[quote]DoubleDuce wrote:
Bill Roberts wrote:
Yeah, but what about a chimp versus Bruce Lee?
Or Ditka?[/quote]
Ditka, or God?
Trick question…
[quote]Carlitosway wrote:
Cockney Blue wrote:
Carlitosway wrote:
If all this is true about a chimps strength. Who in there right mind would teach a chimp fuckin’ karate?!? Chuck Norris chimp LOL, I want to see him in ufc doing round house kicks and rippin’ nuts off KARATE CHIMP - YouTube
I’m pretty sure that ripping nuts off is not allowed under the Unified rules. Also he would have the disadvantage of not being able to wear his gi.
Whatever lets put an average sized male wild chimp up against Fedor Emelianenko and study what would happen. The results would be interesting. I got a hundred on Fedor winning via rearnaked chokehold.
I mean don’t get me wrong Fedor wouldn’t come out unscathed he’d have some battle wounds for sure maybe some bite marks, a testicle or two missing and some poo smeared here or there.
[/quote]
Only problem with Fedor vs the chimp is that the chimp may reopen the cut under Fedor’s left eye and win by ref stoppage. Otherwise my money is on Fedor.
[quote]Malevolence wrote:
Goodfellow wrote:
A documentary was on not too long ago, a 56 year old housewife (completely out of shape and sedentary) lifted a car off her son-in-law who got stuck under it because the jack wasn’t put on properly.
She didn’t just lift it off of her son though, she held it off of him, acting as a jack for 5 fucking minutes until the paramedics came, then held it up with a proper jack.
Afterwards she collapsed due to all the adrenaline in her system.
I would say our strength is there, compared to a chimp, but our minds just don’t allow us to do it, because of other more complicated processes going on in our brains.
This also makes me wonder:
Would a weightlifter be able to lift LESS than the average person in a high adrenaline situation? Simply because they know their limits and would be more aware of what they are about to try?
Do you have some link or something? because it just sounds like bullshit.
You would think that if humans were naturally capable of lifting thousands of pounds, but only in an extreme situation, that professional powerlifters and strongmen would have devised ways of taking advantage of that. Even if it was an unofficial pull. [/quote]
It was on discovery, I’m sure if I searched I could find it. Literally finished watching it 30 minutes before I made my post.
And I’m pretty sure injecting massive doses of adrenaline would be very detrimental to your system. So I highly doubt powerlifters & strongmen would ‘take advantage’ of that.
[quote]DJS wrote:
hedo wrote:
From Cecil Adams at the Straight Dope site:
It’s a lot easier to get a chimp in roller skates than it is to get him to pump iron ? hence, most of the data on chimp strength is anecdotal and decidedly unscientific. In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer ? a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring ? was erected in the monkey house.
A 165-pound male chimpanzee named “Boma” registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds.
Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. (She was in a fit of passion at the time; one shudders to think what her boyfriend must have looked like next morning.)
In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.
I guess you missed page 1.[/quote]
Man I sure did. Right by me. I don’t think I caught the vibe till about page two though…
Ditka vs. the all the choirs of angels, but with each angle being given the proportional strength of a chimp?
[quote]SonnabenD wrote:
Carlitosway wrote:
Cockney Blue wrote:
Carlitosway wrote:
If all this is true about a chimps strength. Who in there right mind would teach a chimp fuckin’ karate?!? Chuck Norris chimp LOL, I want to see him in ufc doing round house kicks and rippin’ nuts off KARATE CHIMP - YouTube
I’m pretty sure that ripping nuts off is not allowed under the Unified rules. Also he would have the disadvantage of not being able to wear his gi.
Whatever lets put an average sized male wild chimp up against Fedor Emelianenko and study what would happen. The results would be interesting. I got a hundred on Fedor winning via rearnaked chokehold. I mean don’t get me wrong Fedor wouldn’t come out unscathed he’d have some battle wounds for sure maybe some bite marks, a testicle or two missing and some poo smeared here or there.
Only problem with Fedor vs the chimp is that the chimp may reopen the cut under Fedor’s left eye and win by ref stoppage. Otherwise my money is on Fedor.[/quote]
Good point this could be a problem. He’d have to act fast and end it in the first round, cause if the fight drew on this would happen most likely.
Nah, the fight ends in 10 seconds in fedor’s favor when the poor chimp chokes trying to swallow fedor’s fingers.
He’ll patent the move and call it the front digitless choke. YOu can only perform it once though…
[quote]Carlitosway wrote:
Good point this could be a problem. He’d have to act fast and end it in the first round, cause if the fight drew on this would happen most likely.
[/quote]
I bet they have some muscle imbalances from all the chins…
[quote]Westclock wrote:
Iron Dwarf wrote:
Also its important to consider how quickly animals mature compared to humans.
It takes 25 years for a human male to be completely mature.
quote]
For some of us, especially here on T-Nation, it takes longer!
Male chimps mature at around 15 to 16 yrs.
Heres a wild article about chimps stealing little kids in Uganda.
http://people.tribe.net/mike_c/blog/e231d414-e8ed-4669-bda1-5b46144bbfb3
You guys know nothing…These chmips do crossfit all the time…They are ultimate in functional strength. Someone should make a workout routine and make a tribute to Travis the chimp…Lots of pull ups and poo flinging.
Though chimps are strong they are not that smart and could never take over the planet…here’s proof
I didnt know that this made National news.
I remember watching a doco on chimps and they went over what happens when chimps attack humans. What stuck with me for a long time afterwards was that there was a very deliberate reason why they ripped the testicles off.
I think it was a habit formed fighting each other to ensure a rival could not reproduce that always gets replicated when attacking a male human…
(shudders)
Proof!
How well can their heads take trauma. A human could have a punchers chance
[quote]drewh wrote:
How well can their heads take trauma. A human could have a punchers chance[/quote]
Their heads are better at getting hit than our heads.
I could take a chimp though, I would use my patented empty my SKS into its face, laugh some, put another stripper clip in, and shoot it some more.
Any animal VS Human - Human lose
Any animal VS Human + knife - Human wins.
That is pretty accurate. big knife + skill to use it a man can take down anything (not guaranteed though)
Choke hold - you can’t choke animals as easily as humans. Being choked is a vulnerability we have, not them. Same with snapping the neck.
I could beat a chimp - in the water. Take that chimp!
Another way - run away. but make sure it follows. for hours. until it drops dead of exhaustion.
$10 says chimps have more Type IIs than we do
IT IS NOT CHINUPS. It doesn’t matter one crap what the chimp did to get strong. It is 100% genetics. Bone structure, muscle composition, and above all, tendon thickness and the settings in nervous system allowing more strength in normal situations because no breakage will occur.
Humans are incredibly endurance oriented. Everything about us is for endurance, long distance walking, storing fat and surviving / moving on to better pastures.
To take out a chimp the best way would be to get it from behind and bite out the side of its neck going for the blood vessels. If you have to fight it. That is what I think, I could be wrong, there may be better ways. Any human taking on a creature bare handed is pretty dumb though.
[quote]Magarhe wrote:
Choke hold - you can’t choke animals as easily as humans. Being choked is a vulnerability we have, not them. Same with snapping the neck.
[/quote]
A brain deprived of oxygen results in unconscious after a few seconds. Chimp or human, it doesn’t matter. And as far as neck ‘snapping,’ I hate to break it to you, but all that stuff Stevan Segall does… Well yeah, that’s all fake. It only works in the movies. Necks don’t snap easily.
this is crazy shit:
Official Predator of the Week – The Chimpanzee
Sat, March 11, 2006 - 2:38 PM
In the modern world, where chimps share the house with humans, chimps dress as humans dress and are trained to mimic human behaviors. They star in children’s movies, they clown around at the zoo and stalk around in oversized diapers that the civilized humans make them wear.
So in some ways, it’s only fair that chimps jipped by the establishment go bad. The shit throwing monkey we’re all familliar with is usually a kid. Mature chimpanzees in the wilds of Uganda will steal human children from the edge of the forest. These naive children brainwashed by G-rated movie depictions of the chimpanzee are not recruited as potential Tarzans.
In actuality, the gruesome fate these unfortunate children suffer may be the archtypal reason behind such nightmares as the booeyman, another long armed semi-human with horrifying strength. The children swiped by wild chimps are usually found by tracing the path of severed limbs and guts as chimps usually tear off arms and legs prior to consuming the rest of the child.
This is what many humans consider a pet! And for a time, chimpanzees can be, just as a two year old toddler is a sort of pet. Separated from their bretheren, chimps can even become acclimated to the human world and their captors due to their immaturity.
When considering the type of person that would choose a chimp as a pet, the spector of sexual maturity in an animal so closely resembling a human child can seem disturbing to say the least. The human/ chimp relationship must be destroyed, with all the Disneyesque bounds of naivete shattered.
In enduring the boredom that must inevitably follow, it’s understandable that a day must come when this brutal predator of the forests must explode out of it’s diapers, tailor designed three-piece suits and tu-tu’s and do what comes naturally.
And the natural state of a mature chimp on the attack is the state of a demon spawned of the most demented bar-fight imaginable; an unthinking, bloodlusting machine fueled by pure ritualistic malice whose sole objective is to humiliate, dominate and kill their chosen victim in the worst way imaginable.
When clinging to the chest and shoulders of their chimp or human prey, chimpanzees gnaw off the face and chew into the skull with zombielike strength and equivilent mercy. Eyes and testicles are unerringly targeted for removal.
Hands that rise to defend these soft parts of the body are shorn of fingers or simply wrenched off at the elbows. Any body parts removed are either consumed or spit into the screaming faces of their victims.
In a recent case, two chimps attacked a man because he didn’t provide enough cake at a birthday party. In the course of the attack which followed, the injuries were so varied that the list was broken up and separated between articles. In the typical manner of chimp attack, all of the man’s fingers were bitten off. Most of his face was chewed off and all of his testicles were removed.
Half of the man’s ass was ripped from the victim’s body by chimp hands. The chimps tore off the man’s foot and bit through the skull into his brain. When one chimp was finally shot, the other chimp was so gleefully dedicated to doing more damage that he actually dragged the body down the road to continue the fun.
Chimps share 96 percent of our DNA. The number of genetic differences between humans and chimps is ten times smaller than that between mice and rats.
The chimpanzee is our official predator for the week of March 14, 2006
Fuck, I’m selling our bulldog and getting a chimp.