I have to keep telling myself that when I’m in the thick of it all! Logically, I know you’re right, but the panic attacks tell me something else
Sorry, I thought you’d turned 18 already. You might try looking at it as that this is where the people are who are expert in what you need. There’s a tendency on the adolescent wards for the staff to become stand-ins for parents in the role of enemy. And I’ll admit that I’ve never had association with an adolescent who was hospitalized who DIDN’T have a problematic family, whether there was abuse or just benign neglect of a kid who needed help.
At any rate, the trick for you will be to somehow mature out of that mindset and start looking at the people there (therapists and psychiatrists) as the @T3hPwnisher of what they do. They are the people who can help you get what you want. The people bitching about them and mocking them - the other kids, who are “locked up because they’re crazy” and loudly saying so to everyone who’ll listen (dysfunctional badge of honor) are the people at the gym talking on their phones. They’re not there to change.
Go there to change.
1 Like
I hospitalized myself. I didn’t get committed. Sickens me to think about it, but yeah. I did that. All the kids used me as their therapist. The doctors couldn’t get through to anybody under the age of 14, I was somewhat honest with them because I didn’t know them at all. But, I did go to change and it didn’t really work. The two antidepressants I tried killed my stomach and I was way too apathetic to really be happy or feel anything else. My parents ditched the Xanax my psychiatrist prescribed me, I’m gonna go get me some of that and see if I don’t feel better
Since you always have a response for anybody else’s suggestions, what would you accept or consider right for yourself?
Did you ever get us that playlist?
And I’m suggesting that these two things - “kids used me as their therapist,” “it didn’t really work” - have in common a parent/child dynamic wherein the medical people were suspect/foolish and oneself and one’s peers knew best.
Back to the gym analogy, it’s like greenboy sitting with a group of his flabby, weak, depressed friends insisting that the only way to get big is to use steroids, when the way to get big is really to find someone who has the information and let them help you. Except that’s not what these guys do - they mock the big guys as arrogant or meat heads, or lying about pinning, or whatever, and stay weak. They REJECT the help of the people who have what they seek.
You’ve done a good job of accessing help from the strong guys here. You did not seem to do a good job at the hospital. Don’t worry about “sickens me to think about it” worry about getting better. If “the two antidepressants I tried killed my stomach” go to the person managing that and tell them, then follow their (expert) suggestions, as you do here when you post vids and gratefully accept both compliments and suggestions. Maybe it takes several tries to get it right, maybe you need longer inpatient to get to a decent baseline. Stop viewing it as “locked up” and instead view it as “safe and being cared-for.”
3 Likes
The same advice I don’t follow. It takes time, you’ll be okay, you need to talk to x/y/z about this, blah blah blah. I don’t really believe a lot of it. Obviously, nobody else I tell believes it either. I know what will make me okay on paper, which is just a lot of time, therapy, and medication along with a long inpatient stay, but going through all of it again (to me) is honestly a fate worse than death. I’ll still be flipping out, but every time I punch a wall I’ll be sedated and four-pointed to the nearest cot. Thinking I’d rather die than give up what little freedom I do have, which is none anyway. So, I can either be anxious and free to be by myself and calm down, or I can be anxious with no distractions in a corridor about 10 feet wide by 10 feet across for the next three months while surrounded by a bunch of angst-filled teenagers trying to kick my ass. I held it together by the skin of my teeth last time, next time I’ll be punting 12-year olds through the wall and that’s a promise.
@EmilyQ I guess this post touches on what you said too. I totally understand your analogy, but putting in the effort of trying to fix myself is a lot more draining than a bad workout. I tell you, I try my hardest to think positive thoughts and the negative thoughts just intensify. I guess that means I’m not really putting in enough effort to help myself, though. Either that or I don’t know what I’m doing. My life is not a series of workouts. I don’t even lift weights anymore because I can’t (I don’t have time to keep replacing clothing, it’s become a trend in some of the workouts I haven’t logged). I don’t eat because my stomach will hurt and I might just cough-puke in the middle of the street (again). A bad workout doesn’t make me spiral into a panic attack and ruin my life. A bad mental health day does, and even discussing any of this is going to make me spiral out because I don’t want to think about any of it. I’d just like to be normal and content with myself and maybe physically healthy. So, with that being said, thanks for the advice, but I’m not going to post anything else relating to this because I’ll soon be medicated and off this website, hopefully.
Yes. I need to get my paralegal to type it. I just took pictures.
1 Like
Ight, I get you. I’m much older, but I get you.
I believe it. Connection is the antidote to depression. One way to connect is meditation. Try this one.
Work on being present. Forget the past, don’t worry about the future. Be present.
I’ve been (am) there.
1 Like
I’m not qualified to offer any advice on this mate but I just wanted to let you know I’m rooting for you dude.
My daughter, 26 & no pics 
, suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I booked her some sessions with a counsellor and they helped. She’s over them now or at least has learned how to deal with them.
I wish you luck matey.
1 Like
Just putting this out here, but I wanted to clarify that anxiety and panic attacks are not the same thing as full-blown depression. It’s not that simple.
It isn’t that simple. Depression can cause anxiety, and anxiety can cause depression. They typically co-present.
This may just be a band aid, but feel like I have to offer it. The title is about going to sleep, but it’s a technique to reduce anxiety. I’ve taught it to my children and they use it often.
You’re not alone.
Nobody said it was Frasier. They are just words that attempt to offer consolation to a soul that’s hurting.
@alphonsus12 Thanks for the kind words, anxiety and panic attacks are no fun and I wish you the best if luck with your daughter. I’m trying to keep my head above water and I guess I’m getting better at it, because I haven’t had a smoke in 20 days now even though I’ve had a very stressful past few weeks (moreso than usual - stomach issues flaring up, losing tons of money, etc.) and I know that last year around this time I would have caved.
@The_Myth Thanks for linking it. It can’t hurt for me to try it.
@Samul Referencing The Myth, my depression and anxiety are typically codependent upon each other, but one or the other will flare up for unspecified periods of time. For example, if I’m not careful I’ll slip into a depressive episode where I’m not anxious, but I’m suicidal and don’t care about anything. Anxiety isn’t the word for those times. When I’m anxious, I’m flipping out internally all the time, trying not to get myself arrested for randomly beating up on walls when I’m in public just to get some sense of calmness, and crying anywhere and everywhere. When I’m depressed, I’m apathetic. I’m trying to climb out of the hole. The only way for me to go is up, because I already hit rock bottom more times than I can count.
1 Like
toothache. that pisses me of badly.
Think I am just going to toss the weather app. It’s never accurate anyway. May as well just wake up, stick your head out the door, and see what the day brings. Lying bastards!
2 Likes
Getting up early and having to go somewhere. All food taste weird in the morning.
Getting parked in by people. Infuriating.
I witnessed this once, the guy who was parked in was honking non-stop.
It was very annoying, but on the other hand what else he was supposed to do
My MacBook has been nagging me to restart for days, and I finally did it because I couldn’t get my EMR to load, and EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. I’m pissed because I wasn’t looking for change, and because I’m right in the middle of my workday and don’t need the disruption, and because the stupid electronic medical records is STILL down.
I leave Wednesday for San Diego and would like to enjoy the trip, not spend the time completing documentation from this week and last.
Edit: now it’s back up and I’m much less rage-y feeling.
4 Likes