It’s only cheating if you get caught! Carry on man!
Alright man, heres the story. Being cheated ON is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. Triple that hurt if its someone you care about. Im not trying to make you feel gilty here, you already do, we can tell by how defensive your getting. (By posting this messae you had to have known the kind of responses you were going to get.) I am not going to judge you, even though I have been burned VERY badly, because I firmly believe in giving people second chances. Some people do change. Now, in this situation there are three things that you can do.
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You can keep your mouth shut. If you do this, you run the risk of resenting her down the line because of all the guilt that you have been carrying aroundfor the last 10 years. Even though in your mind you know that it was all your fault in the beginning, even the best of us find a way to place blame where it doesnt belong. If you end up resenting her, and you break down and tell her, she may feel that she has wasted 12 years of her life on you. That will in turn make you feel awful seeing that you truly do love this women. OR…she may never find out and you just might be able to live with your actions. But when the diamond anniversary comes around, and she gives you a diamond pendant in the shape of a soccer ball…what will you think??
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You can tell her. She will obviously be deeply hurt by this and she may hate you forever. Or she may break up with you. Or she may reconcile and try to work through it. I HAVE seen relationships work out through these situations before. There is only one real reason someone would want to spend the rest of their life with another person, and nothing…NOTHING can really break that. (I know it sounds cheesy, but the readers out there who really have found that person will know what I’m talking about.) Neway, if she does love you, truly, it can work. It will hurt, and you may spend the rest of your life paying for it, but you will have stuck to that code of honesty that you gave back there. OR…you could recieve “an in person bitch slap” and she could take your dog, and your car, and your house and your icecube trays and leave you in a gutter somewhere. But you ALSO would have kept to your code.
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You could take action and dump her. By doing this it would save her the pain of ever knowing, you the guilt of hurting her with that knowledge, and you officially be able to start over. Yes I know the more “manly” guys in this forum are going to call me a pussy, that is the way it should be in an idealistic world. If they would stop looking at their selves eating roids in the mirror for a second and think they may figure this out. (that wasnt directed at any one person in particular so just take it upon your self when judging)
Now that you have your options laid out on the table, you should make a decision. Every one is different man, im not going to tell you what to do because every situation is different and whatever desicion you maek will be the right one. If you really believe that she loves you enough…well I dont want to tell you what to do.
BTW, from what your posts say, I have a hard time beleiving how great your relationship is right now anyway?? you spend sow humch time away (it is possible you lazy fucks, I pull something similar) that maybe youve become unatached without you knowing it. I say feel the relationship out when the semester ends, see that your both still satisfied and your feelings havent changed, (sometimes that will happen without you even knowing it) and go from there. Dont be hasty whatever you do. This will effect the rest of your life…potentially.
Sorry for being so long winded, obviously I really do care. You know you fucked up, so dont take any shit from any one. Doin a 5 - 1 split??? Just rip off an arm or two if they open there mouth.
Rookie, I love crap like this. The solutions isn’t hard, it’s easy. You simply need to go out on that 5-day getaway you mentioned. Drive your Colombian girlfriend up into the mountains for a camping getaway. When you’re unloading the pinic basket, lovingly look into her eyes and say in a soft voice, “you know, this here backseat of the SUV is where I popped that soccer chick’s cherry.”
Tell your girlfriend and then break up. Your going to stay with her forever, after you cheated on her, and not tell her?!?!?! That’s just as bad as cheating on her after you marry her.
Michelle has a point that if you don’t
tell your girlfriend, and she finds out
from someone else, then it’s over.
Whereas, if you DO tell her (Michelle
didn’t say this but it’s so) then it’s
guaranteed shit for you and shit for
her FOREVER. It will NOT be forgotten
and will always make her feel bad about
her relationship with you. She would be
happier in life being with someone she
doesn’t have to feel that way about (there’s someone else in the world who would be good for her also, almost undoubtedly.)
I’ve had this myself. In my case who I “cheated” with
was my previous girlfriend of a year’s
time that there had only been a breakup
of a few weeks duration, and who I “cheated
on” was someone I’d been with only 3 times
and had told in the first place that I
very well might go back to my previous
girlfriend, and had not told her that I loved
her or anything like that, though (on being pressured) I agreed that she was my girlfriend.
I was going to see my previous
girlfriend as a friend, and was asked if
I was going to have sex with her (with implication, please oh please don’t) and I
said no, because I expected we wouldn’t.
And I was told, well if you do, tell me about
it, and make sure to wear a condom. Both
of which I did. (The
way things turned, to my surprise, my previous girlfriend wanted to have sex and I decided to, in an unwise and wrong on-the-spot decision.
With the result of ongoing misery, in that regard, ever
since telling her. It’s 9 months
later now and it’s still a source
of great anguish to her that I had done
that.
Don’t do it. Yes, there’s also certainly
an ethical problem with not telling her.
There is no good solution. The only other
option is breaking up. Which might be
the best thing to do but only you can
know that.
Oh my god. Be a MAN. And tell your girlfriend. You’re giving out EVERY possible excuse so that you don’t have to do the right and MANLY thing and that is to tell your girlfriend. And if she leaves you - then take it like a MAN and realize that yes, you Big Time fucked up. You get NO sympathy from me, guy. I don’t know you - but after reading your long winded post filled with feel for me crap when you could have just said it in one complete sentence: “I am dickless - I cheated on my girlfriend and in the process treated another human being like shit. And now, I’m TOO scared to tell my girlfriend” Let’s face you have just treated like shit another girl - so why do this to the very person you say you love ( I don’t dare say “resprect” because you haven’t shown her any here…)? This is incredible! YOU are responsible for your actions and the choices you make in YOUR life. It’s time to FACE it and tell your girlfriend and DEAL with the consequences. WHAT an asshole.
You don’t know me… are you sure we didn’t sleep together? This sounds like a verbatim conversation I had w/ someone a week ago in person. Pretty smooth posting her on T-mag.
BTW, to everyone who has followed this posting, the Romantic getaway was perfect. The time together was exaclty what we needed. I was awesome, beginning to end. Trained at a local gym where we went, and that too was awesome. The people in this particular gym were so polite it was almost weird. Later gang!
The onlger this post has gone on the sicker it is. And I can’t stop looking, much like gawking at a car accident. I’m SO glad your romantic weekend went well. I’m sure she has no idea that you are a cheating sumbag, and would never guess that not only did you screw around with this girl multiple times, but you went so far as to have sex with her. I hope you eventually get what you deserve from this. You make me ill. I’m sorry now that I was at all supportive earlier, I was wrong.
Never tell her, eat the guilt. If your truthful about how you feel about your girl and being a good boy from now on then telling her would be a selfish act. If you tell her and she forgives you then you have absolved yourself of the guilt and dumped a shit load of anguish on her shoulders. However if your not sure you can fly straight and are not committed to your girl, do the right thing and cut her loose. I hope it works out for everyone involved.
Thanks for calling me “scumbag” and not “asshole”. In any event, the deed is done, and action (or lack of action) has been taken. I am not going to tell her and I hope she never finds out. I know that someway, somehow, she may find out. If that day never comes, than all the better. If it does then I will lose her and I will have to deal with it. It’s nobodies fault but my own. Thanks for supporting me earlier and I’m sorry you now feel the way you do. I agree that the postings have been going south in tastefulness. But to tell you the God’s honest truth, I find half of these responses I’m reading to be absolutely hilarious. Anyway, what’ll be will be.