Spanking Children

[quote]Miserere wrote:
No worries, mate![/quote]

Christ. You massholes that think you’re British.

“Nah wahrees mayt!”

[quote]Miserere wrote:
Great post, I think you hit the nail on the head.[/quote]

Thanks. Thats my formula and I’m sticking to it.

Unfortunately, I learned what to do by experiencing what not to do.

  1. Frequent beatings for no apparent reason, usualy very violent, with objects.

What I learned- Random violence.

  1. You are grounded all of the time.

What I learned- It doesn’t matter if you do something right or wrong. There is no incentive to do anything right, and it doesn’t matter if you do anything wrong. You are still grounded.

This made adult life prety difficult. It took quite a few trips to jail and a total of about 6 years on probation to start thinking about a different approach to life.

My earliest memory is of my mother slapping me extremely hard on the arse for running across the road without looking. I didn?t really understand why she did it at the time (you think you?re invincible as a kid) but man did I take care after that.

It?s hard to argue that this wasn?t the ideal course of action to take, a stern talking to just wouldn?t have had the same effect.

But my favourite memory of her comes from my teenage brat phase. One minute I was shouting in her face about something, the next thing I know I?m lying on my back in a daze… she had done a Judo throw on me over her shoulder. I was a hefty wannabe Rugger star and my mum had slammed me down!

What a woman, we still laugh about it to this day… and I always remembered to be civil to her after that : )

[quote]nephorm wrote:
Miserere wrote:
No worries, mate!

Christ. You massholes that think you’re British.

“Nah wahrees mayt!”[/quote]

No worries mate is actualy the unnofficial slogan of Australia. I dont know anyone in my part of the UK who would ever say that.

I’ve spanked myn 12 year old twins maybe 10 times and I haven’t done it in five years. That, along with other consistent punishments have produced two kids who listen very well.

BTW, the spnakigs were usually one swat to get the attention. I used others methods culled from CIA interrogation manuls to establish control. ( joke) If you want to know how to handle kids, watch the Dog whisperer on the National Geographic channel. The same principles apply. I’m the pack leader around her and it seems to work well. Please, thank you, may I are commonly heard here.

It’s really best to explain to kids why what they are doing is wrong, and the consequences that their actions have on others. Along with the repercussions that will come back to bite them on the ass. Give them to time to think about this lesson and this warning.

An example, disrespect breeds disrespect. If the kid is going to fuck with someone, that person is liable to fuck with them. If the kid doesn’t understand, then you might need to show them. That’s called “learning the hard way”.

But so many parents aren’t interested in their kids learning the principles, they just want to be listened to and now, dammit. That authoritarian style of parenting isn’t going to make the best kids. They won’t develop as well in critical thinking capacity, wonderings of why and how. They’re more likely to develop into rule followers and followers in general. They’ll also be more likely to resent a parent who treats them with violence or a shouting commandment, rather than sharing their time and teaching.

In short, parents who don’t think raise kids who don’t think. Give your kids the time investment, especially in corrective situations.

And remember: “Violence is the first resort of the incompetent.”

I was a pretty bad fuckin kid until I was 22 or so. In all honesty I SHOULD be dead by now. If my mon and dad hadn’t of whooped my ass everytime I fucked up, I WOULD be dead by now. When I have kids and they fuck up, they’re catchin’ it,and they’re gonna continue to catch it until they’re old enough to know beter, or I’ll figure out alternative ways to deliver.

[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?

[/quote]

Don’t break the skin, bones, leave permanent marks, or bruises. If they have to be spanked and sometimes they do go right ahead just don’t beat them.

As part of my job I end up in court sometimes. I thought it was funny when the DSS had this one guy charged with child abuse for spanking his child…the judge threw it out of court saying, “he needed a whipping, parent’s have to do that sometimes.”

There is however a difference between a spanking and a beating. Please be smart enough to know this before reproducing.

[quote]Kailash wrote:
It’s really best to explain to kids why what they are doing is wrong, and the consequences that their actions have on others. Along with the repercussions that will come back to bite them on the ass. Give them to time to think about this lesson and this warning.

An example, disrespect breeds disrespect. If the kid is going to fuck with someone, that person is liable to fuck with them. If the kid doesn’t understand, then you might need to show them. That’s called “learning the hard way”.

But so many parents aren’t interested in their kids learning the principles, they just want to be listened to and now, dammit. That authoritarian style of parenting isn’t going to make the best kids. They won’t develop as well in critical thinking capacity, wonderings of why and how. They’re more likely to develop into rule followers and followers in general. They’ll also be more likely to resent a parent who treats them with violence or a shouting commandment, rather than sharing their time and teaching.

In short, parents who don’t think raise kids who don’t think. Give your kids the time investment, especially in corrective situations.

And remember: “Violence is the first resort of the incompetent.”[/quote]

You don’t have children do you?

[quote]Ashes wrote:
My earliest memory is of my mother slapping me extremely hard on the arse for running across the road without looking. I didn?t really understand why she did it at the time (you think you?re invincible as a kid) but man did I take care after that.

It?s hard to argue that this wasn?t the ideal course of action to take, a stern talking to just wouldn?t have had the same effect.

But my favourite memory of her comes from my teenage brat phase. One minute I was shouting in her face about something, the next thing I know I?m lying on my back in a daze… she had done a Judo throw on me over her shoulder. I was a hefty wannabe Rugger star and my mum had slammed me down!

What a woman, we still laugh about it to this day… and I always remembered to be civil to her after that : )
[/quote]

LOL, that must have madea real dent to your male teenage ego! Great story.

Usually for my brother and I the death stare and the “Dad” or “Mum” voice was enough to stop us in our tracks, but occassionally we took it too far and spanking was the result. I remember one day I got Mum really fired up and was ordered to my room. The trouble was that I had to go past her in the kitchen to get there and i knew I would be spanked on the way through. So I tried to run the gauntlet and sure enough out came the wooden mixing spoon (only used when we REALLY deserved it) to deliver a whack on the backside as I ran past. On this occasion the spoon actually broke (Mum felt guilty after that, which of course I reminded her of at every opportunity afterwards!), but it worked and it was enough to shock me out of doing whatever I had been doing wrong.

[quote]emdawgz1 wrote:
Like anything common sense must apply first.
If your idea of a spanking involves severe pain or extension cords(really) or anything like that, seek professional advice.[/quote]

I guess my mom needs professional advice then because I was beat almost daily with an extension cord(still have lots of scars). But to be honest I would beat my kid bloody too if he/she dug holes in the yard so people would twist/break their ankle(I thought it was funny to see people limp around), or tell my younger siblings that there was buried treasure underneath the fireplace in the livingroom so they would help me carry all the broken rocks out to the back yard.

This is a tough one. Since my daughter is only 12 weeks old, the wife and I have a while before it becomes a material issue, but we have given it some serious discussion. We are somewhat at a handicap, as I was one of those apparently extremely rare children that never needed to be (or was) spanked, never sought to “test my mom’s boundaries”, or any of that shit. Mom said “no”, I said “OK” and/or stopped whatever it was I was doing, and that was that. My wife’s mom is/was a tough old bird, but only whacked my wife on a couple of occasions when she was a kid, but for the most part, she lived a spank-free childhood for most of the same reasons I did.

This leaves us wondering where the healthy median is, should our spawn not turn out to be the angel that my wife and I were. We are hoping to stack the odds in our favor by establishing a strong foundation of respect at an early age, but, like anything involving human beings, and especially children, we’ll just have to wait and see.

The problem with hitting your kids is that you have to hit them slightly harder each time so they don’t get desensitized to the violence.

There is a difference between spanking and abuse. Spanking should be a positive reinforcement process. Abuse is what happens when parents deal with a child by taking out their frustrations on them. If parents would quit making idle threats and stay consistent with discipline, they would have much fewer problems. My children are 23 and 19 and I can honestly say they never gave me any disciplinary problems. They knew when to test the boundaries and when dad was serious.

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
The problem with hitting your kids is that you have to hit them slightly harder each time so they don’t get desensitized to the violence.[/quote]

See, there’s another alternative. Cycle off every once in a while. Have a period where instead of spanking them, you ground them. Then once they feel that they’re safe again, BAM! Spanking!

That reminds me of this guy I know who was with his kids in the supermarket, and some woman remarked how well behaved they were.

His reponse: “That’s because I beat them daily”

Spanking is a great leadup to hair pulling and choking…wait is this the wrong forum?

dmanor, what I meant was the fact that a 16 year old girl was brought into your home is bit removed from the disciplinary issues found when raising a child from birth.

First, she’s 16. It’s not likely that a 16 year old will really take a spanking seriously - it’s way too late for that. Second, you are nobody to her, at first, so the relationship isn’t there.

It’s a nice story, but the situation is so different that it’s not really applicable to most of the discussion. However, I will agree, that’s probably the right way to handle that particular situation.

i’ll be quick to admit that i was born hell on wheels and got my fair share of physical discipline. i always knew why i was getting it and i knew i was gonna get it too if they said so. i do remember a few occasions where mom had to spank me, cuz dad was just making me laugh. what can i say, being daddy’s little girl has certain benifits. well, until you piss of mom.

i know for a fact if i hadn’t been physically disciplined when necessary, my ass would be in jail or worse yet, i’d be knocked up and getting beat by some loser of a man. it’s not as bad as people think it is.

Wow, opened up this thread this morning, and it’s gone from one to three pages.

We have always spanked our kids, which are now 21, 14, and 2. If spanking is going to be part of a loving system of discipline, it can’t be haphazard, or base d on anger.

3 actions get a spanking (although the intensity may vary)- direct disobedience, lieing, and intentionally hurting others, or causing distruction.

We require obedience to instruction the first time. We do not rely on stern looks or a raised voice, otherwise you are teaching the child he does not have to obey until someone looks sternly at him, or raises his voice.

For younger children especially, there is no point in explaining why they should obey, although you might take time to try to explain it at some point. A 2yr old cannot understand all about why he can’t run across the street etc. The kid must learn to obey first, just because mommy or daddy said so.

A child can easily connect his action with immediate pain. To explain to him how his action might cause him pain in the future won’t be remembered, maybe not even understood.

We use a light wooden dowel for spanking, not the hand. This separates the instrument of punishment from the identity of the parent. We spank just hard enough to cause the child to give up his rebellion. Often this is not very hard at all. To be able to do this, you cannot be spanking if you are angry. The child is then given a brief period to calm down, and an opportunity to reconcile with the parent.

As some have already pointed out, consistency is of the utmost importance, and this is were most parents fail. If the child knows the consequences will come down everytime, he is far less likely to attempt to manipulate, or test the parent. This also lifts a significant burden from the childs psych- since these types of behaviors don’t ever work, he won’t spend time thinking about them. He will be a much happier child. Consistency will also mean you won’t have to spank your child very often at all, and when you spank the force required will be less.

This is just the bare bones of the biblical system we use; whole books have been written. So, please don’t immediately jump on this post if there’s something you don’t understand. There are a lot of nuances to doing it lovingly and effectively.

[quote]Ashes wrote:
nephorm wrote:
Miserere wrote:
No worries, mate!

Christ. You massholes that think you’re British.

“Nah wahrees mayt!”

No worries mate is actualy the unnofficial slogan of Australia. I dont know anyone in my part of the UK who would ever say that.[/quote]

I’m just taking the piss out of him.

Not being serious.