This rings so fucking true for me too.
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I found your log a while ago and every so often scrolled through it, and haven’t read it for a while till today. Got all caught up on everything since January, and I have to say Flip, a lot of it is exactly what I needed to hear.
I know it’s old, but I am sorry for the loss of Nic, and also sorry for the ending of the relationship. My mom’s dad committed suicide after being drafted into Vietnam, and while I wasn’t alive for it, it still affects his children and wife 30 years later. It’s a horrible thing.
I don’t know if I “needed” to hear what you, and everyone who commented on it, said about ending your relationship with your ex, but I do think it was good for me. I’m 19, graduated last year, not going to start college till this fall, and I’ve been with my first girlfriend since…well seriously together for slightly more than a year and a half, and we were interested in each other long before that. Lately I’ve been feeling not sure about the relationship. Nothing bad has happened. I wouldn’t say it’s been bad for either of us to be in it, I just don’t know if she is really the girl I intend on spending the rest of my life with. I know the first response is that I’m too young to be worried about that, and I am, which is why I question our future. She’s very close with my family, who is a lot more young and fun than her’s, and adored by my younger siblings, which is why I feel bad ending it, since she not only loses me, but my family who she’s grown to really like and care for, and my siblings also lose her. One of my brothers (4) has pretty much known her for as long as he can remember. There’s no trust issues between us, no history of wronging each other, no major issues swept under the rug. She’s very supportive of me, and does absolutely everything she can to help me out in any way that she sees I need it.
Anyway, I shouldn’t go into so much detail, but it is tough. Do I just keep it going, since it’s going good, and see how it turns out? I still care about her and enjoy her company. Do I end it now, to avoid the pain that would become worse the longer it goes on? Am I really ready to be done with her, or am I just bored, and want some more freedom in that area when college starts? I don’t know. It’s a tough choice.
These were very good pieces of simple, yet wise advice. Thanks guys.
Secondly, my own lifting career. I think I’ve got a pretty similar story to your’s - I was allowed to play sports, but didn’t very often, since I just wasn’t a huge fan and they weren’t something that mattered much to me. Did XC and track sometimes, but other than that didn’t really take part in anything. I’ve got a full ride to college through scholarships - (am awaiting to see if I will be a Gates Scholar or no) but I also never really tried very hard in high school. Luckily, I was smart enough to half ass it and still get good grades. This meant I never had to work very hard, and I’ve spent a lot of time now quitting things that actually required dedication.
I started lifting at 16, and since I was naturally a little bigger (I was fat, but also just had big thighs and a big torso) did decent. Never got very lean, since I ate like crap, but I was able to put up decent numbers on the main lifts. I’ve spent a lot of time since my first year of lifting spinning my wheels, taking long layoffs, and dealing with paralysis by analysis or whatever. Always needed to be doing the perfect program or it wasn’t worth it. Fast forward, and I’ve made minimal progress. Squat and deadlift in the low-mid 400’s and a 225lb bench is the best I’ve done, and I don’t even know if I can hit those anymore. Not any bigger, and also not any leaner. I know what to do to make progress, just have yet to actually get my ass in gear and DO IT!
Anyway, I’m sorry this was so long; didn’t mean to take over your log, but the relationship status and story of how you came to be where you are in terms of lifting stirred something in me. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for unknowingly being an inspiration to me, and I’m sure many others on this site. Best of luck to you.
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re: relationship
You should date other women, period. Get more experiences. You haven’t been with enough women to really know what a relationship CAN be.
I get all the feelings you’re having about the other people involved, the attachments, etc. But you have to remember, people are resilient. Everyone involved can get over it. People are going to get their feelings hurt. Seriously hurt. It sucks, man, it really does. But you can’t avoid doing what you need to do just to protect peoples’ feelings.
You also have to remember that nothing is permanent. There’s such so much more fluidity in life than we give it credit for. Back when I was in college and high school, I dated a girl for 4-5 years on and off, mostly on. It was tumultuous, but I thought we were gonna get married one day. I thought we were meant to be. We broke up when I was 21. And I spoke to her VERY infrequently for the next 10 years. Sometimes I’d go months or a year or more without even saying hi. I got married for 5 years, had a kid, and divorced in that time. Then, I got back with her. I would never have guessed that was possible. And we dated for another year, then broke up again. The point of this story being: anything is possible, and most doors never close, even if you think they do. Perhaps that can give you some comfort with the idea of moving on from the girl. If you’re not certain if she’s the one now, and you DON’T date around, that feeling will never go away. You’ll always deal with uncertainty and what-ifs.
re: lifting
You’re ahead of the game already, man. I was nearly fucking 30 years old when I first squatted 400 lbs. lol.
Lifting can be a roller coaster. Progress will not be linear when you’re long, because life in general is so unstable. The best thing you can do is just keep plugging away, and remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t be discouraged if you miss a month from the gym because life got in the way. Just get back to it when you can.
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this warms my heart, my friend. Seriously. I always appreciate hearing this. I care deeply about positively affecting other people on these boards and elsewhere. That’s why I post in the first place. I’m glad you’ve gotten something out of my journey. It keeps me going.
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First, my life has consisted of multiple long term relationships. I’m on my fourth now (married almost 11 years. Relationships get boring after a year or more. The infatuation wears off. The newness wears off. It becomes mundane. That doesn’t mean it’s time to end it. That just means you’re past the introductory stage.
We are meant to have a significant other, a partner, a teammate. God didn’t intend for us to be alone. To be in a good relationship takes effort. You need to find a good teammate for life. My wife is my best friend. We are a team. We both work. We both pay bills. We share everything. We hang out. We support each other. We share the same faith and core values (this is a big deal).
I don’t think it’s crazy to be thinking the way you are. You’re at the point where a relationship that lasts a year or two could turn into your spouse. There’s no reason to waste time with someone you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with “just for fun”.
It’s good to be mindful of the long term stuff but just because you’re bored or things are stagnant doesn’t mean it’s time to end it. If all of your values, beliefs, goals, etc line up then continue putting effort into the relationship.
On the other hand, if those things don’t line up then don’t drag it out for sentimental reasons.
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I tore my left pec bench pressing yesterday. I’ll keep this log updated on what happens…
I’m devastated. I was supposed to be competing in Australia in just over 1 month. USS strongman nationals is also next month, so it’s not like I can just do that instead.
I go see my GP today, expecting to get referred out to a specialist. We’ll see how that goes. There are only a couple deep purple spots today, one on my chest at the insertion point, and then a corresponding on on my shoulder. Very swollen. No strength. Hoping to avoid surgery, but I honestly have no clue what the path to recovery will be.
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Holy cow man, Best wishes to your recovery! Hope you dont need surgery.
That sucks man.
Sorry to hear that. I’m sure you’ll come back bigger and stronger, but it’s still terrible timing.
Damn man, hoping for the best brotha
Damn you bench press!!
Sorry to hear that man, hoping for a speedy recovery. Keep us updated on how things go.
Damn dude! That’s terrible. Yeah hopefully it’s not so severe that you need surgery. We’re you pushing past your limits or just a freak thing?
Damn. Sorry to hear that flip. Hope you have a speedy recovery
It was heavy but it wasn’t a max. The weight was moving well. I was benching 335 for a triple.
You’ll be back quick. Great opportunity to figure out new ways to get stronger. Good luck!
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Bummer dude, hopefully it’s non-surgical. Have you looked into the Bill Starr rehab protocol? It could be total hocus pocus, but meatheads seem to have a way with these kinds of things.
Edit: The link I posted was a no-go, but there’s a solid article on ‘the art of manliness’ about it.
Bad news and timing! Sorry to hear that but I think we’ll see you competing at a high level again once you’re healed up. Just a little bump in the road.
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Well that sucks. All the best for your recovery.
Oh my god. I’m so sorry to hear that.
That sucks big time. Hope it’s not too major and your back better than ever soon.
quick update:
I’m trying to determine the best course of action from here. Based on the appearance (bruising, swelling, etc), along with mobility and such, it’s pretty clearly not a full tear. But it’s also definitely partially torn. My GP recommended an MRI, which would cost me 1600 bucks. Sooooo I think I’m not going to do that. I don’t think the MRI would give me substantially more info than what I already know about the injury. I’m looking into treatment/rehab options. If anyone has resources they’d like to share on this, I’d love to look into them.
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