ll know that you, as the supervisor, can’t act on any romantic feelings because this is a mine field. Once she quits or gets fired (if by you, then forget it!), you just might use that respect you earned as a stepping stone.

Just know that if you develop the reputation for hitting on all hot women AFTER they quit, that’s also fraught with danger.

44

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:
Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation?[/quote]

Maybe, and probably, respectively.

As soon as you had her number and showed you were interested, and she reciprocated, I’d have acted sooner. Do something right then, or later that night. Once you solidified that interest… then sure, you can leave her waiting a week.

I think you may have just missed the window of opportunity. Basically, you need to stoke the fire before it goes out.

(Just my take.)

“it obviously meant nothing to her” is a faulty conclusion. You actually don’t know that, and she might have been legitimately interested at the time. Kind of irrelevant in this case, but it can burn you in a relationship if you use that kind of reasoning.

Also, agreeing and then flaking out is easier (for her) than straight up rejecting you.

As a guy, the “right” thing to do is to be honest and upfront about things. As a girl, well, her concept of right/wrong are going to be quite a bit different than yours.

45

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:

[/quote]
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her.[/quote]

Man, I’m 36 and single. The last guy you should listen to. But the fact that she knew you for so long and you weren’t overtly pursuing her puts you in the friendzone, which is harder to escape than Stalag 17. But if you had been pursuing her, you’d have gotten yourself fired. So this was a catch 22 from the get-go.

But, here’s a tip, when she cancelled you’re date, you shouldn’t have taken her or it very seriously. “Lame” or “Whatever” is a good response. You haven’t married her yet, she’s not the mother of your children. Don’t treat her as someone important until she’s earned that.[/quote]

The best response is from KrauserPUA, he waits for 48 hours and then responds with “OK”.

Nothing else.

46

I would say congratulations on not pursuing an female you supervise. No woman is worth losing your livelihood over. Just regroup and find another woman. No biggie.

47

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:

[/quote]
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her.[/quote]

Man, I’m 36 and single. The last guy you should listen to. But the fact that she knew you for so long and you weren’t overtly pursuing her puts you in the friendzone, which is harder to escape than Stalag 17. But if you had been pursuing her, you’d have gotten yourself fired. So this was a catch 22 from the get-go.

But, here’s a tip, when she cancelled you’re date, you shouldn’t have taken her or it very seriously. “Lame” or “Whatever” is a good response. You haven’t married her yet, she’s not the mother of your children. Don’t treat her as someone important until she’s earned that.[/quote]

The best response is from KrauserPUA, he waits for 48 hours and then responds with “OK”.

Nothing else. [/quote]

Meh. That’s ok, but I see arbitrarily waiting 48 hours is weak. A lot of PUAs prescribe arbitrary timelines to their disciples, like 3 days before texting after you get a number, etc. If you do that you don’t have game but the simulacrum of game. If a girl texts you, text her back when it’s convenient for you, that might be in 5 minutes or 5 hours. Because you’re a man and you’ve got things to do and your life doesn’t revolve around your stupid phone.

Waiting 48 hours makes it seem like he was actually either waiting for her to change her mind or reschedule, or worse, sitting around trying to come up with a witty reply. If you texted me 2 days ago and for whatever reason I just now saw that you texted me I wouldn’t even bother to reply at this point.

48

[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
I would say congratulations on not pursuing an female you supervise. No woman is worth losing your livelihood over. Just regroup and find another woman. No biggie. [/quote]

Thanks. Yeah, I try to stay classy.

49

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:
Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation?[/quote]

Maybe, and probably, respectively.

As soon as you had her number and showed you were interested, and she reciprocated, I’d have acted sooner. Do something right then, or later that night. Once you solidified that interest… then sure, you can leave her waiting a week.

I think you may have just missed the window of opportunity. Basically, you need to stoke the fire before it goes out.

(Just my take.)

[/quote]

Waiting a week was bad form, but the timing was bad. I only had one chance to ask her out because my job has me moving around. I scheduled the date on her last day so HR couldn’t destroy me. But, whatever, its all done now. Gotta move on. Maybe SonofWolf is right and she could smell the beta on me…or the fact that I buy my own food.

50

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:

…or the fact that I buy my own food. [/quote]

heh

51

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:

[/quote]
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her.[/quote]

Man, I’m 36 and single. The last guy you should listen to. But the fact that she knew you for so long and you weren’t overtly pursuing her puts you in the friendzone, which is harder to escape than Stalag 17. But if you had been pursuing her, you’d have gotten yourself fired. So this was a catch 22 from the get-go.

But, here’s a tip, when she cancelled you’re date, you shouldn’t have taken her or it very seriously. “Lame” or “Whatever” is a good response. You haven’t married her yet, she’s not the mother of your children. Don’t treat her as someone important until she’s earned that.[/quote]

The best response is from KrauserPUA, he waits for 48 hours and then responds with “OK”.

Nothing else. [/quote]

Meh. That’s ok, but I see arbitrarily waiting 48 hours is weak. A lot of PUAs prescribe arbitrary timelines to their disciples, like 3 days before texting after you get a number, etc. If you do that you don’t have game but the simulacrum of game. If a girl texts you, text her back when it’s convenient for you, that might be in 5 minutes or 5 hours. Because you’re a man and you’ve got things to do and your life doesn’t revolve around your stupid phone.

Waiting 48 hours makes it seem like he was actually either waiting for her to change her mind or reschedule, or worse, sitting around trying to come up with a witty reply. If you texted me 2 days ago and for whatever reason I just now saw that you texted me I wouldn’t even bother to reply at this point.
[/quote]

I hear what you are saying and I agree with you that if you are only approaching a few women per week/month the “arbitrary” waiting period is unnecessary.

I’ve found that when you are approaching twenty women a night, four nights a week the waiting period is a necessary time management tool - it weeds out the women you didn’t make an impression on and allows you to focus on the ones that actually remember the initial interaction and were attracted.

At this point, you are using canned lines, canned texts and pretty much following a plan until you get the date (at which time you can showcase your personality in a more natural way). But until then, with a large volume of prospects, it’s just paint by numbers.

Some people disagree with this approach, some really like it. I’ve done it as an intellectual exercise, but personally, FOR ME, I prefer quality over quantity. That’s not to say you can’t find quality when you play the numbers game, it’s just that you are overwhelmed by the sheer number of women you are dealing with, and you just don’t give a fuck. This attitude HELPS with the hot bar sluts, but it tends to turn off women of quality - their player instincts get triggered (and rightfully so) and they shut you down. But if it’s notches on the bed post you seek, then waiting periods is a proven strategy with a high volume approach.

52

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
At this point, you are using canned lines, canned texts and pretty much following a plan until you get the date (at which time you can showcase your personality in a more natural way). But until then, with a large volume of prospects, it’s just paint by numbers.

Some people disagree with this approach, some really like it. I’ve done it as an intellectual exercise, but personally, FOR ME, I prefer quality over quantity. That’s not to say you can’t find quality when you play the numbers game, it’s just that you are overwhelmed by the sheer number of women you are dealing with, and you just don’t give a fuck. This attitude HELPS with the hot bar sluts, but it tends to turn off women of quality - their player instincts get triggered (and rightfully so) and they shut you down. But if it’s notches on the bed post you seek, then waiting periods is a proven strategy with a high volume approach.[/quote]

Obviously you enjoy what you’re doing and you’re successful at it. And without a doubt, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of quality experiences.

Do you see yourself eventually “settling down” to some degree?

53

[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
I must admit growing up before there were cellphones and texting, it was completely different when you were trying to date or go out with a girl. [/quote]

You and me both. (and the way it is nowadays is much, much better)

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I agree with you, except for the part about it being unhelpful. Saying she flaked is just another way of saying it’s not you it’s her, don’t dwell on it. Even though he made a few mistakes, he was her supervisor and had to be careful. [/quote]

Yeah, I just singled out that point to advance the discussion.

As you mentioned - when a dude focuses on anything related to being butthurt (granted, such ego-defense responses are understandable) in this context, nothing positive is gained.

[quote]FrankCastle wrote:
Any pointers? Did I screw up by going too slow or maybe I misread the situation? I do think I probably put too much importance on her giving me her number, it obviously meant nothing to her. Its her agreeing to a date that annoys me. I would have rather her just say she’s not interested.[/quote]

Like everyone has said, either her interest fizzled or she was just being polite the first time around. Either way, don’t let it annoy you simply because it’s gonna keep happening. Ideally, you embrace the 10-40% conversion rate by having a rolling pipeline of prospects.

Another tip is to utilize coffee/lunch/afternoon timing for “first dates” as often as possible. Evening/nighttime stuff adds an extra dimension that can be awkward for a first meetup (unless strong interest/rapport has been already established, obv)

-edited-

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[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
At this point, you are using canned lines, canned texts and pretty much following a plan until you get the date (at which time you can showcase your personality in a more natural way). But until then, with a large volume of prospects, it’s just paint by numbers.

Some people disagree with this approach, some really like it. I’ve done it as an intellectual exercise, but personally, FOR ME, I prefer quality over quantity. That’s not to say you can’t find quality when you play the numbers game, it’s just that you are overwhelmed by the sheer number of women you are dealing with, and you just don’t give a fuck. This attitude HELPS with the hot bar sluts, but it tends to turn off women of quality - their player instincts get triggered (and rightfully so) and they shut you down. But if it’s notches on the bed post you seek, then waiting periods is a proven strategy with a high volume approach.[/quote]

Obviously you enjoy what you’re doing and you’re successful at it. And without a doubt, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of quality experiences.

Do you see yourself eventually “settling down” to some degree?[/quote]

I doubt it. I’ve been married twice, have two awesome sons as a result, and I am 40 years old… I don’t feel the need to “start over” again and try to find the fairy tale - I’ve already taken the “red pill”.

Now I am generally not opposed to being in a monogamous relationship - I’ve had several recently. But between those, I’ve had plenty of fun. I guess it depends how you define “settling down”. For me, my goal is to earn as much loot as I can in the next 15 years, stay in the best physical shape that I can and retire when I’m 56, collect my pension and sail around the world on in a Hans Christian 48’ sailboat having awesome adventures and playing with exotic local talent. After I’m too old for that, I have some remote property that I’ll retire to and enjoy the rest of my days writing memoirs and reading philosophy/history and shit.

The caveat is that I have a few irons in the fire, business-wise. If one of those ventures takes off (and several have the potential to do so), then I could be looking at a whole different life scenario, goal adjustments and options. But the end game will be the same. I don’t need a woman in order to “settle down”, I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin. But if one comes along that meets or exceeds my expectations, I suppose I could call that a bonus. But it’s not something I’m counting on or planning for.

55

Ok, somewhat of an update: I have a friend I work with who had texted this same girl about a video game they both play. She never responded to him either, so I’m guessing this isn’t personal. She always seemed shy most of the time, maybe she’s anti-social. So anyway, thanks for all the advice. Hopefully the next girl I meet works out better.

56

Anti-social? Does she set fire to puppies?

Looking for validation from other people is a sure way to smash your confidence. What if she didn’t like you or your friend? Does then thatmake it personal and suddenly worth bitching over?

Not everyone you are into is going to be into you and it is very much personal. Deal with it and find someone who IS into you.

57

I don’t think I’m ever getting married. I would enjoy a wife-like entity, but I don’t think it’s for me.

58

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I don’t think I’m ever getting married. I would enjoy a wife-like entity, but I don’t think it’s for me.[/quote]

There is a guy on just4guys named obsidian who has his own separate (but equal!!, sorry, I am an ass…) blog that deals with the black mans woes in todays climate…

Dude…

I am sorry…

It aint purdy, apparently…

59

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I don’t think I’m ever getting married. I would enjoy a wife-like entity, but I don’t think it’s for me.[/quote]

There is a guy on just4guys named obsidian who has his own separate (but equal!!, sorry, I am an ass…) blog that deals with the black mans woes in todays climate…

Dude…

I am sorry…

It aint purdy, apparently…[/quote]
I don’t know. I just don’t like the permanence of the decision.

60

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Do you see yourself eventually “settling down” to some degree?[/quote]

I doubt it. I’ve been married twice, have two awesome sons as a result, and I am 40 years old… I don’t feel the need to “start over” again and try to find the fairy tale - I’ve already taken the “red pill”.

Now I am generally not opposed to being in a monogamous relationship - I’ve had several recently. But between those, I’ve had plenty of fun. I guess it depends how you define “settling down”. For me, my goal is to earn as much loot as I can in the next 15 years, stay in the best physical shape that I can and retire when I’m 56, collect my pension and sail around the world on in a Hans Christian 48’ sailboat having awesome adventures and playing with exotic local talent. After I’m too old for that, I have some remote property that I’ll retire to and enjoy the rest of my days writing memoirs and reading philosophy/history and shit.

The caveat is that I have a few irons in the fire, business-wise. If one of those ventures takes off (and several have the potential to do so), then I could be looking at a whole different life scenario, goal adjustments and options. But the end game will be the same. I don’t need a woman in order to “settle down”, I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin. But if one comes along that meets or exceeds my expectations, I suppose I could call that a bonus. But it’s not something I’m counting on or planning for. [/quote]

I was vague on the question, but that pretty much answers what I was asking. Sounds like quite a plan too.