I have been thinking about one of your blog posts today. I think it was titled something like “love vs. fear”. I have talked to you about that post in the past as it has left an impact on me, even though I am not sure why.
Anyway in this post you have said, like numerous times before on tnation, that you don’t enjoy your training. That you enjoy being strong and that you like to compete but you don’t like to train.
I have given that a lot of thought and tried to see it from different perspectives since I have read that post at the time it was published. My opinion or better my own view on my training changed a lot of times with different parameters changing.
These last few days or actually since new years’s eve, I have been thinking again about why I do what I do and what exactly keeps me going. Right now I have to train after 13 hours of being out of the house for work in an unheated old cheese factory all by myself half of the week. When I talk to co workers or other persons they are always very surprised and almost disgusted (in lack of better term) about why I would do that to myself. Like, “don’t you have something better to do? Aren’t you tired? I would rather sit down in front of my computer/ go directly to bed. I would prefer to train in a heated gym. Are you that motivated?”
Am I that motivated? No I wouldn’t say so. I am not looking forward to lifting because of the fun it might give me. I would have better things to do. I would enjoy sitting in my chair, chatting with family or friends, relax or sleep. I am tired.
So, why do I really go to lift when the conditions aren’t good. Why don’t I even question that decision for a second? Why do I let other things take a back seat on those days?
The answer is not that I love training in the sense that it brings me fun or gives me joy.
Training is just integrated in my instincts and in my head. There is no need for motivation for me. If I should train is never a question, if it is somehow doable.
I think I need training. Even now, that things are going much better in my life. I think I have this “instinctive discipline” because I rely on training for my sanity and overall balance.
I think for the first time I understand what you mean when you say that you don’t love training but fear not training. I still enjoy training. I have fun doing it a lot of times. However I think deep down, even though I don’t want to admit it easily, I actually fear not training and I need training more than I probably should.
Sorry for the rant that you didn’t ask for but this has been going around in my head for a while and I just made the connection back to what I have read from you a while back.
Also sorry if I butchered your argumentation in the originally published blog post. It has been a while that I read it (I think I only read it once, right when you published it)
