Helping Those Who Don't Want Help

Off Topic
21

The issue is not a deep seated problem but rather a distorted self defeating belief in her own mind… Depression and Anxiety are things best treated in the here and now… Unless there was serious trauma doing traditional “psychotherapy” does not do too much to help someone fully recover, The symptoms of depression are also not what needs to be focused on either…

It is rather breaking the self defeating beliefs behind it, Focus on lowering the depression in total will alievate all symptoms… The book is a core element of a lot of breakthrough in the mental health field and if she is willing to put in the time and effort she can fully recover with it… Professional help is meant in a sense as a good sense of guidance for if someone feels to hopeless about it or that they are beyond repair…

Thats when you can use someone to help guide you better in recovery… It is all up to her though, show her what she needs and the rest is up to her if she is willing to fully recover she has to put in the work and stop the sense of what alot of people do from what I expirenced in my help with others… This is for anxiety and depression… They could be anxious about being anxious or depressed about being depressed,

This causes the feelings to strengthen and make it impossible to recover… Rather the best to do is to fully accept and surrender to the feeling or sensation and to carry on regardless of how they feel with as little or no self pity as possible… If there is no fear or resistance to the sensation then it never grows in strength and eventually diminishes,

The problem is that human nature and the protective side of the body always lead people to do the exact opposite and it becomes a negative behavioral force of habit… And yes I am talking about clinical depression and general anxiety disorder in both cases not simply just cases of feeling blue or anxious but to the point where it interferes with normal functioning of life…

22

[quote]Gambit_Lost wrote:
It seems like your heart is in the right place man. But I guess I agree with the other posters that she has to want it and do it herself.
[/quote]

She feels it’s pointless, that she’s hopeless, that no fix will arrive from professional help. The reason is what is pointed below, too many mediocre people at their jobs and she’s very sensitive to this. As an example, she’s terrified of needles and a nurse told her “You better not faint in my office” and took her to another room. I was outside, so didn’t hear this, just how she was swapped office. Her face said it all…
She’s scared of this, of opening her soul to a stranger that will not care, be rude, etc.

[quote]batman730 wrote:
Therapists/counsellors can be very hit or miss. At the end of the day they’re just people doing a job. Like any job, most are fairly mediocre at it, a few are REALLY bad and a few are really good. If a person with as difficult and complex a problem as major depression gets a couple of bad ones (or even mediocre ones) it can definitely be enough to cause them to question the value of the whole discipline. Obviously the idea of sorting this out through trial and error or taking your chances getting referred to someone through a general practitioner is a little daunting, especially for someone in that headspace. [/quote]

Yep, this is the main problem.

[quote]E901 wrote:
Be there for her. Let her know you care. But don’t let it consume you. That way you don’t have to completely run away, causing both of you to feel shitty. Give yourself space, but still let her know you are there. Oh and yeah professional help. She needs it. good luck.

I seem to be stuck in the same situation as her actually. I am yet to find the solution…[/quote]

I am there for her, as we want to be together, but I’m very reluctant if these bad depression episodes become common.

For the rest of people, thanks for the ideas. I’m slowly building a solid foundation for her to agree to get professional help.

23

Talk her into doing some volunteer work where she is helping people. Working with terminally-ill kids or something.

  1. It will make her feel good to make a difference in the lives of the people she’s working with.

  2. It will giver her perspective about how life could be much worse.

24

I recently ended things with my gf. There were other things going on such as texting and allowing another male to text her inappropriate things that no boy friend wants to hear or think about. I never brought that up with her but due to being on a rough patch. This just added to the problem and I deserve better. I never brought the other guy up as she would be even more depressed about the fact I found out. It’s for the best.

Fuzz.

Sorry for the highjack.

25

[quote]Edevus wrote:
I am there for her, as we want to be together, but I’m very reluctant if these bad depression episodes become common.

For the rest of people, thanks for the ideas. I’m slowly building a solid foundation for her to agree to get professional help. [/quote]

Professional help is hit or miss. However, almost any professional help will be better than her dealing with this alone.

And if you’re still going to be in her life, you can see over time whether things are going in the right direction or not. You may have to tell her she needs to find someone new to talk to. She probably won’t be able to see that for herself.

But changing topics to you.

You need to figure out how much you’re willing to invest here. With the right help, she will get better. It will probably take a long time, and she’ll probably get worse before she gets better. She may push you away during all of that. She may get better and decide she wants to be with someone else. You may decide to help her, but then leave, and that could push her into a deeper depressive spiral where she thinks you just abandoned her.

Are you ready to deal with that?

I know you care, I know you want what’s best for her, but you need to figure out where you draw your line. You need to figure out whether you’re prepared to deal with things at their very worst. If you are, then best of luck to the two of you.

26

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]browndisaster wrote:
also, these people are dicks. Most of us have been like that at some point, but got better.

Make sure you’re not confusing attachment with love, and that your standards of what comprises love aren’t too low.[/quote]

Spoken like someone who doesn’t understand what depression is really like. A depressed mood is not the same thing as major depression.

Major depression is waking up every day for weeks to months feeling like absolute shit, in both body and mind, and no matter what measures you attempt, nothing seems to make it go away or make life feel worth living. This isn’t some normal depressed mood where sleeping it off/working out/treating yourself to something will patch things up. Eventually, you begin to lose the drive to try and fix things. Eventually, you begin to lose the drive and energy to do anything at all. Friends don’t understand it and dislike your constantly black moods, and start to drift away, leaving you alone and shattering your sense of self-worth. Many resort to chemical happiness to get relief for a few, brief hours, which takes its own toll on one’s body and mind. After a while, your situation starts to feel impossible to fix, and ending it all seems like an increasingly attractive option… That is depression.

These people aren’t dicks, they’re suffering and don’t understand how to make things better. Do you think depressed people want to be like that? For some, medication is the answer. For some, counseling may help. For those that are helped by neither, the only way out is to figure things out on your own and be the effector of your own change. Many will never be fortunate enough to do this.

OP, what you choose to do is your decision. If you do not love this woman, it is not your responsibility to fix something that may not even be fixable. Do not let her drag you down, too. If you do choose to support her, you should see that she gets professional help, if you can. Should you choose to support her, make sure that you are working towards helping her, and not enabling her.[/quote]

Great post.

27

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]browndisaster wrote:
also, these people are dicks. Most of us have been like that at some point, but got better.

Make sure you’re not confusing attachment with love, and that your standards of what comprises love aren’t too low.[/quote]

Spoken like someone who doesn’t understand what depression is really like. A depressed mood is not the same thing as major depression.

Major depression is waking up every day for weeks to months feeling like absolute shit, in both body and mind, and no matter what measures you attempt, nothing seems to make it go away or make life feel worth living. This isn’t some normal depressed mood where sleeping it off/working out/treating yourself to something will patch things up. Eventually, you begin to lose the drive to try and fix things. Eventually, you begin to lose the drive and energy to do anything at all. Friends don’t understand it and dislike your constantly black moods, and start to drift away, leaving you alone and shattering your sense of self-worth. Many resort to chemical happiness to get relief for a few, brief hours, which takes its own toll on one’s body and mind. After a while, your situation starts to feel impossible to fix, and ending it all seems like an increasingly attractive option… That is depression.

These people aren’t dicks, they’re suffering and don’t understand how to make things better. Do you think depressed people want to be like that? For some, medication is the answer. For some, counseling may help. For those that are helped by neither, the only way out is to figure things out on your own and be the effector of your own change. Many will never be fortunate enough to do this.

OP, what you choose to do is your decision. If you do not love this woman, it is not your responsibility to fix something that may not even be fixable. Do not let her drag you down, too. If you do choose to support her, you should see that she gets professional help, if you can. Should you choose to support her, make sure that you are working towards helping her, and not enabling her.[/quote]
Well, I put it too harshly. His girlfriend doesn’t have bad intentions, but she will continue to bring his life down until she accepts professional help. If she doesn’t get help and he keeps continuing to try and solve her problems, his life may very well be ruined. He can “be there” for her only to a certain extent. Going from significant other to therapist is a horrible path, and is hard to resist once you start.

28

[quote]browndisaster wrote:
Well, I put it too harshly. His girlfriend doesn’t have bad intentions, but she will continue to bring his life down until she accepts professional help. If she doesn’t get help and he keeps continuing to try and solve her problems, his life may very well be ruined. He can “be there” for her only to a certain extent.[/quote]

In this respect, I guess there’s two types of “being there”: solving her problems, and helping her solve her own problems. Both are hard. In fact, I’m almost sure that the 2nd approach is the harder of the two. Sometimes you have to take a tough line, and act more like a father/brother than a boyfriend/friend. Sometimes you just need to listen.

Sidenote, I don’t like the word ‘ruined’ here; it’s too absolute.

In the end, she needs to learn to take care of herself and take responsibility for her own happiness. In the midst of depression, you can’t see that, you can’t understand that, and you really have no idea what to do. Over time, this can build up into a strong feeling of learned helplessness. But once she learns that she actually has some say in how she feels, there’s plenty of opportunity to find what works – for her – and to encourage her to keep those things in her life.

If you (OP) can help her do that, whether it involves professional help (highly recommended), or not, you’ll do both of yourselves a huge favor.

Not really sure what this means.

29

[quote]LoRez wrote:
You need to figure out how much you’re willing to invest here. With the right help, she will get better. It will probably take a long time, and she’ll probably get worse before she gets better. She may push you away during all of that. She may get better and decide she wants to be with someone else. You may decide to help her, but then leave, and that could push her into a deeper depressive spiral where she thinks you just abandoned her.

Are you ready to deal with that?

I know you care, I know you want what’s best for her, but you need to figure out where you draw your line. You need to figure out whether you’re prepared to deal with things at their very worst. If you are, then best of luck to the two of you.[/quote]

I’m going to focus on this. I don’t think I can be “ready” to deal with that, but I am aware that it could happen, that her priorities may change if she starts seeing life from a different point of view. If it happens, of course I’ll feel hurt, but I’ll also be proud of what I did and how I helped someone to get over her life-long depression. I’m not afraid of pain, as time would heal anything.

I’m ready to drift away emotionally when she’s at her lowest. Support, yes, but with a limit. But it feels very hard to just move away from her physically or hang the phone when she’s feeling so bad. It becomes easier and easier to not be affected by it though.

[quote]browndisaster wrote:
Well, I put it too harshly. His girlfriend doesn’t have bad intentions, but she will continue to bring his life down until she accepts professional help. If she doesn’t get help and he keeps continuing to try and solve her problems, his life may very well be ruined. He can “be there” for her only to a certain extent. Going from significant other to therapist is a horrible path, and is hard to resist once you start.[/quote]

It won’t get that bad and she’s not bringing my life down, as in, I will just move away when she’s becoming very toxic.

[quote]LoRez wrote:
In this respect, I guess there’s two types of “being there”: solving her problems, and helping her solve her own problems. Both are hard. In fact, I’m almost sure that the 2nd approach is the harder of the two. Sometimes you have to take a tough line, and act more like a father/brother than a boyfriend/friend. Sometimes you just need to listen.

Sidenote, I don’t like the word ‘ruined’ here; it’s too absolute.

In the end, she needs to learn to take care of herself and take responsibility for her own happiness. In the midst of depression, you can’t see that, you can’t understand that, and you really have no idea what to do. Over time, this can build up into a strong feeling of learned helplessness. But once she learns that she actually has some say in how she feels, there’s plenty of opportunity to find what works – for her – and to encourage her to keep those things in her life.

If you (OP) can help her do that, whether it involves professional help (highly recommended), or not, you’ll do both of yourselves a huge favor.[/quote]

There are no real problems to solve, to say so. Of course she could do much better, but she needs to do an extra effort and get out of the pessimistic mentality and do it. She may go back to school in Spring, as some course she’s interested on is starting. That will give her a real source of stress which may make her forget about the shaky past that brings her down.

She actually doesn’t want solutions, just support. But I’m like, unable to just listen and say “Everything will be ok” when I can give a solution there and there.

She actually hates the fact that she gets so depressed. “My life is good, why can’t I just enjoy it?”. I like the irony that she’s actually one of the few genuine funny girls I have ever met.

30

[quote]Fuzzyapple.Train wrote:
I recently ended things with my gf. There were other things going on such as texting and allowing another male to text her inappropriate things that no boy friend wants to hear or think about. I never brought that up with her but due to being on a rough patch. This just added to the problem and I deserve better. I never brought the other guy up as she would be even more depressed about the fact I found out. It’s for the best.

Fuzz.

Sorry for the highjack. [/quote]

What was her explanation to do so? “I don’t want to be rude with them”?

31

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
You need to figure out how much you’re willing to invest here. With the right help, she will get better. It will probably take a long time, and she’ll probably get worse before she gets better. She may push you away during all of that. She may get better and decide she wants to be with someone else. You may decide to help her, but then leave, and that could push her into a deeper depressive spiral where she thinks you just abandoned her.

Are you ready to deal with that?

I know you care, I know you want what’s best for her, but you need to figure out where you draw your line. You need to figure out whether you’re prepared to deal with things at their very worst. If you are, then best of luck to the two of you.[/quote]

I’m going to focus on this. I don’t think I can be “ready” to deal with that, but I am aware that it could happen, that her priorities may change if she starts seeing life from a different point of view. If it happens, of course I’ll feel hurt, but I’ll also be proud of what I did and how I helped someone to get over her life-long depression. I’m not afraid of pain, as time would heal anything.

I’m ready to drift away emotionally when she’s at her lowest. Support, yes, but with a limit. But it feels very hard to just move away from her physically or hang the phone when she’s feeling so bad. It becomes easier and easier to not be affected by it though.

[quote]browndisaster wrote:
Well, I put it too harshly. His girlfriend doesn’t have bad intentions, but she will continue to bring his life down until she accepts professional help. If she doesn’t get help and he keeps continuing to try and solve her problems, his life may very well be ruined. He can “be there” for her only to a certain extent. Going from significant other to therapist is a horrible path, and is hard to resist once you start.[/quote]

It won’t get that bad and she’s not bringing my life down, as in, I will just move away when she’s becoming very toxic.

[quote]LoRez wrote:
In this respect, I guess there’s two types of “being there”: solving her problems, and helping her solve her own problems. Both are hard. In fact, I’m almost sure that the 2nd approach is the harder of the two. Sometimes you have to take a tough line, and act more like a father/brother than a boyfriend/friend. Sometimes you just need to listen.

Sidenote, I don’t like the word ‘ruined’ here; it’s too absolute.

In the end, she needs to learn to take care of herself and take responsibility for her own happiness. In the midst of depression, you can’t see that, you can’t understand that, and you really have no idea what to do. Over time, this can build up into a strong feeling of learned helplessness. But once she learns that she actually has some say in how she feels, there’s plenty of opportunity to find what works – for her – and to encourage her to keep those things in her life.

If you (OP) can help her do that, whether it involves professional help (highly recommended), or not, you’ll do both of yourselves a huge favor.[/quote]

There are no real problems to solve, to say so. Of course she could do much better, but she needs to do an extra effort and get out of the pessimistic mentality and do it. She may go back to school in Spring, as some course she’s interested on is starting. That will give her a real source of stress which may make her forget about the shaky past that brings her down.

She actually doesn’t want solutions, just support. But I’m like, unable to just listen and say “Everything will be ok” when I can give a solution there and there.

She actually hates the fact that she gets so depressed. “My life is good, why can’t I just enjoy it?”. I like the irony that she’s actually one of the few genuine funny girls I have ever met.
[/quote]

Sometimes people can seem to have everything and still be incredibly depressed, myself included. I have tried so many different things. Most people, whether they have been depressed or not, will tell me that I have to do something else, try harder, etc… I’ve been to multiple therapists, taken 5 different medications, tried exercise, better diet, tried many different therapy techniques including CBT, forced myself to keep busy by volunteering and joining some clubs at my school, tried to “change my way of thinking” by trying to be more positive. You name it, I’ve probably tried it. And I still feel like shit. I don’t know why. I hate it as well. In fact, feeling like shit even though I have so much in my life actually makes me more depressed.

I truly believe that for some people, they just can’t be helped. Although…thats coming from a depressed person so of course I’m wrong, right??.. But thats just me. From what you have said about her, I can relate to a lot. Being “in love” makes me feel great, briefly. Then, once I fuck it up, its back to the same shit. Its like I’m waiting for someone to pull me out of this depression because I feel like I cant do it myself. But I don’t want to put that responsibility on anyone. I have brought so many people down, just like this girl has done, and it only makes me feel worse. Once you go through that cycle enough, you start to feel like the world is just better off without you. Wish I knew the answer. I don’t know if there is one or not.

32

[quote]E901 wrote:
Sometimes people can seem to have everything and still be incredibly depressed, myself included. I have tried so many different things. Most people, whether they have been depressed or not, will tell me that I have to do something else, try harder, etc… I’ve been to multiple therapists, taken 5 different medications, tried exercise, better diet, tried many different therapy techniques including CBT, forced myself to keep busy by volunteering and joining some clubs at my school, tried to “change my way of thinking” by trying to be more positive. You name it, I’ve probably tried it. And I still feel like shit. I don’t know why. I hate it as well. In fact, feeling like shit even though I have so much in my life actually makes me more depressed.

I truly believe that for some people, they just can’t be helped. Although…thats coming from a depressed person so of course I’m wrong, right??.. But thats just me. From what you have said about her, I can relate to a lot. Being “in love” makes me feel great, briefly. Then, once I fuck it up, its back to the same shit. Its like I’m waiting for someone to pull me out of this depression because I feel like I cant do it myself. But I don’t want to put that responsibility on anyone. I have brought so many people down, just like this girl has done, and it only makes me feel worse. Once you go through that cycle enough, you start to feel like the world is just better off without you. Wish I knew the answer. I don’t know if there is one or not.
[/quote]

I’d like to show support, but only ideas come to my mind. Have you tried a combo of meditation and no ejaculation?

I actually get very easily into a “stale” mood if I don’t change small things and engage in positive talks with myself. Routine hurts me more than I realize.

33

[quote]Edevus wrote:

[quote]E901 wrote:
Sometimes people can seem to have everything and still be incredibly depressed, myself included. I have tried so many different things. Most people, whether they have been depressed or not, will tell me that I have to do something else, try harder, etc… I’ve been to multiple therapists, taken 5 different medications, tried exercise, better diet, tried many different therapy techniques including CBT, forced myself to keep busy by volunteering and joining some clubs at my school, tried to “change my way of thinking” by trying to be more positive. You name it, I’ve probably tried it. And I still feel like shit. I don’t know why. I hate it as well. In fact, feeling like shit even though I have so much in my life actually makes me more depressed.

I truly believe that for some people, they just can’t be helped. Although…thats coming from a depressed person so of course I’m wrong, right??.. But thats just me. From what you have said about her, I can relate to a lot. Being “in love” makes me feel great, briefly. Then, once I fuck it up, its back to the same shit. Its like I’m waiting for someone to pull me out of this depression because I feel like I cant do it myself. But I don’t want to put that responsibility on anyone. I have brought so many people down, just like this girl has done, and it only makes me feel worse. Once you go through that cycle enough, you start to feel like the world is just better off without you. Wish I knew the answer. I don’t know if there is one or not.
[/quote]

I’d like to show support, but only ideas come to my mind. Have you tried a combo of meditation and no ejaculation?

I actually get very easily into a “stale” mood if I don’t change small things and engage in positive talks with myself. Routine hurts me more than I realize.[/quote]

Lol I’ve tried meditation… Giving me advice is going to be like giving the girl advice… Meaningless. That sounds awful and it really sucks…but thats how it is. I hate it too, and I do try to take people’s advice, but when nothing works, you lose hope. What I’m saying is, I don’t think some people can be helped or cured or even help themselves. I don’t know the girl so I obviously can’t say, but I think in cases of extreme depression you just cannot do anything. Its called a mental illness for a reason. Your brain is fucked up when depressed. If she had childhood issues, then her brain could possibly physically different than that of someone who didn’t have those issues. I don’t see how you are supposed to help someone when they have what is essentially like brain damage.

Some people live through cancer. Some don’t. I see depression and mental illness as the same way. Some people live through it and beat it. Others are killed by it. And I think it has nothing to do with a person’s strength or character. In fact, I don’t see suicide as much of a decision… More like it’s something that occurs when the pain outweighs your resources used to cope.

I know you said you have had experience with depression so I’m not trying to lecture you. just trying to show that no matter what you do it may not help. Maybe it will, I don’t know. BUT I think for you, if you can really accept this more and not be so hard on yourself maybe it will be easier. So…try and help, and be there, but at the end of the day, try not to let it bother you. Leave that shit out of your home. Like a therapist… They have to deal with heavy shit all day. And if they take that shit back home, they will be miserable I’m sure.

Trying to share my thoughts, don’t know if that helped or is useful

EDIT: Also, I deal with a lot of really depressed people. If there is one thing Im good at, its helping others. I really believe I am rather gifted in that regard. And it really sucks when someone is just bringing you down constantly by their own depression. But I have learned to show I care and will be there without it screwing up my whole life. Which is already screwed up enough lol. So its possible

34

[quote]E901 wrote:
I don’t see how you are supposed to help someone when they have what is essentially like brain damage.[/quote]

Actually, there IS brain damage from long term depression. Which is a fairly strange, and fairly recent discovery.

/random comment

35

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]E901 wrote:
I don’t see how you are supposed to help someone when they have what is essentially like brain damage.[/quote]

Actually, there IS brain damage from long term depression. Which is a fairly strange, and fairly recent discovery.

/random comment[/quote]

LOL thanks for letting me know that. Now I know I’m really fucked. Depression worsens…*sighs. Woe is me lol :wink:

36

Don’t think like that man, anyone is fully recoverable, despairing or falling into those negative self defeating beleifs will make you feel worse… Check out my second post on the first page…

37

Edevus- this video sums it up for me. I’m obviously very passionate about mental illness and have very firm opinions about it based on my personal experience. So this probably won’t help you, but if it was my friend, there is no fucking way I’m going to walk away. I don’t know if it is right or wrong, but loyalty is kinda my thing. Are you really her friend or not?

38

[quote]Edevus wrote:
She actually doesn’t want solutions, just support. But I’m like, unable to just listen and say “Everything will be ok” when I can give a solution there and there.
[/quote]

This is a red flag, OP. I do realize that the majority of depressed people are already sick of hearing suggestions that they’ve already tried, though. I was. You have to tread carefully here and realize that there is a fine line between doing what’s best for her and enabling her. You will have to maintain this fine line while trying to stay ahead of her volatile mood-states. OP, it is EASILY apparent that you still have feelings for her and fairly strong ones too. She is a female and smarter in these matters than you or I. She knows this. This is an even bigger red flag. Therapists must maintain a sense of detachment in order to avoid their judgments being clouded by emotion. In her diseased state of mind, there will be times (and probably already have been) when she will try to sway you by taking advantage of these feelings. You are in a very precarious place.

I’m not sure I feel qualified to advise you, so don’t necessarily take my word for it, but this is what I would do, if I were in your shoes:

I would explain to her that I care about her and am concerned about her condition, while expressing my lack of ability to understand just how horrible it must be. I would explain that, based on my lack of understanding about her situation, that I want to continue to help her, but I cannot do it alone. What she wants may not be what she needs most, and I do not have the ability to differentiate this. Therefore, my continued support is contingent on her getting professional help (assuming this is financially sound for her). She will likely voice opposition here, but this is also where it is important to stand firm. It is her choice what direction this takes and it is also important to send her the message that she cannot dictate the terms, ever. If you are acting in a supportive capacity, but she holds power over you, then all is lost.

@E901:

Why do you deal with a lot of depressed people if you cannot control your own depression? You will only succeed in bringing each other down. Truly, the best thing you can do for yourself and them is do your best to get better. If you are trying to help them, you can only do so once you get better.

39

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]Edevus wrote:
She actually doesn’t want solutions, just support. But I’m like, unable to just listen and say “Everything will be ok” when I can give a solution there and there.
[/quote]

This is a red flag, OP. I do realize that the majority of depressed people are already sick of hearing suggestions that they’ve already tried, though. I was. You have to tread carefully here and realize that there is a fine line between doing what’s best for her and enabling her. You will have to maintain this fine line while trying to stay ahead of her volatile mood-states. OP, it is EASILY apparent that you still have feelings for her and fairly strong ones too. She is a female and smarter in these matters than you or I. She knows this. This is an even bigger red flag. Therapists must maintain a sense of detachment in order to avoid their judgments being clouded by emotion. In her diseased state of mind, there will be times (and probably already have been) when she will try to sway you by taking advantage of these feelings. You are in a very precarious place.

I’m not sure I feel qualified to advise you, so don’t necessarily take my word for it, but this is what I would do, if I were in your shoes:

I would explain to her that I care about her and am concerned about her condition, while expressing my lack of ability to understand just how horrible it must be. I would explain that, based on my lack of understanding about her situation, that I want to continue to help her, but I cannot do it alone. What she wants may not be what she needs most, and I do not have the ability to differentiate this. Therefore, my continued support is contingent on her getting professional help (assuming this is financially sound for her). She will likely voice opposition here, but this is also where it is important to stand firm. It is her choice what direction this takes and it is also important to send her the message that she cannot dictate the terms, ever. If you are acting in a supportive capacity, but she holds power over you, then all is lost.

@E901:

Why do you deal with a lot of depressed people if you cannot control your own depression? You will only succeed in bringing each other down. Truly, the best thing you can do for yourself and them is do your best to get better. If you are trying to help them, you can only do so once you get better.[/quote]

Very True, I was only able to help people with anxiety when I truly recovered… otherwise you run the source of making the topic your life and dwelling and obsessing about it far too much… it is just an emotional state that is prolonged because of behavioral habit which turns into phyiological changes in mind and body… this producing symptoms however if you treat the source appropriately you can recover for good… You have to take a step back and see the things you are doing that keep you in the cycle… Once you give yourself space from symptoms you can be the observer make the changes needed and re wire the brain…

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agree 100% with the two posts above me

both posters are giving advice that is tough to follow, but very necessary and the best course of action in the long run