I just got done sipping a chocolate protein shake and had a minor upper respiratory thing going. It was right in the middle of his windsheild and I’m sure it couldn’t go unnoticed. As for other people? You guessed it! Fuck them to 
I would of just waiting underneath his Hummer and slit his Achilles. And then beat his ass.
I don’t ever double park but under certain cercumstances where it was unavoidable and I found some guy spitting on my truck afterwards, he’d get his ass beat. Hands down…
That would have been nice.
[quote]doogie wrote:
You place too much faith in people. As long as there are douchebags who choose to take up two spaces, there will always be keys ready to meet them.[/quote]
Actually, I don’t place that much faith in people. I think the vast majority of people are extremely fallible - myself included.
And that’s exactly why your keying approach doesn’t work. Most of the time, the driver won’t associate your keying with his parking. It won’t occur to him that someone was teaching him a lesson. He’ll assume that some juvenile asshole keyed his car for kicks. And he’ll keep parking the same way, because it hasn’t occurred to him that it pisses people off.
If you ever have kids, or train dogs, you’ll understand what I’m saying. You won’t change their behavior thru punishment if they don’t understand what you’re punishing them for.
Oh, and perhaps my previous post wasn’t clear on one point. I don’t believe we’ll ever have peace on earth, because it’s a fact of reality that people are fallible - including the two-space parkers (socially irresponsible) and you with your keying (same).
Hmmm. Wow. You spit on his car.
That was pretty good. I’ll bet it made you feel all fuzzy and warm for the rest of the day. Doogies right…you could have keyed his car and slashed his tires…or maybe waited for him to come back and then you could have run him over.
It would be a lesson well learned I believe. I bet he would never double park his Hummer after that.
I’m so happy to know that this forum is home to the politest and most courtious drivers in the world.
I wonder if you would have noticed the double park if it was a beat up old pinto instead of a Hummer?
[quote]jwillow wrote:
doogie wrote:
You place too much faith in people. As long as there are douchebags who choose to take up two spaces, there will always be keys ready to meet them.
Actually, I don’t place that much faith in people. I think the vast majority of people are extremely fallible - myself included.
And that’s exactly why your keying approach doesn’t work. Most of the time, the driver won’t associate your keying with his parking. It won’t occur to him that someone was teaching him a lesson. He’ll assume that some juvenile asshole keyed his car for kicks. And he’ll keep parking the same way, because it hasn’t occurred to him that it pisses people off.
If you ever have kids, or train dogs, you’ll understand what I’m saying. You won’t change their behavior thru punishment if they don’t understand what you’re punishing them for.
Oh, and perhaps my previous post wasn’t clear on one point. I don’t believe we’ll ever have peace on earth, because it’s a fact of reality that people are fallible - including the two-space parkers (socially irresponsible) and you with your keying (same).[/quote]
I know enough to understand that keying the guy’s vehicle won’t teach him anything. If his parents, driver’s ed, and common sense haven’t done the job, nothing will.
Keying serves two purposes. First it makes me feel much better. Second, I think Karma is acting through me, balancing the scales of justice in the universe.
[quote]grey wrote:
…I wonder if you would have noticed the double park if it was a beat up old pinto instead of a Hummer? [/quote]
I would have. I’m an equal opportunity keyer.
[quote]doogie wrote:
jwillow wrote:
doogie wrote:
You place too much faith in people. As long as there are douchebags who choose to take up two spaces, there will always be keys ready to meet them.
Actually, I don’t place that much faith in people. I think the vast majority of people are extremely fallible - myself included.
And that’s exactly why your keying approach doesn’t work. Most of the time, the driver won’t associate your keying with his parking. It won’t occur to him that someone was teaching him a lesson. He’ll assume that some juvenile asshole keyed his car for kicks. And he’ll keep parking the same way, because it hasn’t occurred to him that it pisses people off.
If you ever have kids, or train dogs, you’ll understand what I’m saying. You won’t change their behavior thru punishment if they don’t understand what you’re punishing them for.
Oh, and perhaps my previous post wasn’t clear on one point. I don’t believe we’ll ever have peace on earth, because it’s a fact of reality that people are fallible - including the two-space parkers (socially irresponsible) and you with your keying (same).
I know enough to understand that keying the guy’s vehicle won’t teach him anything. If his parents, driver’s ed, and common sense haven’t done the job, nothing will.
Keying serves two purposes. First it makes me feel much better. Second, I think Karma is acting through me, balancing the scales of justice in the universe.
[/quote]
Hey. You really are pissed at the world aren’t you? Instead of wasting all that energy on anger why don’t you use it to get yourself to where you want to be?
Ignore the assholes because life is too short.
Spitting on somebodies doorknob cause he didn’t tip me enough or “gave me a look” is pretty pathetic unless you are 15 years old…in which case that would be normal behaviour…
Oh and if I saw someone key my car I’d punish him without mercy.
Most people who key cars usually don’t own one themselves. It’s called jealousy.
[quote]grey wrote:
Oh and if I saw someone key my car I’d punish him without mercy.
Most people who key cars usually don’t own one themselves. It’s called jealousy.
[/quote]
-
I’m not really worried about punishment. First, I have superb keying technique that has been honed over the years. There are no witnesses. Second, I’d use the rage that boils within me when I see people taking up two spaces to kick your ass. Twice.
-
If I didn’t own any cars, why would I care where douchebags like you parked? I’d just see your douchebag parking job and say, “Ha! That douchebag thinks he’s better than everyone else with cars. What a micro-penis having asshole!”
[quote]doogie wrote:
grey wrote:
Oh and if I saw someone key my car I’d punish him without mercy.
Most people who key cars usually don’t own one themselves. It’s called jealousy.
-
I’m not really worried about punishment. First, I have superb keying technique that has been honed over the years. There are no witnesses. Second, I’d use the rage that boils within me when I see people taking up two spaces to kick your ass. Twice.
-
If I didn’t own any cars, why would I care where douchebags like you parked? I’d just see your douchebag parking job and say, “Ha! That douchebag thinks he’s better than everyone else with cars. What a micro-penis having asshole!”[/quote]
Let me guess? You’re in high school right? Do you kick cats as well?
Blow up frogs with firecrackers?
How about tipping cows?
You would probably need more than the rage that boils within you to kick anybodies ass. I have found that only pathetic little twerps are the key and run kind.
Edit…I missed the fact that you have been getting away with keying cars for 33 years. Some accomplishment.
Not in high school after all.
Even more pathetic.
Oh and wide guy. You pizza guys are the biggest parking offenders. Being a bit of a hypocrite aren’t you?
[quote]PlateStacker45 wrote:
I would of just waiting underneath his Hummer and slit his Achilles. And then beat his ass.[/quote]
Oh my god, that made me bust up laughing so hard… Now give it a bit and someone with the sense of humor of a measuring tape will come back with “omg, like, you’re should grow up and stuff” or “wtf dude, you should seek therapy, I can’t believe you would actually slice someones ankle open for parking wrong!!1!one1!! You should do yoga or something”
People who turn these threads into lectures on human behavior and karma don’t belong in these particular threads. It should be about funny ass stories, but they have to pipe in and share their personal philosophies and why they think that their way is the only/right way. I don’t agree with some of the more extreme measures mentioned here, but you have to take those ones to get to the clever ones, like the forklift or the chaining of a flatbed to a guys car.
And lastly…lighten up…like it was mentioned, you can’t train animals by punishing them, and your not going to change a persons way of thinking by insulting them while wagging your finger with an air of superiority. Hell, you’re NEVER going to change the way they think, so why waste your time, and most importantly, the time of the people who are here just for a couple of laughs? (them being the most important because I’m one of them 
)
Now let’s hear some more stories! Hopefully we can all get some more laughs
-Chris
[quote]doogie wrote:
grey wrote:
Oh and if I saw someone key my car I’d punish him without mercy.
Most people who key cars usually don’t own one themselves. It’s called jealousy.
-
I’m not really worried about punishment. First, I have superb keying technique that has been honed over the years. There are no witnesses. Second, I’d use the rage that boils within me when I see people taking up two spaces to kick your ass. Twice.
-
If I didn’t own any cars, why would I care where douchebags like you parked? I’d just see your douchebag parking job and say, “Ha! That douchebag thinks he’s better than everyone else with cars. What a micro-penis having asshole!”[/quote]
He’s a Moron. Has no respect for people’s property and I’m sure drives a piece of shit. That’s why he has no respect for other people’s property. Looks like this Texas Good Old Boy had too many wagons run over his head…
This thread had some hilarious posts and I enjoyed it for the most part.
But seriously, what are you proving by spitting on/pissing on/keying someone’s car? If it pissed you off that much you could’ve waited for the guy to come outside.
The only people I’ve known who fucked with other people’s cars were the ones who knew they’d get their ass kicked if they faced that person. Maybe you weren’t pissed enough to wait on the guy but in that case, why even react? Like someone else said, life’s too short for that bullshit.
If I saw anyone do this I’d call them a pussy.
This thread had some hilarious posts and I enjoyed it for the most part.
But seriously, what are you proving by spitting on/pissing on/keying someone’s car? If it pissed you off that much you could’ve waited for the guy to come outside. The only people I’ve known who fucked with other people’s cars were the ones who knew they’d get their ass kicked if they faced that person. Maybe you weren’t pissed enough to wait on the guy but in that case, why even react? Like someone else said, life’s too short for that bullshit.
If I saw anyone do this I’d call them a pussy.
[quote]Faction wrote:
PlateStacker45 wrote:
I would of just waiting underneath his Hummer and slit his Achilles. And then beat his ass.
Oh my god, that made me bust up laughing so hard… Now give it a bit and someone with the sense of humor of a measuring tape will come back with “omg, like, you’re should grow up and stuff” or “wtf dude, you should seek therapy, I can’t believe you would actually slice someones ankle open for parking wrong!!1!one1!! You should do yoga or something”
… [/quote]
Dude, you would actually slit a guys achilles tendon just because he took two parking spots? You need anger management or something.
The proper thing to do is cut his hamstring. He will never get off of his back leg and push everything to the right. He’ll quit the game.
HAAHAHAHAOAHAHAOAHOAHAHAOAHAOHAAHAHAHA!
THis shit is great! Hhhmm…A pinto I’d loogie on it just the same. Same spot right on the windshield. RIght where the drivers face is directley facing when they start their car. But, instead of mumbling something like “NIiiice parking job you jizz drinking yuppie d-bag” I’d say “Great fucking parking job you stupid degenerate fuckwad”.
As for Mr. Fallible? Hi J !
Bro I’m really tired (just worked a straight 12 and got some ART done last night) so I’m a little out of it, but are you kidding me? People who double park their “HEY LOOK AT ME NO NO NO LOOOK AT MEE!” vehicle right in front of a GYM AND A TANNING SALON (both places that serve self-absorbed people) isn’t going to know that because he parked like he was somehow different/BETTER THEN everyone around him isn’t going to get the hint when he see’s a big wad of chunky brown flem on windshield that it’s there because he parked like that?
BRO? WTF color are the clounds in your world. THat would be like me walking around doing something inconsiderate to piss 20-50 people off in say what? 3 hours? (about the time I’m guessing the driver was in whatever store they where in (I was in the salon for 1 1/2 hours).
WOuld you be suprised if one of those people smacked him? Told him to go fuck his mother? Or spit in his face?
It’s disrespectful and selfish. AND YES it’s even worse because it’s an extravagently (sp?) expensive AND enviroment fucking vehicle. In fact I’d say it’s alot like gloating and just shows how ALOT of us have this Poor Sport attitude. Dancing in the endzone is not cool and neither is rubbing your shit in other peoples faces.
Hence the most basic sign of dissaproval/disrespect, spitting on your shit. Why not spit in the guys face? Well because I can get sued for that if I’m not mistaken. Same with keying. ANway like some of you boys have mentioned, if some people knew/saw me spit on their car it would get the same result as if I did actually care enough to (and wouldn’t get sued) wait around and spit in their face.
Wow this is silly. I’m pretty sure my basic point has been made? I loogeied on his shit because he’s a glooting sore sport ahole doing something he shouldn’d be (and I had alot of flem).Keying isn’t nearly the same and IMO isn’t cool. Fighting isn’t that much of an issue, but the legal part sucks. STill, I can almost gaurantee that I’d be able to verablly stop a fight that might have instilled if the guy did come out. Most fights can be stopped if both sides are explained.
As for the delivery driver thing? Bro I’m an excellent driver, and I’m not doing my Rainman impression. That’s kinda part of the reason I get soo pissed sometimes at other drivers! LOL, no seriously though. I feel driving is to be taken very seriously and am both extremely cautious as well as considerate of my surroundings and those around me.
GOD THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DRIVER’S ED VIDEO! All that being said I just try to remember my grandfathers advice on driving “Automatically assume that everyone around you drives like a moron.”
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
Dude, you would actually slit a guys achilles tendon just because he took two parking spots? You need anger management or something.
The proper thing to do is cut his hamstring. He will never get off of his back leg and push everything to the right. He’ll quit the game.[/quote]
If he bothers you, I’ll take care of him.
What you’ve got to do is cut
the hamstring on the back of his leg…
…right at the bottom.
He’ll never play golf again…
…because his weight displacement
goes back…
…all his weight is on his right foot…
…and he’ll push everything off to the right.
He’ll never come through on anything.
He’ll quit the game.
That would work.
I’ll call you if I need help.
[quote]doogie wrote:
Keying serves two purposes. First it makes me feel much better. Second, I think Karma is acting through me, balancing the scales of justice in the universe.
[/quote]
You really are a small person.
DB