Movie That Shoulda' Sucked...

Off Topic
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[quote]Professor X wrote:
There is actually a very deep history of fear associated with the myth of VAGINA DENTATA.

Many relate that to a fear or sexual anxiety associated with possible castration during intercourse.

I may see that movie on that relation alone.[/quote]

Admit it Prof., I had you at ‘teeth’ :wink:

Seriously though, they discuss Vagina Dentata at length in the movie. It’s a really clever handling of what could’ve been a b-movie if the filmmakers took the easy route - although there are plenty of unlucky casualties to be had, if you know what I mean. I’d put this up there with Splinter.

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…forgot to post awesome banned poster.

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LOL.

That poster would have made sure everyone knew of it.

I HATE insane censorship. Who is it that takes offense to every thing like this?

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It seems to me like all modern horror films are somehow filmed overly dark and foggy and have this greenish-blueish tint on them like the lens was soiled with something. You can barely tell what’s going on and the lighting never looks natural. Old movies did not have this problem, although the technology was inferior.

They just looked more real. It’s almost like the budgets, special effects etc. grew weaker over time; like they are trying to hide something by making it too blurry to figure out. A bit like a shitty artist painting a god awful painting and then saying it’s the trend now and it’s up to the viewer to figure it out.

Another thing which ties into both horror movies and the action genre is how scenes of violence, like fights, are filmed in this rushed, clipped style where you can’t tell if a punch was thrown by the protagonist or a double who does not resemble him at all. I feel like this kind of stuff started getting out of hand by Matrix although I’ve heard this has been a tradition in western martial arts cinema and such as opposed to more ‘whole’ Hong Kong style type.

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saw this when I was ten…always stuck with me, really liked the story line

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dont kno why it didnt show well it was 1982’s BEAST WITHIN, really enjoyed it srry for the double

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Great thread X!

Somebody mentioned it earlier but it seems not many have watched it…Timecrimes. Superb Spanish sci-fi/horror flick up there with The Orphanage in my opinion. The Devils Backbone is also worth a mention as a decent Spanish horror.

If you liked The Children then you should definitely watch The Cottage. It is by the same writer but has a slightly more comedic feel in the vein of Shaun of the Dead. Black Sheep is another British horror worth watching, Eden Lake has the feel of a modern era Deliverance, and Teeth most definitely deserves another endorsement especially for featuring the best Chuck Prophet song ever.

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I rather enjoyed:

Saturn 3 (1979)

Synopsis: Two alternative food researchers (Farrah Fawcett and Kirk Douglas) stationed in the rings off Saturn work in romantic and professional bliss until their perfect lives are disrupted by the intrusion… Two alternative food researchers (Farrah Fawcett and Kirk Douglas) stationed in the rings off Saturn work in romantic and professional bliss until their perfect lives are disrupted by the intrusion of Benson (Harvey Keitel), sent to speed up the scientists’ work. But Fawcett’s looks and charm ensnare the captain, creating a tense threesome. Or is it foursome? Keitel’s homicidal and lusty robot, Hector, also falls for Fawcett, and when Fawcett spurns both Keitel and his robot, the two scientists find themselves running for their lives. Filmed in the years after George Lucas’s STAR WARS captured audience’s imaginations with its gutsy adventure, SATURN 3 doesn’t have the subtlety or nerve-ripping horror of Ridley Scott’s ALIEN but does use devices from ALIEN and other noteworthy films to create an outer-space thriller for sci-fi fans. Readers of Martin Amis will be interested to see the novelist’s skills displayed in his first screenplay.

Outland (1981) Sean Connery

Synopsis: Sometime in the future, an upstanding federal marshal arrives at a space colony located on one of Jupiter’s moons. Alarmed by the strange and violent behavior of the miners who work for the… Sometime in the future, an upstanding federal marshal arrives at a space colony located on one of Jupiter’s moons. Alarmed by the strange and violent behavior of the miners who work for the colony’s giant mining corporation, the marshal decides to investigate. When he discovers that the general manager of the corporation is supplying the workforce with a dangerous, mind-altering amphetamine, the lawman prepares to battle it out with the villainous manager in a “High Noon”-like showdown.

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[quote]Professor X wrote:
LOL.

That poster would have made sure everyone knew of it.

I HATE insane censorship. Who is it that takes offense to every thing like this?[/quote]

The kind of people that dismiss a pussy that can smile on camera as a stupid idea for a movie (even though that same concept explores one of man’s most primal fears), yet these same people manage to find distasteful political themes in Avatar…bastards!

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[quote]Alffi wrote:
Another thing which ties into both horror movies and the action genre is how scenes of violence, like fights, are filmed in this rushed, clipped style where you can’t tell if a punch was thrown by the protagonist or a double who does not resemble him at all.[/quote]

This might be a personal quirk of mine, but I love it when you can tell a stunt double is used. I don’t care about the movie budget, the more obvious the stunt double is, the better (I have a huge cheesy streak). The only reason that fast editing is used so much is that it allows the double to do more fighting, so the actor spends less time on set.

The fights are then delegated to the second unit so the stars have more down time.

[quote]
I feel like this kind of stuff started getting out of hand by Matrix although I’ve heard this has been a tradition in western martial arts cinema and such as opposed to more ‘whole’ Hong Kong style type.[/quote]

The Matrix didn’t start it: it was choreographed by Yuen Woo-Ping, possibly Hong-Kong’s finest fight arranger. All the actors did their own stunts on wires, like in the old-school ‘folk-hero’ kung-fu flicks. The wires were edited out post-production.

I will say that fast editing was one of the weak points of Chris Nolan’s Batman movies:
I loved the fact that Batman Begins focused on Batman’s training, but the fight scenes were a let-down. Bats was supposed to be a ninja, but his on-screen style was Keysi fighting method.

It didn’t really lend itself well to the screen, as it’s a very enclosed style of fighting and had to be edited in a very choppy manner. They should’ve used authentic Ninjutsu (Batman is meant to be a master of all existing martial arts, which is impossible, but Ninjutsu is probably the most ‘Batman-like’ martial art around, especially with its heavy use of infiltration and survival methods).

All of which has nothing to do with this thread.

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This is a firm T-Nation favorite, but I have to nominate Bubba Ho-Tep for a plot so inspired that it could only have been conceived by someone on hallucinogenic drugs (that ‘someone’ being author Joe R. Landsdale):

Bruce Campbell plays Elvis Presley(or so he says)… Ossie Davies plays JFK (or so he thinks). Both are stuck in a retirement home, where the residents are being picked off one by one by a Stetson-wearing, cowboy-booted, life-sapping Egyptian mummy. Pure genius.

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[quote]skaz05 wrote:
Here’s one that I saw a few months ago. It’s a Spanish movie, but it’s dubbed in english. I thought it was going to suck, it was just a last minute rental. It turned out to be great. The only thing is that after watching it, you feel like it could have been 100x better. Like they could have taken the concept and really cranked out something sweet. Not that this movie sucked, it was really good, but you just think “Man, they could have done this and that with it and made this movie even better.”[/quote]

Hell Yeah! I saw this on TV the other night, great film. Completely agree with you saying they could have made it way better though. If I remember correctly, it was pretty short, they could have made it a couple hours long and really developed it.

Anyway, don’t think anybody has mentioned Outpost. More Nazi Zombies and surprisingly enjoyable.

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[quote]roybot wrote:
This is a firm T-Nation favorite, but I have to nominate Bubba Ho-Tep for a plot so inspired that it could only have been conceived by someone on hallucinogenic drugs (that ‘someone’ being author Joe R. Landsdale):

Bruce Campbell plays Elvis Presley(or so he says)… Ossie Davies plays JFK (or so he thinks). Both are stuck in a retirement home, where the residents are being picked off one by one by a Stetson-wearing, cowboy-booted, life-sapping Egyptian mummy. Pure genius.[/quote]

I honestly didn’t like this one. It was watchable, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

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[quote]Captain Qwark wrote:

[quote]skaz05 wrote:
Here’s one that I saw a few months ago. It’s a Spanish movie, but it’s dubbed in english. I thought it was going to suck, it was just a last minute rental. It turned out to be great. The only thing is that after watching it, you feel like it could have been 100x better. Like they could have taken the concept and really cranked out something sweet. Not that this movie sucked, it was really good, but you just think “Man, they could have done this and that with it and made this movie even better.”[/quote]

Hell Yeah! I saw this on TV the other night, great film. Completely agree with you saying they could have made it way better though. If I remember correctly, it was pretty short, they could have made it a couple hours long and really developed it.

Anyway, don’t think anybody has mentioned Outpost. More Nazi Zombies and surprisingly enjoyable.
[/quote]

Yeah, it wasn’t very long. They really ought to re-do it and give it the treatment it deserves.

I’ll look for Outpost.

Keep em’ coming guys.

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[quote]skaz05 wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:
This is a firm T-Nation favorite, but I have to nominate Bubba Ho-Tep for a plot so inspired that it could only have been conceived by someone on hallucinogenic drugs (that ‘someone’ being author Joe R. Landsdale):

Bruce Campbell plays Elvis Presley(or so he says)… Ossie Davies plays JFK (or so he thinks). Both are stuck in a retirement home, where the residents are being picked off one by one by a Stetson-wearing, cowboy-booted, life-sapping Egyptian mummy. Pure genius.[/quote]

I honestly didn’t like this one. It was watchable, but I wouldn’t recommend it.[/quote]

I personally thought that it was better than both Frontiers, and Switchblade Romance (High Tension): both were inferior rip-offs of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, IMO. Bubba Ho-Tep had more to offer entertainment-wise and doesn’t draw inspiration from any movie I can than think of. I guess you either love it or you hate it due to the quirky sense of humor.

I mentioned Bubba Ho-Tep on a previous thread and there were plenty of people who said how much they enjoyed it. Plus, no disrespect intended, but don’t you watch movies while too drunk to remember them?

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[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]skaz05 wrote:

[quote]roybot wrote:
This is a firm T-Nation favorite, but I have to nominate Bubba Ho-Tep for a plot so inspired that it could only have been conceived by someone on hallucinogenic drugs (that ‘someone’ being author Joe R. Landsdale):

Bruce Campbell plays Elvis Presley(or so he says)… Ossie Davies plays JFK (or so he thinks). Both are stuck in a retirement home, where the residents are being picked off one by one by a Stetson-wearing, cowboy-booted, life-sapping Egyptian mummy. Pure genius.[/quote]

I honestly didn’t like this one. It was watchable, but I wouldn’t recommend it.[/quote]

I personally thought that it was better than both Frontiers, and Switchblade Romance: both were inferior rip-offs of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Bubba Ho-Tep had more to offer entertainment-wise and doesn’t draw inspiration from any movie I can than think of. I guess you either love it or you hate it due to the quirky sense of humor. Most people can tell by the premise if they will like it or not.

I mentioned Bubba Ho-Tep on a previous thread and there were plenty of people who said how much they enjoyed it. Plus, no disrespect intended, but don’t you watch movies while too drunk to remember them properly?[/quote]

Don’t get mad…

Sorry man, I wasn’t trying to insult anyone. I just didn’t think it was THAT good. I didn’t hate it, I just honestly didn’t see what the hard-on was about it. Much of the movie was simply boring, as most of Campbell’s post Evil Dead flicks are. In my OPINION. And for your information, I watched Bubba Ho-Tep sober. Maybe I should have watched it drunk in order to enjoy it?

I forget how sensitive people can be on the interwebz. No need to go into attack mode. We simply have a difference of opinion here - it’s nothing personal. No need to get butthurt over it.

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[quote]skaz05 wrote:
Don’t get mad…

Sorry man, I wasn’t trying to insult anyone. I just didn’t think it was THAT good. I didn’t hate it, I just honestly didn’t see what the hard-on was about it. Much of the movie was simply boring, as most of Campbell’s post Evil Dead flicks are. In my OPINION. And for your information, I watched Bubba Ho-Tep sober. Maybe I should have watched it drunk in order to enjoy it?

I forget how sensitive people can be on the interwebz. No need to go into attack mode. We simply have a difference of opinion here - it’s nothing personal. No need to get butthurt over it.[/quote]

Who’s mad? Who’s getting butthurt? Certainly not me. Plenty of people have suggested movies that didn’t live up to their expectations and said that they should’ve been far better than they were (including you)…on a thread called Movie That Shoulda’ Sucked…but somehow I can’t…

You are the one who told me that Bubba Ho-Tep didn’t make the grade here. You are the one that made a semi-pissy response when I defended it. You are the one who got “butt hurt” when I mentioned, quite matter-of-factly, that you watch movies too drunk to remember them. That’s not a personal attack: you started a thread about it.

I don’t object to your opinion…I object to you throwing out veiled insults acting like I’m the one with the problem when you can tell me what you think but can’t take the response. Posting a childish pic from In Living Color doesn’t help your case…

You can either drop the attitude it or I won’t post anymore movies on this thread again. Either one works for me.

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was expecting something else going into this movie. but ended up enjoying it.

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[quote]roybot wrote:

[quote]skaz05 wrote:
Don’t get mad…

Sorry man, I wasn’t trying to insult anyone. I just didn’t think it was THAT good. I didn’t hate it, I just honestly didn’t see what the hard-on was about it. Much of the movie was simply boring, as most of Campbell’s post Evil Dead flicks are. In my OPINION. And for your information, I watched Bubba Ho-Tep sober. Maybe I should have watched it drunk in order to enjoy it?

I forget how sensitive people can be on the interwebz. No need to go into attack mode. We simply have a difference of opinion here - it’s nothing personal. No need to get butthurt over it.[/quote]

Who’s mad? Who’s getting butthurt? Certainly not me. Plenty of people have suggested movies that didn’t live up to their expectations and said that they should’ve been far better than they were (including you)…on a thread called Movie That Shoulda’ Sucked…but somehow I can’t…

You are the one who told me that Bubba Ho-Tep didn’t make the grade here. You are the one that made a semi-pissy response when I defended it. You are the one who got “butt hurt” when I mentioned, quite matter-of-factly, that you watch movies too drunk to remember them. That’s not a personal attack: you started a thread about it.

I don’t object to your opinion…I object to you throwing out veiled insults acting like I’m the one with the problem when you can tell me what you think but can’t take the response. Posting a childish pic from In Living Color doesn’t help your case…

You can either drop the attitude it or I won’t post anymore movies on this thread again. Either one works for me.

[/quote]
Sorry brah.

I thought the pic from In Living Color was fucking clever as shit, AND totally appropriate. Men on Film? Don’t be mad? You dont find it hil-fucking-arious?

I’m totally not upset about this, but you obviously are. Sorry if I hurt your feelings brah.

So, I take it all back. Bruce Campbell RULES! And Bubba Ho-Tep is a totally awesome flick! And because T-Nation arbitrarily ranks it #1, according to you, I am wrong about everything in life.

I suck and totally have teh ghey. Sucks to be me.

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[quote]skaz05 wrote:
I’m totally not upset about this, but you obviously are. Sorry if I hurt your feelings brah.[/quote]

If you keep saying that I’m upset (and you do keep saying it), then I must be fucking livid. Because a guy who regularly responds to posts with a pic of breasts yet can discern a stranger’s precise emotional state over the internet is clearly a man of contrasts and is not to be trifled with.