Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Off Topic
41

[quote]CAP1015 wrote:

[quote]JLone wrote:

[quote]CAP1015 wrote:
My mother-in-law said “well, not me, I’m fighting to the bitter end and so should everybody else”…I had to leave the room.[/quote]
I was under the impression, after reading your longer post, that you put her in a home.
Why then do you go visit her? (or did I misunderstand)

She sounds like she IS “cancer” and will kill what is good in life around her. I would separate myself completely from this person, like that therapist told you to do. And as for supplying care, has she sued you for parental support? why can’t you just say we are done paying and drive her to a home. Have witnesses around to testify since it sounds like she will sue you one way or the other.

I should also say that I have not had to deal with this in my immediate family so take that with a grain of salt. I have cut off talking to cousins and one close friend for much less then this. Just thought I should mention that in case you think you owe this women something you haven’t already paid for in full. /rant.

This is upsetting to read so I am sure it is 1000x worse.[/quote]

Steel appreciate the comments/questions/opinions. yes we did put in an assisted living facility. However as my wife is sole survivor and she is not destitute, we are responsible for her care unless we completely cut all ties, at which time her affairs and estate become subject to whomever she chooses or if she is declared incompetant, then she becomes more or less a ward of the state. Like I said she has some resources ( of which I am the Durable power of attorney) that is where her suit is coming in that she wants to challenge us using her funds to place her a home. We are trying to limit as much contact as possible. We do have witnesses supporting us, she is just clever and knows that even if the claims are unfounded it results in us having to defend them.

The biggest issue is the emotional toll on my wife and daughter, and she is an expert at that. In all honesty if she would die it would be a great relief as I just don’t see her ever changing, even 5 minutes before she dies.

Make sense?
[/quote]

Damn… I think it would be beneficial to your wife to educate herself on narcissism… The key trait is manipulation and family is particularly vulnerable. Perhaps, if your wife understands that everything her mother says and does is a lie and a manipulation, perhaps she won’t be as vulnerable to it. In other words, she can start morning her loss now, as it stands now, she’s really not there anymore.

I do hope for your sake she kicks the bucket soon. Keep that contact sparse, that’s the only thing you can do.

42

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

[/quote]

Had an ex that thought the government was monitoring her through a pen, TV, phone… Just about everything.

She also thought that the govenment was going to kill everyone she loved unless she had sex with groups of random men.

She was in the mental ward a few times during our relationship. It was not a good time.

Cap, I seriously feel for you… It has to be really frustrating to deal with this everyday.[/quote]

Thanks IH, it’s getting better since she is now living somewhere else, just dealing with the BS claims/legal crap she’s done is all I’ve got to deal with now. But I’m inquisitive and just wondered if anyone else had any experience…like a lot of you, when I was told about the NPD, I was like “yeah right, that’s the excuse for being a dick”, but after seeing this and the research, she is a case study and it literally scares the shit out of me that there are more people like this, and they almsot always have children…Thanks again.

43

[quote]CAP1015 wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
What’s the problem here? She’s a mother-in-law. Poison her and be done with it. Man-up. [/quote]

I tried but the rat poison saw her and made a run for the street right into the path of a bus!

All kidding aside, you know hard it is to get liquid morphine when you aren’t a DR.?

And BG on your comment about “Hi I’m Steve and I have NPD”…I was with you, sounds like some kind of psycho babble to blame being a fuck up on…however in my research those with the actual disorder have strikingly similar personalities to serial killers. They are sociapathic, usually have no ability to feel empathy or sympathy accept when it relates to their own needs. They also have incredibly strong survival instincts, I’ve told everyone if my MIL was in a life boat with 3 alligators, when rescued she would me munching on Alligator jerky and have a new pair of shoes and two purses!

The things that they do to young/children adults is what is shocking and explains why my wife has the issues she does with her mom…

Thanks for the post made me laugh out loud…and no kidding if it doesn’t get better I’m not afraid to call Rogue Vampire to straighten this shit out![/quote]

lol

glad you can crack a smile thru this shit. that’s all that matters.

as hard as this is, it will end and pass. just remember that.

44

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

[/quote]

Had an ex that thought the government was monitoring her through a pen, TV, phone… Just about everything.

She also thought that the govenment was going to kill everyone she loved unless she had sex with groups of random men.

She was in the mental ward a few times during our relationship. It was not a good time.

Cap, I seriously feel for you… It has to be really frustrating to deal with this everyday.[/quote]
Meth?

45

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]CAP1015 wrote:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Has anyone ever had to deal with a family member, specifically a parent that has been diagnosed as having severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder? My aged and ill Mother-in-law was diagnosed by the Hospice team and it is clear that they are correct.

The effect on my family of her behavior has been crippling. Our friends and other extended family members are struggling with us due to our/the health teams actions in dealing with her. They are struggling/upset due to:
a.) not understanding,
b.) not realizing the manipulation and deceit used by those with this condition
c.) pure out and out claims that we are wrong.

I have researched some websites and as much literature as I can muster, but wondered if anyone had any first-hand experience or advice?

Thanks.
[/quote]

Damn.
It’s one thing to be a little selfish it’s a whole other to be clinically diagnosed as narcissistic. It escapes people the difference. You can’t just beat the shit out of them and make it go away. It’s a wiring problem in a lot of cases. I would also hazard the guess that this is actually symptom of another underlying issue. At least it’s easier if there is other clinical problems going on that are treatable because this one is very hard to treat. I sense perhaps a little dementia too but I don’t know.

It’s hard to say anything really. I have dealt with a narcissist, but he’s just an asshole, not sick. Perhaps, you should take charge and be the liaison between her and the rest of the family. That way you can tell her, she won’t see anybody unless she acts right.
There is also, don’t let her guilt you into things. Basically know everything she says is a lie and is manipulative. When your around let her know, that you are in control. I don’t think you need to be nice anymore, that’s not going to work anyway. Narcissists understand force. If your nice they just take advantage. Since it’s not your mother, you can take a harder stand than your wife could and that would help everyone.
For instance, if she starts to act up, you just leave. Let her know it won’t be tolerated. Your not going to change her, all you can do is a little behavior control at this point.

Otherwise, I am sorry to here about this situation. It must be very difficult.
[/quote]

Thanks Pat, and all you say is true. There is no other family, excepted extended family on wife’s father’s side (cousins mostly), so there is no one other than us…now that we have placed her in a facility and Hospice is being the liason, it has been somewhat better. But she is still working the game, it really is our fault for thinking she would get nicer as she got sicker…even the preacher said “she is one mean old lady, put her in a home” two months ago!

SO i totally blame myself and my wife for us trying to make a better situation out of it, and realizing too late that it was really impossible.

But as I’ve said I thought the words NPD were just really some way of covering up bad behaviour/intentions, but have discovered when it’s real, it’s scary.

Thanks again for the kind words.

46

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

[/quote]

Had an ex that thought the government was monitoring her through a pen, TV, phone… Just about everything.

She also thought that the govenment was going to kill everyone she loved unless she had sex with groups of random men.

She was in the mental ward a few times during our relationship. It was not a good time.

Cap, I seriously feel for you… It has to be really frustrating to deal with this everyday.[/quote]
Meth?[/quote]

No thanks. I quit years ago.

That was an offer, right?

47

I had a reply all written up for this but I guess I took too long to submit it.

Dang it. I will talk to you through PMs if you want. I work at a national org for mental health…

Yes, I have a job.

48

Cap, sorry to hear it. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I’m glad to see that your sense of humor is still intact. Hang in there. The fact that you and your wife tried to take this on says a lot. Not everybody would do that for their mother-in-law, all craziness aside.

49

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

[/quote]

Had an ex that thought the government was monitoring her through a pen, TV, phone… Just about everything.

She also thought that the govenment was going to kill everyone she loved unless she had sex with groups of random men.

She was in the mental ward a few times during our relationship. It was not a good time.

Cap, I seriously feel for you… It has to be really frustrating to deal with this everyday.[/quote]
Meth?[/quote]

No thanks. I quit years ago.

That was an offer, right?[/quote]yaaardy harrrrr! Not in to the whole meth thing. Just figured maybe she was around then.

I did sell aderrall in college though. Banked. Key is a high dose prescription and cut the pills in half.

Cap, hang in there. This too shall pass.

50

[quote]CAP1015 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
^ When I was going through school everyone had Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and every other personality disorder we were studying. You really have to have been around true diagnosed mental disorder.

WebMD will not work for mental illness. My .02 [/quote]

Derek, before her cancer/other illnesses, we just took her as being selfish and mean, but as we could seperate ourselves from her at times, not that big of a deal…but as we became the ultimate caregiver, and her self centeredness grew, we could no longer escape. The Hospice team were the ones who told us of the disorder and directed us to some professionals for her to be evaluated. we did this just to try and help deal with her, the sad thing is, it has now exposed some of the out and out terrible things she did to my wife in her childhood. Wife is overcame with emotional issues of feeling guilty over not beign able to care for her anylonger and the extreme pain/confusion of her mother telling her that she doesn’t love her and never did… [/quote]

Something tells me that you’re trying to maintain some semblance of normality and that’s where a lot of your problems are coming from. You need to deal with each of these issues individually: Mom’s cancer is not your wife’s fault or anybody else’s. You do what you can for her and that’s all you can do. No need to feel guilty; MIL is mentally ill - the diagnosis was the best thing that could have happened, because you know now that she isn’t a poisonous , evil bitch - her actions are abnormal, and not vindictive, so stop reacting to them normally.

My eldest brother is a schizophrenic; he has said a lot of “hurtful” stuff over the years, and he has snubbed me on several occasions for some imagined slight, and I just brush it off. You have to for your own sanity.

My father had him committed to a mental home for eighteen months, because I don’t think he understood what the diagnosis meant (and never has). My brother came out worse than he went in due to being exposed to people with delusions so vivid that they rubbed on off on him. He spoke of a guy who believed he was being “mezmerized by the Queen” and he eventually bought into that fantasy (that’s only a small part of my story).

I understand that it’s harder for you and your family because your MIL’s behaviour isn’t as eccentric as my brother’s, and so it’s harder to deal with due to that feeling she’s somehow “pushing buttons”.

She isn’t. The staff at the hospice were leaving, yet you seem like you feel responsible for that. Her condition is not your fault.

51

“Mesmerized by the queen” sounds like a drug trip.

Then again, maybe that is exactly what that was.

52

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

[/quote]

Had an ex that thought the government was monitoring her through a pen, TV, phone… Just about everything.

She also thought that the govenment was going to kill everyone she loved unless she had sex with groups of random men.

She was in the mental ward a few times during our relationship. It was not a good time.

Cap, I seriously feel for you… It has to be really frustrating to deal with this everyday.[/quote]
Meth?[/quote]

No thanks. I quit years ago.

That was an offer, right?[/quote]yaaardy harrrrr! Not in to the whole meth thing. Just figured maybe she was around then.

I did sell aderrall in college though. Banked. Key is a high dose prescription and cut the pills in half.

Cap, hang in there. This too shall pass.[/quote]

No. She was a decent woman who just had the rotten luck to have mental issues.

This went from age 30 to just about 40.

The first time she lost it, was about 3 years in the relationship and I had NO idea what was going on. She had depression and paranoia to go along with it. Meds helped a lot, but her episodes were starting occur more often as time was passing.

/hijack

53

[quote]Professor X wrote:
“Mesmerized by the queen” sounds like a drug trip.

Then again, maybe that is exactly what that was.

[/quote]

Step your drug game up. You ain’t high as I’m is…

54

[quote]Professor X wrote:

“Mesmerized by the queen” sounds like a drug trip.

Then again, maybe that is exactly what that was.

[/quote]

I didn’t know this at the time, but the queen having the power to mesmerize is a common conspiracy theory. Not a particularly credible one though, since the hypnotic powers of the British royal family are said to be a perk of them being extra-terrestrial humanoid reptiles masquerading as humans. See David Icke via V:

I wish I was joking, but shared delusions don’t require the use of drugs or mental illness…

It goes as far back as people confessing to charges of witchcraft to modern suicide cults.

55

Sounds like hell, Cap. Good luck with all of it. My grandmother, who is was very close with, never mentally recovered from brain surgery. My mom kept my visits short afterwards to protect the good memories I had of her. I have been around mental illness a good chunck of my life but nothing like this. Best of luck to you and yours (not counting the MIL in there).

56

My mom is a schizophrenic, it took me 6 years to cut direct related ties with her. If it was her alone, I would’ve done it a long time ago. But as soon as there are blood relatives in the game it gets harder. In my situation I took responsibility of my kid brother and sister. Now that they have been placed outside of her care it’s easier to deal with her.

But to sum it all up, you’ll have to be one front as a family to deal with this kind of bat shit craziness. I’m speaking out of experience since I got married last year. One of the first thing I did when I met my partner was telling her about my mom. The two of them met each other on a psych ward, lol.

57

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Cap, sorry to hear it. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I’m glad to see that your sense of humor is still intact. Hang in there. The fact that you and your wife tried to take this on says a lot. Not everybody would do that for their mother-in-law, all craziness aside. [/quote]

PUFF! love to see you post and thank you so much for your kind words. I know that my situation is hard for me, but in reality many more people have much heavier burdens, my weakness in this is the pain I see in my wife and daughters eyes and I mistakenly think I can control or correct my MIL to help them, when in reality I’m useless/helpless other than providing support. I respectfully disagree with you that not a lot of people would do this, I keep realizing that most people are good and kind at heart, and for me, when I accept and choose that most things aren’t really about me, it makes it easier to care/do for others…my sense of humor…It is my crutch…like Waylon Jennings said…“This is gettin funny but ain’t nobody laugin”

Puff you of all people know what I’m talking about and that you would take the time to post means a lot, and for you and your family, I wish you peace and joy in your house…thanks again.

58

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:

Yes, I have a job.[/quote]

I thought you were black…?

59

Thank you everyone for your comments ( Charley, TEX AG, Tatsu, Roybot…and all the others that i didn’t reply to personally)…I appreciate you comments and kind words. I was hoping for that magic recipe that would give me an a+b=c solution…if only things were that easy right?

Like I said before I struggle with trying to fix/control something I can’t do and really have no business trying to. I know in my heart that she behaves this way because of an illness, but in my brain I struggle with the fact that at times I ignore the illness and wrongly assume it is her “choice” to be this way, and if we can just get her to choose to be another way it would be the fairy tale, end of life moment…

To what many others deal with, this is small potatoes, I just struggle greatly with the pain caused to my wife and daughter and the fact that there is little I can do to prevent or change. Talk about feeling small and weak at times…

Anyway, I thank everyone for their comments/input…I appreciate the different perspectives and comments.

Now really, where can I get some liguid morphine on the street, especially flavored like metimucil!

60

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
@ X Lol

Having a discussion with a person who truly believes that her vagina is being monitored by the FBI and she must fornicate with as many men as possible so it will throw off the FBI. Bat shit crazy.

Being a self centered 20 year old who only cares about biceps, tits and drinking is normal. [/quote]
Derek,

Next time you encounter such a woman, call me.

Is that manipulative?

*General comment, the previously listed “symptoms” of narcissm (narcicissm, cissym, cyssym…) seem suspicious to me. I mean that sounds like basically any corporate mid-level manager on up to the CEO or small time entrepreneur.

I wonder if the author isn’t a socialist hoping to brainwash the masses away from ambition.

But seriously, Derek, introduce me to this patient.[/quote]

I’m no expert, but Derek’s patient sounds more like she has paranoid schizophrenia than narcissistic personality disorder.

You may think her delusion would be entertaining to be around - until she puts a knife in your back because she’s convinced she’s overheard you reporting on her activities to headquarters using a secret radio you have hidden in your toothbrush.

Several years back, the heir to a large fortune was charged with murder for shooting his chauffeur/bodyguard. He was convinced that Nazi spies were hiding in the trees around his property and plotting to assasinate him. I bet the chauffeur and others found it funny – up until the guy decided his chauffeur must be one of the Nazi spies since he wasn’t protecting him from the imaginary threat.