[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]Dr J wrote:
…In our marriage that “responsibility” falls mainly on me. I don’t mean that she doesn’t care or doesn’t try, I just, for whatever reason, became the one who initiates most of our physical contact and spends that mental energy. I wasted some time harboring a little ill will about this fact, but I eventually just accepted that that’s the way it is, for us at least…
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Indeed. I think the point could be made that’s it’s requisite that the man be the initiator – most of the time – because we are wired to be the pursuer; it’s just the way it is.
What we as men obviously don’t want in a spouse is someone that does NOT want to be “caught.” We don’t want to be the racing greyhound that never catches the rabbit and all we do is run.[/quote]
I think that’s probably true of sex, but I think women initiate just as much, or more, non-sexual physical contact. Some of which could be considered sexual initiation, I suppose, though.
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My hunch, or my experience even (or observation of others’ experience) is the initiator of of more non-physical contact probably initiates more sexual contact.
However, aside from that, I enjoy the woman initiating both. FWIW.
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All right, I’m paying conscious attention to all of this now, so we can all get to the bottom of who initiates what at my house.
Last night he returned home from a business trip after I was asleep. He came to my side of the bed to kiss me hello or goodnight or whatever before he did whatever other things he had to do. Kissing me he noted with pleasure that I was naked (I generally wear a tank top or t-shirt and unders to bed when he’s not around). Hands roved briefly. By the time he got in bed I was back asleep and didn’t notice it. At some point I woke enough to scoot over and spoon, which got me a hip grab and pull-in, possibly with slight grinding, before he wrapped arms around me and went back to sleep.
I really think it’s hard to tell who is our major initiator here. Some of my non-sexual physical contact has a sexy overtone, but most of it is affectionate. In my last relationship, with the horndog cheater, he was the clear sexual aggressor, though I was still both physically flirtatious and physically affectionate. With my ex-husband there was some physical affection, undoubtedly initiated by me, but no one initiated sex.
I will say, however, that I am inclined to do some outrageous verbal smack-talking re sex, which I suppose is a pre-initiation of sorts. I had a striped shirt and scarf on the other day, noted that I looked like a French sailor, and then claimed that I was going to do “French sailor things” to him later. I didn’t initiate later, though, unless French sailors run their games by being passive/receptive. (Which may be!)