Tales from the Club 1.0

Off Topic
41

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

haha E is awesome!

42

Good thread.

I stopped working on the door three years ago( after working for seven years) but a couple of these stories have reminded me of the “joys” of bouncing…

Being bored and tired, a lot!

Seeing a drunk leave the club, piss on the boss’s car and try to come back in. The boss was a decent guy so needless to say the drunk ended up with a piss soaked shirt and a hefty dose of remorse.

Perfecting jumping over toilet stalls to seize contraband for “evidence.”

Convincing a collegue that biting people’s noses is not the best way to get their attention.

Timing how long it takes to choke someone out(sub-8 seconds for the record!)

Coming up with stupid games to pass the time like people ping pong; if you’re at the front door tell a hot girl “the bouncer at the back wants to speak to you” or “give this glass to the bouncer on the front door” if you’re at the back and see how long you can keep it going.

“I was in fear for my safety and the safety of my collegues, officer so I…”

Turning up the house lights for some toilet shagger’s “walk of shame” to the door.

Midway through an RnB night, a kid tried to show what an extendable baton would do to my head. He was, of course, ejected with some “zeal” as you can imagine. At the end of the night he came back to the club shitting himself because “my older brother said he will kill me if you don’t give me his baton back.” !!!

Sadly, I still check where exits and cameras are when I go in to a new bar.

Keep them coming!

43

[quote]ronaldo7 wrote:
haha E is awesome![/quote]

It must be a frikkin wonder drug. I have no doubt it could cause world peace based on my observations.

44

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]ronaldo7 wrote:
haha E is awesome![/quote]

It must be a frikkin wonder drug. I have no doubt it could cause world peace based on my observations.[/quote]
You would be right. I went to a music fest with hundred-thousand plus people and not one fight broke out. Guess what drug most people were taking?? lol

45

[quote]heavythrower wrote:
early 1990’s i was a bouncer at a club in a university town frequented by the football players. now this is a SEC D-1 college town. they grow them boys big and fast. well, whatever, a defensive end, 6-6 255lbs(at least that is what the roster listed him as) did not want to pay cover and called me a short-fat-hairy asshole. hey, im not an asshole… wtf? so i am 5-6 about 270, and i hit him high on his shoulders and launch him about 10 feet and he lands on his ass.

i figure he will back down now, but he gets up to his feet, and assumes a fighting stance. as big as he looked before, he now looks much bigger. i figure to get close enough to grab him and have a chance, i am probably gonna have to eat a few shots, so i decide to dive in and take my medicine. turns out he is a southpaw, and he open hand slaps me on the right ear. that ear was ringing for 2 weeks after.

despite my 20lb weight advantage and a foot shorter, he manages to get low enough to get under me and drive me into the nearest wall. he pancakes one of those metal cylindrical ashtray/garbage cans between me and the wall. i have a huge bruise from my hip to my calf on my right side for a month, and bruise in the shape of his giant hands underneath each armpit and my chest.

he grabs my by my neck and pins me against the wall and proceeds to punch me in the head. i figure i am dead now, so i did the manly thing tried to poke him in the eyes. i missed my target and ended up putting my thumb all the way up to my knuckle in his nose. this got him off off of me and allowed me to get behind him and get a choke hold. i got him down and by this time i was in crazy retard strength mode and i was intent on killing him.

now the cops and the rest of my crew finally arrive…after i have been taking a severe ass-kicking for the vast majority of this conflict. they have to pull me off of him, they have a hard time getting me to let go…to the point the cops were going to mace me. the cops arrest him and thats that.

well, weeks later i found out that the charges on him were dropped, as you cant throw a starting football player in jail in that town.

oh well…[/quote]

This exact thing happened a year or two ago in Lexington. A UK lineman got maced and nearly took down several officers at a bar. If it had been a basketball player, I’m sure the bouncers would be the ones in jail.

46

I think I outgrew clubs after my first time in one. These stories are hilarious…keep 'em coming!

47

We have another rap act Wednesday night. I’m sure I’ll have fresh material by Thursday.

48

[quote]ronaldo7 wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]ronaldo7 wrote:
haha E is awesome![/quote]

It must be a frikkin wonder drug. I have no doubt it could cause world peace based on my observations.[/quote]
You would be right. I went to a music fest with hundred-thousand plus people and not one fight broke out. Guess what drug most people were taking?? lol[/quote]

Fully believe that. I spent a good 5 years going to parties (raves) in Toronto when I was younger and cannot recall a single fight in that entire time. As I was getting out it was becoming a more meth/ghb type thing so this may have changed rapidly.

Great stories OP et al. Please keep them coming.

49

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We have another rap act Wednesday night. I’m sure I’ll have fresh material by Thursday.[/quote]

I avoid these gigs at all cost. Ive worked a few and they went well because the promoter behind it brings good people. But most people, even blacks dont want to work these events for reasons I won`t get into here.

But more stories and women and how they love to play us for fools… When the night is done and everyone is waiting in line for their coats, often times 2 girls will be shoving through the line screaming “move my friend is not feeling good”. Bullshit. If shes gonna faint, then let her. By pushing through the crowd all this is good for is pissing somebody off and starting a fight. To teach them a lesson, I make sure theyre the last ones to get their jackets. If she starts giving me a hard time, I`ll make her wait outside. How you feeling now princess?

Or the bathroom thing. What are you, 5 years old and can`t hold in your pee pee. Worst exuse ever.

End of the night, this girl is puking outside. Were closed. Stupid bi**h is knocking and knocking on the door. "My friend needs water and paper towels." What am I the fuc**n* red cross? Theres a friggen corner store open 24 hours up the street, you`ll get your supplies much faster there than standing here doing your little dance.

Oh I`m so mean…

50

What a theraputic thread! I sure can relate to your stories BG. The rave people though are easy to work with as you said. But I find everybody always wants to shake our hands and give us hugs. And yes, its disgusting, especially the sweaty girls who jump on you and brush their sweaty cheeks on your face. Sick! This one guy gave me a kiss on the neck one. I told him next time he does that, I will bitch slap him. All I ask is that people stay arms length distance from me. Safe from their stink and can dodge the spit these drunks produce if Im alert enough…

51

I’ve never worked as a doorman, but I love reading the stories. I used to read ‘onthebox’ religiously, but yeah, his material kind of dried up and it turned into just another blog about some guys life.

When I was stationed in Guam in the late '90s, a friend of my wife’s was working the door at a gay club out there. He offered me a job, and I seriously considered it. I had accidentally gone into that club before with some other friends(some strippers told us that was where they hung out after hours-it was like walking into a junior high dance, all the guys on one side of the club, all the girls on the other), and seen the clientele, so it would have been an easy gig. I easily outweighed every guy(and most of the girls) there, and I was only 195ish at the time.

Reason I said no was, my wife’s friend also(as part of his job) would strip on stage(down to a gold thong). Sorry, but I shake my ass for no man. He did make serious bank though…

52

[quote]HeavyTriple wrote:

[quote]heavythrower wrote:
early 1990’s i was a bouncer at a club in a university town frequented by the football players. now this is a SEC D-1 college town. they grow them boys big and fast. well, whatever, a defensive end, 6-6 255lbs(at least that is what the roster listed him as) did not want to pay cover and called me a short-fat-hairy asshole. hey, im not an asshole… wtf? so i am 5-6 about 270, and i hit him high on his shoulders and launch him about 10 feet and he lands on his ass.

i figure he will back down now, but he gets up to his feet, and assumes a fighting stance. as big as he looked before, he now looks much bigger. i figure to get close enough to grab him and have a chance, i am probably gonna have to eat a few shots, so i decide to dive in and take my medicine. turns out he is a southpaw, and he open hand slaps me on the right ear. that ear was ringing for 2 weeks after.

despite my 20lb weight advantage and a foot shorter, he manages to get low enough to get under me and drive me into the nearest wall. he pancakes one of those metal cylindrical ashtray/garbage cans between me and the wall. i have a huge bruise from my hip to my calf on my right side for a month, and bruise in the shape of his giant hands underneath each armpit and my chest.

he grabs my by my neck and pins me against the wall and proceeds to punch me in the head. i figure i am dead now, so i did the manly thing tried to poke him in the eyes. i missed my target and ended up putting my thumb all the way up to my knuckle in his nose. this got him off off of me and allowed me to get behind him and get a choke hold. i got him down and by this time i was in crazy retard strength mode and i was intent on killing him.

now the cops and the rest of my crew finally arrive…after i have been taking a severe ass-kicking for the vast majority of this conflict. they have to pull me off of him, they have a hard time getting me to let go…to the point the cops were going to mace me. the cops arrest him and thats that.

well, weeks later i found out that the charges on him were dropped, as you cant throw a starting football player in jail in that town.

oh well…[/quote]

This exact thing happened a year or two ago in Lexington. A UK lineman got maced and nearly took down several officers at a bar. If it had been a basketball player, I’m sure the bouncers would be the ones in jail.
[/quote]

exactly…football is KING in the southeast. and Kentucky…i am sure the basketball program is sacred.

53

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

First friday of the month??

54

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

your raver name is henceforth “Intensity”

55

[quote]SickAbs wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

First friday of the month??[/quote]

I think 3rd Fridays but it’s changed from time to time. You probably know of the promoters that throw these rave parties, they are pretty well known in the City.

56

[quote]spyoptic wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

your raver name is henceforth “Intensity”
[/quote]

That’s … I’m not sure what that is LOL.

I really don’t know what to make of that crowd. Like all bouncers, I have my groupies and I have them from that crowd too…but I don’t understand them, spend half my night shaking my head at them (how they act, what they dance to, how they dance, the smoking, copious consumption of PBR, the X, the outfits - you should see the range of outfits I swear one girl usually comes in what amounts to nothing more than a bra and panties, etc.) and I am clearly not a member of their tribe. I actually met a 30 something at one of those that insisted on being overly friendly to me and she was well to do - owned about 4 properties in the city. She probably thought I was just some stupid bouncer though given her financial status. I never pick anyone up from the club. Facebook friends only. I should probably hook up with her though - I could use being taken care of while I pursue other interests lol.

57

[quote] I never pick anyone up from the club. Facebook friends only. I should probably hook up with her though - I could use being taken care of while I pursue other interests lol.
[/quote]

Why? I thought it was one of the benefits. No, I’m not kidding.
is it more for the younger guys?

58

[quote]Sonny S wrote:

[quote] I never pick anyone up from the club. Facebook friends only. I should probably hook up with her though - I could use being taken care of while I pursue other interests lol.
[/quote]

Why? I thought it was one of the benefits. No, I’m not kidding.
is it more for the younger guys?[/quote]

If you just want to fuck, I guess it’s a benefit.

59

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]spyoptic wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
We get a rave crowd once a month which is really “easy” work (no fights), but they are like 12 year olds and unbelievably annoying. They are all fucking happy, drinking PBR after PBR and all X’d out. Never any real fights :frowning: But what I hate the most, is that they like to TOUCH you. They have been partying all night, bopping around like 8 year olds in need of an IV Ritalin drip and they end up funky and sweaty and their breath stinks. They insist on TALKING to you.

Me? I took a shower before I came there. I have not been sweating. I am clean. And you want to fucking TOUCH me? They want to HUG you. They want to thank you for watching out for them. Dudes want to shake your hand and get all hurt looking when you offer the fist bump. Chicks that are drenched in sweat insist on hugging, talking in your ear, and touching you. EWW. DO. NOT. FUCKING. TOUCH. ME. They ask if you are “having a good time”. No jerkoff, I am not having a good time. I am not part of your tribe.

This is not where I’d be unless I’m getting paid. I am standing here babysitting you so you don’t run with scissors or something else equally stupid. They actually try to SMOKE in the club and then HIDE the cigarette when you track the source of the smoke. I rather you fucking HIT me than act like I’m fucking stupid.

I have never seen a crowd consume as much PBR and smoke (outside) as much in my life.[/quote]

your raver name is henceforth “Intensity”
[/quote]

That’s … I’m not sure what that is LOL.

I really don’t know what to make of that crowd. Like all bouncers, I have my groupies and I have them from that crowd too…but I don’t understand them, spend half my night shaking my head at them (how they act, what they dance to, how they dance, the smoking, copious consumption of PBR, the X, the outfits - you should see the range of outfits I swear one girl usually comes in what amounts to nothing more than a bra and panties, etc.) and I am clearly not a member of their tribe. I actually met a 30 something at one of those that insisted on being overly friendly to me and she was well to do - owned about 4 properties in the city. She probably thought I was just some stupid bouncer though given her financial status. I never pick anyone up from the club. Facebook friends only. I should probably hook up with her though - I could use being taken care of while I pursue other interests lol.
[/quote]

Dude you need to talk to this chick, tell her to give you some E and go to town!! PARTY!!!

60

[quote]ronaldo7 wrote:

Dude you need to talk to this chick, tell her to give you some E and go to town!! PARTY!!![/quote]

Right. Next thing you know, I’m going out weekends, listening to house music, wearing ridiculous clothes and costumes, dancing around like a spastic religious nut and maybe wearing make up. What’s next? Taking it up the ass?

Oh, and I forgot to mention the annoying glow sticks. Did I mention the little glow stick shows the give each other? Allow me to describe. They sit down, sometimes someone is rubbing their shoulders, they are high on who knows what, while one or sometimes two in front of them, put on glow stick shows very close to their face. The “performers” as I will refer to them kindly, sometimes wear these gloves with little lights on the fingertips. And when I tell you they take this task seriously, I kid you not. And the person sits there. In a trance.

House music thumping…boom boom boom boom. Sky rockets in flight…afternoon delight. LOL 10 points to the first person to get the closing reference.

No thank you!