Only Giving Effort At Things You're Good At?

Off Topic
1

Maybe a silly question, but is there a name for that? Is it just lazy?

Take for example, someone who is generally a really hard worker: at school, in life in general, but then looses motivation as soon as things become rough (i.e. don’t come easily or intuitively). What’s going on with this person?

I think we all probably tend towards things we’re good at from sports to our jobs, and some people are flat-out-lazy nearly all the time, and some people are super-moto nearly all the time. So what do you do with generally motivated people who more or less give-up when they are faced with something that doesn’t come easy to them?

Context: I’m asking because I have a very close friend who landed a great, great, great new job, but it requires a long and obnoxious certification process. Basically, this friend’s studying isn’t going so hot, he’s “just not getting it” (despite being really good at the job itself), and his studying style, technique and motivation level have just GONE TO CRAP.

Basically, it was hard, he’s lost motivation, he’s setting himself up to fail. He studies constantly, too much if you ask me, but is just not getting it, and I can’t think of any reason why other than laziness… not that there aren’t real hurdles in his way, but the underlying theme feels like “This is hard for me, unintuitive, not coming easily, therefore I give up.”

Is there ANYTHING I can do here. And can I just tell my friend he’s being lazy?

2

This is a problem for a lot of people who were praised too much as a child.

When a child is given the impression that he is smarter than other people because some things came easy to them, he also assumes that intelligence is something you’re simply born with and that it never changes, as opposed to an attribute you can work at.

Hard work is seen as something only “not smart” people should have to do in order to succeed, therefor if the “smart” person comes across a task that doesn’t come easy to them, they distance themselves from it assuming that nothing worth doing should be difficult - because that would just make them “dumb”.

So it’s a kind of laziness, where they see any real challenge as an emotional threat to their self esteem, instead of something that would have a big payoff from hard work and determination. If it doesn’t boost their ego, they’re afraid of it.

Relevant Article: http://tomweston.net/RaisingSmartKids.pdf

3

im supposed to be taking certain licensing exams, was supposed to have them done in the first year but got burned out after i had way too much trouble w/ the first one and it was considered easy, and i got a much harder one alot easier.

the materials dry and im not in love with the job, there also isnt an immediate increase in pay or position so its hard to motivate myself to do it instead of coasting along. maybe he is just content for the time being and not being lazy?

alot of freinds are constantly thinking they need to be working 70 hour weeks and constantly getting promotions and advancements and get very frustrated that they arent going to be a senior vice president or whatever by the time they are 30. they dont understand that you need to relax and get some real experience and with gray hairs comes respect and promotion.

there is alot of ageism in alot of workplaces, but if you have a 25 year hold hotshot managing a bunch of 40-60 year olds there are going to be alot of unhappy workers.

4

[quote]mr popular wrote:
This is a problem for a lot of people who were praised too much as a child.

When a child is given the impression that he is smarter than other people because some things came easy to them, he also assumes that intelligence is something you’re simply born with and that it never changes, as opposed to an attribute you can work at.

Hard work is seen as something only “not smart” people should have to do in order to succeed, therefor if the “smart” person comes across a task that doesn’t come easy to them, they distance themselves from it assuming that nothing worth doing should be difficult - because that would just make them “dumb”.

So it’s a kind of laziness, where they see any real challenge as an emotional threat to their self esteem, instead of something that would have a big payoff from hard work and determination. If it doesn’t boost their ego, they’re afraid of it.

Relevant Article: http://tomweston.net/RaisingSmartKids.pdf[/quote]

That was an awesome article. Thanks for posting it.

5

[quote]Spartiates wrote:
Maybe a silly question, but is there a name for that? Is it just lazy?

Take for example, someone who is generally a really hard worker: at school, in life in general, but then looses motivation as soon as things become rough (i.e. don’t come easily or intuitively). What’s going on with this person?

I think we all probably tend towards things we’re good at from sports to our jobs, and some people are flat-out-lazy nearly all the time, and some people are super-moto nearly all the time. So what do you do with generally motivated people who more or less give-up when they are faced with something that doesn’t come easy to them?

Context: I’m asking because I have a very close friend who landed a great, great, great new job, but it requires a long and obnoxious certification process. Basically, this friend’s studying isn’t going so hot, he’s “just not getting it” (despite being really good at the job itself), and his studying style, technique and motivation level have just GONE TO CRAP.

Basically, it was hard, he’s lost motivation, he’s setting himself up to fail. He studies constantly, too much if you ask me, but is just not getting it, and I can’t think of any reason why other than laziness… not that there aren’t real hurdles in his way, but the underlying theme feels like “This is hard for me, unintuitive, not coming easily, therefore I give up.”

Is there ANYTHING I can do here. And can I just tell my friend he’s being lazy?[/quote]

I don’t think you should tell him he’s being lazy.

He needs to duke it out on his own, if he asks for help, help him, but if not I don’t see the big deal in his failing. The biggest growth comes from failures man, and maybe your buddy dropping the ball on this big opportunity is what he needs to take a harder look at who he is and what he wants to be/do.

I was/am this man. It’s clearly my biggest character flaw. I’m too fucking stubborn to take unsolicited advice seriously. My way is the right way and if I fuck it up then I was meant to… It’s really the only way I truly learn. The important thing is to keep learning, rather than make the same mistakes again and again. If your buddy ends up in that vicious circle then he’s a douche.

Through the process though, a man learns to know when to ask for help, when to find out for himself, and when to realize/understand his own limitations and be ok with changing direction.

That ended up being cheesier than I wanted, but hope you get my point.

6

[quote]mr popular wrote:
This is a problem for a lot of people who were praised too much as a child.

When a child is given the impression that he is smarter than other people because some things came easy to them, he also assumes that intelligence is something you’re simply born with and that it never changes, as opposed to an attribute you can work at.

Hard work is seen as something only “not smart” people should have to do in order to succeed, therefor if the “smart” person comes across a task that doesn’t come easy to them, they distance themselves from it assuming that nothing worth doing should be difficult - because that would just make them “dumb”.

So it’s a kind of laziness, where they see any real challenge as an emotional threat to their self esteem, instead of something that would have a big payoff from hard work and determination. If it doesn’t boost their ego, they’re afraid of it.

Relevant Article: http://tomweston.net/RaisingSmartKids.pdf
…

[/quote]

I’ll make another comment after I’ve read the article.

But in this particular situation, the problem, while similar, is almost inverted: he’s by far the smartest in his family. His parents never acknowledged it. One’s an alcoholic, the other is just a damn insane person. At a young age he figured out he could outsmart and manipulate his parents, and never really had to TRY (or was encouraged to try) anything intellectually difficult. In some ways I guess is might be worse to be an eight-year-old and realize you’re smarter than your parents, than be told by your parents you’re smart. At least then there is some authority that ought to be respected giving you the praise, instead of deciding you’re smarter than the authority and going from there.

Now he’s stuck in a pattern of being intellectually lazy and always trying to “game” the system (read outsmart all those dummies) rather than just work hard and power through.

7

On the one hand you say he is studying almost constantly – even too much, in your opinion – but on the other you say he is lazy and is just trying to game the system rather than working hard.

Which is it?

8

[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
On the one hand you say he is studying almost constantly – even too much, in your opinion – but on the other you say he is lazy and is just trying to game the system rather than working hard.

Which is it?[/quote]

x2, this was the first thing I picked up on.