Mwilson: I too am going through a divorce after 5 years together, except my wife was cheating on me. I have a 4 year old girl and a 3 year old son. Listen to the guys above and do not take your little girl around anyone you are dating until you are very, very sure she is going to be around. Don’t talk ill of your x around your baby, and don’t interrogate her after she returns from visting her mom. As far as meeting women, get out of the house. Meet new people, men included. They have friends (women) that you could meet. Hang out with co-workers, church friends or whomever. Expand your circle of friends and you will be exposed to such a variety of women, you will be bound to meet someone. Good luck, PM me if you need to talk to a guy you is going through the same.
A similar situation occurred to a friend of mine a while back. Two great kids ages 7 and 4. The mother left to spend more time on her career.
I will tell you the same thing that I told him. In the short term you are going to have some pain. However, in the long term you will be the winner. You will most likely eventually meet someone who will make a great wife, and mother to your child.
You will also have the love and respect of your daughter as she grows and understands the situation. The two of you will become very close and that is a beautiful thing.
Your former wife however will eventually wake up someday, (they sometimes do), and realize that she has not seen her daughter in a long time. Then the long term pain of her foolhardy, selfish decision will begin to take it’s toll.
Long term, you cannot lose and she cannot win!
I Wish You The Best,
Zeb
ok, I just have to know what career is more important than the two things that should be the most important in her life? What can she possibly do? once you finalize the divorce I hope you ream her ass with child support that is so high she has to work over time.lol
This shouldn’t be a problem since she loves to be at her job.
Unfortunate that this has happened however the cold hard truth is that there are and there will always be women out there like this. There are men out there like this too so why, just because it is a woman should it be different? A woman can let go just as easily as a man can if their ideals are not set straight and clearly this womans are not and you will NEVER make her get them straight, this is something she will either learn to regret later or never regret at all. Some people are very good at making excuses for why and hiding behind those excuses. I fought like hell for custody of my daughter and lost the first time. The second time the mother gave her to me because my daughter WANTED TO. See she was only five years old. Her mother would give her whatever she wanted. Yes, I inherited all the behavioral problems and am still dealing with them today, she will be 13 pretty soon, someone help me 
but I am doing what her mother never would and her mother knows that. Sad her mom barely calls her anymore. Who knows why people do what they do. Ultimately you are going to have to live with one of her decisions and try to make your daughters life better. I am sure you will eventually find a woman that your daughter might grow to love and accept more than her own mother. She is young enough to still do that. You will NEVER get rid of your ex because a part of her is in your daughter. File for divorce and custody in YOUR state. You have what is called HOME STATE JURISDICTION and everything will take place in YOUR state. If she is gone more than 30 days it is considered abandonment. Sorry if I got off the beaten path but your job now is to protect that little girl AT ALL COST and DO NOT TRUST YOUR EX UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. DO NOT LET HER TALK YOU INTO ANYTHING. You hold all the cards right now. Get a lawyer if you do not have one already. If you have any questions PM me and I will give you more info. I have gone through this before. I wish you the best of luck. Get custody now if you don’t have it already. Just because you have your daughter does NOT mean you have custody, you need a court order.
ru
well i would think a women would be more attached to her child since she did carry it around for 9 months and gave birth.
What Colin said. Do it now to protect your daughter from being yo-yo’ed around later.
ru
well i would think a women would be more attached to her child since she did carry it around for 9 months and gave birth
Yes, this is what society would like us to believe but that is NOT the way it is in true life. Fact of the matter is alot of women don’t want children they want careers now or they have children and then go through a midlife crisis and say hey I have a life and I am going to live it the way I see fit. What makes a man walk away? Why is a man any less attached to a child because he did not carry that child in the wound? He gave that child life too. He feels hurt and pain just as the woman should but we have been “taught” that the woman is suppose to be the one that should care more. So many good fathers have lost custody to children because of this one sided mentality. Parents belong together. For children to have a father AND a mother to help create an equal balance. In this case it did not matter because it was never equal anyways. It is usually in most cases the woman who says in a divorce,“You’re not taking MY babies” How quickly our children turns to MY children in a divorce. Never once did I treat my daughter when I was fighting for custody like she was a piece of property. Children are’nt property but they do need to be protected. This man needs to now protect this little girl from his Ex. She can cause an awful lot of damage real fast in a short time that could take years to fix. You hit somebody the bruise will heal, to mentally and emotionally hurt someone the pain will last a lifetime. Sorry if I am ranting but it brings back alot of old memories.
Mwilson, Let me ask a question, if it is not too personal, how far along are you with your divorce and custody issues? I feel I might have over reacted now being as perhaps it might all be taken care of. What state do you live in if you do not mind me asking.
yeah good point mdog. make sure you get her for as much child support as possible. since she seems to have such a great career it shouldnt be a problem to her.
A lot of good advice on this thread… I don’t have kids yet but a story like this turns my stomach… I know people change but a mother leaving her child ?! I mean… wow… for a career ? My sincere apologies and in response to your call about her being amazing, I really don’t think so… maybe when you first met and got married… her priorities are seriously messed up. If you are already looking to meet women, I suggest waiting… and as always, keep your daughter priority number one. Be a good daddy and be strong for the both of you.
The “right” woman will love you both when the timing’s right. All the suggestions are pretty good; try the shopping mall or the supermarket, lots of smart pretty women there… Good luck.
The best advice that I could offer, from a single mom’s perspective, is to focus on your daughter. I am sure she is probably used to mommy being gone a lot, but she probably also had the security of knowing that mommy always came home. There will come a time, if it hasn’t happened already, where she will ask what happened to mommy and there is always the chance that she will think that she did something wrong to cause her to leave. Communicate with her and reasure her. You are her only security now. It is a huge responsibilty to raise a daughter on your own and i wish you all the best. You have a long road full of challenges ahead of you. Just make sure that you take care of her and yourself first and let the rest (future relationships) just happen. You both need to heal before you will even be truly ready to share your lives with someone else. Also, set your standards high and don’t waiver on them at all. You and your daughter deserve the best. Best wishes!
I could never imagine leaving my children. Fuck career (I don’t remember, can we say fuck?) Money comes and goes, but on her deathbed will she wish she had spent more time with her daughter or made more money and worked harder. The world is really fucked up nowadays.
Sorry if I came across a bit harsh. Everyone has different priorities. I’m sure she’s a wonderful person.
I’m going to go hug my kids now.
I second the supermarkets, i purposely shop everyday. i just went for lunch to buy some chicken and every single time i go i see at least one notcher there. if she would have let me i would have gave her a tongue bath right then and there.
ru12nvme, I live in North Dakota. Right now we are sorting out our assets and figuring out who is entitled to what. my att. told me to do as much as we can to save on the bill with him. I plan on having everthing finalized on March 8 because my ex is coming to town for two days for BUSINESS(of course)and I have an appt. set for that day. Thanks again all. I will keep everyone posted on whats going on.
Mark
Bro this one teared me up a bit. I am in a remotely similar except she has the kids and we have been separated for about 7-8 months now. We were married for over 6 years. I am 32 and she is 29. Married young and just grew apart as we matured. I know what you mean when saying you need to converse with adults b/c you feel like you don’t have an outlet. You guys were probably ready a few years ago (I’m guessing) so going out on some dates could be good for you. Just don’t bring ANY women into your daughter’s life right now and when you do find that one you want to see on a serious basis don’t show affection to her in front of your daughter. She is going to be confused enough already and you can just tell your daughter that you are “friends”. I don’t have to tell you to make your daughter 1st priority because I can tell by your posts that is already the case.
Match.com is a great way to meet people and cut through all the crap before actually meeting. The bar scene is a total crapshoot and doubt you will find any quality women out there.
Look at the bright side. You do have your daughter. I’d give anything to have my kids with me every day. Things will get better. Hang in there bro we all support you.
This post (and the following thread) literally brought me to tears. I’m still young (22) and don’t have children yet. I have two nephews though, and the thought of them growing up without my sister or her husband there just breaks my heart. Especially if said parent chose to move that far away for something as fucked up as a career. Unless she is a super hero there is simply no excuse.
I’m very sorry for your loss as well, but I find it hard to get over a mother that would not only leave her daughter, but move that far away from her, it’s heart breaking.
Truly sorry for the both of you, but as others have stated you sound like a good man and a loving father, and I’m sure you’ll eventually bounce back. I imagine myself in your situation and see my self bearing alot more malice towards my ex-wife than you do. Good luck in all your endeavors.
/Jacob
Mwilson, give me a sense of reassurance here. You do have a custody order from the court yes?
Yes I do have a custody order, but it is for joint custody. I am working with my att. to change it to sole custody right now. I had a chat with my ex last night and we discussed child support. Things got pretty ugly. She thought we could just continue to share responsibilities with no big changes. I told her that she made her bed and now has to sleep in it. I have an appt. on Friday to get things moving a little faster.
Thanks again all, I can’t tell you how much this support helps me out. You T-magger’s are the best people out there.
Mark
If you want to talk further Pm me and I will give you my e mail address. Joint custody IS definately NOT what you want and is not a possiblilty. Tell her she can have joint legal to make her happy with you having sole physical. I am actually suprised that you did not get sole physical custody when you filed because she abandoned the child if she has been gone more than 30 days. Honestly, your ex does not have a leg to stand on. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER. YOU TELL HER HOW IT IS GOING TO BE. If you go with Joint Physical she avoids paying child support etc etc and it means she gets her 1/2 the time, gets to claim her on her taxes etc. This is not possible especially seeing as she is in your house. The child is going to have to live in one household. I am sure you know all of this. This is where is starts to get ugly and all the bullshit starts and the tune starts to change. It is going to be the hardest and most expensive thing you will ever do but you must protect this girl now as I know you will. PM me if you want.