[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
I dont mean to question prof X, as I agree with his scoring system. I would like to add you get about 50 extra points it its warm and you feel it float up past your balls while you’re sitting.[/quote]
What about in a porcelain bathtub (full of course). The reverberations from that are phenomenal.
DB
Let’s see the wheels…
Sorry, that’s probably not needed in this thread, but it seems like that the response to every thread.
Joseph Pujol, Fartiste Extraordinair
I just posted this in the CocoaVia thread for all the soy lovers, but just in case you guys ever run out of fuel, here is a boost for ya!
[quote]wenzi wrote:
This program should have you actually increase your flatulent power, while decreasing the percentage, and leave you a lean, mean, gaseous machine.[/quote]
yeah, but will I still get a body like Brad Pitt… I don’t want to get fat and have those huoooge muscles. I want to stay lean as possible even if I have to smoke cigs all day.
I heard that Brad only farts like 4 times a day and they don’t stink!
I woke up the other night because apparently I had dutch ovened myself.
i believe you get a percentage of 110 if its an actual “shart”…
[quote]strictmachine wrote:
i believe you get a percentage of 110 if its an actual “shart”…[/quote]
That is so good… from the movie “Along came Polly”
When Sandy Lyle tried to fart in the art gallary and a little shit came out… “sharted” classic
Dude,
You need to supplement with creatine to give you that extra kick. Let me assure you, it’s what’s been missing from your workout. Right now on a scale of 1 - 10 you’re at Danny DeVito. The creatine should ratchet up your performance to somewhere around an Ernest Borgnine. Hope this helps.
on a side note… listening to my wife crank up Andrea Bocelli gives me the worst gas known to man. She gets fired up and so does my ass.
If I have to hear “Con Te Partiro” one more time, I’m gonna rip my asswhole apart.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Your body flatulence number is based on VOLUME and LENGTH in time it takes to fart. At both ends of the scale is 100%. That means a loud fart that echoes and possibly vibrates the furniture is 100 on the volume scale. One that lasts over 15 seconds is a 100 on the length scale.
Now, this is where it gets tricky. You get extra points for ‘silent and deadly’. That’s like a 103%. If you take the average of ‘volume’, ‘length’ and the number of time you fart (the average human farts 15 times a day so that is only 50%…30 times a day is 100%), THAT is what gives you your flatulence number.
Good Luck.[/quote]
I thought it was based on the frequency rate that the buns flap while the gas passes by? Obviously, the higher the frequency that more anal-retentive the person.
[quote]strictmachine wrote:
i believe you get a percentage of 110 if its an actual “shart”…[/quote]
I believe the technical term is “shrapnel”!
Is it true that if you hold your farts in you’ll eventually shit your pants ?
or would that just be a high powered shart ?
[quote]strictmachine wrote:
i believe you get a percentage of 110 if its an actual “shart”…[/quote]
Actually it should be a deduction if you shart.
How many points do you get if your gas singes your ass?
[quote]dbutkus wrote:
strictmachine wrote:
i believe you get a percentage of 110 if its an actual “shart”…
Actually it should be a deduction if you shart.[/quote]
dammit! all these years i’ve been adding them up, only to realize that i’m the “hole” so to speak…
shit! (no pun intended)
…
If you ever see that picture, you can guarantee the gym will have no ‘atmosphere’.
Have your gall bladder checked.