Imagine how I felt when my closest friend called me this morning, one last time, before he hung himself.
Completely unexpected, as I imagine many suicides are. We spoke all the time, and he never brought up anything that could lead to this. Something was obviously troubling him, it’s a shame he never told anyone about it though. We shared everything. Everything.
Although I’ll be grieving for a while, I have no regrets because, well, because we never half measured anything. I was one of 2 people that got him - and the only 2 of his friends that got that call.
But, I know he made his mind up as he never did anything without thinking it through. To him, the only way suicide would ever be an option was if the bad were greatly outweighed by the bad. He just never told anyone about the “bad”. I would’ve felt worse if it was actually an accident, but my only loss and grievance is a great friend.
I was due to see him in 4 weeks, as I moved away a few years back and would go back home once a year to see friends and family.
Funny part is he always wanted to know what happens after life - I guess he knows now.
I am truly sorry for your loss. When I lost a coworker to suicide a few years back, a friend sent me this:
Richard Corey
WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed, 5
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.
And he was richâ??yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace: 10
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, 15
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
My deepest sympathies, brother. I had a friend hang himself earlier this year as well, and it was definitely shocking. He was fun loving, seemingly happy, had a ton of friends, and fucked a lot of girls… but I guess his internal life was completely different from what we saw externally. You just never know what is going on inside of people.