So, I wanted to treat myself to a gift after a good semester,right? Well, I have always wanted an exotic pet so a trip to the “weird pet” store was in order. Upon entering the building, I noticed this REALLY small man but only it wasnt a man…It was a dwarf!
This dwarf was made of iron and the store owner said it was from the far reaches of the New Jersey plains. You just don’t get much more exotic than NJ, right? I could nawr pass this opprotunity up so I bought the little thing.
At first it was cool, he would draw random shit with his tail and giggle “lol” for no real reason. Chicks loved him (Whenever I walked him, I got at least 4 numbers). He’s basially like having a 3 year old living here but he looks like an old man…a little creepy but whatevs! I named it Mark, btw.
ON TO THE ISSUES I’M HAVING WITH LITTLE MARK DWARF.
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I can’t get him to stop “lol-ing” and chirping in his cage all night. I havent slept much since I brought him home.
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During the day, when I’m at work, he draws ALL OVER MY WALLS. They are really cool pictures but how the fuck do I explain this shit to people that come over…or my landlord FML, right?
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He is obviously iron and damages my wood floors when he walks…easy fix is carpet, right? I’m assuming he’d cause a fire because he drags his feet. UGH!!!
Lastly, he poops all over the place…ok you’re saying “its what animals do, clean it up”. Listen, his poop is iron and fuckin hot! Its like lifting a 100lb DB with every pooper scooper pick up…there are usually 6 or 7 and he goes all day long. I now know why NJ smells like that. SMH!!!
The store owner says he is pooping and acting out because I bought him without purchasing his female partner…I took little Mark D to visit and he began dancing and playing a weird little flute thing. When it was time to go he went batshit. It turns out he knows english (weird) and told me he’s said in his cage and when dwarves get sad they poop uncontroably.
So, do I get the female dwarf too? What if they both get sad? or have a little iron drawf? I only wanted this 1 little fucker not a whole colony.
Anyone? Plan of action?