I think much of this can be analyzed in a simple view of reality show singing competitions:
Women:
Men…even super shy fat young men:
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Conflict is stressful, and disappointing someone you care about is even worse. Which is why we tend to suppress stuff and then eventually blow.
[/quote]
No man appreciates this lol. Search your feelings; you know it to be true. That’s okay though; at least you seem to possess uncanny loyalty. That trumps most faults imo.[/quote]
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Conflict is stressful, and disappointing someone you care about is even worse. Which is why we tend to suppress stuff and then eventually blow.
[/quote]
No man appreciates this lol. Search your feelings; you know it to be true. That’s okay though; at least you seem to possess uncanny loyalty. That trumps most faults imo.[/quote]
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.[/quote]
I think this is wildly inaccurate. Women have a much more solid grasp of rational self interest than men in my experience. Just because they go about it differently doesn’t mean they don’t deal with reality. Its just likely often much more calculated than you see out of many especially young men.
[quote]groo wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Conflict is stressful, and disappointing someone you care about is even worse. Which is why we tend to suppress stuff and then eventually blow.
[/quote]
No man appreciates this lol. Search your feelings; you know it to be true. That’s okay though; at least you seem to possess uncanny loyalty. That trumps most faults imo.[/quote]
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.[/quote]
I think this is wildly inaccurate. Women have a much more solid grasp of rational self interest than men in my experience. Just because they go about it differently doesn’t mean they don’t deal with reality. Its just likely often much more calculated than you see out of many especially young men.[/quote]
Scratch the last sentence of what I wrote. I was trying to provide an example, but worded it poorly. I meant it more in the sense that boys are taught to take a more direct approach (either actually taught that, or through modeling), and girls are taught to take a more indirect approach.
I still think the rest of my post is correct, that there are differences taught during childhood about how to deal with conflict and confrontation that lead to conflict later on because of differing value systems.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.[/quote]
I think there may actually be studies on this. Looking at things like if a child is running and falls down, how long the parents will let the child cry if it’s a boy vs if it’s a girl and what kind of reaction/attention it gets. In general of course boys are “taught” pretty early on that nobody is coming to help you, so you’d better just cowboy the fuck up whereas girls are “taught” that if you are distressed, someone will always be there to catch you or come running to help.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.[/quote]
I think there may actually be studies on this. Looking at things like if a child is running and falls down, how long the parents will let the child cry if it’s a boy vs if it’s a girl and what kind of reaction/attention it gets. In general of course boys are “taught” pretty early on that nobody is coming to help you, so you’d better just cowboy the fuck up whereas girls are “taught” that if you are distressed, someone will always be there to catch you or come running to help.[/quote]
That too was sort of what I meant.
Although, I think today boys aren’t allowed to run and fall down or else their parents go to jail for neglect and endangerment.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Although, I think today boys aren’t allowed to run and fall down or else their parents go to jail for neglect and endangerment.[/quote]
Lol, I’m afraid you’re right.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]groo wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Conflict is stressful, and disappointing someone you care about is even worse. Which is why we tend to suppress stuff and then eventually blow.
[/quote]
No man appreciates this lol. Search your feelings; you know it to be true. That’s okay though; at least you seem to possess uncanny loyalty. That trumps most faults imo.[/quote]
I’d never really thought about it this way, but I suppose it makes sense considering the general differences in the ways girls and boys are raised. Specifically, in the ways they deal with confrontation. Boys seem to be taught to deal directly with reality from an early age, feelings be damned, whereas girls tend to be more coddled.[/quote]
I think this is wildly inaccurate. Women have a much more solid grasp of rational self interest than men in my experience. Just because they go about it differently doesn’t mean they don’t deal with reality. Its just likely often much more calculated than you see out of many especially young men.[/quote]
Scratch the last sentence of what I wrote. I was trying to provide an example, but worded it poorly. I meant it more in the sense that boys are taught to take a more direct approach (either actually taught that, or through modeling), and girls are taught to take a more indirect approach.
I still think the rest of my post is correct, that there are differences taught during childhood about how to deal with conflict and confrontation that lead to conflict later on because of differing value systems.[/quote]
Not to turn into Orion but I think that many things are learned by women in childhood in the Western world that lead to duplicitous behavior that benefits them. I can’t really find fault with say holding onto double standards that benefit them as it is really self interest but its certainly often calculated and certainly less straightforward.
The first post of the thread would sort of point to this. Instead of simply being honest there is some deception involved to allow one party to maintain a bit of a double standard. Either to be able at some later date to use the unclear nature of the situation to claim either an exclusivity or a free reign to circumscribe the behavior of one party or to excuse the behavior of the other.
I think the analogy of the bike, where the boy toughs it out and the girl getting help is how things are supposed to be, or should be. That’s how the world seems to be set up and how we have evolved. The lesson of learning to deal with things like scraped knees from falling off a bike alone are some of the things that instill toughness, endurance, hardiness or whatever you want to call it in us as men. This lesson is the same sort that leads to the banging ones head against the door mistake when there is a handle and the door is open. We get stuck in our ways or can have crude or inefficient ways of getting things done both at work and at home which may bother our co-workers or loved ones.
What Emily seems to be doing is, not letting her partner know how she really feels when he has let her down, and letting those things that disappoint her brew, letting the guy make the same mistake until the relationship has spoiled. Only things I know of are that the guys she tends to be around are overly clingy/needy, or they cheat. Some things are better left unsaid, but maybe, just maybe she should let her hombre’s know what’s bothering her and not let the male aspect which bangs his head against the door keep doing that thing.
Trying not to get too cheesy, but isn’t that kinda part of growing together with someone? Better to grow together than apart if you are looking for someone for the long haul.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I think the analogy of the bike, where the boy toughs it out and the girl getting help is how things are supposed to be, or should be. That’s how the world seems to be set up and how we have evolved. The lesson of learning to deal with things like scraped knees from falling off a bike alone are some of the things that instill toughness, endurance, hardiness or whatever you want to call it in us as men. This lesson is the same sort that leads to the banging ones head against the door mistake when there is a handle and the door is open. We get stuck in our ways or can have crude or inefficient ways of getting things done both at work and at home which may bother our co-workers or loved ones.
What Emily seems to be doing is, not letting her partner know how she really feels when he has let her down, and letting those things that disappoint her brew, letting the guy make the same mistake until the relationship has spoiled. Only things I know of are that the guys she tends to be around are overly clingy/needy, or they cheat. Some things are better left unsaid, but maybe, just maybe she should let her hombre’s know what’s bothering her and not let the male aspect which bangs his head against the door keep doing that thing.
Trying not to get too cheesy, but isn’t that kinda part of growing together with someone? Better to grow together than apart if you are looking for someone for the long haul. [/quote]
Please stop.
You’re talking about a woman who communicates better and is more insightful than 98% of the population.
Please don’t mistake her openness here for being in need of amateur psychoanalysis.[/quote]
Thought you had enough class to send me a p.m. If it bugs you I’ll just stay away, but then you should hold yourself to the same standards, “Chushin.”
[quote]Severiano wrote:
send me a p.m.
[/quote]
Can’t be done. Where have you been for the last like year?
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
I think the analogy of the bike, where the boy toughs it out and the girl getting help is how things are supposed to be, or should be. That’s how the world seems to be set up and how we have evolved. The lesson of learning to deal with things like scraped knees from falling off a bike alone are some of the things that instill toughness, endurance, hardiness or whatever you want to call it in us as men. This lesson is the same sort that leads to the banging ones head against the door mistake when there is a handle and the door is open. We get stuck in our ways or can have crude or inefficient ways of getting things done both at work and at home which may bother our co-workers or loved ones.
What Emily seems to be doing is, not letting her partner know how she really feels when he has let her down, and letting those things that disappoint her brew, letting the guy make the same mistake until the relationship has spoiled. Only things I know of are that the guys she tends to be around are overly clingy/needy, or they cheat. Some things are better left unsaid, but maybe, just maybe she should let her hombre’s know what’s bothering her and not let the male aspect which bangs his head against the door keep doing that thing.
Trying not to get too cheesy, but isn’t that kinda part of growing together with someone? Better to grow together than apart if you are looking for someone for the long haul. [/quote]
Please stop.
You’re talking about a woman who communicates better and is more insightful than 98% of the population.
Please don’t mistake her openness here for being in need of amateur psychoanalysis.[/quote]
Thought you had enough class to send me a p.m. If it bugs you I’ll just stay away, but then you should hold yourself to the same standards, “Chushin.”
[/quote]
PM’s have not worked here for a long time.
Roger, my bad about the P.M. thing. Only pm’s I got here were by folks trying to get me to join their Church. Consistent lot they are!
Emily I hope you find the right guy and figure out what it is about your personality that exposes or creates the insecurities you find so repulsive.
Chushin, from what I can gather about Emily I agree with you completely. She’s very complicated… But what she communicates rather than her ability to communicate is the facet I’m talking about. What is more curious is someone who has a mastery at relationships, but can’t seem to use those masterful tools to fix herself is communicating on a forum full of amateur’s, and you single me out. We have had our differences, don’t know why it has to come to this thread which is why I’m out. Cheers.
Hey, hey, no fighting in here! I’ll start crying and then refuse to say why! If you press, I’ll deny being upset, then give you the wounded silent treatment for as long as I can manage to maintain it before eventually accusing that “you know what’s wrong!”
But right now I have to go to work. Second day at the new place. My caseload seems to consist so far of borderline adults and ADHD boys. These are the people who apparently seemed like “a good fit” for the new therapist. lol
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
ADHD boys[/quote]
I wonder how many of them actually are…
[quote]Severiano wrote:
Roger, my bad about the P.M. thing. Only pm’s I got here were by folks trying to get me to join their Church. Consistent lot they are!
Emily I hope you find the right guy and figure out what it is about your personality that exposes or creates the insecurities you find so repulsive.
Chushin, from what I can gather about Emily I agree with you completely. She’s very complicated… But what she communicates rather than her ability to communicate is the facet I’m talking about. What is more curious is someone who has a mastery at relationships, but can’t seem to use those masterful tools to fix herself is communicating on a forum full of amateur’s, and you single me out. We have had our differences, don’t know why it has to come to this thread which is why I’m out. Cheers. [/quote]
In case you’re still reading-
It’s hard to fix your own head with your own head. If a person could simply think their way through something that was giving them some difficulty, it wouldn’t be giving them any difficulty, would it?
There is also a lot about unattended cues that attract people to each other. These are the types of things that people do and are observing in each other but aren’t really aware of. It’s like that sense of familiarity that you get from someone you’ve never met, or how you can tell from just a brief interaction that you do or don’t like them.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
Roger, my bad about the P.M. thing. Only pm’s I got here were by folks trying to get me to join their Church. Consistent lot they are!
Emily I hope you find the right guy and figure out what it is about your personality that exposes or creates the insecurities you find so repulsive.
Chushin, from what I can gather about Emily I agree with you completely. She’s very complicated… But what she communicates rather than her ability to communicate is the facet I’m talking about. What is more curious is someone who has a mastery at relationships, but can’t seem to use those masterful tools to fix herself is communicating on a forum full of amateur’s, and you single me out. We have had our differences, don’t know why it has to come to this thread which is why I’m out. Cheers. [/quote]
In case you’re still reading-
It’s hard to fix your own head with your own head. If a person could simply think their way through something that was giving them some difficulty, it wouldn’t be giving them any difficulty, would it?
There is also a lot about unattended cues that attract people to each other. These are the types of things that people do and are observing in each other but aren’t really aware of. It’s like that sense of familiarity that you get from someone you’ve never met, or how you can tell from just a brief interaction that you do or don’t like them.
[/quote]
To paraphrase Mark twain, it is not the things you do not know that will necessarily hurt you, it is the things you know that are not so that will hurt you.
Especially if you have invested so much in them that they have become part of your core personality.
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
How much relevance and credibility do you all attribute to the Myers-Briggs test? [/quote]
I think it’s a great tool for beginning to understand the traits that go into building your personality, and so a good starter point. However, I think it’s a fairly blunt tool in that depending on mood and circumstance it doesn’t always hold steady. Thinking or feeling, judging or perceiving? I’m all of those things, and the categories that best describe me are evolving as I do.
You should be able to find it for free online. I would say if you take it and it rings true for you, it’s credible. If not, not.
Thinking about it, I would probably have to say that psychology itself is a blunt tool. But a valuable one nonetheless.