High Expectations

Off Topic
81

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
What needs are not being met?[/quote]
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.[/quote]

Interesting topic, and I know what you mean.

You simply want, want, want MORE and the voices in your head never stop.

BUT, at least as far as success and intellectual development are concerned you really do not want to stop ever.

Because if you reached the very pinnacle of what you are capable of, the voices in your head would not stop and you would have nowhere left to go to.

Its a journey, one step after the other and, quite frankly, I am looking forward to be being 50 and 60 and 70 because if you dont stop growing it is all very rewarding.[/quote]

If you had nowhere else to go you would be placed up front and center with the emptiness that comes with seeking everything in goals and ambitions… The ego can only do so much before it runs on wits ends… A mid life crisis is nothing more then the drying up of pushing and striving of the mind, maybe instead of distractions and avoidance a person should move into this sense of space and go past the voices of the mind. Do not get to wrapped up in you’re conditioning or you will never be able to stop and enjoy the roses, you’ll just keep looking for the next thing.
[/quote]
That’s where the desire for adventure and exploration comes from… at least partially[/quote]

Use that curiosity and adventure to enter into that unknown territory, Contemplate Who Am I and From who do these thoughts belong when thinking takes over, or the “voices”. See what you find, meditation helps too… Allowing things to be and moving into the space between thoughts, watching the thinker, focus on that awareness that is the silent watcher.

There is a zen saying “The bird of paradise lands only on the hand that does not grasp.”
[/quote]
Right. I usually just passively let my subconscious work on its won. Just to be clear though. The adventure and exploration I’m seeking is very much physical.[/quote]

The physical and everything else is already completely connected so there is no separation. What are you looking for? New experiences? Travel?
[/quote]
I know everything is connected. I was just clarifying. I’m mostly looking for answers, enlightenment, and rebirth.[/quote]

The meditative practice “Who am I” and the others I wrote are the practices of enlightenment which just is a perception of totality without separation and illusion… It is a burning of everything that isn’t real, a path of utter destruction.

If you are talking about wanting a shift in life and the sense of being that is what it is… falling into that void people perceive as emptiness, its that little itch saying you aren’t living the life you should be.

Anyways other then that there are plenty of other things you can do like charity work, school events, clubs, read some new books in you’re downtime, Ohh learn a new language that’s always fun! I am still working on my Japanese. Other then that just don’t project you’re happiness and fulfillment on activities that are just functions and activities, remember its all internal and you won’t be chasing new distractions to find some completion or short lived bliss that is not already completely whole and perfect within.[/quote]
I definitely get what you’re saying. It’s like a conic planes model.

I know I’m meant for more and that I’ve made mistakes have concaved my slope. I agree. I’m not where I should be, but I’ll still end up in the right place.

Yeah like I said earlier, I’m doing a lot of self study as well as various creative pursuits. There’s also lifting which I finally got back to. Go out with friends on occasion.[/quote]

Meant for more in what way, in what way are you not already there? Mistakes that have concaved what slope? What future is there, does it really exist? Is there anything other then the here and now? These are better questions to contemplate so you don’t fall under the trap of psychological beliefs and mental chains. Good sounds like you are doing fine, just enjoy yourself and let it take care of itself while you enjoy the ride.
[/quote]
I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.

82

[quote]csulli wrote:
BTW where I went to college a physics minor literally consisted of the same number of credit hours as most majors. So I wouldn’t stress yourself with trying to double major that lol. There is always time to go back and attain more knowledge.[/quote]
I can believe that lol

83

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:
Ohh learn a new language that’s always fun! I am still working on my Japanese.[/quote]
I’m also trying to learn Japanese. It’s one of the languages I want to be fluent in in the next few years. What methods are you using for learning and practice besides the classes I recall you taking (if I’m recalling correctly that is)?

84

I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.[/quote]

I see, that’s pretty admirable of you… So right now you are just trying to get more on track with you’re goals you consider to be more important or productive. I would not worry about all the small stuff though you are here and that is what matters, I will tell you a secret. You’re entire life will literally embody what you value most, comfort, feeling good, and security are willing to be given up in a heartbeat. It is important to ask what is it you really value most and find without lying to yourself… If it is what you value most then the actions while be a mirror of whatever is the truth of values for yourself.

Damn good memory! Yeah I took college classes for three years and study by immersing myself in places where Japanese is the main way of communication, I live in California so this means small places like Little Tokyo and Osaka town in Los Angelas… I am trying to make a trip to Japan soon too, have some martial art buddies in Tokyo and friends in Osaka and Hokkaido I believe.

85

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.[/quote]

I see, that’s pretty admirable of you… So right now you are just trying to get more on track with you’re goals you consider to be more important or productive. I would not worry about all the small stuff though you are here and that is what matters, I will tell you a secret. You’re entire life will literally embody what you value most, comfort, feeling good, and security are willing to be given up in a heartbeat. It is important to ask what is it you really value most and find without lying to yourself… If it is what you value most then the actions while be a mirror of whatever is the truth of values for yourself.[/quote]
You’re absolutely right. It will take some time.

[quote]
Damn good memory! Yeah I took college classes for three years and study by immersing myself in places where Japanese is the main way of communication, I live in California so this means small places like Little Tokyo and Osaka town in Los Angelas… I am trying to make a trip to Japan soon too, have some martial art buddies in Tokyo and friends in Osaka and Hokkaido I believe. [/quote]
Sweet. Japan is at top of my list for when I go abroad. I wish my school offered Japanese courses. The only option is an exchange/study abroad program.

86

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.[/quote]

I see, that’s pretty admirable of you… So right now you are just trying to get more on track with you’re goals you consider to be more important or productive. I would not worry about all the small stuff though you are here and that is what matters, I will tell you a secret. You’re entire life will literally embody what you value most, comfort, feeling good, and security are willing to be given up in a heartbeat. It is important to ask what is it you really value most and find without lying to yourself… If it is what you value most then the actions while be a mirror of whatever is the truth of values for yourself.[/quote]
You’re absolutely right. It will take some time.

[quote]
Damn good memory! Yeah I took college classes for three years and study by immersing myself in places where Japanese is the main way of communication, I live in California so this means small places like Little Tokyo and Osaka town in Los Angelas… I am trying to make a trip to Japan soon too, have some martial art buddies in Tokyo and friends in Osaka and Hokkaido I believe. [/quote]
Sweet. Japan is at top of my list for when I go abroad. I wish my school offered Japanese courses. The only option is an exchange/study abroad program.[/quote]

Dude study abroad!

87

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.[/quote]

I see, that’s pretty admirable of you… So right now you are just trying to get more on track with you’re goals you consider to be more important or productive. I would not worry about all the small stuff though you are here and that is what matters, I will tell you a secret. You’re entire life will literally embody what you value most, comfort, feeling good, and security are willing to be given up in a heartbeat. It is important to ask what is it you really value most and find without lying to yourself… If it is what you value most then the actions while be a mirror of whatever is the truth of values for yourself.[/quote]
You’re absolutely right. It will take some time.

[quote]
Damn good memory! Yeah I took college classes for three years and study by immersing myself in places where Japanese is the main way of communication, I live in California so this means small places like Little Tokyo and Osaka town in Los Angelas… I am trying to make a trip to Japan soon too, have some martial art buddies in Tokyo and friends in Osaka and Hokkaido I believe. [/quote]
Sweet. Japan is at top of my list for when I go abroad. I wish my school offered Japanese courses. The only option is an exchange/study abroad program.[/quote]

Dude study abroad! [/quote]
I’ve been eying it for a while. I’ll look into it.

89

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
What needs are not being met?[/quote]
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.[/quote]

If you’re 19 and in full-time college education studying a subject that you love then you’re about as far along in life as you can be without being a child prodigy or Alexander the Great.

Assuming your friends are of a similar age as you, how much more succesful than you can they be? If they are able to do summer courses, internships etc. then it’s their parents’ success that is paying for that, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to people who are 20+ years further ahead in their lives than you. Chances are their parents have been in your situation, and in 20 years you’ll be in theirs.

Counting pennies sucks. If you’re having to count pennies at uni then I suppose you don’t have wealthy parents. You’ll just have to get used to some opportunities being unavailable to you for no other reason than cost and no, it’s not fair, and yes, it is very frustrating.

You can also expect to be counting pennies for a few years after graduation before you get to a point where you no longer had to choose between a restaurant or night out once per week and a gym membership or some new clothes, let alone a holiday once a year. This also sucks, and it is very easy to become bitter.

Are you in paid employment during term time? If not, find something. It may seem like there aren’t enough hours in the day but usually you can find the time.

Pizza delivery and bouncing are two jobs with hours that are quite easily reconciled with study and bring in better than average part time money.

Try to accept that you can’t have your cake and eat it. When I was at uni I was trying to juggle study, work, and amateur boxing. It wasn’t really possible, and there was always something that gave way. If I was training enough and working enough to make ends meet then I cut class; if I was working enough and going to all of my classes then I couldn’t train enough; and if I was training enough and going to all of my classes then I had to cut back on the work.

When needs must you just have to prioritize, or at least accept that you can’t have it all.

90

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant.[/quote]

I think most people feel this way in some way or another at some point in life. Maybe even at several different points in life.

For me: I try to remember we all walk a different path. No two lives are exactly the same. The life experiences that have molded you thus far are entirely unique to you so there is no need to worry or compare one’s self to another.

And may I ask, what are you envious of exactly?

If it is envy of material things there is no need to waste your energy. You will get your fancy stuff eventually too and when you do it’ll mean a whole lot more to you.

I drove a rust bucket for 3 years before I was able to finally get a semi-decent vehicle just this month! A lot of kids I’ve seen who go to the local University have parents with $$$ and they drive way nicer vehicles than me. I mean brand new vehicles that I know their part-time starbucks job could not afford. Those same kids probably ate/eat better than I do too. That used to bother the HELL out of me! But you know what?

Their Daddy just bought it for them - just like their expensive phones, clothes, and probably entire or most of their college tuition. Some of us are not born that lucky but that’s just life. You can choose to be bitter about it or be totally zen and indifferent about it. It truly does not matter and if you don’t see it now… you will in time.

I was going to say you could take pride in the fact you aren’t like others… but you know what? Forget them. Most people aren’t even worth the silent rebellion.

And yes, I am only 2 or 3 years older than you haha. But that has helped me, brother!

91

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
Ohh learn a new language that’s always fun! I am still working on my Japanese.[/quote]
I’m also trying to learn Japanese. It’s one of the languages I want to be fluent in in the next few years. What methods are you using for learning and practice besides the classes I recall you taking (if I’m recalling correctly that is)?[/quote]

Did you really just reply to yourself?

92

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
Ohh learn a new language that’s always fun! I am still working on my Japanese.[/quote]
I’m also trying to learn Japanese. It’s one of the languages I want to be fluent in in the next few years. What methods are you using for learning and practice besides the classes I recall you taking (if I’m recalling correctly that is)?[/quote]

Did you really just reply to yourself?[/quote]
cstratton wrote that… must’ve messed up quoting him

93

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]cstratton2 wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:
I know I belong in science. That much is certain. Ideally I’d be in an internship program right now and graduating a lot sooner. The slope is the rate of change in my life; the climb. I know without it exists. It works out on paper and I feel it in my heart. I’m willing to fight for it. I’ll still be enjoying myself. Just trying to allocate balance as I haven’t been as serious as I should’ve been in the past.[/quote]

I see, that’s pretty admirable of you… So right now you are just trying to get more on track with you’re goals you consider to be more important or productive. I would not worry about all the small stuff though you are here and that is what matters, I will tell you a secret. You’re entire life will literally embody what you value most, comfort, feeling good, and security are willing to be given up in a heartbeat. It is important to ask what is it you really value most and find without lying to yourself… If it is what you value most then the actions while be a mirror of whatever is the truth of values for yourself.[/quote]
You’re absolutely right. It will take some time.

I’ll have to see it affects my other studies

94

[quote]Diddy Ryder wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

[quote]bdocksaints75 wrote:
What needs are not being met?[/quote]
I suppose financial gain, professional success, and intellectual curiosity/satiation. I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant. I also have this very deep desire for adventure and exploration.[/quote]

If you’re 19 and in full-time college education studying a subject that you love then you’re about as far along in life as you can be without being a child prodigy or Alexander the Great.

Assuming your friends are of a similar age as you, how much more succesful than you can they be? If they are able to do summer courses, internships etc. then it’s their parents’ success that is paying for that, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to people who are 20+ years further ahead in their lives than you. Chances are their parents have been in your situation, and in 20 years you’ll be in theirs.

Counting pennies sucks. If you’re having to count pennies at uni then I suppose you don’t have wealthy parents. You’ll just have to get used to some opportunities being unavailable to you for no other reason than cost and no, it’s not fair, and yes, it is very frustrating.

You can also expect to be counting pennies for a few years after graduation before you get to a point where you no longer had to choose between a restaurant or night out once per week and a gym membership or some new clothes, let alone a holiday once a year. This also sucks, and it is very easy to become bitter.

Are you in paid employment during term time? If not, find something. It may seem like there aren’t enough hours in the day but usually you can find the time.

Pizza delivery and bouncing are two jobs with hours that are quite easily reconciled with study and bring in better than average part time money.

Try to accept that you can’t have your cake and eat it. When I was at uni I was trying to juggle study, work, and amateur boxing. It wasn’t really possible, and there was always something that gave way. If I was training enough and working enough to make ends meet then I cut class; if I was working enough and going to all of my classes then I couldn’t train enough; and if I was training enough and going to all of my classes then I had to cut back on the work.

When needs must you just have to prioritize, or at least accept that you can’t have it all.
[/quote]
All valid points. I could’ve been further if my mother had decided but that’s a hypothetical matter because it didn’t happen.

I agree with what you say her. My disposition is something that I can’t change. I accept that. I’m already leagues ahead in life compared to the typical product of my neighborhood. I know logically that it makes little sense to compare myself to people with PhDs, decades of experience, etc. but it’s hard to shake. I’ve been doing it since I was little. I guess I just feel that I belong among them. I won’t let it get me down though.

Yes, it does indeed suck donkey dick. I’ve had to do it all my life.

Yeah I’m just trying to make my stay in purgatory as short as possible.

No, I haven’t so far. I usually have enough refund money that take care of everything, but I might work this upcoming semester. I honestly do dislike “being on a schedule”, but I know I’ll benefit in the long run.

I’ll most likely work on campus. Seems my best bet since I don’t have a car; it’s difficult to get around, in the town I go to school in, without one. I don’t see getting rides from my friends as an option. They’re not a cab service, and I don’t want to treat them as such.

Yeah I’ll figure it out all out eventually. I’ve yet to give myself to my coursework for an entire semester yet. I know that I’ll make straight As when I do that.

I agree. My priorities have definitely changed.

95

Thread got way too metaphysical/philosophical… My eyes kinda glazed over.

96

[quote]krazykoukides wrote:

[quote]spar4tee wrote:

I feel I should be much further along in life by now. It’s hard not to be envious of the success of my friends when I feel so stagnant.[/quote]

I think most people feel this way in some way or another at some point in life. Maybe even at several different points in life.

For me: I try to remember we all walk a different path. No two lives are exactly the same. The life experiences that have molded you thus far are entirely unique to you so there is no need to worry or compare one’s self to another.

And may I ask, what are you envious of exactly?

If it is envy of material things there is no need to waste your energy. You will get your fancy stuff eventually too and when you do it’ll mean a whole lot more to you.

I drove a rust bucket for 3 years before I was able to finally get a semi-decent vehicle just this month! A lot of kids I’ve seen who go to the local University have parents with $$$ and they drive way nicer vehicles than me. I mean brand new vehicles that I know their part-time starbucks job could not afford. Those same kids probably ate/eat better than I do too. That used to bother the HELL out of me! But you know what?

Their Daddy just bought it for them - just like their expensive phones, clothes, and probably entire or most of their college tuition. Some of us are not born that lucky but that’s just life. You can choose to be bitter about it or be totally zen and indifferent about it. It truly does not matter and if you don’t see it now… you will in time.

I was going to say you could take pride in the fact you aren’t like others… but you know what? Forget them. Most people aren’t even worth the silent rebellion.

And yes, I am only 2 or 3 years older than you haha. But that has helped me, brother![/quote]
I’m just racking my brain over the physics of getting to where I want to be from where I am now. I don’t have a car and I just got my first ever full-time job. I do have friends with wealthy parents. I’m not really envious of material things but moreso of their freedom and superior external maturity. When I think of where I come from, I see that in some ways I’ve come even further in life. I know time is the remedy, but it’s hard sometimes to be patient. I have work now though and there’s a lot of benefits to this position. It’s not extravagant, but I’ve definitely climbed the ladder from where I was before and I’m happy about that. Everyone that knows me and even people that don’t see me as a unique person, and I’m happy about that too.

97

[quote]csulli wrote:
Thread got way too metaphysical/philosophical… My eyes kinda glazed over.[/quote]
lolol

98

I’m pretty sure I have something of value to add here, but I haven’t quite figured out how to say it. I’ll be back when I have.

99

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I’m pretty sure I have something of value to add here, but I haven’t quite figured out how to say it. I’ll be back when I have.[/quote]
Take your time, broseph.

100

I’d like to thank everyone once again. I feel much better now that I have a job and that my labors are now bearing fruit.