In my 20s I drank and partied a lot.
In my 30s I felt pretty worn down and burnt out a lot of the time.
I don’t think I would have been a very good father during those times of my life. Now that I’m a little older, wiser and more settled into my work and personal life it feels like I have more “energy” to give. Or more “available effort” to do kid related stuff.
Raising children makes it all worth it.
Balancing everything depends on a person’s situation and, as said, coping skills and ability to deal with stress.
This might sound odd to some but for me personally, being single and living alone in an apartment was more stressful than my life now with a home, wife, kids, highly- involved in-laws, and far more social activities and connections. Keep in mind I only work eight to nine hours a day, have a 25-minute commute, and the only serious hobby I have is exercise. I used to read a lot more, but I have picked up on that again and am in the middle of a book.
A father has to sacrifice a lot, but I don’t think he should get rid of all what makes him. If that means arriving home late because he has to go to the gym, meet up with his male friends, or attending an event of interest here and there, and in the process perhaps inconveniencing or annoying those around him, then so be it.
The alternative is burnout and frustration.
Hence why it’s crucial to find someone you’re compatible with because you’ll enjoy their company.
Among many OTHER reasons
Such as?
Are you genuinely asking what the benefits of being with a compatible partner are compared to being with an incompatible partner?
Yes that is what I’m asking. Not that I’ll ever seek an incompatible partner. I thought you had other reasons as to why u should find a compatible one other than company I guess.
Because relationships between incompatible people don’t work…that’s what makes them incompatible
Kinda off topic but
What are relationships about in the first place?
Is it about giving? What is someone supposed to give?
I do not really understand relationships but I do know that both people are supposed to be happy with themselves before meeting.
It enables both people to synch up and approach living from multiple directions with the same purpose and over arching direction and goals.
My wife covers the house and kiddo when I need some time to myself, and I cover when she needs the same, while we both share and split a lot of the regular day to day stuff, while also having our own things we do exclusively with our kiddo too.
Both people should be enhanced by a relationship.
But neither person should be incomplete in the absence of it.
They’re pretty much about providing both partners fulfillment of their needs or desires, those being companionship, socialization, sex, moral and emotional support, protection, love, finances, take care of a home, helping the other in bad times (sickness, accidents, losses), etc.
Child raising takes huge precedence when children come into the picture and much of a relationship from then on revolves around this.
It helps if neither person has inner turmoil when they meet.
Anyone else start to understand their father more as they got older?
Absolutely. And with that understanding usually comes heaps of forgiveness. I used to resent my father for a lot of things in my youth, but as I grew and understood him more, I forgave him for how he responded, and I apologized for not understanding his intentions.
I understand more, but entirely disagree with a lot of the things he did and the way he did them.
He was often a brutal, malignant, extremely self centered alcoholic and the majority of the things he did and how he lived was at the expense of the well being of the people closest to him.
As I’ve grown into fatherhood and my son develops into who he is, I can’t imagine subjecting him to the treatment and behaviors my brothers and I experienced.
Edit: That’s probably going to be an outlier of a response.
My experience is more like SkyzykS. Abusive, just MEAN asshole of a father.
My dad never raised his voice at my brother and I and was always very supportive.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that he was a pretty good dad to me but hasn’t been the best dad to my little brother.
He never really connected with my little bro like he connected with me.
With that said, he’s very professionally and I’ll always be grateful to him for essentially being a human shield between us kids and mum
Mum gives him a lot of shit that I don’t think he deserves. She expects what she got from her dad. My maternal grandpa was very involved in life, emotions education, like how @SkyzykS and @kdjohn are with their kids (from what I read in their logs)
His parents had a much more “laizze faire” approach. Both were professors and put more stock into writing papers than raising kids. They’re great ppl, just not quite paternal/maternal.
He also has a more traditional mindset- he sees himself as the breadwinner and sees education/discipline as mum’s role
If I didn’t know better I’d say we were half brothers. I don’t have children, but I learned valuable lessons in how not to parent if the day comes.
No… But he told me he was proud of me today and my heart melted.
My father never gives me complements, he displays affection through trying to correct any and all flaws in character I may have.
Still, we have a great relationship.