Strangest Person at Your Gym

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[quote]slimjim wrote:
At the gym the other day there were these two guys doing deads. They were wearing flourescent hammer strength tops and spandex shorts(probably to keep their muscles warm) Now their form was horrendous, but they were putting on around 500 lbs and getting it partially up. And they would spot each other by bending down behind the other guy during his lift shouting words of encouragement…“PUSH IT HARDER RAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!” Was what I heard at one point.

Now as if this wasn’t bad enough, there was this older gentleman trying to do some curls next to them…it was obvious he was overweight, but he was in there trying to get his workout done. Anyway, these two assholes spot this guy doing curls and start taunting him about coming over and doing a “real lift” EVentually they con him into getting over there and doing an attempt on 500 lbs with no warm up. Of course he can’t do it and then they start telling him about all the useless muscle he is building up doing curls and he’s like whatever, I’m just trying to lift.

So he’s trying to leave when one of the guys wants to give him a demonstration of his practical strength, so he finally agrees and the guy picks him up and plants him on the floor then gets in behind they guy and starts choking him…his partner is shouting,“Yeah RAAAAAAYYYYYYY do 'em, show him what is up.” Then he lets the guy go and they start whooping about what badasses they are and how they’ll have to get to T-Nation and let everyone else know(after their homo-erotic celebration which included slapping each other on the ass and commenting on what firm muscles they had developed with their extensive deadlifting.)[/quote]

Its like I have heard this somewhere.

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[quote]Z-Man wrote:
Strangest guy at my wife’s gym, a cop in his 60’s who actually pushed her and knocked her over yelling “MOVE” instead of saying “excuse me”.

Being the more sensible one in the relationship, it took my wife hours to convince me not to go over there and take a pipe to the assh&*^. I tried to get her to press charges, but because we know that cops look after their own, it would not be prudent to be on their bad side. And because he’s a cop, the YMCA won’t revoke his membership either.

Atleast she’s feisty one and gave him quite the dressing down.

And to think once I wanted to be one.[/quote]

Talk about an asshole comment. So you run into ONE asshole cop and all of a sudden ALL cops are assholes?

What job do you do? I met an asshole (insert your job here) once… you must be an asshole. And to think I once wanted to be an (insert your job here).

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[quote]jtrinsey wrote:
enterthedojo wrote:
At my old gym there was this crazy tall guy about 45 or so years old that used to come in around 5pm dressed in a post office uniform (I really hope he was actually a postman) and go straight to the bench press area. He would put on 2 plates per side and without a warm up, jump on the bench and pump out reps.

EVERY SINGLE rep he would yell “HUSSSSSSS… HUSSSSSSSS” and as he muscled out the last rep of EVERY set he would scream “UNCONVENTIONAL!!!” He would stay on the bench for about 45 mintues, resting about 5 minutes inbetween sets staring creepily at whoever was nearby. He would do this about 3 times a week and I never saw him do any other exercise!

The scariest thing was, after about 5 months of the time I first noticed him, he began to amass disciples for his “UNCONVENTIONAL!!!” school… about 3-4 people in the gym would yell that out during their sets and a few people would work in with him on bench.

That guy was awesome.

This is honestly one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life.

Quick question: could I apply this technique during any exercise or only benching?[/quote]

I agree! I’m still laughing.

UNCONVENTIONAL! LOL

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did tehy really mention T-Nation!? that’s so sad…

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Just love this thread…
Here is the best i personally can think of…

He was abut 40 years old… …allways wore Raiders “clown-style” pants with lightnings on them… …raced in to the gym and went straigt to the “arm-cycle-thing” we have in the gym… …he would spend about an hour each time on that stupid thing… …and sweat all over the place…
…but to be honest… .he was a lot more interesting OUTSIDE of the gym…

  • he was a local drugdealer…
    selling drugs to local kids…

  • when he was younger he did a robbery at a local bank - was recognised by half of bank… the cops went straight to his mothers house and picked him up, just 30 minutes after the robbery…

  • when his father died -he went to the hospital -and stole the body… …strapped it to the back of his Harley… put a helmet on his father -and drove 45 kilometers to the center of Copenhagen where “they” went for a beer… -no need to say that he went to court for that one…

  • about 4 years ago he was showing off to his girlfriend… …playing around with a gun - ending up shooting himself in the head…

…they actually went ahead and did a drama-movie about fucker… …gloryfying the stupid asshole…

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ok now i work in a gym and this lad that trains his CHEST there comes in and would do benches maybe 3 days in a row and max out each time, first he starts of with some chest press for about 5 sets, then he walks around with one of those god damn cheap grippers and squeezes it about 100 times, with one hand only between sets, then he’ll go off to the smith machine do some benches maybe another 4 or 5 sets, after that some push ups with his feet on a bench, the some push ups with the handles, sometimes he might do a bit of cardio in between all this, as you can probaly imagine like alot of people described in this thread he is built like a light bulb, anyway if i owned that gym i’d kick him the fuck out for training like an asshole.

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There is this guy at my gym who wears these really tight shorts, rec specs, basketball sneakers, and a cut off shirt, he is prob 48 or so and he basically looks like he is trying to look like a really bad basketball player.

Anyway, he does every exercise wrong, standing overhead tricep extensions with about an inch range of motion, kinda just looks like he is pulsing. Lat pulldown to his thighs you know the usual. I see the fucker the other day walk over to the pullup bar and Im wondering to myself what is he doing over here he is never doing pullups, the prick starts banging out perfect pullups and he has got quite a bit of weight to lose at near 50 years old, always lifting with shit form and the fucker bangs out like 10 pullups!
Retard strength or something.

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Another dirty old man for you all to appreciate. In my old gym this guy–probably in his mid-50’s–used to train about as bad as anyone I could imagine without seriously injuring himself.

Doing DB curls he’d take 40’s and literally use every muscle in his scrawny frame to get the damn thing up…the first time I saw it I was shocked he didn’t throw his back out. He’d bench 185 but only go down–his arms shaking the whole way–about 2-3"…I was constantly worried he’d lose it one time and literally get split in half by the weight.

The funniest, though, was lat pulldowns. He’d set the leg support as high as possible, practically stand up, and pulled the bar down about 6 inches, then let the weight slam back to the top as his whole body went with it. Hilarious to watch…but not too close because he smelled awful, like he soaked his ragged lifting gear in moldy cheese and sweat for a week. I couldn’t go near him, and I didn’t want to the way he ‘worked out’.

Did I mention that in the year + I worked out there he didn’t look like he had put on a single pound? Shocking, I know.

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I’m moving to Ottawa in Jan for a few months…where’s this gym, I gotta see that in person…

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There is a guy who works out at my gym, probably 40ish, about 5 foot tall - he wears this red kind of like a cut-off wresting outfit. He looks like he’s one of Santa’s escaped elves. Anyway, he is constantly making these loud “bomp, bomp” sounds… which gets annoying enough. But one day, I was trying to do squats in one rack and he was in the next one over doing rack pulls. He did have quite a bit of weight on (not sure how much). But, he sets down the weights, stares into the mirror and in the most robotic voice you can imagaine starts saying, "I am the 1995 powerlifting champion… " and goes on and on. I can’t even remember what else he said. Then starts with the “bomp, bomp” stuff again…

It should be an add for IPODs.

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My eyes are tearing and my stomach hurts from laughing so much, thanks for all the stories Ladies and Gents.

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[quote]SickDevildog wrote:
My eyes are tearing and my stomach hurts from laughing so much, thanks for all the stories Ladies and Gents.[/quote]

Same here. I think I’ve been cursed. Yesterday I spent almost 2 hours laughing my ass off at the posts on here. Today I was plagued, no joke, by stupid ass people in the gym.

First, some asshole was doing some serious momentum curls in the squat rack. And of course, he had to talk to his “hommie” in between sets. This dipshit proceeded to do a whole workout of momentum curls with serious body English for the whole session.

Also, I observed a woman in the indoor basketball court jogging around the court and kicking a basketball as if it were a soccer ball. She musta been practicing her “fancy footwork.” It was painful to observe this shit.

The foulest, most offensive thing I observed today was an old, fat, really wrinkly guy walk out of the sauna dripping sweat all over the fucking place. He walks over to the drinking fountain (still wearing nothing but trunks) and he bends over to get a mouth full of water. Then he stands up straight, swishes the water in his mouth for ~5 seconds, from and upright standing position, and spits a mouth full of drooly, sweaty, nasty water right back onto the fountain. Not just into the drain part, but onto the whole fucking fountain. Part of it obviously splattered onto the floor and on the wall. Nasty ass shit to see someone do!

One other thing I didn’t see today but I often see that pisses me off is the 18yr old pizza faced kid who hasn’t cut his long, nappy, culy hair in months. He wears I tight t-shirt that says “COLLEGE” on it and he’s always wearing his JV basketball shorts with his high school logo. And this fuckin douche bag always has to sag his shorts to reveal his boxers because chix think he’s HAWT!

What about the average “buffed guy.” You know, the guy that’s about 5’-4" and only does benching and curling. He always wears a “World Gym” shirt and those hideous zubaz pants that maybe were popular in the '80s. Oh yeah, he’s also got a mullet, an '88 Camaro, and smells of cheap-ass cologne. Chances are this guy also has one of those dog food-sized bags of Weight Gainer 5000 in the trunk of his Camaro.

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This probably should go in the Things Overheard at the Gym thread, but the search function doesn’t work on this computer and I’m too lazy to go wading through pages. I would like everyone viewing this post to please turn your stupidometers to their lowest possible setting to prevent overload.

Here we go:

Two days a go I was warming up on the recumbent bike while two women in their forties were standing close by, waiting for one of the gym’s crap-ass trainers to get to them to start their session.

The piped-in satellite radio music starts playing the “I like to move it-move it” song from the Madagascar soundtrack, and one of the women turns to her friend and says, “did you know that Madagascar is a real place? Yeah, it’s like a city or town or something!”

Her friend looked genuinely surprised as she explained that she bought an item of clothing with the tag “Made in Madagascar” sewn on the inside, thus tipping her off to the notion that it is a real place.

My (fairly new) partner, a 22 year old female who was stretching on the mat next to them, and I simultaneously tell her (actually, blurt out so our heads don’t explode) that it is an island off the eastern coast of Africa, and is, in fact, a country.

Her reply: “Really? Wow, I thought they just made it up for the movie…”

I wonder how Lewis Black would’ve handled this?

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Old surfer at mine. Still wears those tight shorts from the 70’s and the Pre-Michael Jordan 80’s. Post pics of himself surfing and advertising “personal massages” on the message board over the fountain. Total tool.

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[quote]moundsoffun wrote:
There is a guy who works out at my gym, probably 40ish, about 5 foot tall - he wears this red kind of like a cut-off wresting outfit. He looks like he’s one of Santa’s escaped elves. Anyway, he is constantly making these loud “bomp, bomp” sounds… which gets annoying enough. But one day, I was trying to do squats in one rack and he was in the next one over doing rack pulls. He did have quite a bit of weight on (not sure how much). But, he sets down the weights, stares into the mirror and in the most robotic voice you can imagaine starts saying, "I am the 1995 powerlifting champion… " and goes on and on. I can’t even remember what else he said. Then starts with the “bomp, bomp” stuff again…

It should be an add for IPODs. [/quote]

Oh snap! Grandma’s Boy all over again.

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I dubbed one guy the “candy man”. He is a older man, probably in his 60s. Wears sweat suit, and only really only uses the leg extension machine and the stair climber. I call him the candy man because he always has hard candy in his pockets, and he is always giving them to the women in the gym.

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[quote]JustDrag wrote:
There’s this one guy who looks a lot like an Elvis fan.

There’s this woman who swears up and down that she was part of a government plot to takeover all of the Burger Kings in the city.

There was a roid user who got cancer of the balls from injecting deca there because he thought that it would give him more mojo.

There’s this other guy who likes to work out in his mother’s wedding gown while standing on a Swiss ball. [/quote]

I call bullshit

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[quote]mazevedo wrote:

The foulest, most offensive thing I observed today was an old, fat, really wrinkly guy walk out of the sauna dripping sweat all over the fucking place. He walks over to the drinking fountain (still wearing nothing but trunks).
[/quote]

Actually, the worst thing was that he wore trunks in a sauna. You are supposed to wear nothing, nada, zip, niente. (If you’re really shy you could wrap yourself in a towel, but that is really a beginner thing.)

The only admissible reason to wear clothes in a sauna if it is one of those piss-poor gym saunas that has the temperature set to 100F to avoid lawsuits, and then you need them to keep warm. 180-190F is about right.

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  • The overweight black lady that sits back on the machines, watches the guys workout, the whole time going,“mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm, mmmmm”

*The big retarded guy walking around flexing in the mirrors, then asking everyone if they want to arm wrestle (we finally had a run-in.)

*The guys that yell and scream, then try to 1 rep 135, right before you pick it up off of them.

  • All the people that used to bench 500 lbs. , have a six pack, and chose to not be a professional athelete.
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[quote]enterthedojo wrote:
At my old gym there was this crazy tall guy about 45 or so years old that used to come in around 5pm dressed in a post office uniform (I really hope he was actually a postman) and go straight to the bench press area. He would put on 2 plates per side and without a warm up, jump on the bench and pump out reps.

EVERY SINGLE rep he would yell “HUSSSSSSS… HUSSSSSSSS” and as he muscled out the last rep of EVERY set he would scream “UNCONVENTIONAL!!!” He would stay on the bench for about 45 mintues, resting about 5 minutes inbetween sets staring creepily at whoever was nearby. He would do this about 3 times a week and I never saw him do any other exercise!

The scariest thing was, after about 5 months of the time I first noticed him, he began to amass disciples for his “UNCONVENTIONAL!!!” school… about 3-4 people in the gym would yell that out during their sets and a few people would work in with him on bench.

That guy was awesome.[/quote]