This thread has been so entertaining. Basically that emily chick confirming everything Orion has ever written lol. Alpha widow for sure. What Orion forgets is that alpha is different to every woman. A guido chick is going to have a different idea of what alpha is compared to another woman.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Speaking of which, I’ve switched my pic to Levi’s and Dr. Martens because I’m going to be a LOT more lesbian from now on.[/quote]
Oh dear. I am going to have to break the bad news to my husband of 25 years.
I live in both.
[quote]kpsnap wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Speaking of which, I’ve switched my pic to Levi’s and Dr. Martens because I’m going to be a LOT more lesbian from now on.[/quote]
Oh dear. I am going to have to break the bad news to my husband of 25 years.
I live in both.[/quote]
Oh, no worries, I took that pic while I was still straight and there were no issues. Both my Levi’s and Docs are well worn, and I was never asked to leave the het community, it was a voluntary move.
I may be rethinking it today.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I’m done with men.[/quote]
So you going to go play for the other team and double your wardrobe? [/quote]
Wait, double my wardrobe?? Do new clothes come with it??
Speaking of which, I’ve switched my pic to Levi’s and Dr. Martens because I’m going to be a LOT more lesbian from now on.[/quote]
Uh yea, pick a chick the same size.
Bam double your wardrobe
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I don’t think I’m going to be able to manage this dating thing. I miss my ex-boyfriend. I think he’s ruined me for ever making out with anyone else, much less sex.
Which sucks, because he’s not an option…
…He is a good guy, and we haven’t gotten far enough for technical skill to be an issue. It’s more just that as things heat up I’m thinking - wait, this isn’t the guy I love doing this with.
I’m sure I could go back if I wanted. I even had the thought that maybe Saturday morning I could set off on the 12 hour drive to spend the night, and then drive back on Sunday. (He’s returned to his home state.) I know he would say yes, come, but I think he’d get mad at me all over again when I had to break back up afterward because his stupid, fucked up choices make him an unhealthy long term prospect for me.
I’m actively resisting the pull, because I can’t go back. But I loved being with him when there wasn’t needless drama.[/quote]
It’s perfectly normal to have feelings of regret and longing after a break-up, that’s what makes them so difficult. And you don’t get to choose when they pop up, but they do act as a signal. The mind can process the end of a relationship a lot faster than the heart can.
I think that until you can work through all the feelings associated with your last failed relationship, they’re going to continue to manifest themselves at the beginning of this new one.
Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you want to close the door on the old one (and why would you, he sounds like a good guy who you loved). If he were to find a job tomorrow and get his shit together it sounds as if you two could make a go of it again. That’s hard to let go of.
[/quote]
This is a good post. I read it earlier, along with Chushin’s question about whether the stupid, fucked up choices were really that bad, and spent the day thinking about it. Because there certainly is a part of me that wants to try again. But yes, they were that bad. I never minded about the job, he’s a smart and likable guy with enough good stuff on his resume that I know that if he hasn’t gotten a job by now, he will. I don’t think he necessarily had as much faith, which was an issue.
It had more to do with his drinking and the restless energy that had him lashing out at me pretty regularly once he lost his job. We also had a history of some volatility, which concerned me, and which I believe originated with him since I don’t display volatility in any other context and he does. I was still loosely hanging in, hoping that things would change with a job, but then he pretty savagely assaulted his father, an abusive drunk, and it simply was and is more than I can deal with. I think it may have been his first-ever fight, but it was a big one and his dad was badly hurt.
I think I came out of my long marriage to a flat, joyless man looking for someone with passion and energy, and I found him. Being with him was like a roller coaster ride, all crackling energy and shrieks of delight, and I loved almost every minute of it. Even seeing his car parked outside made me happy. But he will always prioritize here and now over later, and pleasure over happiness, and I’m not that way. I know that one of the things he liked about me was that I was good for him. I don’t think he was as good for me, though. Good TO me, mostly, very, but when it wasn’t good there were patterns alike to the ones I saw played out between his parents. I don’t want that.
So I miss him, but I have too many people relying on me to be the focus of his happiness on a good day and his unhappiness on a bad day, particularly after he spectacularly complicated his life with the assault. And he’s far away now, so there’s no way to pull back a bit and hope he can do some of the work he needs to do without cutting ties completely.
So I miss him, but I’m not self-destructive and being with him right now would be just that.
TL;DR I wish I could, but I can’t.
It helped whining about it in here and then giving it one more thorough reevaluation.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I’m done with men.[/quote]
So you going to go play for the other team and double your wardrobe? [/quote]
Wait, double my wardrobe?? Do new clothes come with it??
Speaking of which, I’ve switched my pic to Levi’s and Dr. Martens because I’m going to be a LOT more lesbian from now on.[/quote]
Uh yea, pick a chick the same size.
Bam double your wardrobe [/quote]
Oh. Good idea. Kpsnap, do you want access to some more Levi’s and Dr. Martens?
That sounded pretty rough. It’s good that you can put it all in context though, the bad with the good.
I think you probably just need some time to yourself for awhile, assuming you don’t tend toward any self-destructive patterns.
Mostly, it sounds like some of your feelings are still too potent to be out in the dating scene right now. If you do find someone you want to be with, I don’t think it would be fair to him. I think you just need some time to reestablish yourself.
If your ex was more accessible than a 12 hour drive away, do you think you’d still have the self control to stay away? No need to answer, just food for thought.
I see now it’s quite serious.
[quote]sardines12 wrote:
This thread has been so entertaining. Basically that emily chick confirming everything Orion has ever written lol. Alpha widow for sure. What Orion forgets is that alpha is different to every woman. A guido chick is going to have a different idea of what alpha is compared to another woman. [/quote]
I dunno. I actually don’t think I prove orion’s theories at all, except insofar as this has been an emotional experience for me. All of my relationships have been long term (this two year stint being the briefest) and I’ve been faithful in every one of them. Too, I’m in here talking about a broke guy who was shorter than me and not as good looking, but whom I liked (no hypergamy here) and now have just been considering abandoning a hypergamous option in favor of continued fidelity to the broke guy who is shorter and less good looking. BUT, here goes me overriding emotion in favor of what I hope is executive function.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I see now it’s quite serious.[/quote]
LOL! I’m sorry! I’m a complete buzzkill. I’m known for it.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
his father
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
an abusive drunk
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
he pretty savagely assaulted his father
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
his dad was badly hurt.
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
it simply was and is more than I can deal with.
[/quote]
I don’t get it. Sounds like he did a good job teaching an abusive drunk a lesson.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
That sounded pretty rough. It’s good that you can put it all in context though, the bad with the good.
I think you probably just need some time to yourself for awhile, assuming you don’t tend toward any self-destructive patterns.
Mostly, it sounds like some of your feelings are still too potent to be out in the dating scene right now. If you do find someone you want to be with, I don’t think it would be fair to him. I think you just need some time to reestablish yourself.
If your ex was more accessible than a 12 hour drive away, do you think you’d still have the self control to stay away? No need to answer, just food for thought.[/quote]
I hope I would. It needs to end, realistically, because some of these things are circumstantial, but some of it is character and upbringing, and these things won’t go away without hard work on his part, which he hasn’t displayed a willingness to undertake.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
his father
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
an abusive drunk
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
he pretty savagely assaulted his father
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
his dad was badly hurt.
[/quote]
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
it simply was and is more than I can deal with.
[/quote]
I don’t get it. Sounds like he did a good job teaching an abusive drunk a lesson.[/quote]
Which is how he saw it. But in doing so he left the hospitalized mother he thought he was championing (dad chose the bar over taking her in with heart attack symptoms) with a now-injured husband, risked a felony charge with a young son to take care of, and behaved in a way that frankly gives me nightmares.
Call me crazy, but I see it as a red flag.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I see now it’s quite serious.[/quote]
LOL! I’m sorry! I’m a complete buzzkill. I’m known for it.[/quote]
My buzz never dies. Don’t worry lol. I wasn’t in the right mindset to read this.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I see now it’s quite serious.[/quote]
LOL! I’m sorry! I’m a complete buzzkill. I’m known for it.[/quote]
My buzz never dies. Don’t worry lol. I wasn’t in the right mindset to read this.[/quote]
That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even your buzz may die.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I see now it’s quite serious.[/quote]
LOL! I’m sorry! I’m a complete buzzkill. I’m known for it.[/quote]
My buzz never dies. Don’t worry lol. I wasn’t in the right mindset to read this.[/quote]
That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even your buzz may die.[/quote]
Nope. 