Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, Dilemma

Off Topic
61

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

My bad. I was not aware that California had seceded and joined Canada.

62

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada ..once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]

63

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

My bad. I was not aware that California had seceded and joined Canada.[/quote]

But now that you think about it, it would make sense, wouldnt it?

64

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

My bad. I was not aware that California had seceded and joined Canada.[/quote]

But now that you think about it, it would make sense, wouldnt it?[/quote]

It really would.

65

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]
-----------------------------------------------------[/quote]

[i]
In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.

This could be a financial contribution such as paying for utilities, renovations to the home or family vacations. It could also be non-financial such as remaining at home to raise their children and run the household.

Either of these contributions can give her right to a share of the family property but she will have to go to court to fight for it.[/i]

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.

66

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, I only read most of the posts. Why not get engaged now? Is this not part of why the engagement period was created in the first place? As a buffer between a promise and a fulfillment of that promise? You can give her a ring without setting a date immediately. I’ve known people who have had 2+ years of engagement. It could satisfy your girl by raising your commitment level, while not truly committing you to anything yet. Engagements can be easily broken off, and the ring would be legally yours, so you wouldn’t lose money on the deal if things didn’t work out.

On your end, it would get you to man up and figure out if she’s the one for you. You’re procrastinating, and after 5 years, I can understand why your girl isn’t good with that anymore. Most women aren’t comfortable with having kids past 30, and it’s also harder for them to find a husband past that age as well. On her end, she’s got 6ish years to get where she wants to be.

You should know by now if she’s the one. It’s a hard decision, but it’s one you need to make asap. Worst thing you can do is waste your prime dating years in a relationship that’s gone on too long.

If you can’t afford to get married right now, that’s understandable. I’ve known people who are poor as shit who have saved the scratch for a ring.

Just some thoughts, hope it all works out.

67

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]
-----------------------------------------------------[/quote]

[i]
In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.

This could be a financial contribution such as paying for utilities, renovations to the home or family vacations. It could also be non-financial such as remaining at home to raise their children and run the household.

Either of these contributions can give her right to a share of the family property but she will have to go to court to fight for it.[/i]

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.[/quote]

Why is your parliament not burning?

68

A couple things. I think California should join Canada because poutine (spelling?) is delicious.

We had what some would consider the difficult talk last night. She was far more emotional than I was about it which I think clouted the issue. I stressed that I wasn’t ready right this minute. I would propose to her and it would be on our terms, not hers, not mine, but a joint decision. I stressed that it was completely unfair for her to try to force me into what I wasn’t ready for.

I also mentioned the “it doesn’t change anything between us” idea and she shot that down with if it doesn’t change anything than why are you so hesitant. I said because it’s a huge life decision regardless.

I asked her why she really wants this so bad right now and seemingly all of a sudden and she said it’s because she wants an actual commitment from me. This pissed me off. I am the most loyal of boyfriends, have committed myself to her in every way but a ring and it’s like she is ignoring that completely. So now she is still bitter at me and I don’t have anything else left to say. We will see where that goes today.

69

[quote]dirtman wrote:

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.[/quote]

This is exactly why I never shared a debt with a live-in girlfriend, and why all utilities were in my name. No co-signing, no shared credit cards, etc. I lived with a girlfriend for 2 years, during which time I bought a house. All in my name. She left with the furniture/stuff she brought into the relationship, and the things that were clearly hers. I even kept the dog :slight_smile:

70

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]
-----------------------------------------------------[/quote]

[i]
In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.

This could be a financial contribution such as paying for utilities, renovations to the home or family vacations. It could also be non-financial such as remaining at home to raise their children and run the household.

Either of these contributions can give her right to a share of the family property but she will have to go to court to fight for it.[/i]

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.[/quote]

That’s a far cry from a presumption that she gets half of everything.

71

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]
-----------------------------------------------------[/quote]

[i]
In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.

This could be a financial contribution such as paying for utilities, renovations to the home or family vacations. It could also be non-financial such as remaining at home to raise their children and run the household.

Either of these contributions can give her right to a share of the family property but she will have to go to court to fight for it.[/i]

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.[/quote]

That’s a far cry from a presumption that she gets half of everything.[/quote]

I am sure a lawyer could make it half of everything including money and investments
specially gained during the relationship.

Have you ever been through a legal separation?

72

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
A couple things. I think California should join Canada because poutine (spelling?) is delicious.

We had what some would consider the difficult talk last night. She was far more emotional than I was about it which I think clouted the issue. I stressed that I wasn’t ready right this minute. I would propose to her and it would be on our terms, not hers, not mine, but a joint decision. I stressed that it was completely unfair for her to try to force me into what I wasn’t ready for.

I also mentioned the “it doesn’t change anything between us” idea and she shot that down with if it doesn’t change anything than why are you so hesitant. I said because it’s a huge life decision regardless.

I asked her why she really wants this so bad right now and seemingly all of a sudden and she said it’s because she wants an actual commitment from me. This pissed me off. I am the most loyal of boyfriends, have committed myself to her in every way but a ring and it’s like she is ignoring that completely. So now she is still bitter at me and I don’t have anything else left to say. We will see where that goes today. [/quote]

Couple things: she was right - if it’s a ‘huge life decision’, then it changes things. your argument was bad.

Also, this isn’t ‘all of a sudden’. I guarantee this has been working in her head for months. Maybe longer. She’s been talking about this with girlfriends. Does she have any recently engaged girlfriends? Recently married? Her best friend is probably telling her she needs to demand more respect from you.

73

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]dirtman wrote:
Lemme simplify this for you op

  1. If she really loves you. She will accept you for who and what you are. And how long it takes for you to make up your mind about things. She will take you any way she can get you. Love is patient and blind.

  2. You are pretty much already married its just a legal paper and ceremony. By law she can take half already.

  3. If she is pressuring you into a life changing choice be suspicious as to her motives. Something is tugging at her because its a choice you both need to make. Not one putting the squeeze on the other. This is unfair and not loving at all.

  4. This is a life time decision it can be made at any point in your life. [/quote]

Re: #2 - Completely wrong. She cannot take legally take half of his stuff now.[/quote]

It is in Canada 
once you live with a women in residence in a relationship she can take half of your possessions.

http://www.springtideresources.org/resource/fact-sheet-property-division[/quote]

BTW, did you even read the link you posted?

[i]Common-law relationships are not considered partnerships by the law in the same way as marriages are, and there is no automatic right to an equal sharing of the property.

Generally speaking, at the end of a common-law relationship, people leave with what they brought in plus whatever they can prove they bought while they were together.

There is no special protection for the “matrimonial home” as there is for married couples and, if it is registered in the man’s name only, the woman has no automatic right to remain in it and cannot get an “exclusive possession” order.

In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.[/i]
-----------------------------------------------------[/quote]

[i]
In a common-law relationship, the spouse who does not own the property can seek a share of its value by demonstrating to the court her contributions to its value.

This could be a financial contribution such as paying for utilities, renovations to the home or family vacations. It could also be non-financial such as remaining at home to raise their children and run the household.

Either of these contributions can give her right to a share of the family property but she will have to go to court to fight for it.[/i]

I am sure she can demonstrate that. All women can if she is paying rent utils etc gone into debt while together 
student/car loans etc.[/quote]

That’s a far cry from a presumption that she gets half of everything.[/quote]

I am sure a lawyer could make it half of everything including money and investments
specially gained during the relationship.

Have you ever been through a legal separation?
[/quote]

Isn’t there a reason for this? If a girl is contributing equitably to the household, she probably deserves half, eh?

74

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
Hey so my girlfriend of 5 years whom I love very much is really pushing to get married. Yesterday. That kind of pressure. Keep in mind we are both 24. Have had some ups and downs in our relationship. We share a dog, apartment and a lot of other random shit. Not that that really matters in this.

To those who have been in the situation of not wanting to get married, what’s the play here. It has gotten to the point of an ultimatum almost of marry her or be single.

I just don’t want to get married right now. It’s not her, it’s just the activity. I don’t wanna.

TL:DR GF of 5 years wants to get married ASAP, I don’t. Thoughts?[/quote]

Be a real man and let her go.

Or be a real man and marry her.

But stringing her along is not honorable. 24 is old enough to be married.[/quote]

This is exactly my opinion. And
[/quote]

This is exactly my opinion also. And


75

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:


and LOL @ TTR getting married! Haha, just kidding TTR, congrats.[/quote]

Ruff’s girl must be quite the gem. I’m serious.

(If he sends me $50 a month for 15 years I swear I won’t send the links to his old SAMA threads to his bride)

;-)[/quote]

Shit, she knows all, already.

Well, except for the fact I was banging Pyscho bi-weekly during our initial dating-but-not-exclusive phase. And the blond chick at the hotel in San Antonio I met at the pool, but that was just a long weekend thing.

Once exclusive, I’ve been good.

76

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
That’s the thing. I could easily see us getting engaged next year. I just started a new job and we just moved into this place, so I want a bit of normal and stability before I pop the question. I also just really don’t like the pressuring from her on the subject. [/quote]


and I can’t believe no one thinks this is as pathetic as I do. This sounds like normal life to me. If these things are too much to handle then you shouldn’t get married because you can’t handle shit.


and you are stringing her along. She’s in her prime years for attracting a mate and she’s running the risk that you are using them up while being noncommittal. Five years is enough to know and there’s no reason why later is any better than now.

[/quote]

I do think this is as pathetic as you do. And


77

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:
A couple things. I think California should join Canada because poutine (spelling?) is delicious.

We had what some would consider the difficult talk last night. She was far more emotional than I was about it which I think clouted the issue. I stressed that I wasn’t ready right this minute. I would propose to her and it would be on our terms, not hers, not mine, but a joint decision. I stressed that it was completely unfair for her to try to force me into what I wasn’t ready for.

I also mentioned the “it doesn’t change anything between us” idea and she shot that down with if it doesn’t change anything than why are you so hesitant. I said because it’s a huge life decision regardless.

I asked her why she really wants this so bad right now and seemingly all of a sudden and she said it’s because she wants an actual commitment from me. This pissed me off. I am the most loyal of boyfriends, have committed myself to her in every way but a ring and it’s like she is ignoring that completely. So now she is still bitter at me and I don’t have anything else left to say. We will see where that goes today. [/quote]

Couple things: she was right - if it’s a ‘huge life decision’, then it changes things. your argument was bad.

Also, this isn’t ‘all of a sudden’. I guarantee this has been working in her head for months. Maybe longer. She’s been talking about this with girlfriends. Does she have any recently engaged girlfriends? Recently married? Her best friend is probably telling her she needs to demand more respect from you.
[/quote]

My argument was silo’d about how it wouldn’t magically change our personal relationship. But yes, it’s a poor argument in hindsight. Her sister just got engaged after knowing the guy for 4 months or so. I’m sure there is a correlation there, but she denies that. Lies. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about all of this either. I have been looking for rings, I have been considering different proposal ideas. I just hate the idea that she is pressuring it so hard and with the use of an ultimatum type argument.

78

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]RampantBadger wrote:
Will she convert and/or be happy for your children to be Jewish, get Bar Mitzvahs etc?[/quote]

Any children would not be Jewish unless she converted (or the children convert).

But you are hitting on a key issue; inter-religious marriages are a bad idea for all involved, and are specifically forbidden in the Torah (and also – I understand – in Christianity).[/quote]

You sound like my future father-in-law not-so-subtley telling me to stop fucking his daughter.

79

Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples? mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology

Another quote for you op. Made me think a bit. Thought it was related to your situation

80

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]jewishthunder wrote:

[quote]sufiandy wrote:
Ask her what is more important, spending the rest of her life with you or getting married. You know the correct answer to that question, and if she really means it you have nothing to worry about by waiting another year, unless she lied.

And seriously if a year is too long for her do you think its logical to break up with you and find another guy to marry in less than 1 year?[/quote]

It’s absolutely not logical. That’s why all of this just continues to make no sense to me. Doesn’t help that her sister just got engaged after knowing the guy for 3 months. She swears it’s got nothing to do with that though. Of course. [/quote]

Not that this is terribly relevant, but is she Jewish?

(I ask this because I grew up Catholic and am converting – Modern Orthodox – in no small part because I love my fiance, who is Jewish. Took me all of a month to realize I want to spend my life with her. She’s pretty goal oriented, and wasn’t going to hang around past the one-night-stand that started it all, if it wasn’t likely for us to get married.)[/quote]

Nope, I’m the only Jew. Not a very practicing or strict one though. She isn’t really religious either. Never been to church in the time we have been together. [/quote]

Well, as I know, conversion takes a full year.

Get engaged, set a date, but have her convert.

I am concerned with AC’s point about caving into her demands. I would probably be pretty angry about this, too. But just say, I want to marry you, but the fact you demanded it really put me off. That said, I love you, want you to birth some babies, and I am swallowing my pride on that point.

That is, if you intend on staying with her.