Why Do Men Get Married These Days?

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401

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Er, the sluts, male and female alike.
[/quote]

I dunno what value they provide to the world lol?

But they’re viewed very differently in terms of their desirability as partners.

[/quote]

First, let me state for the record that I have no issue with promiscuous women. If meaningless sex is for them, then God bless.

But I don’t think their promiscuity is impressive or desirable - a “hot” woman pulling the top guy at a bar has nothing for me to envy. No offense, but I don’t think a guy who prides himself on being able to pull hot women at bars is particularly desirable either, regardless of income or looks.

You distinguish between them (men/women) because it suits you to do so.

[/quote]

No, its different.

You dont get respect for being able to break an egg with a hammer, which is more or less what a slut is doing.

You get respect, albeit mostly in the form of envy, if you pull something off that most men cant, which is what a stud is doing. [/quote]

I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off.

402

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Er, the sluts, male and female alike.
[/quote]

I dunno what value they provide to the world lol?

But they’re viewed very differently in terms of their desirability as partners.

[/quote]

First, let me state for the record that I have no issue with promiscuous women. If meaningless sex is for them, then God bless.

But I don’t think their promiscuity is impressive or desirable - a “hot” woman pulling the top guy at a bar has nothing for me to envy. No offense, but I don’t think a guy who prides himself on being able to pull hot women at bars is particularly desirable either, regardless of income or looks.

You distinguish between them (men/women) because it suits you to do so.

[/quote]

No, its different.

You dont get respect for being able to break an egg with a hammer, which is more or less what a slut is doing.

You get respect, albeit mostly in the form of envy, if you pull something off that most men cant, which is what a stud is doing. [/quote]

I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

You’re not off base at all.

403

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

I don’t know. You find a “good woman,” and she’s had thirty (maybe more) sexual partners before you. You’ve had one or two. You have to wonder, at that point, why is she settling down with you? Is it really because, having reached partner number thirty-one, she’s found the person who ticks off all the boxes - with someone who has much less sexual and relationship experience?

Knowing that your partner had and has many more options available to her is a power imbalance. In that situation some guys will feel lucky. Others will wonder if there’s something else going on.

404

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

I don’t know. You find a “good woman,” and she’s had thirty (maybe more) sexual partners before you. You’ve had one or two. You have to wonder, at that point, why is she settling down with you? Is it really because, having reached partner number thirty-one, she’s found the person who ticks off all the boxes - with someone who has much less sexual and relationship experience?

Knowing that your partner had and has many more options available to her is a power imbalance. In that situation some guys will feel lucky. Others will wonder if there’s something else going on.[/quote]

I’m trying to follow you. Are we imagining a woman of thirty who has had two partners per year for fifteen years? In which case I would question her ability to maintain a long term relationship, just as I would her male counterpart. Did she spend several years in a relationship and then came out to rack up a dozen partners in a couple of years? Is she thirty-five and has had a combination of longish relationships and short ones? (But thirty of them?) Is she twenty-five? (Lot of partners! Is that common, do you think?)

At any rate, I suppose a broke-ass woman who has a sudden shift in priorities when she meets a man with assets might be suspect, but a woman with a career and some assets of her own? I would say yes, she’s found the man she wants to settle down with. And then who cares about power imbalances? Which frankly I don’t see - women are told it’s wrong to have too many partners, so she would more likely feel inferior.

405

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I’m trying to follow you. Are we imagining a woman of thirty who has had two partners per year for fifteen years? In which case I would question her ability to maintain a long term relationship, just as I would her male counterpart. Did she spend several years in a relationship and then came out to rack up a dozen partners in a couple of years? Is she thirty-five and has had a combination of longish relationships and short ones? (But thirty of them?) Is she twenty-five? (Lot of partners! Is that common, do you think?)
[/quote]

You can pick whatever scenario you feel works best for your argument. I don’t know what’s common or uncommon, but I extrapolate from what my more worldly friends tell me. Fourteen previous partners for a reasonably attractive woman aged 25-30 is about average, from what I hear. And this is from people who are not ascribing any judgment to that number. Checking against the CDC statistics, 21.3% of women aged 30-34 had between 7 and 14 partners, and 13.4% had 15 or more.

I wasn’t thinking in terms of a gold digger. I was thinking of the seemingly more benign and more common scenario of a woman dating guys she finds exciting and attractive until it is time to find someone stable to raise a family with.

Maybe you are right that she would feel inferior, but I understand the feeling behind the saying “if the kitten didn’t want me, I don’t want the cat.” Perhaps that is just men projecting their own sexual fantasies onto women who actually regret or didn’t enjoy their promiscuity. There’s probably some truth to the idea that “men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love,” so many women had sex with cads they thought they could change. But for the man at the end of the line, he still might consider that he was not, and probably would not have been, her first choice.

406

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

I don’t know. You find a “good woman,” and she’s had thirty (maybe more) sexual partners before you. You’ve had one or two. You have to wonder, at that point, why is she settling down with you? Is it really because, having reached partner number thirty-one, she’s found the person who ticks off all the boxes - with someone who has much less sexual and relationship experience?

Knowing that your partner had and has many more options available to her is a power imbalance. In that situation some guys will feel lucky. Others will wonder if there’s something else going on.[/quote]

Women ALWAYS have more “options” available to them. Whether or not they exercise those options is another matter…

The reason sluts settle down is not a mystery. Eventually they realize that their looks will fade and they need to stop riding the cock carrousel, and latch onto some poor shmuck before that happens. Not really sure why you’d think she would hold more power. She’s clinging to you bro. No body else respects her enough to keep her around. The question you gotta ask yourself is why do you?

407

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

The reason sluts settle down is not a mystery. Eventually they realize that their looks will fade and they need to stop riding the cock carrousel, and latch onto some poor shmuck before that happens. Not really sure why you’d think she would hold more power. She’s clinging to you bro. No body else respects her enough to keep her around. The question you gotta ask yourself is why do you?[/quote]

are you me?

408

Or you could marry a virgin. In spite of all those people who think human traditions must be wrong, it’s actually a pretty good strategy.

409

Given the wealth of opportunities presented to women, I think a total of 14 partners shows remarkable restraint.

410

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

I don’t know. You find a “good woman,” and she’s had thirty (maybe more) sexual partners before you. You’ve had one or two. You have to wonder, at that point, why is she settling down with you? Is it really because, having reached partner number thirty-one, she’s found the person who ticks off all the boxes - with someone who has much less sexual and relationship experience?

Knowing that your partner had and has many more options available to her is a power imbalance. In that situation some guys will feel lucky. Others will wonder if there’s something else going on.[/quote]

Women ALWAYS have more “options” available to them. Whether or not they exercise those options is another matter…

The reason sluts settle down is not a mystery. Eventually they realize that their looks will fade and they need to stop riding the cock carrousel, and latch onto some poor shmuck before that happens. Not really sure why you’d think she would hold more power. She’s clinging to you bro. No body else respects her enough to keep her around. The question you gotta ask yourself is why do you?[/quote]

This post is fraught with contradiction.

According to the 1st part of your post, “sluts” settle down completely of their own accord because they realize their looks will fade. Presumably, they were sleeping around of their own accord as they’ve made a conscious decision to stop. According to the last part of your post, no one else respected her enough to keep her around, which would mean said sluts weren’t sleeping around because they wanted to, but because no one else would keep them around.

This thread is full of much insecurity masked as some sort of new age wisdom. It’s really weird.

411

[quote]LankyMofo wrote: This thread […] is really weird.
[/quote]

nailed it.

412

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

This thread is full of much insecurity masked as some sort of new age wisdom. It’s really weird.
[/quote]

The widespread use of contraception has really changed modern dating.

Pope VI in the 1960’s talked about this:

"In his prophetic encyclical against contraception (Humanae Vitae, 1968), Pope Paul predicted that contraceptive use would encourage man to lose respect for woman, considering her “as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.”

So…is it really new age wisdom or rehashing something that use to be well known?

413

[quote]pushharder wrote:

Maybe. But it’s also a symbol of an empty old age.
[/quote]

I always thought this was largely a function of how much you care about your legacy.

If you care deeply then on your death bed you’ll want to be surrounded by your children and financial assets accumulated to pass onto them and their kids.

If you don’t care… will you still desire children and feel it as a symbol of empty old age?

414

[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:
Given the wealth of opportunities presented to women, I think a total of 14 partners shows remarkable restraint.[/quote]
That’s like saying, given the number of McDonald’s, someone 100lbs overweight shows remarkable restraint because they aren’t 200lbs overweight.

415

[quote]Silyak wrote:

[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:
Given the wealth of opportunities presented to women, I think a total of 14 partners shows remarkable restraint.[/quote]
That’s like saying, given the number of McDonald’s, someone 100lbs overweight shows remarkable restraint because they aren’t 200lbs overweight.
[/quote]

Not really. If it had anything to do with burgers it would be akin to people offering you burgers (some delicious, some wholesome, some low grade) everywhere you went, while you are always naturally a little bit hungry, and still not being overweight.

How many men do you know who, if they had several women coming on to them every day, would only have slept with 14 by the time they were 30?

416

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

The reason sluts settle down is not a mystery. Eventually they realize that their looks will fade and they need to stop riding the cock carrousel, and latch onto some poor shmuck before that happens. Not really sure why you’d think she would hold more power. She’s clinging to you bro. No body else respects her enough to keep her around. The question you gotta ask yourself is why do you?[/quote]

are you me?[/quote]

Nah. My opinions are based on experience and extensive field study. :stuck_out_tongue:

417

[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:

[quote]Silyak wrote:

[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:
Given the wealth of opportunities presented to women, I think a total of 14 partners shows remarkable restraint.[/quote]
That’s like saying, given the number of McDonald’s, someone 100lbs overweight shows remarkable restraint because they aren’t 200lbs overweight.
[/quote]

Not really. If it had anything to do with burgers it would be akin to people offering you burgers (some delicious, some wholesome, some low grade) everywhere you went, while you are always naturally a little bit hungry, and still not being overweight.

How many men do you know who, if they had several women coming on to them every day, would only have slept with 14 by the time they were 30?

[/quote]

You really think that the average woman under 30 has several men come onto her every day? That would require that the average man hit on multiple women each day (or some guys hitting on dozens of women a day). I’m not saying that those women don’t encounter multiple men each day that would have sex with them if propositioned, but most men aren’t that forward about it since they know that they’ll likely get shut down and socially shunned.

That aside, you also have to consider that if you have more options, you should be more picky. If someone offers you a free burger, you take it because that doesn’t happen very often. If you are offered free burgers on every corner, you’re likely going to hold out for five guys or whatsaburger.

418

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]jbpick86 wrote:

[quote]Yogi wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]therajraj wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

this is just another risk of getting married… you’re wife could turn into an obese slob who reeks of cigarettes, and has little consideration for her husband or family in general.
[/quote]

This is why dating around before you tie the knot is extremely important. Dating around not only helps you see with great clarity what your sexual desirability looks like, it also teaches you to recognize green and red flags.

if a chick is thin but food is a focus in her life as opposed to an accessory, chances are she’ll be fat within 10 years.[/quote]

I know your experience is vast, but I would argue just the opposite. Find a girl with a healthy appetite who isn’t afraid to exercise it publicly and you will find a girl with a healthy relationship to food, which translates to a healthy metabolism. Find a girl who simpers about “doesn’t eat very much, usually, just not hungry, really” and you have potentially found a secret binger.

Personally, I don’t entirely trust people who don’t enjoy tucking into a good burger or its equivalent now and then.[/quote]

Agreed.[/quote]

Also agreed. If I’m dating a hot chick and she orders a massive pizza and scrans the whole thing, I have to fight the urge to propose right there and then.

[/quote]

x3[/quote]

Huh. I think I may have finally figured out what accounts for my rather startling success with men. lol[/quote]
Yep first date with my now wife. She ate appetizers, dinner and dessert. She eats like a grown man, but works out like one also. [/quote]

I thought she did crossfit

419

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

[quote]Broncoandy wrote:

[quote]nephorm wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I would call it something that teenage boys and insecure men envy. I think most men would rather one good woman, but hey, what do I know? Maybe I’m way off. [/quote]

I don’t know. You find a “good woman,” and she’s had thirty (maybe more) sexual partners before you. You’ve had one or two. You have to wonder, at that point, why is she settling down with you? Is it really because, having reached partner number thirty-one, she’s found the person who ticks off all the boxes - with someone who has much less sexual and relationship experience?

Knowing that your partner had and has many more options available to her is a power imbalance. In that situation some guys will feel lucky. Others will wonder if there’s something else going on.[/quote]

Women ALWAYS have more “options” available to them. Whether or not they exercise those options is another matter…

The reason sluts settle down is not a mystery. Eventually they realize that their looks will fade and they need to stop riding the cock carrousel, and latch onto some poor shmuck before that happens. Not really sure why you’d think she would hold more power. She’s clinging to you bro. No body else respects her enough to keep her around. The question you gotta ask yourself is why do you?[/quote]

This post is fraught with contradiction.

According to the 1st part of your post, “sluts” settle down completely of their own accord because they realize their looks will fade. Presumably, they were sleeping around of their own accord as they’ve made a conscious decision to stop. According to the last part of your post, no one else respected her enough to keep her around, which would mean said sluts weren’t sleeping around because they wanted to, but because no one else would keep them around.

This thread is full of much insecurity masked as some sort of new age wisdom. It’s really weird.
[/quote]

So you think this woman fucked 30 or 40 guys and didn’t want to have a relationship with any of them? She didn’t get raped 30 or 40 times, so of course she had SEX with that many men of her own accord. She probably didn’t get that high a number only fucking guys she was in a relationship with either. Worrying your not good enough cause you haven’t fucked as many people is insecure. There is nothing insecure however about feeling that you’re too good to settle for a woman who’s taken half the county ass to mouth. If that really doesn’t bother you, than more power to you, but if it does than odds are you should not be in a relationship with such a person as the odds are they do not share your personal values.

IIRC, you’re a happily married man. I’m gonna guess that I have a little more experience with these women than you do, and I’m telling you right now that the older they get the more desperately they start to cling. Women with high counts in my personal experience tend to have self esteem problems, and it’s not uncommon to find that they’ve been flat out traumatized somewhere along the way (i.e. uncle soandso touched their no no parts, and now they think sex is all they’re good for). Obviously there are some out there who just like to fuck, however I personally do not form relationships with those women (among other reasons) for the same reasons I don’t date recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, the morbidly obese, etc… There is also a certain amount of accomplishment and pride to be had as one of a few as opposed to being just one of many. Who doesn’t enjoy a challenge? Would you rather climb mount everest, or your local tobbagan hill?

420

[quote]Silyak wrote:
Or you could marry a virgin. In spite of all those people who think human traditions must be wrong, it’s actually a pretty good strategy.[/quote]

That isn’t really an effective strategy for guys who are already older than their mid-20s, unless they want to date women considerably younger than they are. Even for the younger guys, it is probably an ineffective strategy if they aren’t religious. If you do manage to marry a virgin, then you’re going into the marriage essentially blind as to her views on sex. You can talk about it all you like, but there’s no way to know until the rubber meets the road. If you get stuck with someone sexually incompatible: whoops, deal with it for the rest of your life. Then there’s the hypocrisy of guys who are not virgins seeking out women who are.

As to the logistical problems, I say this from experience: I wanted to save sex for marriage when I was in high school. There were slim pickings for virgins by my senior year. When I got to college, very few freshmen that I met were virgins, and the ones who were were either very religious (so I was not marriage material) and/or were already in relationships with guys from high school whom they planned to marry.