Im kind of at a crossroad. I recently packed up and moved back to South Carolina again. For anyone that recalls a few years ago we moved from NY to SC , were there 2 years, moved home to NY last year. The schools in NY were awful and it became a disaster for my autistic son. He didnt go to school at all last year. So i sucked it up, sold the house and moved back to SC. The kids are in great schools now and already doing better after 2 weeks. My wife loves it here and is happy to be around all the friends she made.
Now, i prefer NY. I liked my job and it was going great. Outside work i hunted and fished and couldn’t be happier. But obviously if my family isnt happy, im not. So i stayed with the same company ive been with forever but transferred to the only open position they had in SC, overnight. The money is great but the hours are killing me. 6pm-6am 4 nights a week. I cant sleep, but im always tired. I feel like a zombie on my days off to where i dont have the energy to lift or be very active with my kids. I got an offer from another company but its a pretty sizeable pay cut. Days M-F 8-430. The job is mine if i want it. Anxiety is through the roof. Ive been with the same company 16 years and its very stable, but i cant keep this up, not on nights.
Would you take the pay cut and have more family time? Or make more money and provide a better lifestyle?
Im leaning toward the M-F gig. I will sacrifice for my family, but not seeing my kids because im always sleeping or working scares me more than hard work.
I believe I’m much closer to and have a better chance of raising a good solid kid into a good solid man than I am to jumping social strata.
So thats what I did. Every decision has its upsides and down sides. Now I don’t have to try to get rich in a blue collar field. I can just go home and make dinner and cut the grass, focus my intent on things that matter more (to me).
My wife did just that 10 years ago. Traded big money corporate job that payed very well for a 40 hour work week with great work life balance. She couldn’t be happier. Money isn’t everything.
If we’re being brutally honest, doing nightshifts increases your risks of cardiovascular disease as well as weight (fat) gain, even cancer risk.
And “better lifestyle” is basically kids spending more quality time with their dad.
Unless you’re having financial issues, I - a random stranger from the internet - would suggest taking the pay cut. Sacrificing well being and family for a finite, non-life changing amount of money doesn’t work in the long run - you’d be getting into all kinds of domestic problems in the medium to long term.
I worked that same shift for about two years in my early 20’s. Among other problems that seemed to be related to my hours, I was literally losing my hair. I haven’t worked nights in 20 years and my hairline has more or less held steady since.
Maybe that was my genetic destiny, maybe the midnights had something to do with it. Either way, I wouldn’t work them again for twice my current salary.
What would taking a paycut mean for the lifestyle of your family? Assuming you aren’t just dropping the difference between the two salaries directly into a savings or investment account, you have to figure out what expenses you would be cutting out to make up the difference. If this means that you can’t take an expensive vacation or make expensive purchases like a new car, boat, or electronic devices, then I think you absolutely need to prioritize health and family time over making more money. Obviously, if the lower pay doesn’t cover housing, utilities, groceries, etc., then you’re going to have to suck it up and keep working nights. Other things fall in the middle for me like an expensive extracurricular for my kids or expensive health supplements. These types of things can have long term positive impact and might be worth sucking it up, but they can also be cut if it comes to it.
If you have some time to make the decision, you might consider trying to live on the lower salary while working the higher paying job and just saving the difference. It will let you and your family really understand what the lifestyle impact will be, while also allowing you to save up a bit of a cushion for emergencies that might come up in the future if you switch to the lower paying job. In this same line, an option might be to set a timeline for staying in the high paying job long enough to achieve set financial goals. Of course, this all depends on whether or not the opportunity to switch will wait around for you.
Finally, I really think you need to talk to your wife (and maybe your kids), about this. Even if you think you know what the right answer is, having her buy in will make the right answer work, whichever way you go.
I’m going to assume that even with the paycut, your family will be able to stay out of the poorhouse, you’ll just have to keep a tighter budget. With that assumed…
Working a lower level job, while being there for your kids and family IS the sacrifice. And it is well worth it- for you and your family. Loving involved parents are the best gifts you can give children, both for their happiness now as well as their development into outstanding happy adults.
If you can still live comfortably at the lower wage job, you should take it, or get your current company to match it. In a year or two you can likely jump on a job opening more to your liking, but you have to ask yourself “would I rather stunt my career a couple years, or be an absentee father for a couple years?”. You don’t want to be an absentee father and husband.
Also, IME, hard work is easy. It’s when you try to balance hard work with other competing commitments that stress skyrockets and burnout creeps up… And then both your work and life suffer and everyone loses. Sounds like you’re getting burnt trying to balance.
Might be touchy, but does your wife have the ability to work? Even a part time gig (especially if the employee discount would help you) goes a long way.
Yes. Less creature comforts, but we’ll be okay. And actually this potential daytime job comes with a company car, so i do have to factor that in to the overall “salary.”
Yes. Not to sound like a bitch, but i had a breakdown moment the other day before going to work. Everything just kind of hit me and couldn’t help but cry hugging my wife before i left. They are all i care about so trying to balance “what’s best” for them is stressful.
My father also worked his ass off when i was young. I appreciate everything he did for me, but there was definitely times he missed out either being at work or sleeping for night shift. If i can avoid that, i will.
Yes. Now that both kids are in school, she is going to work part-time. Actually subbing at the schools.
For me it would depend on thresholds. If the pay cut still allowed a lifestyle and financial cushion I’m comfortable with I’d possibly consider cutting excess for balance.
I would not degrade lifestyle and would figure out how to fix my sleep instead.
I feel ya. I had no history of anxiety and I started developing panic attacks and migraines caused by the stress. At the end of the day, you are killing yourself FOR your family. As long as their basic needs are met (food, shelter, health, education), your family would be much better served by your best YOU, instead of a tired, pissy, absent version of you and a few additional toys and HomeGoods.
Quality time with Dad/Husband and your health beats “things” all day. So make sure that you prioritize accordingly. You can’t get quality time back, but you can earn more money down the road. And if you do end up realizing that you actually need/want to earn more money down the road, you can go pursue that again.
Also it sounds like your wife is great and supportive so maybe this would never apply. But, if you spend all your energy on your work, and anything left over on your kids, what does your wife get? On top of losing your life partner, a divorce settlement would more than offset any additional income you were chasing
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Have you tried negotiating changed working hours with your current, stable employer - before making a drastic change? Maybe you could agree upon a change in the near future? Dig where you stand first, read the cards, and if it turns out negatively - You have at least tried - Which lead to acceptance in terms of seeking a new employment (with pay cut).
That said, about 2/3 of us are not destined to work night only. Stress illness, sleep disorder, secondary psychiatric symtoms, overweight, hypertension and diabetes are at risk (maybe even cancer, though the studies are divided). The 1/3 that manage work at night, have also their limit. Over time (years) all will be affected to a lesser or greater extent.
Why do you say that? If they don’t give him day shifts by the agreed upon date, he will be looking to take another job, elsewhere. It’s not getting back paid for work, or something where a “contract” keeps the parties beholden to a promise.
What does “getting it in writing” accomplish in this situation? Are you thinking they are more likely to accommodate the request out of principle if their signature is tied to it?
IMO that makes the situation unnecessarily hostile/combative without providing you any benefit/protection from the signed promise.
If they can’t put him on day shift by the agreed upon date, he moves on.
If he’s a key employee they’re likely to promise him everything to keep him until they find a suitable replacement. Of course, they’ll start looking for said replacement the next minute after the meeting in which he voiced his concerns/stated his requests ends.
Any verbal assurances about hours, money, location and whatnot in corporations are total BS. Only stuff that’s written down and signed by relevant head of department/HR matters (more often than not, but that’s another topic)
Understood. But if he gets a signed statement saying “you will be moved to day shift within 2 months”, and 2 months comes and the company says “we tried, but couldn’t open a spot on day shift”… What’s the recourse? How is he in a better spot than if he had no signed letter?
I just don’t see the value of getting a signed agreement in this situation. Unless there are penalties for not living up to the agreement (something no company would ever sign).
Personally, I’d get a hard timeline verbally/emailed, and then interview around letting the other jobs know your decision date. Then, if you don’t get put on day shift by the agreed to date, you just move on the other job you have lined up. No need to create any I’ll will as it seems like you may want to return to Company A someday.
That’s completely normal. Everyone who isn’t a sociopath or a deadbeat has experienced this in one form or the other, including myself.
Yeah, but it seems to me - maybe I’m wrong - that @Alrightmiami19c would prefer the situation to be resolved ASAP due to stress/uncertainty. And in my opinion “leaving on good terms” is overrated. If you’re not threatening legal action or doing something dumb like yelling profanities at your exit interview large companies will take you back if they need you. There’s no emotion here.
Stating politely that for family reasons you have to start doing day shifts in two weeks time (for example) or you’ll be forced to give two weeks notice is more that sufficient from a professional perspective in my random internet stranger opinion.
Submitting an ultimatum, and then asking for it to be signed does imply legal action of some sort (why else get it signed?). My issue is with demanding the request/conversation be signed… It just seems combative for no benefit.
I very much agree with your last statement above, though I’d personally push it to 2 months to give yourself enough time to find job offers, and also give your company enough time to shuffle things around to fit you on day shift. YMMV.
So thats what I did. Every decision has its upsides and down sides. Now I don’t have to try to get rich in a blue collar field. I can just go home and make dinner and cut the grass, focus my intent on things that matter more (to me).