Is This Girl Gone?

Off Topic
61

[quote]James Brown wrote:
Hang on. I’m lost now. There are no “plans with her”. We are going karting on Sunday purely because that’s the date the club organised. It is coincidental that we are both going. We will both be there, and inevitably talk to each other. [/quote]

The point of missing the outing was to unsettle her by going suddenly and inexplicably absent. In other words: ACCESS DENIED. Right now you are there for the taking from her perspective. It might pique her attention to wonder where you are, and by extension if you have lost interest or found another interest or. . . ?

And then the game is reset for her. You are once again an uncertain conquest and one she will have to work to win. (Where “work” simply means not taking for granted.)

62

[quote]James Brown wrote:
Hang on. I’m lost now. There are no “plans with her”. We are going karting on Sunday purely because that’s the date the club organised. It is coincidental that we are both going. We will both be there, and inevitably talk to each other. [/quote]

I didn’t know it was part of a dating club.

If you’re still interested in this girl, don’t go. If you simply must go karting, go and ignore the ever loving shit out of her. And make sure you’re busy flirting with other girls there. Don’t intentionally make her see you do it, that becomes a bit obvious. Just make sure you’re flirting with other girls and pretend she’s not there. She’ll be watching you and she’ll take notice.

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Update? I’m interested to hear how you fucked this up…

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[quote]rores28 wrote:
Update? I’m interested to hear how you fucked this up…[/quote]
lol

65

[quote]rores28 wrote:
Update? I’m interested to hear how you fucked this up…[/quote]

Bugger.

I’d like to know the answer too. She’s been out of the country a lot so we haven’t really had the chance to meet up in person, and she didn’t go karting as she was abroad for a week.

She’s away this weekend, so again, no chance of meeting up with her.

I ran into her at a club on Tuesday (first time since “the date”), fooling around with another guy, although she did part with him briefly to acquire a hug and ask why I didn’t tell her I was coming (probably just being polite).

Looking back though, I made some pretty elementary mistakes that I usually wouldn’t make, so I probably friend-zoned myself. I guess she took me by surprise. In a way, this has “shaken off some of the rust” so the next one that comes along should be easy enough to deal with.

Just trying to forget about this one really. If she wants to message me, then fine, I’ll play (purely so that I can post in this thread if I manage to escape the friend-zone), but otherwise, I’m over it.

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[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]James Brown wrote:
Hang on. I’m lost now. There are no “plans with her”. We are going karting on Sunday purely because that’s the date the club organised. It is coincidental that we are both going. We will both be there, and inevitably talk to each other. [/quote]

The point of missing the outing was to unsettle her by going suddenly and inexplicably absent. In other words: ACCESS DENIED. Right now you are there for the taking from her perspective. It might pique her attention to wonder where you are, and by extension if you have lost interest or found another interest or. . . ?

And then the game is reset for her. You are once again an uncertain conquest and one she will have to work to win. (Where “work” simply means not taking for granted.)[/quote]

Dread game.

Emily, I am shocked, shocked I tell you, that you implicitly endorse such shady tactics.

67

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

THIS is the thing that fucks up the chances of most men. If I could sell “i don’t give a fuck” in a bottle, I’d be the richest muther fucker on the planet. Like seriously, the attachment to the FANTASY you’ve built up about this chick in your mind is going to skew all subsequent interactions you have with her. What you “felt”, wasn’t real. What you “hoped for” wasn’t reciprocated. You swung and you missed, yet you are still attached to an outcome that is not REAL…

Keep in mind, there is NO SHAME in swinging an missing - I’ve swung and missed thousands of times. But there IS SHAME in keeping her on a pedestal in your mind or showing her ANY different treatment after you failed to attract her. To publicly display your “butthurtedness” is just weak.

It all stems from biology. Our instincts were developed while we lived in tribes of 50 - 150 people. Being rejected in that environment HAD consequences. You didn’t get many chances and if you got shot down it very well could mean that you never got the chance to mate and your line would come to an unceremonious end. But that’s not the case now. Now, if you get shot down by five chicks, you just go next door to another bar.

Those of us who have more than, say, 200 “cold approaches” under our belts know this. Those of you who were “late bloomers” and “nice guys” tend to wait for super obvious signals before you felt safe to approach a woman. You tend to let THEM select YOU instead of seeking, finding, attracting and fucking women of YOUR choice. As a consequence, you think that an attractive woman willing to talk you/spend time with you is a “valuable thing”. Your brain, hardwired for a hundred thousand years to place high value on limited interaction backs this feeling up. You then put the woman on the pedestal, act like a “nice guy”, supplicate and manipulate, buy her shit, insist on displaying PROVIDER behavior and courting her prematurely, and a laundry list of other shit that KILLS any attraction she may have once felt for you.

I would invite you to STOP THAT. But how, you say? Take a developmental detour. Your thought process on this is like ANY bad habit. You have to replace it with an alternative. You literally have to FORCE YOURSELF to go out and experience rejection over and over until you become immune to it. You have to go out three nights a week for two months and approach five to ten woman a night. You have to learn to view them as a COMMODITY that is NOT special. And in the process, you might actually learn a thing or two about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to attracting women. Once you break yourself of the “nice guy” habit, you can return from your developmental detour and switch back to reality. That is what the “Game” is all about. The issue is that some guys never come back to reality and they get stuck in some stupid fantasy land and never evolve beyond scripted interaction and stupid “tactics”. That’s not a very sustainable lifestyle. But it CAN be useful if it applied like a tool in a toolbox to overcome an issue/habit that is holding you back from reaching your full potential.

You seem like a smart guy, you are in good shape and you seem to have a good sense of humor. If you have a decent job, you “have it all”. There is NO REASON why you SHOULD have any trouble meeting, attracting and fucking any reasonably attractive available woman, is there?

Then I suggest you get out of your own way, take a developmental detour, and stop being such a “nice guy”. You deserve better.[/quote]

Some of the best advice I have ever read on the topic.

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[quote]Icarus wrote:

Some of the best advice I have ever read on the topic.
[/quote]

QFT
Really this is all pretty standard PUA canon but AC has does have a certain panache.

Something I would add here. PUA, gaming, courtship, whatever you want to call it has sticking points just like lifting. Benching is going to build some of the best all around upper body mass, but sometimes you have lagging parts that aren’t being activated well during benching or simply need more stimulation, so you may for instance need supplemental tricep work. Cold approaching girls is the Benching of game (or DLing or Squatting), and it sounds to me like you are bad at pulling the sexual trigger on dates and are looking for too many escalation green lights. You need to do some date isolation work.

If you’re not on any online dating apps, get on them. OKC, plenty of fish, and tinder are my recommendations. Make dates on there, and for your own comfort go far outside your social circle if possible. You want to grab some dates where there will be no social circle repercussions for what you do. Don’t worry about getting “the hottest” girls. If you have to, shoot a little lower than your normal standards. The point is to get on dates and get comfortable in that dynamic… these are your dating training wheels. Also if you think this was a fluke and you are good at dating you aren’t… movie followed by a pizza place is all you need to say.

Then the goal is to sexually escalate way before you are comfortable. Try to get a conversation about sex going within the first hour of meeting her (first half hour is better). Try to make out within the first 2 hours. As the date winds down suggest going back to your/her place for (insert excuse here). Even if the date is excruciatingly terrible go in for makeout at the conclusion. This will begin to callous you to the fear of sexual rejection and also show you, and people have a hard time believing this, it’s way better to go in, push, be persistent and get rejected, than to not go in at all. You will not get punished for this behavior, but you will get punished for being a pussy… a la your current situation.

But this is the key, be non-reactive as fuck when you get rejected, don’t say sorry, don’t look shocked, just pull back, smile, and say something random “I love this warm weather” “I’m so binge watching House of Cards tomorrow” “Deal breaker question: Zaxby’s or Chik-Fil-A?”

I promise this will produce a mental toughness that you are currently quite unfamiliar with, you just have to take the time,sack up, and do it.

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[quote]Icarus wrote:

Some of the best advice I have ever read on the topic.
[/quote]

Not sure how I missed that post. Thanks for taking the time angry chicken. The thing that annoyed me the most after reading your post, is that deep down, I already know (and knew) everything you wrote. Sometimes we just don’t do what we know we should.

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So, another question: Can I recover this, or would I just be flogging a dead horse?

What would you do if you were in my position (i.e. stubborn) and, for the sake of your own pride, felt compelled to try and remedy the situation?

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post pic of said girl for us to tell you if it’s worth it

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[quote]1 Man Island wrote:
post pic of said girl for us to tell you if it’s worth it[/quote]

It is. She certainly is not aesthetically challenged.

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[quote]James Brown wrote:
So, another question: Can I recover this, or would I just be flogging a dead horse?

What would you do if you were in my position (i.e. stubborn) and, for the sake of your own pride, felt compelled to try and remedy the situation?[/quote]

I’d fuck the shit out of someone in her immediate social circle. As in, LITERALLY make her walk funny the next day.

Just like rugby teams have a “rugby queen” that most of the guys have banged, girls have little cliques as well (room mates, cheerleading squad, not “best friends” per se, but a group that they are constantly around). If you bang ONE of them well, word gets around quickly and you’ll usually bang all of them within a month. Just don’t get caught up in that “nice guy/provider/good potential boyfriend” bullshit behavior.

But to be honest, ANYTHING you do from a place of “pride” is destined to fail. Because your underlying reason for doing it is because you acted like a pussy and you are “compensating” for that. I’d just let it go if I were you.

But if you “have” to fuck her, then the best way to go about it is as I just described.

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[quote]angry chicken wrote:

But to be honest, ANYTHING you do from a place of “pride” is destined to fail. Because your underlying reason for doing it is because you acted like a pussy and you are “compensating” for that. I’d just let it go if I were you.

[/quote]

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. It will probably be a hard slog to change her perception. Even if I manage to get her out (or see her out somewhere), I doubt I’ll have enough time to work, and it will certainly be my only shot. I’d have to be one charming motherfucker.