Vows of Chastity

Off Topic
103

[quote]pushharder wrote:
jtrinsey wrote:
…a father is very uncomfortable with the thought of his daughter having sex.

Not precisely. A father should be uncomfortable if his daughter who happens to be a child is having sex. Remember what I said about “distinctions”.

…But of course, since I ain’t no daddy, my opinions don’t matter…

Your opinions do matter but it gives everyone an idea of your perspective and your experience. This contributes to the debate. See my analogy in an earlier post - the one about weight training.[/quote]

Fair nuff, and my comment at the end was more facetious. Obviously I’m typing form a 19-year old’s perspective as that’s all I have on life.

But what makes a child, chronological age or emotional maturtiy? I would contend both. Not too long ago it was routine for females to be married at 14-16 and I bet in the last 50 years the average marriage age was under 22 at some point.

I dunno, I never had a sex talk in my life with my parents, but they taught me proper decision-making skills (well, as good as you can teach a teenager about decision-making, I suppose) and it was just never a huge deal for me, I used the same decision-making processes as I did for everything else in my life.

The long-term consquences of losing your virginity at an early age are nowhere near as drastic experimenting with heavy drugs at an early age. So why aren’t we having ceremonies where the daughter pledges not to try ecstacy or cocaine until she gets married?

104

Note to self: Try to meet one of these girls.

[quote]jsbrook wrote:
I saw on the news last year that girls who do this have 10x as much anal sex as normal couples. [/quote]

106

Out of curiosity, push, do you have teenage girls, and how old exactly are they?

I just want to be clear that I’m not in favor of anyone younger than 17 having sex. Shoot, I think its DUMB to have sex that early, and thats when I lost my virginity.

Of course, when I had sex the first time, the whole event was planned out and I had plenty of condoms ready, but I doubt thats typical. And thats the sad part. If someone is going to have sex it should be premeditated and prepared for, not something spur of the moment in the back of a car, but unfortunately thats what regularly happens and is the source of a lot of problems.

My perspective of this comes from an atheistic background, and one that especially deplores the idea that virginity is something wonderful and pure. I just think that MOST sex, as in not limited to first times, should be planned for, and discipline and self-respect go a LONG way to accomplishing this, and this is what parents need to encourage.

In the vast majority of cases, that I have seen, where girls have gotten pregnant or people have gotten STD’s, in almost all cases it was a lack of discipline, and I strongly believe that discipline comes from parents.

I just wanted to clarify that so when I say I’m against abstinence-only education, what I mean is that the schools teach about contraceptive methods, and parents should teach their children discipline.

I have never been in favor of contraception without the will to choose partners carefully and delay gratification if that is the most prudent decision. I’m also not in favor of delaying gratification for its own sake, however, and still believe that people should have premarital sex.

As to the topic at hand, the girl taking the vows will remain abstinent if thats what was in the cards in the first place. In my opinion, it seems to be a mostly religious ceremony, so if the father has given his daughter those values and she holds to them, she’ll remain abstinent. If she doesn’t hold to them, or the father doesn’t successfully pass on those values, she won’t, and I would guess its largely independent of the ceremony.

-Gendou

109

OK Push, I am a dad, of a 18 year old Swedish-American daughter, who is a stunner. She’s not a bad lifter, either.

So I think I qualify…

I do not know if she has had sex or is contemplating it, but I do know that if she does, it will be because she wants to. I know that she will be prepared. I also know that she intimidates most guys, as she is focused and strong, as well as fully capable of taking down most of them.

My baby’s all grown up, sob…

TQB

(Sorry guys, no pics)

110

Am I the only one who thinks that by belittling the opinions of the younger posters on this board we are missing out on a chance to hear from people who have just been through the issues we are talking about? It seems we are focusing on what the parents want for their children. But I?m not a dad so?

114

[quote]pushharder wrote:
TQB wrote:
OK Push, I am a dad, of a 18 year old Swedish-American daughter, who is a stunner. She’s not a bad lifter, either.

So I think I qualify…

I do not know if she has had sex or is contemplating it, but I do know that if she does, it will be because she wants to. I know that she will be prepared. I also know that she intimidates most guys, as she is focused and strong, as well as fully capable of taking down most of them.

My baby’s all grown up, sob…

TQB

(Sorry guys, no pics)

Yes, you absolutely qualify. Now maybe I’m wrong but I’ve gotta hunch that says when you’re daughter was say 15 or 16, you wouldn’t have been opposed to her making a vow of abstinence until the proper time WHEN SHE WAS OLDER came along, would you?[/quote]

You know, I think I would have rejected such an option, because it externalises (for want of a better word) the issue. My concern was much more with making her capable at making her own decisions, I would agree that at 15-16 that involves much more of bringing home to her that she still is immature and that the risk/benefit scenario form her own perspective didn’t point to early sex.

I think it is extremely important that you keep guilt out of the equation. Then again I am a Swede and we are like the Japanese in that we don’t do guilt. We’re quite good at shame,though. That could influence my position in that I am much more interested in her own reaction to her choices, than in what everybody else says.

TQB

116

So push basically you are saying that you are the CT of parenting?

Wow, can you PM me your address so I can send any kids I might have in the future to be raised by you?

117

Being a Christian myself, I must say this creeps me out. 9 year olds don’t understand. And as much as a parent may wish it for their kid, years later, its going to be the kids choice.

All the parents are doing are setting themselves up for resentment from their kid when the kids finally old enough to understand.

118

[quote]pushharder wrote:
when you’re 46 years old and have a 15 year old daughter you usually have a different PERSPECTIVE than a 22 year old frat brother.[/quote]

Two people standing at different ends of a hallway, staring at the girl in the middle, each seeing the shadow of the other.

119

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Now maybe I’m wrong but I’ve gotta hunch that says when you’re daughter was say 15 or 16, you wouldn’t have been opposed to her making a vow of abstinence until the proper time WHEN SHE WAS OLDER came along, would you?[/quote]

Push: do you think there’s a difference in effect between a 15 or 16 year old girl vowing to stay abstinent until she’s older, and an 11 or 12 year old girl vowing to stay abstinent until marriage?