T-Man's College Essay

[quote]Mondy wrote:
you have no idea how difficult it was to be a premature kid, I spent so much time in the hospital as a kid.
[/quote]

Really? I was born 9 weeks early so I think I have a good idea. Course I was always puny and didn’t really catch up until 8th grade. I had delayed growth in my intelligence towards academics as well and that was sooooo much fun. I was always put in the turtles math/reading (aka semi-retard classes) until about late 3rd grade then things started clicking. I also had terrible allergies and asthma but hey I lucked out and have pulled a 180 since then and have hardly any allergies and no asthma…unless I’m around heavy smokers.

Lol, funny thing is I remember a few years back when my family was moving and we came across a bunch of my baby stuff. There was this small sock in the box and asked my mom, “What is this sock doing in here?” My mom informed me that it was the sock they used to put my entire body in while I spent 2 months in the hospital while the had me in the baby finishing oven…mmmm toasty.

OMG just thought of another baby story. My mom and dad bought each other Rolexes for wedding gifts…the kind with the metal wristbands that have rows of links. Well anywho my dad got to work and he is like wtf my hand reeks even after he washed it. Turns out he has baby poop from changing my diaper all caked up in the wristband and he spent most of the day picking it out. Ok back on task.

The best thing to improve your writing is to get other people to read it and mark it up. You’ll probably have to get teachers or strangers that won’t subconsciously just tell you it is good and ignore the bad cause they love/like/care about you. Shit if you have anyone that doesn’t like you see if you can convince them to read it cause you’ll know they’ll be brutally honest.

EDIT:
Don’t get disheartened when your writing needs a lot of work. Just think of all those big name authors that you love so much. Most of them have their books spend months if not years being edited. They have the good fortune of being able to focus on the meaning/story/meat of the writing and have professionals make sure they don’t sound retarded.

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
Mondy wrote:
you have no idea how difficult it was to be a premature kid, I spent so much time in the hospital as a kid.

Really? I was born 9 weeks early so I think I have a good idea. Course I was always puny and didn’t really catch up until 8th grade. I had delayed growth in my intelligence towards academics as well and that was sooooo much fun. I was always put in the turtles math/reading (aka semi-retard classes) until about late 3rd grade then things started clicking. I also had terrible allergies and asthma but hey I lucked out and have pulled a 180 since then and have hardly any allergies and no asthma…unless I’m around heavy smokers.

Lol, funny thing is I remember a few years back when my family was moving and we came across a bunch of my baby stuff. There was this small sock in the box and asked my mom, “What is this sock doing in here?” My mom informed me that it was the sock they used to put my entire body in while I spent 2 months in the hospital while the had me in the baby finishing oven…mmmm toasty.

OMG just thought of another baby story. My mom and dad bought each other Rolexes for wedding gifts…the kind with the metal wristbands that have rows of links. Well anywho my dad got to work and he is like wtf my hand reeks even after he washed it. Turns out he has baby poop from changing my diaper all caked up in the wristband and he spent most of the day picking it out. Ok back on task.

The best thing to improve your writing is to get other people to read it and mark it up. You’ll probably have to get teachers or strangers that won’t subconsciously just tell you it is good and ignore the bad cause they love/like/care about you. Shit if you have anyone that doesn’t like you see if you can convince them to read it cause you’ll know they’ll be brutally honest.

EDIT:
Don’t get disheartened when your writing needs a lot of work. Just think of all those big name authors that you love so much. Most of them have their books spend months if not years being edited. They have the good fortune of being able to focus on the meaning/story/meat of the writing and have professionals make sure they don’t sound retarded.[/quote]

Hahaha yea, I’ll try to get all of this editing done by this weekend. My dad used to put my whole leg in his mouth when I was a baby. I couldn’t swallow food as a baby, so my grandmother had to hold a milk bottle and kind of shake my gentle up and down for hours to feed me

Same as any other student essay.

“I was nothing and then I discovered (skeetball, midget tossing, competitive wanking).”

You need to add personal experience.

If you have no personal experience of interest then LIE.

E.g. Fighting an elephant. Having sex with Demi Moore. Happy-slapping Ashton Kutcher. Pulling a helicopter in the Oval Office.

[quote]Mondy wrote:
I couldn’t swallow food as a baby, so my grandmother had to hold a milk bottle and kind of shake my gentle up and down for hours to feed me

[/quote]

They didn’t let me leave the hospital until I could drink from a bottle…so basically for the first 2 months I had a feeding tube. Good thing my long term memory didn’t kick in for a few years cause I’m sure that sucked hardcore. I guess when I was finally on a bottle I’d get so tired from trying to eat that I’d pass out for a mid feeding nap…so I guess it’s like Thanksgiving.

As far as the editing goes make sure to get that done. I’d also consider redoing the whole thing and write up an outline. For me if I have a well thought out outline it makes writing fairly easy. So I’ll type up an outline then copy it to a new word document and write the paper directly to the outline.

What class is this for?

I didn’t even read the whole post, but I now agree with the people who have been saying that we’re getting carried away with the whole “T-Man” thing.

A real T-man essay would be about how you would beat the shit out of that guy in the fast food restaurant who slapped some girl, or beat up some random douche in the new video that is up on the internets.

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
A real T-man essay would be about how you would beat the shit out of that guy in the fast food restaurant who slapped some girl, or beat up some random douche in the new video that is up on the internets.[/quote]

And then had sex with that hot girl… in that gif… on the internet.

UPDATED ESSAY check out the very first post

Getting better. I think the start is still choppy, though. Also, you should consider that people may be evaluating the essay who are themselves overweight or have man-boobs. You should probably take the scorn out of that part and talk instead about not feeling well or about feeling on the outside.

[quote]I was dealt tough cards from the start, beginning at my early birth at seven months weighing a mere two pounds. In a blink, I changed from a severely malnourished and underweight child to the proud owner of a 31-inch waist in middle school. I had no problem with my �??slightly�?? chubby body image. Perhaps I was preoccupied in living within my fabricated protective bubble.

�??That kid has man-boobs.�??

Those four words ignited within me, fueling a burning desire for change. I came to my senses; I was just another fat kid. Uneducated and desperate, I did hundreds of crunches to no avail. Instead of a rugged six-pack, I developed a posture problem. [/quote]

The part about going from preemie to 31" waist (“in a blink”!) is confusing, too. Every time I read it I picture a swollen infant. Also, were you really malnourished? Probably not. You were just early. I’d take it out. You’re going for “I’VE STRUGGLED,” but eh, did you really?

In bringing up the tough cards you were dealt and your early birth you’ve introduced a thesis statement that goes absolutely nowhere. Half a paragraph, then never mentioned again. What were the tough cards? That you were born early but thrived because you had medical care and people who loved you? That your family had the resources to provide you lots of food and you ate it and got fat?

I think the quality part of your essay starts with “uneducated and desperate, I did hundreds of crunches…” Before that, you need to talk about why YOU wanted change. You’re in your protective bubble, then next thing we know, you’re killing yourself with crunches. Why? Not man-boobs. Again, you don’t know who’s reading. Go deeper. Were you self conscious? Was it hard to do the mile in P.E.? Did you hear someone talking about you? Did your dad disapprove? Go deeper, and stop trying to sound like an action movie (“That kid has man-boobs!”).

I used weightlifting and it’s role it played in maturing, enlightenment, and knowing yourself.

I love iron. Iron has changed me into a better man; a man with knowledge, power, and most importantly, silent confidence. Through the struggles I’ve endured in the gym, I have gained the strength and the skills necessary to excel in other areas of my life.

Weightlifting was an activity I committed myself to since the early age of 14. I was a rather chubby kid back then although my weight never really bothered me. Then one day, a physical education push up endurance test instigated a sequence of events that has fundamentally changed me.

There I was, helplessly laying on the floor. I couldn’t even do one push up. Everyone was laughing and giggling, while I was left ashamed and embarrassed. I hated who I had become.

This event ignited within me a burning desire for change. I came to my senses; I was just another fat kid. I no longer wanted to be Frustrated, I did hundreds of crunches to no avail. Instead of a rugged six-pack, I developed a posture problem.

I turned towards my brother for help. He taught me the fundamentals of weightlifting. By training alongside him, I had an epiphany: no effort, no results, plain and simple. Under his guidance, I discovered a new love - my passion for weightlifting.

My first tiny step into the gym was a great leap towards self-actualization. At first, It was tough, to subject myself to such physical torture out of pure vanity. I felt out of place, inferior, and most of all, intimidated. Picking up the tiny dumbbells and struggling with them was a feat of courage. It took determination to overcome the humiliation and ignore the side-long glances and muted laughs of others. This sense of insecurity overwhelmed me; I felt as if I was suffocating under the pressure. Indeed, many times I considered giving up.

However, time after time, my brother pushed me back on track. Over time, I gained a greater understanding of weightlifting. I was no longer motivated by my vanity, instead I was intrinsically motivated. I wanted to see how far I could go if I committed myself to it. I was my only competitor, constantly striving to outdo myself. In order to become a more competent lifter, I actively learned about the discipline, reading academic journals, combing through online forums, and consulting teachers and trainers at school. Lifting was no longer a fixed routine I blindly followed, but a pursuit of self-learning and a exercise in self-awareness. Furthermore, I no longer seek the recognition of others, for I am self-validated. I am changed.

Through weightlifting, I have developed attitudes and skills that have helped me advance in other areas of life. It has made me a much more proactive individual with far more determination and perseverance. It has changed my fundamental capacity to undertake new challenges. Before my encounter with weightlifting, I would often whine about the amounts of homework I received. However, after I acquired this healthy lifestyle I no longer whined. I embrace these challenges for I love the feeling of conquering a new obstacle. In fact, I now want to be intellectually stimulated. My sense of focus and determination is transferred to everything else I do.

I recently built myself a computer from scratch. I researched and purchased each individual component from the monitor to the motherboard. I even built my own heat-sink (a device used to cool the central processing unit in the computer) by re-engineering and welding together two existing heat sinks. Before I had started lifting, I never would have had the tenacity and willpower to do these things. Now, not only have I built my own computer, I am building them for students at school, and have a small, but profitable business.

Through unfortunate elbow tendonitis caused by over-training, I have also learned the importance of moderation and self-awareness. It is not just about training hard; it is about training smart. My injury was a lesson in humility. I learned to train not with my ego but with my intellect. Though lifting originally brought me the confidence and strength in and out of the gym, my injury taught me to be self-aware and careful.

Iron, is a metal that is forged by combining a certain combination of minerals under intense heat in order to produce a strong and resilient metal. Through pumping iron, I have put myself mentally and physically through a similarly intense process. Now, informed and transformed, I have achieved a new level of health. I have since earned myself the quality of unspoken confidence.