This was a horrible workout.
Still no progress on the job front, will hear tomorrow whether I got the one, have been trying to phone recruiters, no answer, applying for positions, no response. In a very nasty mood. So went to gym for deadlifts.
It made things worse.
Take a look at my painful performance on the Meathead Challenge post, well, that shit kicked in big time tonight. This kind of workout is torture - and I mean absolutely, literal, banned by Geneva Convention TORTURE. Everything hurt so goddamn much, it is PAIN, I was wailing, retching, begging for it to stop, people asked me if I was OK, what can I say, it is PHYSICAL PAIN.
Yet when I finish the set, there’s no pain. My body is fine.
All my life has been this horror story, the sheer effort of physical movement feels like a taser stuck in me - but there’s no real pain, just the screaming effort. EFFORT. Why does effort HURT SO MUCH??? Is there something fucked up with my nervous system? Can’t the doctors find something???
And if I have so goddamn much willpower to inflict this on me, WHERE’S THE RESULTS??? Where’s the muscles? Where’s the strength? How do I keep fighting year after year without the reward?
Deadlift
155 x 10 . x 10
185 x 8
215 x 8 . x 8
Arm Curl
35 x 15
65 x 10
75 x 9 . x 9 . x 9
GM
95 x 10
115 x 8
125 x 8
Lost my appetite, can’t eat. Praying a good night’s sleep will help or else they’ll find me in a puddle of blood tomorrow.