Enough is enough.
This article settles everything…
I have found that spanking mommies is much more fun.
An open hand is love; a closed hand is abuse…
I spank my kids after the first or second warning using my Dad voice. The oldest boy (7) seems to have developed a habit of fighting me when I start the delivery…this in turn pisses me off greatly especially since I have a one swat rule and if he turns and gets the swat in a place that is not ideal for spanking then it seems to lessen the message.
I have found that if I hold him down for a few minutes and explain to him that it is going to be much worse for him if he continues fighting me then he generally complies. This kid is very devious and appears to be an adept liar which makes me feel bad for him becuase I know as he gets older I wont be able to trust him; and I have had this talk with him several times when I catch him in a lie.
My middle child, a boy who is 5, is very rarely spanked; generally a stern voice and a deathglare works on him.
My daughter is less just about 2 and I hope my wife takes up the discipline there becuase she’s my little angel! But since the boys run the show when I am not there I doubt that she is going to be any different with her…
[quote]pushharder wrote:
Good post. Our philosophy too.
We have teenagers now and we found that if you spank them consistently, firmly, lovingly and don’t namby pamby around with a bunch of yapping and explaining and you do it especially between the ages of 1 - 6, you’ll have to do it rarely after that.
The stern look and the menacing voice carry very little weight unless it has been backed up repeatedly by physical punishment in the past.
Spanking works and it works BETTER when it has been administered in the early years. Plus you get more bang for your buck with in the younger years. By that I mean you can spank with less physical force and it still carries the psychological impact that you want it to than if you wait til the child is older and larger.[/quote]
We have come to exactly the same conclusions.
[quote]Snoop wrote:
An open hand is love; a closed hand is abuse…[/quote]
I know what you’re saying, but you risk blunt force trauma, and injury to the spine. A stick hurts more, and injures less. Test it on your own leg and you’ll understand.
[quote]
I spank my kids after the first or second warning using my Dad voice. The oldest boy (7) seems to have developed a habit of fighting me when I start the delivery…this in turn pisses me off greatly especially since I have a one swat rule and if he turns and gets the swat in a place that is not ideal for spanking then it seems to lessen the message. [/quote]
One swat will rarely bring a stubborn child into line. Also, you are conditioning him to try to tough it out, without changing his attitude. This is how a repeat (criminal) offender thinks.[/quote]
Lieing is a serious problem that needs to be dealt with extra severely. After dealing with it sternly and bringing the child to a true place of remorse, next time (he gets caught at something) you can give him a chance to tell the truth a few times, with a lenient punishment as reward, perhaps even a total waving of corparal discipline.
He needs to learn that owning up to his mistakes before he gets caught, or readily acknowledging them after he is caught, is the better way. But he must learn through experience. You can’t just talk to a 7 yr old about why lieing is bad and honesty is good. It’s too early for him to think that abstractly.
As an uncle who has to babysit a 2.5 year old and 6 year old once in a while the key point has been consistency. My bro and his girlfreind are completely conflicting once in a while resulting in confusion and bad behavior.
I can sit there in the room watching TV and they’ll play silently unless hungry/tired, the amount of stress on them is much less when someone isn’t telling them what to not do all the time especially when they don’t understand it. Of course I stop them if property, people or themselves can get hurt but otherwise they learn their own lessons.
My bro trys explaining why and how something should be done, and my bro’s gf gives up and let’s them do what they want after 2-3 yelps which isn’t a good way imo. I haven’t seen explaining ever work on the 2.5 year old.
Growing up I used to get a good spanking from my dad, nanny and beaten up by my big bro when I did something irritating. Personally I think it made me timid and scared in my younger years, and wasn’t the right treatment for someone behaving well especially since I wasn’t rewarded for doing anything good, and also as soon as I got old enough to fight back I did and was very rebelious.
But to each his own I just know what I personally felt, I never tell anyone how to raise their kids.
Shaved, the next time your girlfriend’s brothers misbehave, you should spank her.
[quote]vroom wrote:
First, she’s 16. It’s not likely that a 16 year old will really take a spanking seriously[/quote]
Oh yeah? You obviously haven’t spanked many 16 year old girls.
Wait…now I’m on the wrong forum. Never mind.
[quote]Mr. Chen wrote:
Wow, opened up this thread this morning, and it’s gone from one to three pages.
We have always spanked our kids, which are now 21, 14, and 2. If spanking is going to be part of a loving system of discipline, it can’t be haphazard, or base d on anger.
3 actions get a spanking (although the intensity may vary)- direct disobedience, lieing, and intentionally hurting others, or causing distruction.
We require obedience to instruction the first time. We do not rely on stern looks or a raised voice, otherwise you are teaching the child he does not have to obey until someone looks sternly at him, or raises his voice.
For younger children especially, there is no point in explaining why they should obey, although you might take time to try to explain it at some point. A 2yr old cannot understand all about why he can’t run across the street etc. The kid must learn to obey first, just because mommy or daddy said so.
A child can easily connect his action with immediate pain. To explain to him how his action might cause him pain in the future won’t be remembered, maybe not even understood.
We use a light wooden dowel for spanking, not the hand. This separates the instrument of punishment from the identity of the parent. We spank just hard enough to cause the child to give up his rebellion. Often this is not very hard at all. To be able to do this, you cannot be spanking if you are angry. The child is then given a brief period to calm down, and an opportunity to reconcile with the parent.
As some have already pointed out, consistency is of the utmost importance, and this is were most parents fail. If the child knows the consequences will come down everytime, he is far less likely to attempt to manipulate, or test the parent. This also lifts a significant burden from the childs psych- since these types of behaviors don’t ever work, he won’t spend time thinking about them. He will be a much happier child. Consistency will also mean you won’t have to spank your child very often at all, and when you spank the force required will be less.
This is just the bare bones of the biblical system we use; whole books have been written. So, please don’t immediately jump on this post if there’s something you don’t understand. There are a lot of nuances to doing it lovingly and effectively.[/quote]
This was the deepest post I’ve read on the subject.
My sentiments exactly. I’ve done it that way and the stern look always worked after an early age.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
BarneyFife wrote:
I have found that spanking mommies is much more fun.
Barney, Barney, Barney. We know you’re a young sprout yourself and you’ve stated your sexual experiences are somewhat limited so don’t run ‘round here making up shit about you being a kinky stud and whoopin’ on women because they like gettin’ it from you so much.[/quote]
Your right, Cap’n Pushbeard. Of the very few women I have spanked, none of them have been mommies. But mommies look really fun to spank.
It is not spanking a child that screws up the childs’ mind - it is the parent losing control.
If a parent loses control and then hits/abuses/screams at the child (even if not actually hitting the kid) that is 400x more scary to a kid than the actual pain of the hits.
If a kid sees that their parent can’t cope then that is really traumatic.
If however a kid sees that their parent is stern and will not tolerate certain behaviours, that is a good lesson for the kid to learn limits.
But no child wants to see their parents in distress. If the parents can’t cope what chance has the kid got? They think they have no power and get neurotic.
Alternatively, the kid gets an inflated sense of their own power and turns into a jerk.
It is not a simple black and white case of “you should spank/not spank” the kid, it is what is going on behind the spanking that matters.
[quote]vagrant wrote:
Kailash wrote:
And remember: “Violence is the first resort of the incompetent.”
You don’t have children do you?[/quote]
Not yours, thankfully, or the children of anyone else who’s raised hyper retards.
Let’s see: You get a brand new kid from birth. Then you blame them for fucking up? Who made them what they are??
Watch some Willy Wonka. For real, it’s the parents who have made their children, in every case.
If you think your kids are so much different from you, that just shows how in the dark you are about your own problems. Parents need to take responsibility for how their kids have turned out, and then deal with it in both themselves and the children.
[quote]ill wrote:
Growing up I used to get a good spanking from my dad, nanny and beaten up by my big bro when I did something irritating. Personally I think it made me timid and scared in my younger years, and wasn’t the right treatment for someone behaving well especially since I wasn’t rewarded for doing anything good, and also as soon as I got old enough to fight back I did and was very rebelious.[/quote]
I hope noone mistakes the biblical system of child discipline as overly severe. For my children, the good times far outweigh the bad times.
Praise, encouragement, patient assistance must all be there in large quantities. These are so important for the child to be willing to receive this type of discipline, and the process have positive results. He will see it as part of a loving relationship. Without the counterbalance of the positive things, the kid won’t accept it, especially after 10 yrs.
The kid knows when he’s been bad, and his conscience requires retribution. When a loving parent gives it, plus a chance to rectify and do better, the child will readily accept it, and he will be much more secure and happy.
[quote]nephorm wrote:
Ashes wrote:
nephorm wrote:
Miserere wrote:
No worries, mate!
Christ. You massholes that think you’re British.
“Nah wahrees mayt!”
No worries mate is actualy the unnofficial slogan of Australia. I dont know anyone in my part of the UK who would ever say that.
I’m just taking the piss out of him.
Not being serious.[/quote]
No worries mate : )
There are much more fun ways to punish or discipline kids than the simple spank.
My dad once buried our beloved games console in the garden after me and my cousin took a wrestling bout a bit too far (a finger was nearly lost).
Personally I like to suggest we have rabbit pie for supper tomorrow if the rascals dont behave… go and say goodbye to Rodger kids!
[quote]BarneyFife wrote:
pushharder wrote:
BarneyFife wrote:
I have found that spanking mommies is much more fun.
Barney, Barney, Barney. We know you’re a young sprout yourself and you’ve stated your sexual experiences are somewhat limited so don’t run ‘round here making up shit about you being a kinky stud and whoopin’ on women because they like gettin’ it from you so much.
Your right, Cap’n Pushbeard. Of the very few women I have spanked, none of them have been mommies. But mommies look really fun to spank.
[/quote]
Bad baby bad baby!!
One of my wife’s friends will give their 5 year old brattty daughter a Game boy during “time outs” just to shut her up.
My wife and I have no children Because of this, we are seen by our many friends who have children as not knowing how to discipline children.
I usually tell them that they should quit being friends with their kids and be parents.
My parents would spank me. Usually the thought of getting spanked was usually a deterrent to getting into trouble, or, at least enought trouble that warranted getting spanked.
[quote]Kailash wrote:
vagrant wrote:
Kailash wrote:
And remember: “Violence is the first resort of the incompetent.”
You don’t have children do you?
Not yours, thankfully, or the children of anyone else who’s raised hyper retards.
Let’s see: You get a brand new kid from birth. Then you blame them for fucking up? Who made them what they are??
Watch some Willy Wonka. For real, it’s the parents who have made their children, in every case.
If you think your kids are so much different from you, that just shows how in the dark you are about your own problems. Parents need to take responsibility for how their kids have turned out, and then deal with it in both themselves and the children.[/quote]
No, no…I don’t think you get it. Who would spank a baby? They don’t know anything yet. You start by just holding, comforting, loving, talking.
Then as they get older and moving around more there are things that can get them hurt - you say “no”. A long philisophical discussion doesn’t get it - they don’t understand. A simple no will work. Then there are times they will test boundaries and do what they wish anyway. Times they will do something that could get them hurt or killed. These are the times spanking is used.
A child runs in a parking lot with cars backing out of spaces - no discusson - a swat on the butt works quickly - they don’t run in parking lots again.
A child throws a temper tantrum you try to explain in terms they understand - they keep on - one or two empty handed swats on the butt - they suddenly understand.
About my “hyper-retards”. Well, I’ve done pretty good with them. My 17 year old hasn’t been spanked since she was 8. She is one class away from graduating HS a year early ahead of her class and ready for college.
My 10 year old - not spanked since age 7. IQ test at school = 134…I don’t think she’s very retarded.
It hasn’t been needed because of the way I’ve raised them. Love, talking to them all the time, listening all the time, doing things with them, making sure that the children - not the adults are the center of the family, loving them enough to actually spank them when it has to be done, never just because they’ve made you angry or because they’ve irritated you…eventually they never need it anymore.
The prisons are full of people who weren’t spanked and those who were spanked too much.
It is a diciplinary tool used for teaching, not punishment, not used in anger, not done to cause real physical pain - but to teach lessons.
Again, I don’t think you have children. If you do - I’m concerned about what kind of adults they are going to make.