Before I go to sleep, a few from the late, great George Carlin:
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would’ve made our arms shorter.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
Did you ever see a news story like this in the paper? Every now and then you run into a story, says, “some guy broke into a house, stole a lot of things, and while he was in there, he raped an 81 year old woman.” And I’m thinking to myself, “WHY??? What the fuck kind of a social life does this guy have?” I want to say, “why did you do that?” “Well she was coming on to me. We were dancing and I got horney. Hey, she was asking for it, she had on a tight bathrobe.” I’ll say, “Jesus Christ, be a little fucking selective next time will you?”
Now, speaking of rape, do you know what I wonder? I wonder is there more rape at the equator or the north pole. These are the kind of things I think about when I’m sitting home alone and the power goes out. I wonder is there more rape at the equator or the north pole. I mean per capita, I know the populations are different. Most people think it’s the equator, I think it’s the north pole. People think it’s the equator because it’s hot down there, they don’t wear a lot of clothing, guys can see women’s tits, they get horney and there’s a lot of fucking going on. That’s exactly why there’s less rape at the equator. Because there’s a lot of fucking going on. You can tell there’s a lot of fucking at the equator, take a look at the population figures. Billions of people live near the equator. How many Eskimos do we have? Thirty? Thirty five? No one’s getting laid at the north pole, it’s too fucking cold. Guys say to their wives, “hey tonight honey, huh, tonight, huh?” “Are you crazy? The wind chill factor is three hundred below.” These guys are deprived. Their horney. Their pent up. Every now and then…p-pmm…they bust out, they got to rape somebody.
Now, the biggest problem an Eskimo rapist has, trying to get wet leather leggings off a woman who is kicking. Did you ever try to get leather pants off of someone who doesn’t want to take them off? You would lose your hard-on in the process. Up at the north pole you dick would shrivel up like a stack of dimes. That’s another thing I wonder. I wonder, does a rapist have a hard-on when he leaves the house in the morning, or does he develop it during the day while he’s walking around looking for somebody. These are the kind of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools.
RIP
