People at Your Gym

Off Topic
102

I work at a hotel and work out in the hotel gym so we don’t have any regulars, except the employees who work there. There’s a cute little 50 soemthing housekeeper who will do a couple of machines, some DB work, then run on the treadmill for 40 minutes. Sometimes she doesn’t do the treadmill but goes in the sauna fully dressed for 5 minutes. Then there’s the restaurant server who looks pretty good but always stares at me and tries to look cool by doing apparently random machines, always increasing the weight. Never seen him do any BB/DB stuff.

I had a PT at Bally’s who freaked me out by always going “wow! you’re just like me!” at everything I said. He had a receding hairline and a greasy looking ponytail. Always talked about these girls he had over to his house all the time. Didn’t go back.

103

Why hasn’t anybody brought up the “curls in the squat rack” guy? Or is that too cliched? Before I started using a commercial gym I never believed that such retarded beings existed. But now I know.

Not only will I bring it up but I’ll break new ground. Just after doing my squats and watching 50 something guy with fat belly doing curls in the other squat rack, I thought to myself, man it can’t get worse then this.
I was wrong, 20 mins. later a trainer show up with his client at the exact same squat rack for some assisted curls. I thought I was in the twilight zone!

104

The flop dick ass hole who comes up to you while on the treadmill and says he signed up on the sheet and you didn’t so could you move - even though every other treadmill in the place is empty.

105

Older grinning guy: Always has this wicked grin on his face, it’s borderline creepy. Saw him bench 90lbs for some reps one day. Shows up in a sleveless t-shirt.

Most women who work out: Doing endless controlled reps with the 10lbs dumbbells, or sitting at a bosu ball doing some bullshit. Talking to their workout partner 50% of the total time spent in the gym.

Badass dude: Pretty big muscular guy, bald and somewhere between his 30-40’s. Comes to the gym with his wife, who’s also about the only female who looks like she lifts. Always shadow-boxes in the air during the sets. Arrive to the gym on a motorcycle.

Myself: Guilty of wearing tight t-shirts most of the time. If I am working a muscle, I want to see it. Always have my ipod blasting on full volume, so I don’t talk very much to people. No bullshitting around, get into the gym, do what I have planned to do, then get out. Guilty of taking long rests between most sets. Probably gaze into the mirror too. Grunts subtly/breathes heavy sometimes, but only when I am actually squatting/military pressing/deadlifting weight that I struggle with.

106

Here are some things I am guilty of doing in the gym:

Taking all the weight off of one side of the bar causing it to flip over and crack the mirror in front of the squat rack

Missing on reracking one side of the bar after a set of squats causing it to fall loudly to the grond while I ran away screaming like a little girl

Peeing in the pool

Busting a swiss ball trying to do DB bench press on one

Staring at hot Latinas working out

Laughing at guys before going to help them out with a spot

107

[quote]VonStinkle wrote:
The flop dick ass hole who comes up to you while on the treadmill and says he signed up on the sheet and you didn’t so could you move - even though every other treadmill in the place is empty.[/quote]

is the girl in your avatar speaking sign language

or just being asian?

108

There is a guy i see everytime i go to my gym. He wears shitty old clothes, often brings a protein shake in with him, he burps, he farts,he swears at the weights when he does them , sometimes stinks, always messes with the music and if we had mirrors im sure he would stand infront of them all day. My brother hates him, i often hear my brother calling him names. I like the gym tho and i have been going there for close to 10yrs now.

I train in my garage…

109

The swinger: The old asian guy who swings back and forth on the pullup bar while his eyes are closed, almost flipping himself off. Im guessing that he is meditating.

The fat guy in little coat: The 20 something dude who you see about twice a month, that shows up in a tight ass t-shirt that makes his stomach extend a foot past his chest. He wears a badass bandanna, spikes his hair, leaves his shit everywhere, and only does fucking arms. What a damn tool.

110

[quote]dtheyer wrote:
jasmincar wrote:
I am aqua man

Between each set of every exercise I take a walk to the water fountain and take 2 quarter sips

I am this too.[/quote]

Me also

111

Same for being aqua man.

I’m also the only teenager i’ve seen at my gym, that actually workouts, and one of four people i’ve seen that deadlift and squat. (Which is a huge bonus)

I’m also just the quiet guy that goes in, finishes his workout and leaves. I always like saying bye to the slutty receptionist cuz no one else does.

112

[quote]LiveFromThe781 wrote:
VonStinkle wrote:
The flop dick ass hole who comes up to you while on the treadmill and says he signed up on the sheet and you didn’t so could you move - even though every other treadmill in the place is empty.

is the girl in your avatar speaking sign language

or just being asian?[/quote]

I’m not sure - i just like watching her do whatever it is

113

To answer you guys

dipym666 - yes. THE Nasser. Haven’t personally had a chance to talk to him, but have heard that he’s a really cool guy who will talk your ear off.

rrjc5488 - yes, I have been out of california, but not since 2003, aka the joyous time before “the bro” existed.

Jibster - Here’s a few more I remembered.

Karate Kid - 6’4, maybe 160lbs. does nothing but shadow box, which is pretty funny, because he doesn’t really throw a punch, it looks more like a spasm, as his arm never extends more than 3 inches.

The Jawa - Some old ass vietnamese guy who does nothing at the gym, but walk around too all the trash cans and look for bottles and cans. He is a paying member, and comes dressed in gym clothes, but does not lift anything but recyclables. Me and my buddy wonder if he makes any profit. Does he really find enough cans and bottles to pay for a $30 a month gym membership?

Row-tard - some foreign kid we only saw once. he was doing DB rows on a flat bench with like 35lb, literally flinging it up into the air, with a spinal twist that gave me shivers. No deodorant.

Taco shop - the name we give anyone who doesn’t wear deodorant, and therefore smells like the back of a Tijuana taco shop.

NomNom - any female that is hot enough to perform said “Nomming” upon.

As a side note: I curl in the squat rack. I’m guilty. Don’t worry though, only 4 people in my gym squat, and me and my buddy are two of them.

Also, as for the cell phone guys. If you are “on” a machine, or a bench that I need to use, I’m gonna use it. If you seriously interrupt your phone call to tell me you are “using” that, I will give you a stern look, and turn back around and continue using it.

Who am I? I’m the critic. As far as I’m concerned, this gym belongs to ME, and the few others who actually know what they’re doing. Me and my partner spend a lot of time between sets dickin’ around, and making jokes, and laughing, but we’re also 2 of the strongest people in the gym, because we break ourselves every workout. We only speak to the other educated folk, which means there is little conversation outside the two of us. And yes, I pose at myself in the mirror.

114

The guy who annoys everyone, lifts shoeless and shirtless, does every lift possible in front of the mirror, gets real loud on the bench and deads.

  • Thats me in a nutshell.
115

Cardio Girls - a group of 4 girls that go to the gym every day, use the same cardio machines for the same amount of time, for the same amount of resistance. All are pretty hot and i have talked with 2 of them they are pretty cool.

The Limper - a guy in his 40’s that has a limp that i see almost every eventing doing a type or rehab routine. he is looking much better then when i first met him.

I workout at a country club like place where alot of high end families have memberships, not to many hardcore lifters but i have seen a few but only a few times each.

I am really quiet and i wonder around between sets, usually to the water fountain then do a lap around the weight room then continue lifting. Always have my Ipod on and never say a word to anyone and always carry a stopwatch to measure rest times and or laps around the track they have upstairs.

116

The “I’m here but i don’t know what to do” girls:
Walk in in appropriate attire. Proceed to a sitting machine of some sort that involves the legs. Do a few reps at very light weight. Take 5 minute break between sets. Usually sit there and look around at the different guys. After several minutes, decides to go on the treadmill or biking.

I think the worst one is:

The LET ME SPOT YOU BRO guys:
You’re grinding out a hard rep on the squat or the one armed dumbell bench. Some guy pops in next to you and proceeds to help you lift the weight without consent. I fucking hate this. I have one rep left, i’m giving it my all and i know i can make it. I just need 5 more seconds of pushing! In walks retardo, who “helps” me. Set is ruined.

117

Biggie Love- overweight mexican who always wears a wife-beater and then slowly extracts a bandana from his bag and dewrags-it-up while standing 2 feet from the dumbbell rack mirror in order to get into “the zone”. Then does cable rows with 30 lbs. He then moves on to a front raise/db curl superset (uses same weight–15 lb) immediately followed by a dumbbell row/kickback superset (using same weight for both exercises—15 lb…yes, i said dumbbell row, you are not hallucinating). Likes to listen to Ashanti, Fergi, etc. Vanity license plate reads “bigyluv”

PT McDouchefag- PT intern who always wears a cut off that has gigantic arm holes extended all the way down to within the bottom inch of the shirt so that everyone can see his “hawt abz” and be aware of his douchebagginess before they converse with him. Runs on one treadmill for a long time, switches to a different model of treadmill (like thats going to fuckin do something). Then comes over to me while I’m doing BB bent over rows and says “Hey bro, don’t drop weights in here”…even though I never dropped any weights…obviously doesn’t realise that basically anything other than a bar makes some noise when you lower it to the floor. Then does 3 diff exercises for obliques and leaves. Body comp approximations: Height-6’1 Weight- 155 lbs Arms-12" Abz- Uber hawt. Tells his bosses I drop weights so that they will bitch me out over the phone…thanks a lot assclown

Murder She Wrote- Older lady, probably mid to late sixties. Comes to the gym at 11 pm (wtf?), and stretches against every fuckin machine in the place and the swiss ball, but never exercises. Listens to a Sirius Channel on the gym radio that has rap/new stuff. Then takes a shower in the mens bathroom. Likes to talk to me while I have my headphones in…and then finally realises that I CANT HEAR HER.

These are the only people I have ever seen at my gym because I go to a 24hr phys therapy office/workout center at 10pm-midnight so that I don’t have to deal with a bunch of puffed up crows cocks i.e. several pts, masseuses, “strength coaches” who only do cable curls and one arm pushdowns with 10 lbs, and all of the people who have memberships. Luckily they have squat rack, bench, smith, and several machines.

Oh, and if PT McDouchefag reads this…you can gargle my yam sack!!!

118

The Nutcase: A 40 year old fighting teacher that the gym had to take special insurance out for him incase he hurts himself while doing the max weight on every machine in stupid ways

does everything with a curved back

Hes a nutcase and an arrogent prick, he just throws peoples towels off machines and benches so he can use them

119

Don’t forget these very important characters:

Resistance Band girl- the girl that uses resistance bands to do every workout. After two months she is about ready to move up to the the red resistance band.

Crossfit guy- can be seen doing a zillion kip pull ups or poor form clean and presses for an hour straight. Is trying to get in shape to fit into a spandex suit for the remake of Tron.

Granny- came into the gym I worked at once. Told me the leg extension machine was broken so I showed her another one. Told me her trainer hadn’t shown her how to use that one so she was going to wait

Laid back- sits on the recumbent bike reading a magazine and/or watching tv.

Shrugger- asks if he can work in on the squat rack to do his shrugs. Nearly jumps right out of his shoes on every rep

Stick girls- 2 or 3 girls that workout together. Have a combined weight of 150 pounds and a combined age of 35. Do lots of cardio and then high rep sets with the chrome 5 pound dumbells. May one day stand a chance at fitting in a size 2 pants if the all stood side by side

120

I am one of those guys that will throw your towel on the floor if you put it on the bench NEXT TO the one you’re actually using. Same with water bottles and when the PTs put the clipboard on a bench or other piece of equipment.

121

[quote]Hyena wrote:
me and my partner make up names for just about everyone, so here goes.

Pull-up king - PK for short. Old balding man, that knows nothing about anything, and is trying to do a mock up of the “300” workout. Chalks his hands like a mofo, and leaves a big ass chalky mess all over the floor. Most well known for his variation of the traditional pull-up, that looks more like he is doing the worm, while hanging from the bar.

Range of Motion Man - ROM for short. Does all exercises with as little range of motion as possible, literally moving weights about 1 inch regardless of the exercise.

The Beeper - Older guy, mid 40’s who makes a beeping sound with his mouth at the bottom of any pressing motion. i.e. when ever the bar touches his chest for bench, or military presses.

The Bro - (Idk if these exist anywhere outside of southern CA, and I rather hope they don’t.) The tough guy wearing the gay “Tapout” shirt, or the sleeveless “skin” jersey. Usually wearing hat or bandana so low, that you can’t see his eyebrows. Knows nothing about weightlifting, or form, and even less about diet. Thinks he’s badass because he can bench 205 for 4 reps. Apparently has no knowledge of the lower body, as legs are chicken-like in nature, and never move any more than their massive 135lb frame. In his mind, he is the toughest, most badass person alive.(this is a whole collective, not just a single douche)

Squatmaster - Does good mornings with 225, and a slight knee bend, thinks these are called “squats”. Looks exactly the same as he did a year ago.

Nasser - Nasser el Sonbaty. Ex-Pro, and second runner up in the 1997 Mr. O. Still a gigantic human being.

Raccoon Joe - This is the talker with insecurity issues. He talks to everybody, except the people that are at the gym for serious. Always tells everyone what body part he’s working on that day, and makes sure to know what everyone else is doing as well. He gets the nickname “Raccoon” for the DARK circles around his eyes. As far as we can tell, it is due to insomnia, or a drug problem, or both. Also, has been caught watching younger males bend over to pick up their weights numerous times. Can usually be heard talking loudly about how off the hook last weekend was, or what crazy cool plans he has for next weekend. Yet another putz who looks exactly the same as he did when I started a year ago. If he spent even 1/4 the time that he spends talking actually working, or researching, he’d have a respectable physique.

Well that’s just about all I got at the moment.[/quote]

I live in fucking onatrio, Canada and those “Bro’s” are all over the damn place at my gym i hate them mercilessly